The Assassins' Guild - Updates
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New on Saturday, 12 May
New on Sunday, 11 March
New on Saturday, 10 March
[
9 Mar, 12:00 PM]
The Police War begins: Stabbity Rabbity gets Rabbity Stabbed by Officer Jenny
[
9 Mar, 16:00 PM]
Stabbity Rabbity respawns and Rabbity Stabs Officer Jenny
[
10 Mar, 13:30 PM]
The Police War continues, with the bloody corpse of Paranoid Hyperboloid at the feet of Mr Meeseeks
New on Friday, 9 March
[
9 Mar, 12:30 PM]
Deadly Viper (Tanzina Zaman) mimics the death throes of the game, courtesy of The Girl with the Griffin Tattoo
New on Thursday, 8 March
[
8 Mar, 12:00 PM]
Wabbit AKA Ramona AKA Rabbity Stabbity (Nicholas Heitler) risks leaving his hole for one last time. Twitch took the right turn at Albuquerque to cut him off and cut him up
New on Monday, 5 March
[
5 Mar, 09:10 AM]
It's the end of the road for Eddie Valiant AKA Stabbity Rabbity (Valentin Foley). Wabbit bounces past into the distance
New on Sunday, 4 March
New on Saturday, 3 March
[
2 Mar, 11:50 AM]
Pikachu and Stabbity Rabbity... Well it seems something happened regarding Caporal Blutch at least
[
2 Mar, 21:30 PM]
Eddie Valiant is in deep, killing Yosemite Sam AKA Mojo Jojo (Abdul Hadi Khan) as he makes his escape
[
2 Mar, 21:30 PM]
Blue Eyes Toon Dragon and Bob the Destroyer do not fear Reaper; they just can't find him
[
2 Mar, 23:15 PM]
The Girl with the Griffin Tattoo does not mince words, but does mince Reaper (Vamsee Bheemireddy)
New on Friday, 2 March
[
2 Mar, 18:19 PM]
Undefined Behaviour (Joe Malt) and Poison Pi AKA Maggie Simpson (Natarnya Walcott-Burton) engage in reciprocal stabbage
[
1 Mar, 15:30 PM]
Rabbity Stabbity Ganna Ganaa Gan Gnna Gaa Gan Gana Gaa Gaaa Ga Gaaa!
New on Thursday, 1 March
New on Wednesday, 28 February
[
28 Feb, 14:32 PM]
Blood on the Snow: Night Angel (Povilas Slekys) freezes from the blade of Undefined Behaviour
[
27 Feb, 21:00 PM]
Eddie Valiant learns: To catch fishy suspect, you gotta play fishy. Sardine (Shivam Sheth) does not survive
[
28 Feb, 10:55 AM]
The Gingerbread Man won't be winning the Bake Off if Jean-Paul Carte (David Levi) has anything to say about it...
New on Tuesday, 27 February
[
22 Feb, 23:55 PM]
Inco cannibalism strikes, as Twitch eliminates Hungry Alan (Will Harvey-Powell) for their own redemption, with the help of Officer Jenny, Gentleman's Vengeance, and Eddie Valiant
New on Monday, 26 February
[
22 Feb, 23:30 PM]
The Mystery of the Double Death is over: Plinium (Al Kanavos) and Clarissa Moon (Zoe Cavendish) were each the other's victim
[
26 Feb, 16:15 PM]
Bozo finally finds redemption in the bloody wounds of Kitty Kat (Sarah Racicot )
[
26 Feb, 10:50 AM]
An unplanned alliance of Poison Pi and Paranoid Hyperboloid ends with the dying whales of Babriel Worp (Paul wernicke)
New on Sunday, 25 February
[
25 Feb, 14:30 PM]
Mojo Jojo rushes to fill the void of power, bursting onto the scene by killing The Girl with the Griffin Tattoo, Bob the Destroyer and Clarissa Moon. Or at least that's what he planned.
[
25 Feb, 15:00 PM]
Blue Eyes Toon Dragon's attempts Drag-On through a College of Death
[
24 Feb, 18:30 PM]
TheFourthKnock (Colin Kaljee) is betrayed by Ramona. And to celebrate: ART
[
24 Feb, 19:30 PM]
"A Posthumous Commentary on the Works of TheFourthKnock" presented by Fat Tony
New on Saturday, 24 February
[
24 Feb, 12:05 PM]
TheFourthKnock attempts to subdue Fat Tony and Jean-Paul Carte by power of artsiness alone
[
23 Feb, 22:30 PM]
Babriel Worp escapes the clutches of the deadly baby Maggie Simpson
New on Friday, 23 February
[
24 Feb, 00:00 AM]
Stitches the S.T.A.B. ensures that Professor Incompetent (Alastair Haig) is no more
[
23 Feb, 11:05 AM]
Blue Eyes Toon Dragon should have looked up to see Night Angel
[
22 Feb, 22:40 PM]
The Portrait of Dorian Grey (Adam Reeves) lies torn. Paranoid Hyperboloid's gun is to blame
New on Thursday, 22 February
New on Wednesday, 21 February
[
21 Feb, 22:55 PM]
Hatman avenges himself from another life, killing the Wanted Mr_Pizza AKA Bayon the Bricklayer (Jaehyeon Kim)
[
21 Feb, 16:25 PM]
Sergent Chesterfield (Kanyi Tochukwu Joshua Onuora) is no longer incompetent. On accounts of being dead at the hands of Paranoid Hyperboloid
[
20 Feb, 23:00 PM]
Bayon the Bricklayer performs acquires a 'business advantage' over the illicit Robert the Construction Consultant AKA Green Text Guy (Alex Craggs)
[
21 Feb, 10:55 AM]
Run as fast as you can Ori (Clara Ding), but you won't outrun him. He's The Gingerbread Man
[
21 Feb, 13:00 PM]
Kitty Kat encounters the nemesis of all Assassins: A Locked Door
New on Tuesday, 20 February
New on Monday, 19 February
[
19 Feb, 22:45 PM]
RumHam (Seb Shuttleworth) shows Bozo their true colours. Bozo shows RumHam a knife.
[
17 Feb, 18:10 PM]
The Terrible Twosome Paranoid Hyperboloid and Undefined Behaviour treat TheBSMouse (Max Williamson) and Jason Funderburker (Tim Jepsen) to terrible tragedy
[
19 Feb, 11:00 AM]
A Mysterious Stranger who looks remarkably similar to Professor Incompetent deems Courage the Cowardly Dog (Daniel Chiverton) 'armless as Yosemite Sam disappears into a lecture theatre
[
19 Feb, 09:00 AM]
Blue Eyes Toon Dragon, The Girl with the Griffin Tattoo, Jean-Paul Carte. Two hunters, and a hunted
New on Sunday, 18 February
New on Saturday, 17 February
[
14 Feb, 15:30 PM]
Conforming to industry standards, Bayon the Bricklayer is two days late reporting the death of Luminous Badger (Alex Smallwood)
[
17 Feb, 12:15 PM]
Pointless Art. By TheFourthKnock feat. an absence of Jean-Paul Carte
[
17 Feb, 12:05 PM]
Artsiness, with a Point. By TheFourthKnock feat. Emile Ward (Ward Van Der Schoot)
New on Friday, 16 February
[
16 Feb, 10:15 AM]
DisguisedToast (Vincent Proud) is toast, thanks to Poison Pi's luck
[
15 Feb, 18:15 PM]
Hungry Alan was hungry for Max's (Max Cooper-Clark's) blood. And a nicer porkchop.
[
15 Feb, 21:00 PM]
Pikachu and Deadly Viper use Quick Attack! It's not very effective...
New on Thursday, 15 February
[
15 Feb, 10:30 AM]
Blue Eyes Toon Dragon and Poison Pi avenge a the fallen Private Snafu, killing Dirk Dwyer (Joseph Saxby)
[
14 Feb, 12:00 PM]
Private Snafu AKA the Dip (Avigail Ben-Gad) diced too close with death, dismembering 1123581321 (Zsuzsanna Baran (Zsuzsa)), but not dodging Dirk Dwyer
New on Wednesday, 14 February
[
14 Feb, 14:15 PM]
Harry Pence (Anthony Lim) did not suspect all that Undefined Behaviour
New on Tuesday, 13 February
[
13 Feb, 16:40 PM]
Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A... Nope, that's not bringing Super-Nintendo Chalmers (Dylan Phelps) back from stabbing at the hands of Jean-Paul Carte
[
13 Feb, 10:00 AM]
Wabbit proves once and for all that it is not 'Rabbit Season', killing Me-Mow (Rebecca Harris) and Praying Mantis (Joe Jollans)
[
12 Feb, 22:30 PM]
Caporal Blutch efficiently erases Kiwi Dachshund (Julia Wiener), and Regina Phalange I (Nikki Eames)
[
12 Feb, 22:44 PM]
Poison Pi sees all the murderising that Paranoid Hyperboloid has been getting up to, and decides to try it on him, without due cause
[
12 Feb, 20:55 PM]
Paranoid Hyperboloid kills Merlin (Ollie Evans). 404 error; pun not found.
New on Monday, 12 February
[
12 Feb, 18:30 PM]
All leaves eventually fall. This Leaf (Evgeny Slavin) was aided by Cop Rick into doing it a lot sooner than he expected
[
12 Feb, 13:00 PM]
Kamille (Alex Janowska) should have felt the presence of Eric Cartman
[
10 Feb, 16:34 PM]
Yosemite Sam 's luck is in, as Jimjam (James Andrews)'s luck runs out
[
10 Feb, 16:14 PM]
Yosemite Sam catches up with that varmint Meme Lord (Sherwood Lam)
[
12 Feb, 13:35 PM]
Undefined Behaviour relies on faces past to find and kill Yurio (Ajay Ahir)
[
12 Feb, 13:00 PM]
The only stomach emptier than that of Hungry Alan is that of Natalie (Lily Bao)
[
11 Feb, 14:30 PM]
Miss Macaroon (Cheryl Jiang) is taken down by Chief Wiggum (Coincidentally before she was killed again the next day)
[
12 Feb, 08:45 AM]
Dorian Grey cuts it fine whilst cutting down the corpse of Miss Macaroon (Cheryl Jiang) and Toon Loon (Josh Garfinkel)
[
12 Feb, 11:00 AM]
Paranoid Hyperboloid (Leo Zlotnikov)'s Deadly Stardom is cut short by Arturo Fuey (David Lever)'s Deadly Star. Neither survive to appreciate this pun.
New on Sunday, 11 February
[
11 Feb, 18:30 PM]
Thanks to Bill Cipher, The Tasmanian Devil's Cousin Twice Removed, Tim (Joseph Luke Arthur Townsend) is now a lot more removed
[
11 Feb, 17:30 PM]
He's Mr Meeseeks, and he killed Big Alano (Alana Cutland). Look at him!
[
10 Feb, 18:55 PM]
TheFourthKnock goes wanted for killing RumHam at an ATM, and general artsy-ness
[
10 Feb, 19:15 PM]
Ian Competent mortifies Mort (Finnian Robinson). And by mortifies, I mean kills.
[
10 Feb, 17:25 PM]
Paranoid Hyperboloid bifurcates Two Minions in a Trenchcoat (Neal Patel)
[
10 Feb, 21:03 PM]
Night Angel and Captain Redactor use [REDACTED] to extract Isoleucine (James Child)
[
9 Feb, 09:50 AM]
Plinium, Eshassin and co. use the powers of Friendship, Teamwork and Guns to declassify Victor Volt (Paul Durbaba)
[
10 Feb, 15:03 PM]
Undefined Behaviour, Paranoid Hyperboloid, Me-Mow, and Night Angel, eventually assisted by The Names of Recent Players, go incobashing, unsuccessfully visiting Atletico, Mort, Poison Pi, Two Minions in a Trenchcoat, Babriel Worp, DisguisedToast, Hungry Alan and RumHam, ultimately killing BM (Bethan Morris). Phew.
New on Saturday, 10 February
[
10 Feb, 14:46 PM]
Babriel Worp scrapes competency, after a short game of 'knockdown ginger' with a couple of incos
[
10 Feb, 16:37 PM]
Paranoid Hyperboloid causes BM (Bethan Morris) to BM as they realise the jig is up
[
9 Feb, 17:17 PM]
The Gentleman (Andrew Darby) spontaneously explodes in a black mushroom cloud of annihilation. Much shame, many sadness.
[
10 Feb, 14:50 PM]
Robert the Construction Consultant privately bashes Equinox (Robert Morosanu)
[
10 Feb, 14:00 PM]
Hungry Alan doesn't like the inco list, so tries the wanted list, after shooting Dorian Grey while backstage preparing for a show
[
7 Feb, 23:00 PM]
The Gentleman Hunts. Eddie Valiant Helps. Dirk Dwyer is relevant somehow.
New on Friday, 9 February
[
9 Feb, 15:40 PM]
The Gentleman confronts Paranoid Hyperboloid about his Suspicious Undefined Behaviour
[
9 Feb, 11:59 AM]
Kitty Kat kills Killerheels (Henrietta (Hennie) Coales) kwite konvincingly [Umpire's Note: Coming up with words beginning with K is hard]
[
9 Feb, 17:30 PM]
Sardine is yet to tip the scales in their favour in their hunt for Equinox
[
9 Feb, 13:00 PM]
Captain Redactor tries to find a Leaf, but only finds [REDACTED]
[
8 Feb, 18:40 PM]
The Adventures of Pink Guy (Bovey Zheng) and Francis of the Filth (Michael Djali) will not be continuing, thanks to Private Snafu and Blue Eyes Toon Dragon
New on Thursday, 8 February
[
7 Feb, 19:15 PM]
Captain Redactor [REDACTED] [REDACTED]s Wabbit, but runs away before he can [REDACTED]
[
8 Feb, 08:45 AM]
Sebastian Melmoth (Molly O'Gorman) slips up and is butchered by Bozo
New on Wednesday, 7 February
[
6 Feb, 22:00 PM]
Darkhorse (Shukri Abdullahi) is out of the race. Jean-Paul Carte rides on on a trail of blood
[
5 Feb, 13:30 PM]
Praying Mantis turns around an attack by Gerry Adams (Jamie Brannigan ) and uses his murderous momentum to kill Martin McGuinness (George Barnard)
[
7 Feb, 14:00 PM]
Blue Eyes Toon Dragon brings Francis of the Filth some ramen... Or at least tries to
[
7 Feb, 11:30 AM]
Victor Volt uses his secret-est skills attempting to infiltrate Fat Tony's hideout
[
6 Feb, 20:40 PM]
Pink Guy happens across a shootout between Francis of the Filth and Mr Meeseeks, so sensibly kills Mr Meeseeks (Sam Sully)
New on Tuesday, 6 February
[
6 Feb, 14:00 PM]
Pikachu uses quick attack on Regina Phalange II (Holly Gimson), who is caught unawares (after forgetting she was playing...!)
[
6 Feb, 11:50 AM]
Private Snafu publicly perforates rainbow coloured rainbows (Barnaby Medhurst)
New on Monday, 5 February
[
5 Feb, 17:00 PM]
Paranoid Hyperboloid 'finds' the dead body of Jamal Ackland (Will Styles) behind an unlocked door
[
5 Feb, 10:00 AM]
Emile Ward turns around an attack by the pretender Ian Competent (Matthew (Matt) Hutton)
New on Sunday, 4 February
[
3 Feb, 13:00 PM]
Francis of the Filth and Pink Guy try to make a meal of Hungry Alan
[
2 Feb, 13:00 PM]
Eddie Valiant finds unlikely help from His Lady-Friend, as they hunt the Wanted Herb (Jeevith Gnanakumaran)
New on Saturday, 3 February
[
3 Feb, 10:30 AM]
Blue Eyes Toon Dragon and Private Snafu hunt again. It doesn't work
New on Friday, 2 February
[
2 Feb, 23:20 PM]
Paranoid Hyperboloid's Rampage continues and Regina Phalange the Third (Nairi Weston ) never gets to see her Friends again
[
2 Feb, 17:54 PM]
Freakyzeaky (Fadi Zaki) got in the way as Fat Tony was 'Watering his Garden'
[
1 Feb, 14:08 PM]
Caporal Blutch's luck is in as he dodges Dodgy dentist (Floss Willcocks), then takes his chances and kills her, to find she was indeed targeting him
[
2 Feb, 14:30 PM]
Bob the Destroyer, alongside his companions Deadly Viper and Pikachu, attempts to kill both Jamal Ackland and Freakyzeaky, but does not succeed
[
2 Feb, 13:32 PM]
Carnage in the Canteen. Mr Plod is shamefully killed by Brian (Matt Alderton), only to be avenged by His Lady-Friend (Alexander (Alex) Hibbert) who is then ended by Courage the Cowardly Dog
[
2 Feb, 13:05 PM]
Blue Eyes Toon Dragon's hunt succeeds with the help of Bob the Destroyer and Lucia Konohana, smashing The man of glass (Oliver Bilbie) and gutting Plain, simple Garak (Thomas Adamson) at once
[
1 Feb, 23:00 PM]
Max brings DOGS ARE TASTY (Faris Khan) to a Potassium filled end
[
2 Feb, 09:00 AM]
Kitty Shade (Hannah Price) should have stuck to the shadows, as The Girl with the Griffin Tattoo catches her fleeing
[
31 Jan, 18:47 PM]
Scooby Doob and the Mystery Smang (Shyam Dhokia), kills eZfebreeze (Alex Lawrence), but then himself falls to Freakyzeaky
[
31 Jan, 17:00 PM]
TheBSMouse diminishes the noble Phalange line, eliminating Regina phalange IV (Callum Farrow)
[
1 Feb, 10:58 AM]
Herb goes wanted for shooting Dodgy dentist in a lecture theatre (and neither seem to realise how wrong that is)
[
1 Feb, 21:36 PM]
The house always wins, as Dirk Dwyer hustles The Names of Recent Players (Roddy MacSween) off the board
[
1 Feb, 15:47 PM]
Night Angel has a crack at the now lopsided but alive Mort
New on Thursday, 1 February
[
1 Feb, 13:00 PM]
Looney-tic (Jen Atherton) is not paranoid enough to avoid Paranoid Hyperboloid
[
31 Jan, 22:20 PM]
The Night of the Two Wanted. Scooby and the Gang get what they deserve. Kitty Shade survives another day.
New on Wednesday, 31 January
[
31 Jan, 08:50 AM]
Plain, simple Garak's phaser is set to disintegrate, bringing aphex (Ella Comish) to a quick and painful end
[
31 Jan, 11:15 AM]
Scooby and the Gang goes after the wrong Incompetent, killing Professor Incompetent's daughter
[
31 Jan, 11:00 AM]
Fat Tony takes exception to Celia Black (Emilie Colliar)'s 'survival choices'
New on Tuesday, 30 January
[
28 Jan, 19:00 PM]
It's delicious mutually assured destruction as Son Goten (Karen Sarmiento) and Patricia Buttlicker (Michael Collingwood)'s blades slide into each other
New on Monday, 29 January
[
29 Jan, 17:30 PM]
It's all downhill for Peak (Harry Rowlands) as his life ends at the hands of Paranoid Hyperboloid
[
29 Jan, 09:30 AM]
Blue Eyes Toon Dragon, Wabbit and Private Snafu didn't count on 1123581321 not showing up
[
29 Jan, 17:38 PM]
With the help of The Gentleman, Bravo Oscar Bravo (Sajawall Nawaz) is Delta Echo Alfa Delta
[
29 Jan, 10:55 AM]
Kenneth (James Rhodes) fumbles his knife, letting Victor Volt stab him in the chest
[
29 Jan, 10:05 AM]
Victor Volt survives an attack by Kenneth, thanks to Professor Professor's OoB field on the lecture hall
New on Sunday, 28 January
[
28 Jan, 22:30 PM]
Sergent Chesterfield unloads his gun on Scooby and the Gang (David Horstmann) whilst they search for Scooby Snacks
[
28 Jan, 00:45 AM]
A Game of Cards turns to a Game of Death as Ori kills Shinigami (Indi Pritchard) for killing Sideshow Bob (Twm Stone)
[
27 Jan, 01:00 AM]
An unexpected ambush by Sideshow Bob on Professor Incompetent goes even more unexpectedly when Alex Allen M.A. (Alex Allen) dies counter-ambushing
[
27 Jan, 20:20 PM]
Me-Mow and RumHam learn the power of the culinary arts in protecting you from Assassins
New on Saturday, 27 January
[
27 Jan, 21:10 PM]
Paranoid Hyperboloid efficiently wipes Bumblebee Man (Izzy Clancy) off the Wanted list even quicker than the Umpire expected
[
27 Jan, 18:15 PM]
Bumblebee Man didn't understand that bombs are illegal. Babriel Worp manages to survive this mistake
[
27 Jan, 15:00 PM]
Light Yagami (Zoe Gyamfi) doesn't manage to get Robert the Construction Consultant's name as he installs a Spider into her back
New on Friday, 26 January
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