Cloak & Dagger The Assassins' Guild - Week 6 News

Wednesday, 4 March

[18:25 PM] Yog-Sothoth, Lord of the Outer Darkness gets an opportune kill on Golden Magikarp AKA Red Gyarados (Krin Muskens)
Golden Magikarp reports:

I was shot dead today at 6:25 PM at the bottom of my staircase by Yog-Sothoth, Lord of the Outer Darkness. He happened to be in John's and thought he recognised me, called my name and when I replied shot me.

Yog-Sothoth, Lord of the Outer Darkness reports:

I am all-seeing. I am all-knowing. Nonetheless, it was a pleasant surprise to bump into Krin Muskens this evening on the Bridge of Sighs. Such a pleasant young gentleman, it's a pity I won't be seeing him again...

Thursday, 5 March

[18:00 PM] Archbishop of Banterbury AKA Bantom of the Opera AKA Praying Bantis AKA Bantidisestablishmentarianism AKA Bantastic Mr Fox AKA Bantercalifragilisticexpialidocious (Alexander Hardwick) reign finally ends after he is ambushed by Marcus V. Agrippa! and Yog-Sothoth, Lord of the Outer Darkness
Yog-Sothoth, Lord of the Outer Darkness reports:

It appears that the Elder Gods have been smiling on me over the last 2 days. On my way back from somewhere else, I was walking down West Road shortly before 1400, when I passed someone who looked like an assassin. We exchanged suspicious looks, but it was only when he had passed by that I realised it had been none other than Alexander Hardwick, leader of the [THERE ARE NO MAFIAS IN CAMBRIDGE]. I then visited his room to ensure I was not mistaken, and when I returned to Christ's I deduced that he was at a rehearsal for the MagSoc performance of Elijah.

I returned to the music department an hour later to scout out the locale, and from some civilians outside surmised that the rehearsal would probably finish around 1700.

I then made my way to [REDACTED], to enlist the help of Marcus V. Agrippa!, who I knew would help me take down this fiend. We met at 1640 at the bottom of West Road, and decided the best way to ambush would be to both wait outside, a short distance apart to cover the multiple paths of escape.

Shortly after 5, a figure emerged, one who I had seen mere hours before. I had feared that he might be carrying a double bass, which would make him a slow-moving large target, but also a rather unsporting kill, but my fears were groundless - the largest thing he had was his phone, telling his friend that he was going to be late. Little did he know how true that would be.

I followed him out of the car park, with Marcus V. Agrippa! taking a parallel way out, and then confronted him, asking him if he was indeed Alex Hardwick - perhaps a stupid question in retrospect, but with both of us already redeemed criminals, Marcus V. Agrippa! and I had no wish to become wanted again at this stage in the game.

He looked confused, and asked who I was. I answered honestly, but with the words "In that case..." he made the wrong decision, spinning and attempting to run. My gun was already in my hand, and a single shot ended the proceedings. Not wanting to be inconvenient, we grabbed Alex's corpse and took him back to his supervision.

So endeth the Banter Mafia.

Yog-Sothoth, Lord of the Outer Darkness

Marcus V. Agrippa! reports:

Calumniator mortuus est. Cum socio hodie tenui musicale locum, cum inspiceremus. Ego vigilia et socius absconditus, adversarius exiit et eum inspexi. Significationibus factis, socius insecutus et eum necavit.

Nunc respondeo hostis quaestioni: Romani sunt Romae, semper; "Romanes" non latine loquuntur. Enim verborum elegantia supersedere actorum auctoritatem et facilitatem lectori non potest. Quid concinnitas, nisi locutionis fluiditas brevitasque relationis? Primus ille sapiens dixit nihil scriptis dicere posse: verborum vis et sermonis potentia non vertunt in paginas. Autem orator, peritus dicendi, has res cognoscit et in his operibus novae compositiones variatioque verborum probat, quo melius textus sonum adhaeret, conscius solam agilitatem dicendi verum sensum ferre.

Longe errat eum qui latinus sermo populusque romanus idem permansisse credens, duas milias annorum e Cicerone nato. Sermo meus sermo quorum latine loquuntur est; vero nemo aequare possit patrum abilitatem sermone, sed latinus sermo vivus est, et necesse mutat.

Complures sermones in cantabrigia loquuntur, sed pauci satis docti sunt ut latinum sermonem loquantur. Qui egregie latine loqui putat, latine loquatur! Autem publice declaro: non philosophus aut scriptor me dico, sed dux. Verba mea valenter acta tradunt, hoc mihi largire potes. Relinquamus graecis quaestiones mollientes animos!

Bantercalifragilisticexpialidocious reports:

Unfortunately, they happened to spot and recognise me going into an orchestra rehearsal.

They returned 3 hours later, just in time to ambush me on my way out. Fatal shot fired by Yog-Sothoth, Lord of the Outer Darkness, while Marcus V. Agrippa! watched from behind a hedge.

Bantman and Robin
Georg Bantor
Immanuel Bant
Banterbury Tales
Banta Orange
I Can't Believe it's not Banter
Bante's Inferno
Bantum Physics
Colony of Bants

Friday, 13 March

[15:45 PM] Final Duel report

Umpire's report:The final duel was between Aiden Chan, Alessandro Mariani, Salman Iftikhar and Thomas Stone.

Aiden got a quick kill off Salman. Then a firefight between Aiden and Tom left Aiden with no bullets or legs, allowing Tom to casually stroll over and execute him.

What followed was a cat and mouse chase followed by a fight between nerf (Tom) and watergun (Alex). After fighting over a skip for several minutes, Tom got bold and charged forward, a chase ensued. Finally, with Alex running low on water, Tom scored a fatal shot to Alex's chest.

So it is with great pleasure I announce Tom Stone the winner of Assassins Lent 2015.

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