The Assassins' Guild - Week 1 News
The Assassins' Guild - Week 1 News
At 10:55 Leslie Stowe left her lecture. I was waiting outside. We briefly exchanged pleasantries, then I stabbed her in the torso with a plastic knife.
Riddle me this:
What is keen but not enthused?
What is sharp but has no tone?
You don't eat it, but now it's in your guts!
Surprise...
At 11:45 Quintin was sitting in the college cafe reading a book. I (The Riddler) stabbed him in the chest with a plastic knife.
Riddle me this:
What sings but makes no words?
What gets a lump instead of tears?
Normally it closes when you get anxious, but I seem to have opened yours up!
Woops...
Today I killed Joshua de Gromoboy of Pembroke College. However I was also killed in the process. We both knifed each other at the same time so agreed that we should both be dead.
19:40 James Roberts stabbed Joshua de Gromoboy from behind while Joshua was walking through Pembroke. At the same moment Joshua stabbed James with a concealed blade. Both players were killed.
Riddle me this:
Words cut deep but this cuts deeper.
You show me yours and I'll show you mine.
Flick! Snick! We both fall down!
Pity...
I stabbed Alyosha Latyntsev in the back at around 8:00.
Last night at about 10 pm, Sam Twist of Corpus Christi has died at my hands. In a shameless act of betrayal, one of his so called friends knocked on his door, attracting him out into the open and in my line of fire. In one clean shot to the chest his life ended. Oh how I've missed the smell of blood.
Shredder out.
I entered the cafeteria of my college for lunch, and selected a chicken tandoori wrap with sweetcorn from the menu, for the moderate price of �£2.44. The meal was not of the highest calibre, but sufficed. The tandoori chicken itself was pleasantly spiced, and upon reaching the centre I was happily suprised with a bit of natural yoghurt and salad, which added a pleasant creaminess to an otherwise dry meal. The wrap itself was slightly chewy, by acceptable. Overall, I rate my meal as 6/10; quite nice, and certainly repeatable at that price.
In other news, Solaire meet his maker today after being flattened onto the table by a sudden assault with a projective matrix. Swift, and efficient. Until next time, this has been Journals of Food.
I was tasked by my superiors to steal a high levelled Braviary from a local Pok�©mon Trainer. Due to my good work performance lately I was authorised to use a high levelled Pok�©mon of my own: my trusty Charizard.
He entered the room at around 16:00 after a battle with his Braviary out of his pok�©ball. This was exactly what I wanted! I did panic a bit as I was playing on my Pok�©tch at the time and I ordered my Ekans to use Gunk Shot. Braviary dodged the attack and I realised how stupid I was being. I'm so used to fighting with my Ekans I forgot about my Charizard! I ordered him to use Flare Blitz and the fight was over before the Trainer could give Braviary any orders. I knocked both Braviary and the Trainer out and stole off with Braviary.
I have transferred Braviary to Rocket HQ and I await my next assignment.
All the carefully laid schemes, the obliteration of any online trails, the purchase of obscene amounts of automatic weaponry over vacation. It was all undone by the assassins worst nightmare. An assassin in my College who knew me personally and had ample means to find out my every movement. Oh targeting software, thou art a heartless bitch...
"BANTER!!!! Bants bants bants big bitey devilish bants!!!"
Newsreader voiceover: "This is believed to be the cry of the wild Bantmanian Devil. Rarely seen alive on account of their tendency to kill those that get close enough to see them, authorities inform us that they suspect a member of this extremely dangerous species to be responsible for the gruesome death of one Samuel Mackey, of Queens' college."
"Mackey is believed to have made himself a target of the Devil's wrath by placing a bounty on the heads of various Queens residents. This student body includes Bantmanian Nationals. Legend has it that if the people of Bantmania are ever threatened the Devil will rise to defend them."
"The kill occurred at 18.30 in Queens buttery. Mackey was engaged in conversation when Witnesses report he was tapped on the shoulder from behind and then a fountain of blood was seen as the humanoid figure of the Bantmanian Devil drew a razor across his throat. As the creature disappeared into the night those same witnesses report that Mackey was left slumped into his soup gurgling "It was a mistake, a mistake, I'll never do it again..." Sadly too late for this young man. The Devil knows no mercy."
In the distance: "BANTER"
Newsreader: "My god! I think it's out there!!! RUN!!!"
*Shaky cam*
Newsreader (From in the Car): "Residents of Cambridge are encouraged to be on their guard, the Devil is out there, and there is no telling where it will strike next!"
"BANTER!!!!"
*visual is lost as vehicle is turned over*
Audio (over the sound of screams, and gooey evisceration noises): "Bants Bants Bants Bants Bants!!!"
*Audio dies*
No reporters were harmed in the making of this report.
Yes I'm still alive.
It seems if you leave a note outside your door you get a note back in return. I'm impressed by the effort here. Well done my anonymous scribe.
But you won't get me.
Umpire:
as funny as this is, please be careful. While this is clearly not serious, bedders or other persons can pick these up and get the wrong idea.
We, team Aqua thought that it was not right to place a bounty on the heads of one's friends. So we decided that it would best to end his life quickly. Our leader Archie had managed to get information that Sam Mackey has 0900 lectures on Saturdays. Not wanting to disappoint (and hoping for a promotion), I got up early in the morning to get there. I arrived early, with another aqua member, getting a seat in the optimum position so that I could see him when he arrived.
He got in, and I tried to memorise his face, without him noticing that I was staring at him. After having seen that, I stayed for the lecture. When it ended, I quickly packed up and left, leaving first through the door that I thought he would take. Waiting at the exit, he didn't appear. Team aqua then started leaving, except one member. I was informed that he had left through the other door, and that the last member was following him to ensure that he didn't get away. But that was fine, I knew where his next lecture was.
Walking in that direction, I saw him overtake me, and aqua grunt number something or other was still following him. I shot him, at which point I was informed that he was a walking corpse.
It seems I went to a 0900 lecture on a Saturday for nothing.....
Today at 10:10 am, Matt Arnold has left the world of the living, with some help from my trustworthy gun. His assassin friend and I briefly engaged in a shootout after his death, which ended with no casualties. May Darkness fall upon the world.
At about 10:10 today (31st January) I was killed on King's Street on the way back from lectures. I can't remember what the assassin's name was, but he killed me with a few elastic bands to the neck using his elastic band gun. Aqua Grunt 3 tried to protect me, but failed miserably.
Keen to make a good start and prove my competence I attempted the opportunistic breakfast time kill. My target tried to bluff their way out of the situation by pretending to by their roommate. However my Intel was good and just as I was trying to ID them they started acting suspiously. I took my chances and fired point blank into them. It was only after I was reviewing the scene I doiscovered what a horrific attack animal they had been reaching for. Luckily death by furry cuteness was not to be my undoing.
Umpire's consumption: At 10:18am my killer, (who's name I have forgotten already) entered my room through the unlocked door and after a gentlemanly exchange he shot me in the heart.
My door was locked. If it wasn't for my maths problems, I wouldn't leave my room until dinner time. The assassins(two of them) were very lucky indeed!
Today I shot diandian wang outside of his room in wolfson hall.
Alfred Bester reports:
SUBJECT: DELAYED RETURN
FROM: BESTER.BLACK-OMEGA.PSI-CORPS.EACOM
TO: KELSEY.BLACK-OMEGA.PSI-CORPS.EACOM
PRIORITY: SIGNIFICANT
ENCRYPTION: PC-LV12-8203494723490238952034876203
Good evening Kelsey.
I presume from your message that the others have yet to return from their trip to Io. I'm afraid that you will need to hold the fort a little longer as it were, as I've decided to undertake a short diversion.
Are you familiar with Cambridge? It's a small colony on the far side of Grid Delta, on the edge of Earth Alliance territory; small, although very well developed owing to investment into specialised xenobiology research. There was a Corps Mothership passing that way, en-route to Grid Epsilon (there's supposed to be a Vorlon ship dropping off an ambassador to that new diplomatic station and Dept. Sigma wants telepathic readings from hyperspace - yes, quite), so I hitched a ride to Cambridge.
What's so remarkable about this colony? Well, nothing. That's rather the point you see. And yet it's cropped up in the last three of my recent investigations into the Underground Railroad that's been hiding unregistered telepaths from the Corps and smuggling them away from Earth and Mars. Nothing big you understand - a stop-over for a smuggling ship here, a point of origin for some innocuous cargo there. No-one died protecting this info, and none of the dissidents I interrogated knew anything about the place (my scans were not gentle and did not leave room for concealment of information). They knew nothing. There's no hideout, no base, no contacts for the rebels there; yet things seem to arrive and depart from there unexpectedly often. To me this complete absence of knowledge says much more than the scraps we have found.
I've a theory. I could be wrong, but if we're being honest Kelsey, how often does that happen? I think the rouges are concealing something in Cambridge, even from their own people, or at least the ones we're likely to capture and interrogate.
I arrived yesterday, and have been quietly looking into a few leads in person - nothing concrete yet, but some intriguing findings. When our people get back from Io, tell them to stay put and stay ready. If Cambridge does prove to be a major base of operations for the Railroad, I'll need as many veteran psi-cops as I can get to lock this place down, and that means the squadron should be ready to fly. We'll also need bloodhounds - have some teams from Mars put on standby notice. If I find a major infestation here, we'll have sufficient cause to commandeer a Mothership and can ferry as many people out here as you can get together.
In the meantime get some rest; I have a suspicion that you'll need it.
Bester.
Upon learning of her whereabouts from an unnamed accomplice, I rushed to the scene-a quaint cooking session of which Jazlene was one of many. Not perturbed by the calm I was sure to ruin, I located my mark. I tapped her on the shoulder, asked if she was who I thought, then outstretched a hand in greeting, proclaiming how nice it was to finally meet. Not seeing my elaborate ruse, she took the hand, at which point I revealed my trusty gun with my other hand, introduced myself as her assassin, and fired. I then slunk away into the night, leaving the once peaceful food making affair in what I hope was at least mild chaos.
All glory to Team Aqua.
I had a highly ambitious ambush plan laid up for one of my targets. Unfortunately the wonderfully detailed plan was ruined by the twists of fate, snow and work.
Rather than waste an evening my accomplice and I decided to detour via a different target's room since it was on the way back. I found my target distracted in his gyp room surrounded by Civilians.
Once the idea of murdering a target in front of an audience would have troubled me but no more. I knew my target had identified me on a previous visit. I acted swiftly and gave no warning.
They should have known, I'd be back.
Shortly after 1pm, I (The Unforgiven) let myself into Fitz. A non-aquaintance of the target (Georgina) let me into her corridor. I knocked on her door, but she was in a nearby room and alerted by her neighbours she ran away. I gave chase. I briefly lost her in Fitz, so I camped near her staircase, and as she returned I fired two nerf shots (missing), gave chase again, and stabbed her in the back with a plastic knife as she tried to open a door. She then opened the door, and as she fell through said door stabbed me with a badly torn cardboard triangle labeled 'knife' while I stabbed her a second time for good measure. At this point a mug flew out of her hands for some reason.
Running from The Unforgiven is impossible. Fighting it is... ill advised.
She thought she could do both.
She was wrong.
With every kill, The Unforgiven's body becomes stronger, and it's bloodlust more insatiable.
Soon, it will be as strong as it was in life.
Then, it will be stronger.
Do not be afraid.
That will not save you.
I have failed team plasma. Last night I was out drink... on official important team plasma busisness and left my Xtransceiver (phone) behind. This afternoon someone infiltrated team plasma headquarters while I was in the kitchen. The bosses were both out. I fled as I had forgotten my weapons for the first time ever (big mistake) I fled and escaped but was trapped in the girls toilets with no Xtransceiver and no way to be told if he had left. unfortunately he would not leave. I tried to get back into head quarters but forgot my keycard so tried to flee again but this time I was not so lucky. Team plasma may be one man down but the bosses will ensure that team plasma succeed in their mission of world domina.... pokemon liberation.
Hey Umpire! I just killed one of my targets: Matt Almond. A civilian accomplice in his base persuaded him to open his door, then I jabbed him in the forehead with my (polystyrene) sword. After a few confirmatory and vindictive stabs at his chest, we agreed that he had been very completely killed to death. I apologised to the corpse profusely, then departed.
Regards,
The Archbishop of Banterbury.
"A distress signal pierced the silence of Rocket Headquarters. Rocket Grunt 1 required assistance! With Grunts 6 and 7 by my side, we rushed to the scene. A battle had started between 1â??s borrowed Charizard and the opponentâ??s Magneton; usually one wouldnâ??t interrupt a 1v1 match, but Team Rocket doesnâ??t abide by the rules! I sent out my trusty Cyndaquil and ordered it to use Fire Blast, but sadly the attack missed at the crucial moment. Before Cyndaquil could get ready for a second attack, the dust had settled, and the battle was already over."
I was relaxing at HQ when I got a message on my Pokegear from one of my fellow grunts. Grunt 1 was in danger and was requesting assistance! Most of his Pokemon were knocked out and he was unable to battle the trainer who was attempting to battle him! Myself and Grunts 3 and 6 answered the distress signal and we met up to show this upstart Trainer what Team Rocket is all about!
I let Grunt 1 borrow my trusty Charizard whilst I would lay in wait with my Ekans and Grunt 3 released his Cyndaquil. Grunt 6 was a bit of a coward and said he would "blend in" so that the other Trainer might not think he was a Team Rocket agent. Grunt 1 rushed in with his Grimer and ordered it to use Mud Bomb but it only glanced the Trainer's Magneton! He then released Charizard and tried to use Inferno but sadly that missed completely. The Trainer then retaliated with Thunderbolt and it KO'd both Grimer and Charizard. Team Rocket Grunt 1 was out of Pokemon and was defeated by this meddling Trainer!
I could not stand by and allow the good name of Team Rocket to be shamed. I ordered Ekans to use Earthquake and it KO'd the Trainer's Magneton nicely. Grunt 3 ordered his Cyndaquil to use Fire Blast but it missed. The Trainer was then also out of Pokemon and the fearsome reputation of Team Rocket was restored.
Wait a second...my Ekans is evolving...my beloved Ekans is now an Arbok! I will be promoted for sure with two powerful Pokemon and a string of successful missions behind me. Goodbye Grunt-hood, hello Admin-hood!
I was tricked by an accomplice into waiting in a trap. Richard came back with some allies and opened fire on me first. I ducked and the shot hit me on my left arm. I retuned fire but missed. He chucked an attack animal at me which I evaded. I dropped my gun (since a one handed reload was impossible and I had little time). I pulled out my knife and rushed him as he reloaded and succeeded in stabbing him in the chest. This left my completely exposed to the rest of the team and one shot me in the back.
A new target had appeared so I decided to go and test their defences. I meet a neighbour who seemed perfectly willing to betray his friend. I knew at the time he was far too willing. I knew there was a risk it was a trap but gambled on the fact I might be able to win the ensuing one on one combat even with my target alerted. Unfortunately my target got the jump on me, firing first. I ducked and it hit my arm. Ignoring the pain I returned fire. Due to the confusion and disarray I missed. My target unleashed some attack animal monstrosity upon me which again failed due to his panicked aim. It was at this point I noticed my target had bought four allies to aim their cause. My heart fell as I knew my doom was upon me. I had one last option. I dropped my gun knowing a one handed reload was too slow and rushed at my target with my spare knife. I saw the panic in their eyes as they retreated trying to reload. But I was just too quick. I plunged my knife into their chest. I had no time to saviour the kill. One of my target's many allies fired upon me. They did not miss. I was outnumbered, outgunned and defeated. I did my duty. I died honourably in combat against impossible odds.
I was ready for blood tonight. It had been too long. Myself and a trusted companion journeyed out after our victims. His attempt was doomed to failure - no one home - but I was not quite so unlucky. I strode in to the room gun held high and planted three shots in to the chest of the young lady before me. She looked confused. Hurt and confused. At this point I saw movement in the next room and realised my blunder. I charged forwards, ignoring the screams of protest from the poor innocent dying at my feet and proceeded to put another three rounds in the chest of a slightly less confused but equally mortal victim, the one I had come for. She didn't make it.
I left with the heady rush of death on me. I had rather more blood on my hands than I had intended, but still less than I could ever wish for, ever need. Bring the blood. Bring the death. Thelonius Nail awaits.
I shot Tom Flynn today at the cms. Chocolate please.
Ante diem quartum Kalendas Februarii, ego et socius meus ad collegium Mariae Valentiae adimus ut adversarios nostros necaremus. Certiores facti de interitu adversariorum una ante hora, discessimus.
Ante diem tertium Kalendas Februarii, magna acies nostrorum sicariorum introit Regnii Atrebatis patritiae collegium ad hoc explorandum et inimicos necandos. Nemo mortuus est, sed locum cognovimus.
Pridie Kalendas Februarii, comitatus socium meum sum ad collegi trinitatis ziggurat. Cum incederimus nos, socii mei adversarius exit cubiculum suum, et socius meus necavit eum.
Nocte pridie Kalendas Februarii redimus ad Regnii Atrebatis patritiae collegium cum letale consilio, sed nemo erat.
As I was partaking in a sporting event in college one of the players on the opponents team stood out to me. As the game neared it's end he revealed to me that he was in fact an assassin and after showing me his weapon I realised at once that he was Shredder, the man who killed one of my fellow grunts just a few days earlier. I chased after him and after he turned around for me to hand him a piece of paper I shot him in the chest. I know that this will place me on the wanted list but it must be known that Team Aqua will stop at nothing to avenge it's members.
All glory to Team Aqua.
Today from 7:20 to 9:15 pm I have attended a pool match (Trinity II vs Sidney Sussex [unknown]). One of the present persons was Matt Arnold, the target I managed to kill on Saturday and everyone present knew about the situation. After the match, about 10 meters from the bar where it took place, one of the members of the opposing team called us back with approximately the following statement:
"Hey, wait guys, the winning team must report on the match so take this [score table] and give it to your captain"
As I approached to pick up the score table he shot me at point blank range. The above statement was of course a lie.
I was lying low, gathering my strength for the time which is to come. That was my plan. But an oppourtunity such as this I could not refuse. My target sat with his back to me, oblivious to my presence. I drew my knife and slid it up my sleive. Stood. Traversed the scant meters between us, raised my knife and... I shall enjoy my Ferrero rochers.
p.s. how does one normally go about claiming a bounty?
Umpire: I don't wish to reveal the killer to the bounty maker. I will publish who are owed what at the end of the game
If you wish to make your bounties more immediate, send them to my pigeon hole (Max Baxter-Allen, Robinson college) and I will deliver them.
I, Hugo Strauss, was completely fatally killed to death.
9:55am today. They said that good banter never killed anyone...they were wrong. I, the Archbishop of Banterbury, would like to report the unfortunate death of Charlie Daffern by surprise charge and sword chop just before her 10am lecture this morning.
I was killed this morning outside of the geography department at around 09:58am. A gently loitering chap stabbed my in the side with a fearsome foam sword as I dismounted my bike. He apologised, and then he stabbed me again just to clarify that I was indeed as dead as I already suspected I was.
And I thought the most dangerous thing this morning would be the snow remnants on castle hill.
Little Mai.
I was killed this morning outside of the geography department at around 09:58am. A gently loitering chap stabbed my in the side with a fearsome foam sword as I dismounted my bike. He apologised, and then he stabbed me again just to clarify that I was indeed as dead as I already suspected I was.
And I thought the most dangerous thing this morning would be the snow remnants on castle hill.
Little Mai.
Annoyed at the death of one of the Team Plasma grunts (and my woeful absence at the time), I resolved to improve our team's reputation by making a kill. Rather than charge into his (probably locked) residence, I opted for a stealth job - I knew he had to walk from lecture theatre A to lecture theatre B at about 12.00.
The problem was that it transpired that lecture theatres A and B were about 10 metres apart, and each held about 300 people i.e. quite a large crowd. My poor target was unlucky that I managed to identify and knife him. Turns out I'm not too bad at this cloak and dagger stuff...
N
I died yesterday in my room. ArmouredTitan knocked on my door and I opened it and he shot me with two Nerf bullets on the chest.
Umpire: It's only been 5 days and already 1/4 of you have fallen. I'm so proud of you all ;_;7
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