Cloak & Dagger The Assassins' Guild - Week 3 News

Wednesday, 11 February

[13:40 PM] Charitable kills Silent Sniper (Sarah Assaf)
Charitable reports:

After selflessly making the trip to my victim's accommodation no less than six times since two O'clock the previous day, I finally ran into her returning from a shopping trip, I offered to carry her bags, and after a polite conversation, stabbed her in the back.

[17:20 PM] Mass shooting leaves Aqua Grunt 7 (Joseph Gregory), Aqua Grunt 8 (Fergus Powell) and Europa (Ellen Berry) dead
Aqua Grunt 8 reports:

As my incompetency deadline was running out, Aqua Leader Archie sent me on a mission to try and neutralise an incompetent. I had an associate who was willing to lead me to said incompetent. Aqua Grunt 7 and I agreed it sounded like a trap, but that we should go for it anyway.
Alas, it was a trap, and upon entering King's college grounds I was viciously struck to the ground by a rubber band. 7 and my assailant, the person who's abilities I had mocked; who I was sure I would be able to defeat; who had just killed me in public exchanged fire and both hit almost simultaneously. They agreed the score should be settled with a nerf duel and, after both missing several times, hit each other at the same time and were both pronounced dead. Archie, seven and I have failed you, but others will come to take our place!
All glory to Team Aqua.

Aqua Grunt 7 reports:

I was accompanying Aqua Grunt 8 on a mission to King's College when we were ambushed by Ellen Berry. Ellen killed my fellow Aqua Grunt, so I retaliated, shooting her, but being shot by her in the process.

May Team Aqua live on in our absence.

[18:20 PM] Incompetent betrays [Redacted] (Chris Djali)
Incompetent reports:

Me and Chris Djali had a general agreement not to kill each other. That's why when he turned up on my targets list while I was very incompetent I went over to him, asked politely if he was planning on becoming competent and, finding the answer too non-commital, lopped his head off with a meat cleaver. I'm a friendly and honourable chap.

[Redacted] reports:

Deeply engrossed in a meal, someone else's meal, and a piece of paper covered in diagrams of diffraction, superposition and other wave-based sciencings (all of which with a variety of potential for assassination-based applications, although I have yet to discover a single one of them), I was approached by my fellow Churchill incompetent. We exchanged pleasantries, and noted that the website now correctly reflected the mortal status of the other Churchill incompetent, as well as both of our names. He expressed concern that I'd be unable to locate a licit target before being struck off. This was a preposterous idea - of course I'd amassed a huge collection of incompetent allies who could be picked off one by one once their usefulness had been exhausted.

I returned to my food. I had realised he had no interesting stories or plans to share with me, and assumed that given the previous number of opportunities he'd presented for me to kill him he was serious about a long-term alliance, or at least until an emergency presented itself. It seemed ridiculous that he might attempt to stab me in front of so many civilians who could warn me, and no honourable assassin would use a gun in a place of eating. This, however, proved to be a foolish assumption. No sooner had I immersed myself fully in the mediocre dish before me then I felt the searing pain of a knife driven just a tad into my neck.

"I hope you understand - I wanted to make sure I won't be a licit target when I go after the Fitz inco, in case he sees me first." He explained.

With my dying breaths I asked the civilian opposite me why he had failed to warn me that there was a knife approaching.

"Oh! I was wondering why he was slowly pushing a piece of cardboard towards you." he remarked. The man had mistaken the glint of the sharpest steel for dull cardboard. In death, no longer bound by the honour of the Assassins, I shall haunt this fool forevermore.

[19:48 PM] Alfred Bester goes inco hunting
Alfred Bester reports:

Alfred Bester reports:


TIME: 19:48:23 EST, 2257-02-11
ENCRYPTION: PC-LV12-820349472349023895203497938

I'm tired Kelsey.
Sometimes I begin to wonder if I'm getting old, losing my touch.
Over the weekend, the local authorities launched a major investigation into possible illegal activity in the colony. I decided it was best to offer my services, in the interests of keeping an eye on what these mundanes were doing. I took a team and investigated various locations with them eliminating a couple of known Free Mars terrorists. Of no interest to us of course, but if it gives the Underground the impression I'm after someone other than them, then all the better.
I've been hunting extensively over the last few days, and have had sightings of confirmed targets on three separate occassions - the Underground is here all right. It's just that to date they've either got lucky, or in one case been very clever.
I'm certain Assistant Director Kaufman wants to know where I am and what I'm doing and is demanding results, setting deadlines and such. Stall him. I just need one to of these blips to make a mistake and he will tell us everything. Then we'll have the evidence we need to launch a full operation. Patience Kelsey, patience.



Thursday, 12 February

[10:00 AM] Praying Bantis prays upon Jackie Chan (Matt Kaye)
Praying Bantis reports:

I located Matt Kaye on his normal route into lectures this morning. I could legally kill him, since he was incompetent. He, however, could not kill me legally unless I was bearing a weapon.

As a result, we had a long and awkward standoff at Sidgwick. Hands on guns in pockets. Watching. Waiting for the first move.

Eventually, I got bored with the awkward standoff situation. We were running out of conversation. I also had a supervision to go to. So I was quick on the draw, and killed Matt instantly with a nerf bullet headshot.

(Sorry Matt! I was aiming for the torso, but the nerf gun kicks upwards a bit...)

[15:00 PM] Aqua Leader Archie shows real leadership to Aqua Grunt 11 (Kai Hugtenburg)
Aqua Leader Archie reports:

I (Aqua leader Archie) killed Aqua Grunt 11 (Kai Hugtenburg) with a swift gunshot to the chest. I feel he made a noble sacrifice to keep his leader from going incompetent before his time. He may not agree. However he is dead, and therefore cannot disagree.

All glory to team Aqua.

[19:30 PM] Concordia and Dick Dastardly do police work, getting Shego (Em Miles)
Dick Dastardly reports:

Myself and Freddie Brewer made 7 attempts today (7:30 pm) 1 kill 6 failures, [REDACTED] none in. Shot Em Miles in trinity after an embarrassing number of misses, a few hitting limbs until finally a head shot. Attempted kills on [REDACTED] (couldn't enter the building), [REDACTED] (couldn't find the building) and [REDACTED], who wasn't in but we may have run into his flatmate also an assassin as we left who promptly ran away from us.

Friday, 13 February

[16:00 PM] Team Rocket Grunt 7 attempts
Team Rocket Grunt 7 reports:

My promotion to Admin involved a lot more paperwork than I expected and I've been so busy over the past week filling out this paperwork that I have been forgetting to go out on field assignments. I wanted to remedy this and so a quick search on the Rocket database showed two potential targets located at the same Pokemon Centre. One of them I have already targetted a few times before as a Grunt but I was never successful as he was never in. Hopefully this time he would be!

Sadly, he was not. This Trainer must have lots of tournaments to never be in his room when I come for him. No matter, I went in search of the other Trainer. I was in unfamiliar territory and so I went down the wrong corridor at first but then I saw a girl coming out of a room in the other corridor. A quick check of the room number of the door she came out of showed that she was indeed my target. I unleashed Luxray and we ran down the stairs to sneak attack her. I called out her name so we could battle and as she turned around my Luxray attempted to pounce and use Thunder Fang we noticed that all the Trainer's Pokemon had already fainted! She told me that she was attacked yesterday by another Trainer who had already knocked out her Pokemon and all her Pokemon were currently healing in the Pokemon Centre's medical ward and so I could not steal anything. Blast! My mission was a failure...

However, the break away from paperwork was exhilarating and I will now be more active in field assignments now that my transition to Admin has passed. I await my next assignment.

Team Rocket Admin Ariana

[18:12 PM] The Whistler does an autopsy on Joesph Gregory
The Whistler reports:

My alliance with Team Aqua having been irrevocably sullied by my *cough* stabbing of the ex-leader after agreeing not to kill him *cough*, I decided that I needed a preemptive strike on the new leader before he ordered my death at the hands of the Team Aqua grunts. I prepared my weaponry and having discovered the code to their fortress on a previous visit, I let myself in and crept up the stairs to where my target lived.

The door was unlocked, and I burst into the room, stabbing him first in the arm and then in the chest. Alas, he admitted that he had been killed since the last update, but at least he gave me a chocolate digestive for my troubles.

After leaving [REDACTED], I went to a cash-point to withdraw some funds for villainous purposes, but just as I selected the amount I needed, I spotted wanted criminal [REDACTED] across the street, who fled, knowing I was unable to give chase.

[22:00 PM] Marcus V. Agrippa! redeems himself by killing Bantman (Will Bently)
Marcus V. Agrippa! reports:

Necavit hodie ineptum Will Bentley reginae collegii, ipso facto me redemi. Deinde visitavimus cathaerinae collegi Yu She, qui clamavit decessa esse.

Sunday, 15 February

[18:00 PM] Muttley (Ben Morley) and Dick Dastardly (James Brotherston) annihilate each other
Dick Dastardly reports:

Upon learning that Ben Morley (Muttley) was incompetent, from the chief of police, we preceded to have a,very cowardly, gun fight across our flat, myself armed with a rubber band gun, and Ben with a nerf gun while Michael observed. Two minutes later we were both dead.

Moral of the story:
1) Don't become inco in a flat with another assassin
2) Don't announce your intentions of killing your inco flatmate to him before you're armed

Monday, 16 February

[21:00 PM] The Whistler corners 2 inco police, Mojo Jojo (Robert Allen) and Bunny (deceased) (Piercarlo Maini)
The Whistler reports:

Incompetence in the police is not to be tolerated. In light of this, tonight at the TMS I cornered one such miserable specimen, Robert Allen. A quick thrust of the knife brought him to his knees, where he tried to barter for his life with the name of another nearby incompetent, Piercarlo Maini, but this was not enough to satisfy my thirst for blood, and another slash ended it.

The second incompetent was not to be spared either, though. I followed him down the stairs and struck him down where he stood. Hopefully with this the police shall be more diligent with their duties.

Tuesday, 17 February

[22:00 PM] Archbishop of Banterbury finds an intruder
Archbishop of Banterbury reports:


17:55: My supervision work: a decent 2:1 this time, perhaps. I'll find out tomorrow.

17:56: My timing skills: a weak 2:2. This work is due in at 18:00, but I've been distracted by visiting a friend on a different staircase. Better go and hand this in.

17:57: My paranoia levels: a very high 1st, maybe starred. I spot someone walking slowly towards my staircase...OBVIOUSLY AN ASSASSIN.

17:57:30: My facial recognition abilities: low 3rd, borderline unclassed. Who is this assassin? Do I know him? He's stopped walking, and is looking at me suspiciously. Hmmm. I should just kill him, but...I don't want to become Wanted...

17:59: The canteen food, by the way, is failing Tripos decisively. But, still, I've handed in the work. Now it's time to go to dinner. Oh look, that Assassin is still around. Awkward suspicious glances exchanged.

18:13: My security systems: a high 2:1, borderline 1st. Approximately 6 people just texted me. There's been a security breach in base camp! Intruder sighted!! Unfortunately, the notification system was a bit slow. By the time I've returned to the fortress, the intruder has vanished.

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