The hungry lioness reports:
We saw them in the street. I was on the way to fix a myterious computer error in Trinity hall when I saw that I was running forwards with weapons and Bjoern. I and pigeonAteHe ran away from Bjoern and I very fast.
The hungry lioness reports:
As above.
The infamously trigger-happy Bjoern Holzhauer reports:
Once again we went to see The Man with No Name. His door was unlocked and I stormed in waving a gun.
There were two people of approximately the right ethnic background and gender to match the name asleep in the room.
I called the target's name. They slumbered on.
I called again. They woke up sleepily and denied being The Man with No Name, quite convincingly, but said they were his brother and friend. Apparently he was sleeping in another room.
The infamously trigger-happy Bjoern Holzhauer reports:
I didn't kill either of them, okay?
A starving lion let loose in the Circus Maximus reports:
A starving lion was let loose in the Circus Maximus (aka the area outside a chapel) on the christians attending the service. pigeonAteHe stopped and stared at us, but when he saw the lion bounding towards him, he ran away. However he soon had to take cover behind a wheelie-bin, because the lion was catching up with giant leaps. After holding the hungry beast off for a while, he used an innocent as cover to head back towards the church only to discover that the rest of the pack was already waiting for him. As he stopped staring about in horror, the lion pounced on him.
Sub-optimal Manufacturer of Cunning Vengeance reports:
Outside the city centre, Fitzwilliam has the advantage to assassins that few people can be bothered to cycle that far. However, as all good hackers know and even Microsoft is beginning to realise, security through obscurity is only marginally better than no security. Thus it was that I decided to get some exercise.
Intelligence gleaned from the Web led me to believe that the target would be undefended, and a quick sweep of the general vicinity revealed no traps, bombs, hidden cameras, gun turrets, or even peepholes in doors. Accordingly, I armed myself, knocked and waited. An unarmed and unconcerned Snoop opened the door, realised why I was there, and hurriedly closed it again; however, my reflexes, twitchiness and/or random muscle spasms were superior to his, and he wasn't fast enough to avoid a three rubber band burst to the heart.
Matt Garrett reports:
As I was bored this morning with slowly begining the packing process, I decided it would be a pleasent distraction to have Corpus declare war on Queens College. Towards this end, Matthew Garrett, who was in fact playing this term, and Mabes took a stroll this morning packing some serious firepower. We proceeded to zapf the coverboy's room and knocked on the door. No repsonse. We knocked again and heard furniture being moved. The door opened, shots were exchanged, and zapf soon had his brains rearranged all over the wall behind him by Mr. Garrett.
I spent all this year learning to kill But I just can't seem to succeed Somebody, Somebody Can anybody find me somebody to killlllll..... Each morning I get up... Can barily hold hold the RBG...
Ah, there are few joys in life like the assassin who doesn't know that the game has started and leaves his door open. I wish I could claim that skill was involved but all I had to do was push the door open, see which of the three occupants of the room reacted when a psyco with a large water gun dives through the door. Before I could be mesmerised I allowed The Mesmeriser to experenice a full burst to the torso from an XP270. Remarkably for an incident involving Jenny Chase, the innocent people in the room did not get shot. Poor Mabes has lost the coin toss and had to provide cover during this attack.
Would you like to be shot by my new XP270 Would you like to be shot by my new XP270 I could shoot you when you leave the door unlocked For I can kill I can kill Up, up and away My beautiful, my beautiful XP270 The world's a nicer place when I'm soaking people It wears a nicer face staring the barrel of the gun We can sing a song and sail along the silver sky For I can shoot I can can kill Pump, pump and shoot My beautiful, my beautiful XP...
Would you like to be shot by my beautiful XP270... Would you like to be shot by my beautiful XP270... I could shoot you easily if you leave the door ajar... For I can shoot you can die... Pump, pump, and aim... My beautiful, my beautiful XP270... The world's a nicer place with my beautiful XP270... It wears a nicer face after being soaked while sitting down... We can sing a song and sail along the silver sky... For I can shoot you can die... Pump, pump, and aim... My beautiful, my beautiful XP270
Acoylete of Time reports:
Having crept up on certain memeber(s) of the guild who aren't playing this term and saying helloe while wielding a CPS, i was politely asked not to kill people with a large water gun. So I went and hid rather unsubtley behind a tree and when (the dead) James Bowe and Sally Clough showed up I shot Sally as it seemed that she was the live one(keeping a gun trained upon James just in case). Death occured instantoeulsy as she had a shot drilled through her head.
I felt myself grow inside, becoming more - powerful - my self control slipping, becoming different. This is disturbing....I now seem to have some sense of something flowing past me, ever onwards, but I feel myself growing apart from the flow, slowly, surely.
Disciple of Time reports:
After I absorbed the power flowing from the body of Sally Clough, I felt another presence, two in fact.
These presences felt more powerful and aware than the previous ones I had encountered. It would take all of my abilities to defeat such opponents, yet I sensed they were naive to challenge me so openly, baring their presences as they were, unconcealed. and so it was that an epic strugle began, it was a standoff to begin with, they had more poweful weapons than I did, but alas for only the weaker of my opponents had the ability to block my attacks. It was not long beofre the wielder of the CPS died, leaving his weaker collegue to fend for himself........
Disciple of Time reports:
..... The weaker of my opponents, the one left standing, was non other than Stealthy Ninja! However he was reduced to rubber band weapons at this point, which prooved no match for my shield and CPS. Death followed trivially from his existence. I now feel more . . . . complete, like I have regained something I lost, some abiltiy, some knowledge. I feel I have become more in charge of destiny. A rock to wtihstand the encroachment of entropy. I remember a word that I once knew - "TimeKeeper"
ranger reports:
hearing about a punting expedition on which The feared Pyrate Assassin, Le Hutt might be along with others Ranger set a course down the camside paths. The punt was soon spotted at south end of sheeps green near where the two river channels meet. Ranger spotted the target and so passed the punt and waited in some riverside trees unfortunately the punt when it passed was too far out from the bank- RPG would have been inaccurate and heavy weapons would have probably hit innocents. Ranger held his fire and moved on to the next suitable riuver stretch, a good ambush point took some finding however an ideal spot was soon found, the punt seemes to be taking too long to reach the spot however so ranger left to pick the punt up downriver however the Tramp was seen running towards him, since weapons were not readilly to hand (and the punters presumed dead) he retreated.[see subsequent report]
Lady reports:
Oh, be armed next time, dear girl... or run faster.....
Monkey Professor-for-a-head reports:
It has emerged that one Benjamin Humphreys was fatally wounded during the firefight in John's First Court today.
Lady reports:
Er.... did I?
If it was just a shoulder, did I kill him?
If he's still alive, do I lose the points?
Yes, I guess I do... sigh....
He was in the way. Come on, he knew what was going on and he stood around behind Martin. There is too strict a definition of "innocent" round here. They should really have a modicum of sense.
Oh, alright... that's one a day so far... and all utterly by accident.
Monkey Professor-for-a-head reports:
After a brief shootout in John's First Court between my good self and Cambridge's most notorious twosome, I was left first without a leg to stand on, and finally dead.
The Tramp reports:
The kill was probably by me (I scored a hit in the stomach), unless there was an earlier hit we didn't notice.
Lady reports:
The Tramp got him during a firefight. Hey, someone who didn't run! You who died, we salute you!
Lady reports:
There's a question mark here, at least he thinks there is- The Tramp walked towards him in Trinity cafeteria, while I came up behind him and cap-gunned him (saying "bang"). He thought it was out of bounds, but informal cafeterias normally aren't even if they're in the same place as formal hall.
The Umpire reports:
Indeed this kill does not count - halls (as in spaces where formal halls are served, even if it's not a formal hall time) are out of bounds. The scores will be adjusted accordingly...
Lady reports:
I cap-gunned Stuart Moore in John's. That was legal, wasn't it? The Umpire said it would be and she wasn't too drunk at the time.
Lady reports:
The Tramp saw her, when she was watching the football, but she had good cover and we couldn't get to her. So we struck a deal with her, Ralph would call Cripps and Johnson asking for help against Lady and The Tramp and we would leave her alone.
Senorita Amapola reports:
I didn't make the deal; it was Ralph! I was hunting the upstairs of the TV room, trying to find a window to climb through at the time!
Sorry Mike...
Lady reports:
He came running to the aid of the fair damsel in distress, Senorita Amapola, and was ambushed and shot in the backpack from behind (we assume this is a kill- he wasn't sure), firstly by me, then by The Tramp. We watched Senorita Amapola escape to safety.
The Umpire reports:
A valid kill indeed.
Kettle Cripps reports:
Yeah, well. When I get a phone call from Ralph I expect the git to be telling the truth. Not so. I grab a few choice weapons and pound along in front of Caius when "Blam Blam Blam" rings out from above me. A rubberband strikes my backpack, and I am initially unsure (due to the angle of attack) as to whether I am dead. However, I give Jenny the benefit of the doubt and return to report the kill. Needless to say, Ralph will not be trusted again for a long time...
ranger reports:
Having set out to ambush Le Hutt, ranger became aware the targets were taking longer than expected, suspecting something was up ranger headed down river, he soon saw The Tramp running towards him and since rangers weapolns were out of reach (for easy cycling) he retreated easily outpacing the tramp once the Tarmaced path was reached. Fast retreat when at a tactical disadvantage is always advisable.
Lady reports:
The funny thing is that at this time Bjoern was with me in Girton......
People seem to see us around a lot.
Sub-optimal Manufacturer of Cunning Vengeance reports:
Armed with my trusty RBG, I raided Newhall. Inconveniently, neither Gonzo the Great nor his Glamorous Assistant seemed to be present, so I left.
An alcoholic reports:
Shot our friend in the back in full view of the umpire.
The Umpire reports:
And a mighty good shot in the back it was, I might say.
Sub-optimal Manufacturer of Cunning Vengeance reports:
Adam Sparkes was foolish enough to ask for my RPG. I complied with his request, then backstabbed him with a slightly mouldy carrot and retrieved the gun from his corpse.
A backstabber reports:
Knifed in the back, the umpire missed this one.
ranger reports:
Having earlier attemoted to ambush the punt (which would anyway have been unsucessful since the target was dead)and then been driven off by Bjoerns twin, ranger returned to try to refind the punt, a sweep down river found nothing however returning the punt was spotted as part of a raft of punts about to go beneath a bridge at sheeps green, Ranger went onto the bridge and shot first The Feared Pyrate Assassin, Le Hutt who had only just respawned, then Bayushi Paneki who was dead at the time. Mission Successful.
Disciple of Time reports:
'Twas a CURS punting session, with added assassins for flavour/to do all the work. and we had rafted and scared members of the canoe club. We were going for a bridge jump, (well, about 9 of us) after the two or three people got up and we were coming out fromunder the bridge I heard a pellet gun going off, hitting the corpse of Jo from games and puzzles, and killing The Feared Pyrate Assassin, LeHutt, at least temporarily removing the fear of those around us that they may be attacked by the most heavily armed punt on the Cam. A short time before, there had of course been the punt which heard us talking about shooting things "Oh yeah?" they say, pulling out a small water gun. Raising all three CPSs in our punt and assorted other weaponry cause them to try and run away. We felt like conserving ammo so left them to it.
ranger reports:
[see attempt on james bowe] shot at Bayushi as his punt emerged from beneath a bridge on sheeps green, un fortunately the shots merely smashed into his corpse.
Natural selection against people who show weapons in public reports:
Guy with a CPS in a punt, shot from the riverside with a rifle.
Natural selection against people who show weapons in public reports:
Another punt with a CPS and two XPs in there, we waited on a bridge and when they were directly beneath us, we opened fire with RBGs.
Natural selection against people who show weapons in public reports:
Another armed person in aforementioned punt.
The Tramp reports:
Jenny got at least one of the armed people as well.
pigeonAteHe reports:
Finding me (for the third time in only four journeys I made out of no-kill zones today) asleep at the wheel she pulled the old "walk up behind him and call his name". And the moral of the story: (a) No-one nice ever asks if your name is your name. (b) Talking to friends on a busy street in May week with Bjoern and Jenny alive is a bad idea.
A backstabber reports:
Rob was sat down by the BBQ stand, so I knifed him in the back. Apparently he had been warned by the umpire but mwahahahahhahahahahahaha I killed him. Hmmm, only two left, getting a bit too drunk for this now...
A backstabber reports:
He was in queue for BBQ, spotted me on the first approach (clearly had been warned by others), so went around other way and knifed him in the back. Silly Dancing Queen was also present, and I'm even more drunk. More reports to follow...
The Holy Grocer reports:
Hmmm. I could have sworn I was looking around just 5 seconds beforehand... Kifed in the back by a backstabbing kifer, how ignomineous for a minor deity.
Incidentally, I didn't see the event above this - curious...
Tricky Lettuce Avenger reports:
I was returning from an excellent first round of Lazerquest to retire to my abode and plan my ambush, when I heard the sound of a door opening above me. Stealthily, as akin to a fox, I peered up, and spotted nobody, sliding into the Wolfson building. Quickly, again as akin to a fox, I unholstered my weapon and killed her more than she'd ever been killed before. Unlike a fox, I refrained from eating her carcass.
(this kill no longer counts, since the victim was still dead at the time)
pigeonAteHe reports:
Since I was dead at the time I view this kill as extremely dubious..........
Gonzo the Great and his Glamorous Assistant reports:
Stuart Moore nicked Monkey Professor-for-a-head's gun at the not-boatie not-breakfast today. Seeing him bearing weapons was far too tempting, so he died.
A backstabber reports:
Ooops, silly drunken me chose "Failed Attempt" rather than "Successful Attempt". Ooops.
ranger reports:
Ranger headed to newnham, piglet's littler friend wasn't in however Ranger heard people approaching down the corridor, turning gun in hand he was confronted by two girls the nearer of which quickly said get back to the other and tried to block me, firing past her ranger hit piglet's littler friend
The Barber Who Shaves Exactly Those Who Do Not Shave Themselves reports:
While queueing for food at the King's "fun day" I was horrified to see some thugs brutally murdering innocent victims, firing their machine guns into the crowd. I had neglected to carry any heavy weaponry, but my trusty razor made short work of them.
Josh Rogan reports:
Strolling down Trumpington Street with a tasty burger in my hand, I chanced upon an obviously dazed McSporran. A swift stab to her heart and the victory was mine! Until...
Josh Rogan reports:
Strolling down Trumpington Street with a tasty burger in my hand, I happened upon an obviously dazed McSporran. With a deft flick of my wrist, the knife plunged into her heart and victory was mine!
The Barber Who Shaves Exactly Those Who Do Not Shave Themselves reports:
I then spotted quiet. Considering the quantity of dangerous weapons in the area I considered that I had to slit his throat in order to ensure my personal safety.
ranger reports:
Visited Divya, she was in and came to her door opening it slightly, at this point a freind came down to talk to her he talked through the gap between the door and the frame and ranger fired over him missing twice, the freind left and Divya closed the door while she got an umbrella, battle then recommenced and Divya was hit first in the legs and then killed.
The Tramp reports:
Matt and Nokes came running after us when we left laserquest, as we were currently in a zone, where it was questionable whether we could use our heavy weapons, we retreated through the Lion Yard and waited for them. It seems they didn't follow us.
Lady reports:
I guess he tried to kill me as well. We set an ambush but they didn't follow, the cowards.
Mister Bigotergraaaande reports:
We went around Lion Yard and in through the back entrances hoping to find you after you spotted us, but you'd fled by then.
Holzhauer's Bane reports:
Seeing as they left laserquest early, Nokes and I followed at speed. The spotted us afar though, and fled most speedily. We tried to cut them off, but to no avail - they retreated into the distance - to what craven hole to lurk I do not know - for a careful scouring of the area proved fruitless
Josh Rogan reports:
Just then, Lady Winstam came storming up with bloodlust in his (her?) eyes and lodged a rubber band in McSporran's torso. The conversation then proceeded like so:
Rogan: "She's already dead."
Winstam: "Oh."
McSporran: "Someone just killed me."
Winstam: "Who?"
Rogan: "Me."
BANG!
A backstabber reports:
I thought Ed was planning something with Simon, but he had just been to the bar. He then sat down, both of them keeping an eye on me in the infamous BBQ queue. When both of them were looking away I scampered around the back and knifed him.
ranger reports:
Ranger approached the room of Dave Manning, however there was no light on in Mr Mannings room so ranger decided to leave just as he did so someone was heard approaching up the stairs, the stairs end at the level so the person could only be going to one of a few rooms, furthermore this person resembled Dave Manning's photo from a certain webpage. Ranger waited until the individual was clearly visible and called out Dave, at this the person turned and looked at Ranger after a pause of a few seconds in which the person just stood there looking as though he expected ranger to say something more to him - as one might after having one's name called out. Ranger therefore shot him assuming he was Dave Manning. Unfortunately after saying nothing before being shot the victims dying words were "I'm not Dave". Opps, but why didn't he say so immediately?
Stealthy Ninja reports:
On leaving laser quest this evening, I decided to kill some people, first was Stuart, so I killed him.
Stealthy Ninja
Stealthy Ninja reports:
After killing Stuart, I went after Cripps, but he ran away, like the coward he is, so I killed Polly instead
Smokey Bacon reports:
I saw James Osborn coming out of Laserquest so I tried to kill him. Realizing he was a bit more psychopathic than I was I ran away again.
Eccles reports:
Went and knocked on Richard's door, chatted for a while, walked off,then he ran up with a CPS. Oh dear. I defended myself with my RBG, but I think we both ended up dead. Wahey.
Terribly Lazy Assassin reports:
My my, who would have thought it? An amazing, miraculous double kill... I really must find a more ingenious way of dealing with people who are brazen enough to come along and knock on my door.
The Umpire reports:
While I'm sorting this out, could people please remember rule 1.2.10, which invalidates double kills. Duel it out instead! :)
Terribly Lazy Assassin reports:
Our young miss Eccles came a-knocking on my door, hoping to find me dazed and disoriented. But alas, I was too sharp for her by half, and waited until she'd gone, at which time I chased after her and blasted her cruelly with my most fearful supersoaker of doom (tm). Simultaneously, she shot me with a RBG, but never mind that.
Smokey Bacon reports:
After running away from Osborn I saw Lohse so ran towards him with my water weapon. However, he proceeded to draw a gun from his back so I ran away from him too.
To the tune of the return of the red baron...
pseduo-real prepared for a water fight... Bacon was nervous, pseudo-real was cool... he fired a shot, missed, started to run, before pseudo-real had a chance to raise her gun....
Hey watch out Smokey Bacon, Jenny Chase the pseduo-real in the fifth dimension in the sky with diamonds during the dawning of the age of Aquarius who lets the sun shine in via numerous bullet holes in targets is on your trail.... one of these days she's going to make you pay and you'll go straight to....
Well watch out Smokey Bacon, Jenny Chase the pseduo-real in the fifth dimension in the sky with diamonds during the dawning of the age of Aquarius who lets the sun shine in via numerous bullet holes in targets is on your trail one of these days she's going to make you pay and you'll go straight to....
Well watch out Smokey Bacon, Jenny Chase the pseduo-real in the fifth dimension in the sky with diamonds during the dawning of the age of Aquarius who lets the sun shine in via numerous bullet holes in targets is on your trail one of these days she's going to make you pay and you'll go straight to....
In order to sing this correctly, try to say "Jenny Chase the pseduo-real in the fifth dimension in the sky with diamonds during the dawning of the age of Aquarius who lets the sun shine in via numerous bullet holes in targets" in the time it would normally take to say "Snoopy"
Stealthy Ninja reports:
Leaving laserquest, for second time, I decided no kill agreeement was very girly, so I killed Noakes.
The Umpire reports:
What do you mean, 'girly'?!
Dutch Psycopath Edith de Huut reports:
May I hearby nominate James Osbourne for the Brutus Award. Basically after Laser Quest we agreed a no kill so we could go to the pub. Osbourne hung back and RPGed Ed Nokes and tried Jon Hogg. Hogg swung around with a CPS and got Osbourne with a nice big spray, unfortunetally he also got the person standing next to Osbourne. Me.
For this may I also nominate Hogg for the Trigger Happy Award for Accidental Assassination.
After this we Proceeded to G&P where Jo stabbed Hogg for being too trigger happy. May I also nominate Jo for the Brutus Award.
Finally may I nominate myself for the "Fucking Unlucky award for being killed repeatedly while under a no-kill agreement" (Outside Laser Quest and on the Punt with Hogg and the CURS bunch this afternoon)
Stealthy Ninja reports:
After killing Noakes, I went after Hogg, but I missed, so he CPSed me. I have now finally dries out after the Hogg/Noakes reprisals. I am now also alive, as Hogg got me just after I missed him.
Ninja (Not that Stealthy)
Disciple of Time reports:
After the infidel managed to miss me, and upon hearing pellet guns going off behind me, my first reaction was to lay a burst of surpressing auotmatic fire into those behind me, resulting in the deaths of Disciple of Time and also Edith who happened to get in the way.
Despite the fact that Osbourne suffered a near drowning for doing this, there is a bounty on his head. A packet of bourbons(or substitute whatever) for anyone who drenches Osbourne with a CPS. Contact <mailto:jdh41@cam.ac.uk>jdh41@cam.ac.uk</mailto> to claim your reward (preferrably with pictures!)
Disciple of Time reports:
Unfortuantely killed in the cross fire when James tried to backstab us all badly
Dutch Psycopath Edith de Huut reports:
Hogg and Osbourne ought to go wanted for the death of a semi-innocent bystander. Grrr......
At least we soaked Osbourne later, that was fun.
Disciple of Time reports:
Being honourable, I agreed to continue upholding the no kill agreement we had to not kill each other when we went down the pub after laserquest.
I had felt a tingling of my senses like I had made a mistake somewhere, like something bad was going to happen, or had perhaps happened in an alternate reality but with the same souls - or maybe absolutley nothing had happened at all?
So as we approached Bayushi Paneki's shop and while checking irrationally for snipers he stabbed me in the back. I knew I should have shot him as soon as possible
Dutch Psycopath Edith de Huut reports:
Jolyon Winstam really should have shot Bayushi Paneki when he had the chance...
A backstabber reports:
Robert was being annoying and following me around just before he came alive. I ran away and took up a sniping position on top of the bar, but he found it with about 2 minutes to go. Grrrrr.
We decided to call a duel, with Ed umpiring. Start from opposite corners of the roof-garden, just one RPG each, and see what happens.
We each took two or three shots and missed, then one of mine hit Rob in the stomach. Then there was blood.
What can I say, one innocent Trinity Mathmo having shot another with my CPS [which I had kindly lent when asked] and then seeing the mathmo's brother shot for wielding a different large CPS, I was then forced to shoot the other mathmo in the back with my RBG when she picked up the CPS after roughing up her little brother. So in the end, the visit to Trinity produced 2 legal non-player kills, 1 of which I can take credit for, several soaked Trinity Mathmos Matthew Lohse and a very wet stairwell. Interestingly, I was still dry and alive despite all of this.
Senorita Amapola reports:
Saw J Doe and Claire Bordenave walking along the street. Claire was carrying a bag with foam swords in, so I drew my gun. She dropped the bag, so I thought it wise to spare her life, and that of her accomplice.
The Dual-Weilding Barbarian reports:
Having trained in the masteries of Sword and Axe, I had an idea (a very unusual experience). I should kill Scött Böhäm. He had killed me earlier, and revenge is a concept I had just about managed to grasp.
Knowing my target would be quaffing in the local hostelry, I ran at Increased Speed (possible only due to my massively Increased Stamina, a by-product of my high Vitality) towards him. He (poor fool) was lying in a drunken stupor - the first stroke was with the axe, and severed his head. The sword came round a fraction of a second later. He was already dead, but it's silly to waste a good swing.
The Umpire reports:
Congratulations Chris, that's 20 shiny bounty points for you. High time someone got that drunk anyway. :)
The Umpire reports:
Hmm, how embarrassing. I meant drunkard, of course. Had a bit of Pimm's myself you see.
A backstabber reports:
After pressing Ctrl-V so many times to enter my password today, it finally comes to an end. Somehow, the sweat had erased the permanent marker on my hand that said the time I had to kill CH next. Unfortunately he came at me with an axe while I was lying in a heap (photo to come I beliebe), mwahahahahahahahahah I'm dead.
Now, back to the bar to dance the night away :)
More alcohol .... mmmmmmm
Tony Shoulderhead reports:
Whilst strolling home filled up and dozy, Got killed by the lovely Ms Rosie... Why'd she take my life? She's my college wife! Ho hum, to heaven I'll mosey
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