The Tramp reports:
Moonlit execution at the stroke of midnight with Casby kneeling next to the river. He tried to draw a gun in the last moment, but wasn't fast enough.
Senorita Amapola reports:
I could hear the screaming from my room on the other side of Caius... but as it went quiet I assumed Ed had finally won. Squashed pieces of the bug can be seen around Tree Court, although I suspect they will reform to infect someone else's computer very soon.
*giggle*
Pufferfish
Matt Garrett reports:
Mama, take these dual RBG's from me I can't use them if the target doesn't open the door It's getting late, time to go to bumps... Feels like I'm swimming in the Cam...
Knock, knock, knocking on Morag McSporran's door...
Lady Jennifer M. Winstam reports:
The Chases of Suspicion Part 3a
When the Temporally Challenged Jenny Chase awoke, she found herself in a small room with light streaming through the window. The Time-Travelling Jenny Chase was nowhere to be seen. A young man entered the room.
"I see you have woken. My name is Tim. I saw you in the street and I brought you in."
Jenny wasn't sure that she could trust this man, she wondered if he had evil intentions. She noticed a knife on the table beside the bed she was in, and clutched it just in case her suspicions were justified. Tim continued:
"The streets of Cambridge are far too dangerous a place for an attractive girl like yourself to be sleeping," he said suggestively.
This was too much; If there was one thing worse than being taken to the room of someone Jenny didn't trust, it was being taken to the room of someone she didn't trust coming on to her. So she stabbed him.
As he fell to the floor, his final words were:
"But I know nothing, I'm innoceeeeeennnnnt...."
The Temporally Challenged Jenny Chase washed the knife in the sink, and pocketed it. She then changed into some of Tim's favourite clothes, and set off into town to find her other incarnation, pausing only to reflect that she now had somewhere to stay, as long as no-one found the body.
The Umpire reports:
What, our fluffy mild-mannered Jenny killing innocents? Inconceivable!
Senorita Amapola reports:
Still, I can watch the England match in peace now...
Kettle Cripps reports:
Senorita Amapola had advertised the fact she was going for a shower on IRC (#assassins on kern.srcf.ucam.org) so I quickly grabbed an RPG, an RBG and a guy with an XP and went to stake out her room. After a few minutes waiting we heard the Senorita filling up her water weapon and then walking along the corridor towards us.
She failed, however, to peer around the corner and so was rewarded with a couple of rubber-bands in her back. Mwahahaha. My first kill. Soon the rest of Cauis will meet my RBG gun.
The Temporally Challenged Jenny Chase reports:
The Chases of Suspicion Part 3b.
The Temporally Challenged Jenny Chase briefly rejoiced about being the correct pseudonym on the game stats for a change, then set to work. She had to find Jenny Chase in the Fourth Dimension, and fast. The girl was frightened enough already, and The Temporally Challenged Jenny Chase hoped that she had not gotten herself into more danger.
As she walked along a street with many, many tourists, she saw a man waving at her, sitting on the wall. Jenny cautiously walked up to the man, and asked him why he was waving at her.
"I believe that you are lost in this place, without knowledge or purpose," the man said cryptically. Jenny looked at him, and wondered whether this man was any more trustworthy than the last one. He continued.
"I am the TimeKeeper, Jenny, I know that you are not here naturally, against your will even. This is the summer, you have been transported a mere few months. But even that causes a tear in the order of time. And when small tears conjoin, the consequences can be unthinkable."
The Temporally Challenged Jenny Chase stared at him confusedly, and wondered if she had wandered into a world of madmen. She chose to change the topic:
"If you know that I'm Jenny, you'll know where my younger self is. Tell me!" she urged him. But the reply came back in the same calm voice.
"I know not where she is. These rips in time are causing creases in natural cycles. Death is no longer final, you are testament to that. As your resurrection is caused by Partially Amplified Infra-red Vector Irregularities, there is no guarantee that you would resurrect together. She will be around, somewhere. If she hasn't got into any more trouble of course."
This last remark upset Jenny, and she turned on the TimeKeeper:
"Listen, you! I don't care about your pretty rips and creases. WHERE IS SHE?"
The TimeKeeper replied as before,
"I know not where she is. These rips in time are causing creases in naturaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhh......" The TimeKeeper found a knife in his chest, as an enraged The Temporally Challenged Jenny Chase grabbed him one last time.
"TELL ME" she bellowed.
The TimeKeeper slunk to the floor, whispering:
"I'm not the one you must defeat. Seek he who is. You must trust meeee...."
Jenny had mixed feelings. She was deeply unsure whether to trust this man, and she didn't understand what he was saying. She wondered whose side he was really on. She continued her search for The Time-Travelling Jenny Chase, and her search for answers.
****
Ed checked his e/mail, and saw that there was a new meesage from his German friend, with a subject line of "Top Secret."
He read it carefully, and discovered that the artefact had been successfully locked away and hidden. The message ended with a warning to be vigilant, and that an attack to reclaim it was likely to be imminent.
Ed grabbed his trusty gun, and surveyed the area around him. All clear. He wpndered just how long they would have to wait....
Jednny Chase in the Fourth Dimension reports:
I was getting on with a bit of needlework when I heard a knock at my door.
"who is it?"
"It's Stuart"
"are you here to kill me by any chance?"
".........."
We shot at each other through my door a couple of times, until we reached a stand off, to solve it we took our trusty animal companions as weapons and advanced along the long corridor of New Hall. Mark the Man eating Tiger's superior sense of smell told me when he was approaching (that and the door creaked) so Mark and I launched ourselves at him, his Killer bunny was no match for us.
The Dark Night Of The Soul reports:
I strongly suspect that Abi's magnificent kill was in fact carried out under the pseudonym "Gonzo the Great and his Glamorous Assistant."
In other words, I'm not writing any more reports than I have to!
Ric.
Edith the Hutt reports:
Shot Sally at a Garden Party after a 10 minute firefight
Spongiform Monolith Construction Vehicle reports:
SMcV shot Chopper with a RBG, leaving him in no state to do any chopping.
The victim didn't seem particularly bothered and hardly looked up from his book. I'll have to pick someone more interesting next time.
The real, current Jenny Chase reports:
Nice garden party, shame Sally was dead. But James was alive, and put up a fight against Bjoern and I. Mwahahahaha.
The real, current Jenny Chase reports:
It seems my life is simple at the moment. Long may it remain so.
The Tramp reports:
We had just cornered and killed James, when Paul Evans turned up. When we asked whether he was Paul Evans, while holding guns, he replied: "Yes. I'm alive and unarmed." Why can't everyone be that cooperative?
The Tramp reports:
In the meantime on an IRC channel not too far away some people were eventually figuring out that they weren't actually talking ot me. Some of the highlights from the logfile:
*** mjj|q3 is now known as mjj29 <mjj29> hi <Bonsai> how are you, mjj29 <mjj29> good <mjj29> if somewhat corpse-like <Pufferfis> who got you? <Bonsai> That was Matt Garrett, who else?
<mjj29> what are you lot doing tonight? and has nokes got the umpire in a fit state to not have to work on it constantly? <Bonsai> snokesball is probably hiding in his room, that coward
<Sys64738> Do we get reports at some point? <Sys64738> Bjoernandjenny streaking ahead... <Bonsai> no idea, haven't seen her for a while. <Sys64738> have you really only killed 7? <Bonsai> if i had, would i tell you???
<Sys64738> Bjoern, has Jenny caused you to go blind? <Bonsai> no idea, haven't seen her for a while.
<Sys64738> Bjoern, have you really only killed 7 and do you have a willy? <Bonsai> you shall see...
<Sys64738> Bjoern, what do you look like in a dressing gown? <Bonsai> you shall see... *** Sys64738 changes topic to '<Sys64738> Bjoern, what do you look like in a dressing gown? <Bonsai> you shall see...'
<Edith> AutoUmpire is being silly to me <HCN> it's been fine for me <Sys64738> Email the Nokes <Bonsai> snokesball is probably hiding in his room, that coward <Pufferfis> hmm, anyone fancy waiting outside Caius for Bjoern to come back? <Pufferfis> (I'm dead, I can't kill you for doing so) <Bonsai> anyone is welcome to try... <Pufferfis> Nor can I warn either of the other two <Sys64738> Fake Bjoern isn't overly convincing <Bonsai> you shall see... <Pufferfis> Bjorn, is this working? <Bonsai> *cawazy giggeling*
<Sys64738> Bjoern, what underwear is your girlfriend wearing? <Bonsai> you shall see...
<Sys64738> <Bonsai> just came back from killing, will have to sleep now <Bonsai> *mad deranged laughter*
<Sys64738> who was the only assassin to best you in combat? <Bonsai> That was Matt Garrett, who else?
<Pufferfis> who saw you naked last night? <Bonsai> guess <Pufferfis> damn <Pufferfis> who would like to see you naked? <Bonsai> guess <Pufferfis> Who? <Bonsai> That was Matt Garrett, who else? <Pufferfis> *giggles*
<emejn> Who wants to kill me? <Bonsai> Who would ever try to kill you? <Pufferfis> ed, is the bug fixed yet? </suicide> <Bonsai> guess
<Sys64738> Bjoern, what colour underwear are you wearing? <Bonsai> you shall see...
<Edith> emejn: Well I can't report a kill either because it says I was dead. Can I report when I respawn? <Bonsai> better sooner than later...
<Sys64738> Hmm. At this rate, I'm going to have to kill Bjoern <Bonsai> I know that you and Sys64738 were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen. <Sys64738> Hmm. At this rate, I'm going to have to kill Bjorn <Bonsai> Just what do you think you're doing, Sys64738 ?
*** Sys64738 is now known as Jenny <Jenny> hiya <Bonsai> how are you, Jenny
<emejn> Hello there, Paul. <Bonsai> hiyas, emejn <emejn> Go away, you. <Bonsai> I'll be back later *** Bonsai is now known as bh234|out <emejn> :-) <mjj29> ah <mjj29> have you stopped it? <bh234|out> if i had, would i tell you??? <mjj29> no <mjj29> then <Sys64738> Come back *** bh234|out is now known as Bonsai <emejn> Damned thing. <Bonsai> guess <Sys64738> go away <Bonsai> I'll be back later *** Bonsai is now known as bh234|out <Sys64738> Come back *** bh234|out is now known as bh234|out <Edith> Grrr..... I think Bjoern is going to pay for this.... <bh234|out> you shall see...
Lady reports:
Well, I thought the IRC was funny, and spent some time playing with "Bonsai" when we were meant to be working for exams. (Bonsai is the script. Whatever else you may infer from this.) You didn't really explore what it can say- it gets more imaginative if you keep asking it about guns and killing.
We laughed quite a lot when we got back.
Significantly more dangerous Dave reports:
This time the difference in dangerousness had to do with him (a) being unarmed (b) being unable to wheel his bike around in the narrow alley. In addition I also had a cap-gun with me
Dangerous Dave reports:
I've got a feeling that "Considerably more dangerous Dave" will get me tomorrow afternoon. Bumping into "Slightly more dangerous Dave" and "Significantly more dangerous Dave", "Deceased Dave" aka "The assassin formerly known as Dangerous Dave (TM)" met his fate. If it weren't for the tourists, I might at least have been able to claim I was cycling "fast", but it all ended up pear-shaped.
Senorita Amapola reports:
In the street outside Trinity Hall, with the RPG, after a short firefight.
Gonzo the Great and his Glamorous Assistant reports:
I was at New Hall Garden party, just beginning to contemplate the bouncy castle, when I recieved a phone call from Laura Stewart (Newnham non player) to tell me that she and Laura Stewart (Corpus player) had arrived. I duly bounded accross the lawn and merrily shot Laura Stewart (Corpus) twice in the chest.
And you thought this Jenny Chase nonsense was confusing......
Gonzo the Great and his Glamorous Assistant reports:
yes this is in the wrong place, for I am fick.
Senorita Amapola reports:
Shot in street after chase around town.
*growl*
I will get even.....
rower reports:
Walking back from Grassy, spotted someone with an XP-270 mucking around. Shot him in the back with my pellet gun. He didn't appear to know what assassins was, actually, I don't think he even goes to the university. Oh well.
Teddy Loving Astronaut reports:
Death by Carrot.
Sam: the evil minded, foul tempered, violent and vindictive college cat from hell reports:
one of my friends was wondering what it felt like to be dead, as she was holding my gun at the time, I was happy to oblige
Teddy Loving Astronaut reports:
John T Fremlin, of Trinity College fame, evilly and without provocation attacked myself (Teddy Loving Astronaut) and SMcV at the ABACUS garden party. I retaliated with a bad odour reducing flamethrower (for which I was thoroughly congratulated), and SMcV finished the job off with a RBG.
Lord Horatio Pigsbottom reports:
I entered hall only to find him sitting there eating his food. How naive of him, I thought, to show so little regard for his own safety. So I shot him. But he was saved by his legal wranglings over the exact meaning of rule 6.2.5.
Lord Horatio Pigsbottom reports:
I know I killed him yesterday, but I can't honestly remember what he looks like. I knew this was going to happen. It was so dark I couldn't get a good look at him the first time, though I stared at him for a moment with that very purpose in mind. Maybe he just doesn't have an interesting enough face. While enjoying (?) my gammon and chips, I noticed someone vaguely matching his description (only without the green top this time) entering hall to sit directly behind me. I toyed with the idea of pulling out a gun and shooting him if he responded by saying "aaaaaagh!!", but instead I chose to avert my eyes and hope. He didn't seem to notice me. I left hall to attend to a pressing matter, then returned in time to wait for him. I planned to follow him to his room and thereby identify him. Unfortunately, the call of nature meant I missed him leaving and only caught up with him on Trinity Street. Aware of the fundamental flaw in the current situation of trying to ambush him from behind, I swiftly entered Blue Boar Court by Green Street then proceeded to a safe place near his room by the shortest route. I didn't see him after that. Maybe it wasn't him after all. Who knows?
Tricky Lettuce Avenger reports:
A young man by the name of Chan foolishly accepted a Supersoaker from John T Fremlin, who had earlier been obliterated by SMcV. You would think people would learn from others' mistakes, but alas this young chappy had not. As SMcV approached him with a superior weapon and drew his fire, I cut in from the side and shot him cruelly in the chest with a RBG.
The infamously trigger-happy Bjoern Holzhauer reports:
We saw Abi in a garden party. I charged past the ticket checking people. My backup was too timid to do so, so I went towards a group containing several assassins.
Abi saw me so I shot at Martin. He dodged and I hit Michael Richards, the innocent behind him. On the nose. Ooooops.
The real, current Jenny Chase reports:
I was running after Martin and Abi, but rather stupidly swerved to head back towards Bjoern. Ric was behind me with an RBG, and I didn't see him until too late.
An embarrassing evening, all in all. But at least Bjoern managed to shake off his undue respect for authority, evade the garden party security and kill Ric.
The unreal Jenny Chase reports:
He shot the real Jenny, how dare he! He had to die.
The Dark Night Of The Soul reports:
Was shot by incompetent German.
Natural selection against people who show weapons in public reports:
I saw him and another person walking through John's, he was constantly rearranging something bright and supersoaker-shaped under his coat, so I fired a shot past them to see their reaction. He did indeed produce a supersoaker and his friend drew a rpg, but then started getting something else out of his backpack. While the other person was distracted, I managed to shoot Richard in the stomach.
Tricky Lettuce Avenger reports:
What can I say? I was practising concealing my newly acquired weapon (which had been the cause of two of its earlier owners' deaths already), and it turns out my concealment skills leave a lot to be desired. Anyway, after a long drawn out water versus pellet fight, I discovered that the range of water weapons truly is inferior. But I'll be back. Bwuhahaha!
Natural selection against people who show weapons in public reports:
By the time Richard had died, Simon had eventually managed to produce a supersoaker of his own from his backpack. He died in a brave charge towards me.
Spongiform Monolith Construction Vehicle reports:
TLA called for backup as the Natural Selector (tm) attacked him, so I pulled out a suitably larger Super Soaker and attacked. Unfortunately, the enemy stayed well out of range, cowering behind a suitably reinforced umbrella; I tried to kill him as he reloaded, but received a bullet to the chest for my enthusiasm.
The very efficient CPS reports:
Just after my previous fight Tim Redding came out of his room. His last words were:"Oh, well, come on, take your five points."
Matt Garrett reports:
Drinking the night away... Drinking the night away... He drinks a wine drink, he drinks a vodka drink, he drinks a port drink, he drinks some other drink...... He sings the songs that come on the jukebox, he sings them very off key.... Oh, Mattie-boy, Mattie-boy, Mattie-boy let your guard down and 5 people attacked you really was quite funny....
I must admit, while sitting in the JCR I did not even notice Monkey Professor-for-a-head's first 3 attempts to shoot me... the clicking sound did not register until I heard something to the effect of "It jammed". At this point, I drew my RBG from the customized holster in my DJ and began using the chairs and walls as cover from the 3 assassins and 2 accomplices that had decided to pay me a visit. Fortunetly, they were not coordinated so I did not have to watch my back. I proceeded to remove Monkey Professor-for-a-head from the equation with a nice RBG shot to the chest from across the room [perhaps I had not consumed as much EtOH as I previously suggeste]d...]. Poor Monkey Professor-for-a-head, he really should have learned from the example of the Matrix, walked up to me, put the gun to my head, and said dodge this. Not that I am complaining....
Matt Garrett reports:
Having dispatched one of the assassins, I noticed that another of them had fled behind the protection of the door to the JCR [team loyalty among assassins, ha!]. Alas, as I was just about to shoot the other assassin, he managed to score a grazing hit on the side of my head/ear so I conceeded the kill. My ghost, which had been channeled for the usual Rashomon-esque discussion of events, learned that this had been Stuart's first kill. I do invite all of this team to make a repeat appearence at some point.
The Feared Pyrate Assassin, LeHutt reports:
Jack Vickeridge's door opened, there were two people in the doorway, I shot the wrong one. Doh!
The Feared Pyrate Assassin, LeHutt reports:
After I shot the wrong person Jack Vickeridge shot me. I supose I deserved it really.
The Non-gentleman Spy reports:
Yeah, what he said. When faced with a man offering an assassin a bribe* shoot the one with the gun first and to hell with gentlemanly behaviour.
*[as in my case]
rower reports:
Someone was (again) carrying an XP-270 in the bar, I had noticed him earlier, but when he pointed it roughly in my direction I shot him first. Turns out he played a few years ago (1997 IIRC) but isn't playing this game. Grrrr.
2nd Muppet reports:
He was probably quite drunk so I cap-gunned him in the head outside Emma bar, after a while being sociable with the ducks.
3rd Muppet reports:
Hmmm, oh well, I got got. I mean, I survived all day this time. And I was rather drunk. Oh, and Jenny, Scott was in the bar, in full view of me, more drunk than me, and rather unarmed at the time you shot me! Hehe! And I got blades!!!!!! Yay!!!! (and I might still be a leeeetle bit pissed right now)
An alcoholic reports:
Umm yes, I was very very drunk (again), and was in no state to kill anyone. Still, I guess it's good that nobody has killed me yet. Emma bar closes tomorrow, so tonight is your last chance to easily find me pissed :)
Oh, and if anyone wants to bribe me for the extra 20 points...
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