Tired and Annoyed Muppet reports:
Okay, I was trying to sleep. I had been drinking, again, quite a lot, so it would have been nice to sleep it off.
Unfortunately, at about 4.00, I was rudely awakened by a group of rugby types. And they kept on screaming and shouting and hollering and keeping me awake. I then got out of bed, and walked over to the CPS lying on the floor. It was empty, and I couldn't be bothered to fill it, so I let them be.
I'll get my revenge some day.
P.S. I think some rugby players should always be legal targets...
Daring Dave reports:
Since Bjoern Holzhauer and Ed Nokes didn't turn up at the Senate House, I stabbed Fozian after the Part II results were read out instead.
The Lark in the morning reports:
Sorry, but I don't do mornings, unless Bourbon Creams are involved.
Dishonourable Dave reports:
After The Non-gentleman Spy had so dishonourably disposed of Matthew Bennett, I felt it was time to end our non-agression pact.
The Non-gentleman Spy reports:
It was Dave's idea to shoot him. Then Dave stabbed me after he said we'd still obey the mafia pact, which _my_ victim never signed.
BOURBON REWARD ON DAMNABLE DAVE!
Exceptionally Conspicuous reports:
Ah yes - just a reminder, I think those belong to me. I'm here until Monday, and my pigeonhole is quite sizeable.
Desperate Dave reports:
Lord Horatio Pigsbottom appeared at the Senate House, to find almost everyone else dead. I suggested that perhaps he might like to kill me before I killed him, and was chased by his water pistol. It was, however, no match for my RBG.
PS The Trinity mafia is now offering a reward for my execution.
Nye Sweilitlasstid reports:
I'm sure there was an assassin in WH Smith just before 10am this morning. If it was you (with two mates),I'd love to know who you are... you got me killed by a (very well disguised) Ric. Ah well, what goes around comes around...
Ugly Duckling reports:
I got to zapf the coverboy's staircase at about 10:20 and noticed the sticker on the door saying that electrical appliances would be tested from 11am onwards. I thought I may as well stick around for this, but then he walked out. I wasn't sure if it was him, but he was looking very paranoid, so I followed him for a bit then shot him on the back.
The Enormous Tentacle reports:
There I was, in G&P, listening to Jo and Co. moan about their lack of Enourmous Tentacles, when a certain lovely lady walked past, and waved at us through the window. So Jo popped out to chat to her, whilst I conducted a short debate with my conscience. It won.
I stepped out of the shop and shot him. Or tried to. Eventually, I suceeded.
Precision, and a jamming gun: the hallmarks of a quality assassination.
Remorse reports:
That was somewhat futile. I spotted Jolyon coming down Emmanuel Street, and shot at him. The wind took my bullets leftwards into his female companion. He then told me he was dead anyway. Bugger.
Dry Dave reports:
Attacking the unarmed Brutal Bruce who again claimed to have left all his weapons in Bristol, he used a bin liner as a shield. It's possible that he may have been killed, as it wasn't actually labelled as a shield.
Not so Dangerous Dave reports:
Not so Dangerous Dave originally killed me with a grenade, but I pointed out that I was standing next to him, so he would have killed himself as well. Since suicides don't count, he got out an RBG instead.
Not so Dangerous Dave reports:
Woops! I meant Exceptionally Conspicuous threw a grenade at me!
The Tramp reports:
Scott had already killed Ankur in the morning and seemed likely to go after Ric, so Jenny and I prepared to stake out Ric's court, but he walked in, while we were still setting up. He noticed us and refused to come out, even when offered a duel (coward), even though it would have offered him a chance to win the game (assuming he had any chance of winning the duel). Then Abi turned up and he let her die, because he didn't dare to come out (eventually he did escape by climbing out of a first-floor window at the back of the court).
Gonzo the Great and his Glamorous Assistant reports:
Frankly I don't blame Ric for not coming out, the odds were not much in his favour. I didn't even fancy *my* chances of getting through to M staircase, since I thought Mr Holzhauer was nearer than he actually was. Reasoning that I would die whatever (not strictly correct, but I thought it was) I decided to go out in a suicide charge, rather than lurk until noticed and executed.
It went as well as could be expected. In that I died.
Exceptionally Conspicuous reports:
Five minutes before The Non-gentleman Spy's ressurection, the Dancing Queen and myself nonchalantly gathered up water weaponry. The Non-gentleman Spy scarpered.
Standardized Multiple Confusion Vortex reports:
Or it might have been 12:55, I forget. Anyway, The Dancing Queen didn't get another kill for a while either side, so it doesn't matter for scoring purposes.
Desperate Dave reports:
That should be a bit before 1255.
A falling leaf reports:
Oh! What a delight, on a summer's morn, to be lurking in ambush just outside the no-kill zone for the assassins' garden party.
Somewhat less of a delight to encounter only two *live* players, and watch *seven* non-playing assassins go by.
A brief moment of joy when one take the first live unaware just when he thinks himself safe.
As for the second: I let Tom Forster go free, in the end.
Middle Muppet with Blades reports:
Big water fight with non-players. A lot of them were unarmed at times, hence illegal kills... Silly me.
Middle Muppet with Blades reports:
I'm sure some of the armed ones also killed me at times, seeing as how I was rather wet afterwards, but the system wouldn't let me add that, so I didn't.
Middle Muppet with Blades reports:
Some of the armed ones were actually armed by me. Nice.
Josh Rogan reports:
I entered Corpus garden party and, as I had been expecting, espied a group of assassins. Therefore I was forced to neutralise all other assassins for my own safety. As it happened, only Ric was alive.
He came after me but I used my superior knowledge of the environment to outwit him. After some sneaking around, I hid behind a buttress. Ric walked round the corner and I shot him with my trusty XP270. My mission was complete.
Gonzo the Great and his Glamorous Assistant reports:
The git killed my beloved then scarpered before I could resurrect and take my revenge.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrr
The Non-gentleman Spy reports:
We arranged a duel. He wasn't there. He forfeits, right?
Desperate Dave reports:
I completely forgot about that. Woo!
Exceptionally Conspicuous reports:
While leaving Newnham (rapidly), I spotted Ed walking towards me along the Silver Street Bridge. He turned and ran. I gave chase, enquiring as I went as to the status of his companion ("Dead"). I lost him somewhere along DAMPT.
Desperate Dave reports:
You mean DAMTP!
Exceptionally Conspicuous reports:
Possibly, but how do you pronounce DAMTP? Dam-tuh-puh. It just sounds silly. Damped is much better. Besides, why not have the Department of Applied Mathematics and Physics (Theoretical)?
Josh Rogan reports:
In fact, you lost me before that. As I reached The Anchor I activated my cloaking device, something I knocked up in a spare moment, and you ran right past me. The wonders of technology.
The Tramp reports:
Jenny, Ed and I had left the party together and were walking past Selwyin, when suddenly James Bowe came cycling towards us. We turned to face him, he threw a water bomb at me, I dodged, Ed and I shot him with our supersoakers.
The Tramp reports:
Peter seemed to be following us after the party, so we pretended to go into Burell's Field, but set up an ambush instead. Peter didn't walk into it, but Neill cycled into our trap.
A Suicidal Nutter reports:
We were expecting a big post-party ambush, so I decided to head back with Bjoern and Jenny, on the off-chance of some "accidental" friendly fire being possible. We weren't paranoid, or anything, but we did suspect that the two Trinhallians apparently meeting "by accident" part way along our non-standard route home were bait for a larger ambush. Thus, we didn't go chasing after them, but hid in Burrell's field, to make an ambush of our own. I cunningly crept along to the next block of houses, wherefrom to launch a dramatic dash across the street under the wheels of I's bike, CPS a-spraying.
I think I gave the poor bloke quite a turn, but I was being careful, honest.
A sniper in the best tradition of the Vicious Chicken of Bristol reports:
The first thing I spotted was the red word "ASSASSIN" on a black t-shirt, I fired, but my rifle jammed on the second shot. When he looked up and ran away, I found out it had been Matt.
Holzhauer's Bane's Bane reports:
Whilst doing a Lamont and sneaking into the local offie for some hard liqour, I happened to catch a glimpse of a certain person lurking around the Lifegiving Van. I let him see me, and then continued with my errand, for a man must have priorities, must he not?
Once successfully becustomised, I carefully departed the House of Thresher and circled the around the square to examine the afore-mentioned assassin. Lo! he was standing there unarmed, and eating a burger! He begged me not to shoot him, and, beseechingly casting puppy-dog eyes at me, narrated the tale of his harrowing escape from the KGB snipers covering Senate House passage.
But I shot him anyway, for the sake of the kiddies.
Cyril Fox reports:
After having introduced Dr. Miracle to the guild, and having let him kill one of the Tit Hall Mafia, I was speechless with shock when he pulled out a knife at me at a garden party at Magdalene today. I ran weaponless in circles around the party, away from Dr. Miracle. The situation seemed hopeless, but then a friend passed me a mobile with the words 'knife' typed in. I turned round to face the traitor with my weapon, but then his knife snapped in his hands as he attacked. Diving to the floor, I grabbed the blade and killed him with his own dagger. Backstabber... He got what he deserved.
Lady reports:
I was hiding in a toilet overlooking Trinity Street, with abook and a couple of guns, when Eccles walked past. I wasn't 100% sure it was her from that angle, so I called her name and shot at her. After a brief running/ shouting spell, I hit her arm, and was forced to inform her that I was indeed in a water weapons room. She got out a supersoaker and wielded it admirably one-handed, forcing me to take cover, put up my shield, close the window and go to another toilet. The book, which belonged to Ed Nokes, took most of the fire and my change of toilet meant he couldn't find me later to, er, give me cookies. In the light of these facts I would like to thank Eccles for her brave fight.
rower reports:
Tonight was fun, lots of fun, best few hours of the game for me...
It all started when at about 8:15pm Abi checked her email in Ric's room. Knowing that Ric was respawning at 8:40pm I decided to go and wait outside Cripp's Court. However, I was about to go onto Sidgwick Avenue when I spotted Ed Nokes and J Doe stood on the pavement together talking. I quickly turned around and went through Harvey Court to try and surprise Nokes. Within the minute or so it took, Ed A was now at the traffic lights with Clare, and Ed N was running towards them. I jumped down from the tree and carefully walked out but couldn't spot Ed N anywhere. After a few seconds I decided a swift jog up to Selwyn was called for.
Just as I was arriving at Cripp's Court to choose a suitable hiding place, Ric and Abi walked out and spotted me. They then ran back in. I waited a few minutes, then, not being sure if there were any other exits, walked back onto the main road, only for us to see each other again as they were emerging from a side exit. I tryed to chase them but they were too close to the door and too far from me.
So, again, I hid and waited. This time they came out without seeing me and I followed them into the main part of Selwyn. I waited for a few minutes, but they didn't come out. I asked someone if there were any other exits, and she said they'd all be locked so I waited some more. Eventually they made an appearence about 50 metres further along. I tried to get close but we called a no-kill truce for a while. Being an Emmanuelite, I had to go with them to the bar for a quick pint.
We were then interupted by a phone call informing us of James Osborn being in Sainsbury's. We downed our pints (well I did) and got ran out quickly towards Sainsbury's...
Gonzo the Great and his Glamorous Assistant reports:
It was an entertaining day for the occupants of Selwyn Cripps: not only did they get to point and laugh at the two "nutters" with supersoakers and brollies at lunchtime, but, when they next saw Ric to ask him what was going on beforehand, he was dodging Scott.
I'd checked my email to get my password for the website and was pretty sure that someone (Scott being a likely candidate, since he had admitted doing so earlier in the week)would be keeping an eye on my email habits.
On leaving Selwyn, Ric spotted Scott and we retreated to formulate a plan. After a couple of failed attempts to leave and coming up with a sketchy plan for a cycle-by, we managed to get as far as Selwyn main building, hoping to leave via a less obvious route. Sadly they were all locked. Apart from one, that is, which led us directly behind his hiding place as he waited by the main exit for us. We were preparing to rush at him when he spotted us. We decided that a no kill agreement and a drink would end the stalemate for the time being and so went to the bar.
Ric and Scott were discussing the merits of a duel, when I recieved a phone call from a certain Baby Seal, telling me that James Osbourn was buying alcohol in Sainsbury's. United by our common enemy, we headed towards Sainsbury's as fast as our little legs could carry us.
A sniper in the best tradition of the Vicious Chicken of Bristol reports:
Saw him a bit too late to get him, but I told Jenny and Ed that I had seen him and that he appeared to be pretty much unarmed (and hence was likely to return soon).
Ready Salted reports:
I looked at the little flashing letters.
Game Over they said. I let go of the game controls and stepped away from the machine.
My eyes flickered to the top left hand corner where my score was displayed - 125. I was disappointed, I was upset. The page flickered and changed - displaying the list of High Scores. Sure enough, the enigmatic "BH" was still top with an amazing score well over 600 - more than four times my own.
I reached in my pocket for another pound coin so I could play again, but found only lint and a dried liquorice allsort - and not even one of the little blue ones.
My game was complete, my game was finished. All around me sat dark machines - the only one still one was mine. "Assassin" read the lurid titling above me.
Game Over
Continue? 0 Credits
and then the power went off.
The Tramp reports:
He had walked past my position earlier, but was out of range when I spotted him, but he seemed relatively unarmed, so I concluded he might be back soon. I told Jenny and soon enough he walked past her hiding place.
Lady reports:
Hiding in toilets, hiding in toilets..... Bjoern and I were worth far too many points to come out and risk ourselves, the scoring system having penalised our earlier activity so severely that we now couldn't afford to die and destroy Bjoern's lead. Mike came walking down the road beneath my sniper position with a shopping bag in each hand, and I shot him with an RBG.
Killed by a sniper in a toilet. Possibly ignominious. Poor Mike.
Ugly Duckling reports:
So, Ric and I were running towards Sainsbury's to try and find James Osborn. We bumped into him in Market Square which was somewhat surprising. He dropped his shopping and started to take random shots at us. He missed me a couple of times, but hit Ric.
The Non-gentleman Spy reports:
[Time approximate]
A sniper in the best tradition of the Vicious Chicken of Bristol reports:
James came running past towards King's Parade, but he was out of range. I shouted his name loudly to get him to come looking in my direction, but he continued towards King's. Then he got into a wild firefight with a lot of people.
Ugly Duckling reports:
...James, having just killed Ric, then started to chase me down past WH Smith. I can run fast so he gave up after a short while. We then both turned and I was chasing him back towards the church. Having all my concentration of chasing James, I didn't notice Weaver Of Towl'ettes come from the side and shoot me in the head. Grrrr.
Stealthy Ninja reports:
Well, I wasn't really struggling to keep up with him, but I was only carrying a single pellet gun, and the last shot jammed, so I let him run off.
Ninja
The Tramp reports:
They were fighting on King's Parade, I heard shouts of:"Get him!" and then Matthew Bennett appeared from a side street, shot Scott and disappeared again (I think), only to reappear a bit later to kill James, disappear again, appear again and be killed by Ed.
Standardized Multiple Confusion Vortex reports:
And so the game ended for me much as it began, with about a hundred points, fairly substantial paranoia, and a cheap RBG kill on a target who didn't seem to care.
A sniper in the best tradition of the Vicious Chicken of Bristol reports:
Then I saw Matthew Bennett detaching himself from a group taking on King's Parade and walking towards my position. When he was close enough, I opened fire and he took cover, explaining that he had already died.
Stealthy Ninja reports:
Twas duelling with Noakes, managed to hit him in the leg, but in the confusion, I was suprised by a RBG weilding maniac, who managed to kill me when I was not looking. Oh well, at least I ended up on positive points.
Ninja
Stealthy Ninja reports:
After my death, I did verily go punting to Grantchester, and I managed to throw myself into the Cam. Lucky me.
Ninj
The Tramp reports:
I saw a lot of assassins rushing towards each other, they were fighting, James seemed to be doing well and was standing in the middle of the street, when suddenly someone with a band-gun jumper out of a side-street and ran up behind him. Unsurprisingly he successfully shot James.
The Tramp reports:
I couldn't see it clearly, but a shady dark character (Nokes, I assume) seemed to use a t-shirt wearing character (Scott, I assume) in a fight against a long-haired guy (Mr Bennet, I assume). I heard guns clicking, but couldn't see who died, because they were quite far away outside King's.
A sniper in the best tradition of the Vicious Chicken of Bristol reports:
I would have had a perfect shot at her, if a certain dead player (Ric Brackenbury obviously) hadn't been shamelessly (and very much in contrast to the spirit of the rules) lying about he being dead. So I didn't shoot at her.
Ugly Duckling reports:
After being killed I ran onto King's Parade to watch the action continue. I just missed Matt killing James and Ed Nokes killing Matt, but I did arrive to see Ed Nokes standing by the wall outside King's. I approached unnoticed, even with Bjoern screaming "Ed!!" from a 1st floor window in Caius. Ed then hatched an evil plan. We would pretend he was dead, and then he would go and kill Bjoern.
It all went ok, but Bjoern was asking difficult questions, and we gave some rather dubious answers (are you allowed to lie about the health of other players... :) and some careful wording (like "he was hit by..." rather than "he was killed by...") ensured Bjoern believed us and then Ed went inside to kill him.
The Tramp reports:
Saw all the fighting on King's parade, but couldn't tell who was alive and who was dead. Then Matthew Bennett walked past the window in which I was waiting. I shot at him, but he said that he had been killed by Nokes.
Then Ed Nokes, Scott, Ric and Abi came towards my window. I asked what had happened. Scott and Ric said that all four of them were dead, Abi didn't say anything and Ed Nokes said that he had been shot.
This was odd, because the way they described it, Matthew Bennet couldn't have been killed by Nokes, because Nokes would have been dead. However Ric kept assuring me that they were all dead. Before I could wonder about this anymore, I heard Nokes running up the stairs very quickly.
He knocked at the door, telling me to open. Seeing as I had been informed that he was dead by Ric and Scott / had been informed he had been shot by himself / had a no-kill agreement with him, I opened the door.
Mistake.
Lady reports:
Bastard bastard bastard
I feel at some point there should be some explanation of exactly what Mr Nokes has been up to all week, 'cos it hasn't been pretty. Bjoern, who spent much of Michelmas clearing a target path for Ed through incompetents to relevant players, has been under attack all week from the enemy within.
At the Caius May Ball Nokes arranged to meet up with Scott, and help him set up an ambush for Bjoern to destroy his lead. Nokes then persuaded all the Caians to leave in good time so that the Emmanuelites wouldn't get bored waiting, despite opposition from persons who preferred to join the queue later. Bjoern survived (though Scott got me through some good timing) and also survived the Queue of Death. What a disappointment for Nokes. However, the evil Ed then set about trying to persuade Simon Sprague to take a gun and get us, and helping James Osborn by leading us past his ambush spot.
Despite this, we remained relatively unsuspecting, with no idea that he was implicated in events.
Finally, having failed to shorten Bjoern's lead by fair means and foul, Nokes betrayed him directly. Bastard bastard bastard. The new scoring system, cloaked in mystery (probably, to be fair, accidently) by Ed came to his aid, poor Bjoern being worth almost as many points as he had.
Bastard bastard backstabber.
The Non-gentleman Spy reports:
[Time approximate]
Eccles reports:
Two members of the non-existent Trinity mafia came to my door and asked me if I wanted to go and assassinate David Chow. I said yes, and went to get my weapons... whereupon, Jack Vickeridge said, "You know, the more often I do this backstabbing business, the more difficult it gets." And then he shot me in the arm with a CPS.
I quickly shut the door, and went to my bathroom to fill up my Tsunami Storm Force 5... a tactic that worked well, judging by the muttered, "Oh shit, she's filling her CPS," and then retreating footsteps.
Well, both arms disabled in one day (thank you, Jenny, for taking out my arm on King's Parade earlier), but not dead.
One woman and her CPS reports:
I just heard about his backstab of The Tramp. The bastard! And he tried to find me with cookies earlier!
I came rushing down from the toilet I was hiding in (from which I'd shot Ready Salted earlier, poor man) with my CPS 1200 in one hand and a shield in the other. I then storm towards Nokes' staircase, which is full water. He's bound to come back and report.
I see the corpses of Ed Nokes, my poor beloved Bjoern, Ric and Scott. Peter McIntyre has just left at some speed. He shot Ed first! Vengeance snatched from my grasp. We adjourn to Ed's room and wait until he reports to find out if going out again could improve my position. We conclude that it won't.
The corpses are enthusiastically in favour of drinking Nokes' champagne on King's Parade, so I accompany them. With a CPS and a very large shield. It is a very civilised end to the Game, disparate people thrown together in death.
At midnight Bjoern and I used up the water in the CPS. I'm sure you can guess our target.
pigeonAteHe reports:
My friends decided that tonight, of all nights, would be a good night to visit Caius bar. Desperately I sought out what friends I had among assassins but they were all unwilling. With a last breath I left for Caius.
I made it to Caius, trying to ignore their ribbing. I made it to the bar. I ordered a whisky and sat down to await my death.
The bar closed. Our drinks were finished. Once more we ventured out.
We made it as far as centre court, then Bjoern (of all people!) walked out of one staircase, glanced at us (mad panic!) and went up another one. I am like a cat on hot bricks.
Get to plodge. Visions of succesful escape fill my mind. Then Ed Nokes + Scott + Ric + others I was too phased to remember stepped through.
I don't know who was more shocked, though I do know I killed Nokes and mutilated everyone else. Then a paniced meander (friends still not taking me seriously) back to BBC - and safety.
I hope.
Ugly Duckling reports:
...we then all (me, Ric, Ed) decided to go into Caius to congratulate Bjoern on not winning and to find Jenny. Peter McIntyre was just coming through the plodge at the same time as us, we were conveniently single-filed through the doorway so Peter McIntyre could pick us all off one at a time. I bet Peter McIntyre wasn't expecting that either!
Of course, if Ric and I had still been alive you would have been dead :)
I think that was the end of an exciting evening, thanks to Ed for all the software, helping me set up the ambush on Bjoern and Jenny, providing mint flavour hot chocolate, and to Bjoern for showing us his somewhat excessive room defences!!!
Thoroughly enjoyable week!
The Tramp reports:
At least some justice is done... I just about saw Peter running out of the court. It would of course have been even more amusing this had stopped Ed's lying and backstabbing schemes from succeeding, but as we worked out together all live top-five players (Jenny and Peter) would have had to kill nearly every other player in the game to win, which seemed a bit infeasible with just 105 minutes to go.
Neddy Seagoon reports:
The Origami League of Imcompetance Suicide Squad left Churchill College this evening at approximatly 11:30, it's numbers were small but interger. After completly changing it's plans to test the Emma defences it arrived on foot at New Hall at 11:45 only to be defeated by locked doors on the P'lodge.
A brief argument ensued about the mafia living up to its name.
The suicide squad lived up to its, eliminating the only assassin in reach.
Afterwards I went for Beer.
The Non-gentleman Spy reports:
Sword duel.
Drenched Dave reports:
The plasters on the hands of Lord Horatio Pigsbottom suggests that they may have gone a bit over the top with the duel.
That's all folks - the game is finished. The winner: Ed Nokes (somewhat surprisingly).
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Produced at Wed Aug 21 18:05:10 2002