The Assassins' Guild

[02:00 AM] Random Strategy thunderbolts David Pennefather (Penisfarmer)

[02:00 AM] Urist Zatusan is introduced.

[11:30 AM] First blood! Soggy from Capitalism slays a random noob! (Quintin Beer, aka Aaron Domnoob )

[12:30 PM] Mr. Teatime runs away scared from RunningScared

[13:00 PM] RunningScared fails to solve the door puzzle protecting The Weighted Companion Cube

[13:20 PM] James Brown (Kim Jong KNEEL!) kneels before Ezio Auditore da Firenze

[14:45 PM] Sir Winston Tan (Sir Churchill) chokes on a Tealeaf

[17:15 PM] Baron Kuckrich fails to catch a Silver Snake

[21:15 PM] James Hutt (hungry honey bear) is dispatched by Charon's Apprentice only 10 minutes after being declared wanted.

[21:18 PM] Professor Moriarty is not to be thwarted by Swishy

[21:45 PM] Mistaken Identity in Deep Space! Swishy and The Captain agree to a truce.

[21:50 PM] Double kill! Nick Lorch (The Sad Mafioso) and Patrick Stevens (Smaug) kill each other!

[22:38 PM] Toi stabs Mark the Shark with an ordinary pen. Mark the Shark is unharmed.

[22:50 PM] Max Baxter-Allen (King of Carrot Flowers) now lacks LifeAndSoul.

Thursday, 18 October

[00:00 AM] Christopher Little (Jaqen) and Rahul Sharma (armed :E) double kill.

[08:45 AM] Carpe Diem murders Sam Mouat (CocoaBeanExpress) and the zombie once known as James Hutt

[10:15 AM] Cambridge doesn't need a dark knight, Struk Patel eliminates Sahr Jalil (Batman)

[12:00 PM] The Egregious Eidolon doesn't recognise Keyser Soze.

[12:41 PM] RunningScared flees from Apple Pie Attack

[12:45 PM] Zampano stabs Nabodit Paudyal (Nas) (The Bandit)

[14:00 PM] The Captain is lost in space. The Horribly slow murderer is nowhere to be found.

[16:42 PM] Tealeaf's quest is made considerably easier by Smaug being already dead.

[17:45 PM] In the wrong hands, a Chainspoon is utterly useless, and can easily be defeated by bananaman (Rory McLeod, aka Chainspoon) died)

[18:30 PM] The Minister of Funny Walks is not in when Sureau comes to register his walk.

[19:20 PM] TheWatchingEye eludes the investigations of Professor Moriarty and The Ghost Pirate LeChuck

[20:10 PM] Tim Pearson (bananaman) doesn't like jaffas, especially not those that Soggy from Capitalism has.

[20:45 PM] David catches Rosie Normanton (Catchme93)

[21:00 PM] Eleanor Loukes (The Egregious Eidolon) bungles their assassination attempt on Keyser Soze

[21:08 PM] The Pootis Mystique goes after all its targets at once. Rachael Gregory (Esmeralda Hawkinson) and Richard Nicholl(Canterbury) are killed.

[21:40 PM] RedcoatAxemurderer is unsuccesful at murdering Chinese throwing stars and Jaqen.

[23:15 PM] Swishy shoots The Pain... in a pub.

Friday, 19 October

[08:00 AM] Dr. Dre wastes their assassin's time

[10:00 AM] kimbo meets Andrew Harland (Meetballs)

[11:00 AM] Godfrey stabs Jovan Powar (Your Mother's Lover)

[11:10 AM] Mona Niknafs (moanie) is sacrificed by Shorty

[12:00 PM] Silver Snake gets confused by Marwood leaving through a different exit.

[13:00 PM] After Schrodinger's Kill, Victor Manisa (Peter Rabbit) was left both alive and dead. By observing this report, you just killed Peter Rabbit.

[14:50 PM] Mark the Shark fails to smell any of his targets' blood.

[16:30 PM] Frank Fontaine searches for some sweet ADAM, with a Krem-Fresh topping.

[17:15 PM] Snuffles fails to sniff out a wild Squirtle.

[18:00 PM] Ezio Auditore da Firenze deftly slays Csaba Katai (Terry Ball)

[18:05 PM] Michael (Mike) Pain (The Pain) feels the pain of dying a second time to Swishy

[18:30 PM] Stephanie Kiara de Kremer (known as Kiara) (Krem-Fresh) uses ninja tactics to slay Jafar Miles (Cat_Killer9952). Unfortunately, even ninjas can't dodge Dr. Dre's moon.

[19:00 PM] Gaius Frakin' Baltar assassinated Simrun Basuita (Boodo Khan)

[20:00 PM] Mr. Plant's address cannot be found by Toi

[20:45 PM] kimbo escapes wounded from Zampano

[21:45 PM] Baron Kuckrich is not subtle enough to catch The Artful Bodger

Saturday, 20 October

[10:05 AM] Schrodinger's Kill lets slip he is targetting Donatello!

[10:20 AM] Another strange quantum event! : Schrodinger's Kill of Henry St Leger-Davey (Struk Patel)

[10:35 AM] Good job everyone observing this. Schrodinger's Kill's wave function just collapsed into the state of being lost instead of the state of meeting Swishy.

[12:05 PM] RunningScared is good strategy when faced with Amy May Pike (known as Amy) (Apple Pie Attack)

[12:30 PM] kimbo bests Joshua Hunt (Zampano) in a knife duel.

[13:00 PM] The Commander can find neither Shorty nor Fluffi

[16:30 PM] The Minister of Funny Walks fails to aquire Lord Downey's silly walk.

[17:45 PM] Charlotte Corday elimine les execrables Jacobins: John Darlison (Laser John) et Jorn Embourg (Jude the obscure) mais ne trouve pas CRUNCH!.

[22:14 PM] Random Strategy thunderbolts Emily Dryer-Beers (Moth ball) and Nicky Collins (Horribly slow murderer) for providing incorrect addresses.

Sunday, 21 October

[10:30 AM] The Commander (Lorenzo Venturini) sends his allies to their Fluffi death

[11:15 AM] RunningScared through Aperture, he can't reach The Weighted Companion Cube or Blood & Strawberries

[14:00 PM] kimbo performs an illegal attack on clumsy ferret

[15:00 PM] kimbo goes shark hunting. Robert (Rob) Seaton (Mark the Shark) is killed.

[15:10 PM] De Terminator uses a Levitating BBQ to terminate Hanna Tame (Mortimer)

[16:30 PM] Is Blessed-Brian up to something mysterious? (possibly involving assassins). Alex Rider goes to investigate.

[18:00 PM] Elvis knocks on Gaius Frakin' Baltar's door, no answer.

[19:10 PM] Knife duel! RunningScared slays Lawrence Esswood (Shorty)

[21:15 PM] Yu She (Fat Panda)s are even more endangered due to NED

Monday, 22 October

[08:50 AM] Carpe Diem hunts down the vile pickpocket Oliver Lane (The Artful Bodger)

[11:03 AM] Niklas Ek (Hannibal) didn't consider Levitating BBQs in his war strategy.

[12:20 PM] Here come the test results: RunningScared is a terrible assassin. We weren't even testing for that.

[13:30 PM] Food is for weaklings! Elvis outhungers Oscar MacLean (Muhammed)

[16:30 PM] Sureau can't find his favorite meal: The Gruffalo

[17:50 PM] The Commander doesn't know the neighbour's dog Snuffles is actually a mass murderer.

[18:45 PM] YAAAR! The Ghost Pirate LeChuck be slayin' Ian Loo (Toi)

Tuesday, 23 October

[12:00 PM] Jonathan Michael Foonlan Tsang (Jonny Tsang) (Invictus) is not victorious. Levitating BBQ is.

[13:47 PM] Calin Cauacean (David) died In West Philadelphia.

[14:00 PM] The Minister of Funny Walks fails to kill Lord Downey

[15:00 PM] Vetinari sends her pet snake after Eun-Young Park (Boolgom)

[16:55 PM] Urist Zatusan kills Emily Whettlock (Silver Snake)

[17:30 PM] Frank Fontaine gets his revenge on the Rapture worker Jamie Balcombe (Technetius Dramatis)

[18:30 PM] Wanted criminal Lorenzo Venturini (The Commander) is apprehended by Snuffles.

[19:00 PM] Ezio Auditore da Firenze 's next target is a rather comical Molly Llewellyn-Smith (pinkkangaroo)

[21:30 PM] Marian Priebe (Eeyore)'s is depressed. Donatello fixes that by killing him!

[22:00 PM] Austerity Measures don't affect The Penetrator

Wednesday, 24 October

[02:00 AM] Week 2! !

[08:45 AM] The Minister of Funny Walks still isn't in his office when Sureau needs him.

[12:13 PM] RunningScared murdered his faithful companion cube! (Michael James Naccarato (known as Michael), aka The Weighted Companion Cube) You MONSTER !

[15:00 PM] I Rent-an-Assassin to kill The Hooded One. He doesn't do very well.

[16:55 PM] Yarneo tempts a Beth McKinlay (BumbleBee) out of its room.

[20:30 PM] In West Philadelphia, people are highly suspicious of Number 6

[21:00 PM] The Gruffalo and Charon's Apprentice use their dual identities to confuse and kill Izhan Khan (StormDragon)

[21:35 PM] As suspicious someone wants a Levitating BBQ

[22:30 PM] Somehow, a clumsy ferret manages to avoid death by Sze Long MUI (known as Sharon) (Chinese throwing stars)

Thursday, 25 October

[11:05 AM] Squirtle is defeated by meleagrine's door...

[12:30 PM] Mr.Y tries to Rent-an-Assassin and buy a Levitating BBQ, but cannot afford either.

[13:00 PM] Connor Rogers (The Pootis Mystique) is finally slain by Carpe Diem

[14:00 PM] Haofeng Xu (smegmasnail) dies to a mysterious assassin

[14:50 PM] Michael Sharrock (Dom E. Spuny) is too puny to properly assassinate Dr. Dre

[17:00 PM] Tealeafs cunning disguise finally gets Cora Olpe (nailPOLISH) killed.

[18:45 PM] Frank is not welcome In West Philadelphia

[20:00 PM] Baron Kuckrich loses his Chinese throwing stars

[21:00 PM] Someone steals the LifeAndSoul of David Tennyson (The Halk)

[22:40 PM] Brownian motion of Nanobots doesn't work when The Captain's door is blocking the way.

Friday, 26 October

[01:00 AM] Vetinari's chopsticks make for a better weapon than Charlie Gatehouse (The Lone Hammer)

[08:00 AM] tacticallemon wasn't in, and and there is no way Lord Downey will try his luck at the fortress ukgentleman seems to have...

[09:00 AM] The Hooded One makes an attempt on Karmanator but is stopped by border control when trying to travel In West Philadelphia

[12:00 PM] the Killing vector translates Michael (Mikey) Lynam (Blat) into the subspace of death.

[13:00 PM] An innocent-looking Sheep goes after Antoine Konigsberg and Leonidas but neither are at home.

[14:15 PM] Aashik Ashley Chhibber (known as Ashley) (Blood & Strawberries) , You only live once. Random strategy was corrected applied.

[14:50 PM] Little Timmy kills Andrew Scull (DrYap)

[16:00 PM] a Hedgehog can't find his friend the turtle Donatello. Or Little Timmy

[17:45 PM] De Terminator is out when Miss Penguin comes to visit him.

[18:00 PM] Hannah Vandersluis (Soggy from Capitalism AKA Number 6) is shot In West Philadelphia (Martin Chan)

Saturday, 27 October

[12:00 PM] Life is short, as Thomas (Tom) Flynn (Snuffles) discovers.

[13:10 PM] Shot by Karmanator's banana, Ben Martineau (Sureau)'s dead body apparently makes the world go bananas.

[14:00 PM] INCOBASH!

[14:30 PM] The Hooded One makes attempts on Mr. Teatime, Karmanator, In West Philadelphia.

[18:25 PM] The Captain fails to kill the afflicted Caligula

Sunday, 28 October

[00:39 AM] Stephen Gould (TheWatchingEye) resigned

[01:10 AM] Mr. Teatime and meleagrine's sleep cycles are completely out of sync with Steampunk Pigeon and TheWatchingEye

[08:30 AM] Keyser Soze tries to avoid incompetence by making attempts on Mr. Teatime and meleagrine

[09:30 AM] Nathan Smith (Blessed-Brian) should have been RunningScared from his assassin.

[10:00 AM] Marwood waited outside Lord Downey's room but he didn't show up.

[11:00 AM] Mr.Y kills Joscha Thiele (The Milkman) with epic music.

[11:45 AM] Darren Koh is in London, so it will take a long time to get there by RunningScared

[12:15 PM] Vegetable wars! The evil turnip overlord kills Thomas David Johnson (known as Tom) (Mr. Plant)!

[13:00 PM] Being incompetent is dangerous, as kimbo makes Mairead Hamilton Budge (Marwood) realise.

[14:40 PM] More plant warfare! The evil turnip overlord makes an attempt on Tealeaf!

Monday, 29 October

[08:55 AM] RedcoatAxemurderer beheads Frederick (Freddy) Mills (Paul McCockard)

[09:20 AM] Life is short once again. Wing Chan (Dr. Dre) doesn't live to see his evil moon project completed.

[10:55 AM] Finnian Firth (The Patriot) and Gregory (Greg) Weir (Professor Moriarty) angered the boss and so got clamped.

[21:52 PM] Lieutenant Kif Kroker collects the final umpirical artifact, Devang Agrawal (Topological Nightmare)

Tuesday, 30 October

[08:20 AM] Beep. Boxy stabs Tom Byrne (The Penetrator). Beep. Beep.

[12:47 PM] RunningScared from dead people... except for Felicia Clara Jun Hui Tan (known as Felicia/FCT) (Darren Koh)

[13:15 PM] that exciting feeling you get just before you go on holiday (Matthew Morgan) is wanted. Boxy needs a break.

[14:30 PM] Charon's Apprentice is incompetent.

[15:15 PM] YAAR! Emily Room (The Ghost Pirate LeChuck) be cursin' tha' vile landlubber RunningScared

[15:55 PM] Tudor Balan (PsyDuck) is Dead-meat

[18:14 PM] Brendan Clifford (Caligula) loses his LifeAndSoul.

[19:40 PM] Steph Leddington (Steampunk Pigeon) gets clamped!

Wednesday, 31 October

[03:00 AM] Welcome to week 3 / Mid term / Halloween

[17:00 PM] Tom Norris (CRUNCH!) shouldn't have brought a knife to a sword fight against Frank Fontaine

[19:00 PM] Assassination of a royal! Owen hicks (Princess Consueila Bananahammock) is killed by Karmanator

Thursday, 1 November

[02:00 AM] GLaDOS puts RunningScared through psychological testing.

[12:30 PM] Hannah Lissaman (Charlotte Corday) a ete guillotinee par Charon's Apprentice pour crimes contre la Republique.

[15:00 PM] The hunter becomes the hunted! Urte Laukaityte (Fitch) gets barbecued by Levitating BBQ

[15:25 PM] Lord Downey and Gaius Frakin' Baltar make an attempt on Charon's Apprentice

[15:45 PM] Cheryl Weedon (Elvis) is dead. By Lord Downey and Gaius Frakin' Baltar's alliance.

[20:40 PM] Thomas Grant (The Hooded One) makes attempts on Mr. Teatime and Karmanator but gets blown up In West Philadelphia

[20:55 PM] Ezio Auditore da Firenze escapes the fortress In West Philadelphia, then tries instead to go after Miss Penguin

Friday, 2 November

[00:50 AM] Fluffi is incompetent and lives with a police officer... Unfortunately, Flexo is shot while trying to apprehend him.

[11:00 AM] tacticallemon makes his entrance! Yunjae (Jason) Lee (ukgentleman) is stabbed.

[12:00 PM] ukgentleman is killed for the second time in an hour, this time by Mr. Teatime.

[13:30 PM] The lemon made his entrance too late. Ilya Manyakin (That nerd in the corner) is killed by police officer Boxy (alive by shocking twist!)

[16:19 PM] Mari Oye (Mithra) resigned from the game.

Saturday, 3 November

[08:00 AM] Little Timmy shoots Fred Heffer (Antoine Konigsberg) but not Fluffi

[12:00 PM] Leo Cairns (Leonidas) was stabbed by a police officer.

[12:30 PM] Swishy is very unlucky today. Should have used Random Strategy againt MickyMouse.

[14:55 PM] The Captain helps eradicate incos like George Williams (The Paddle) from the galaxy.

[15:20 PM] Tinny Tim is RunningScared to try and stop Alex Rider from ruining his plan.

[16:07 PM] Continuing on his mission to eradicate the incos, The Captain overpowers Aneurin John (Nye) Redman-White (Urist Zatusan)

[17:00 PM] The war against the incompetence is not over yet! The Captain helps Swishy make an attempt on The Hooded One and Gaius Frakin' Baltar

[18:00 PM] Gaia Tomazzoli (Picci Killer) does not survive testing by GLaDOS

[18:15 PM] Derrick escapes GLaDOS's test chambers.

[18:30 PM] Godfrey mutilates The Paddle's corpse

[21:00 PM] clumsy ferret is clumsy. Guards stop her from reaching Miss Penguin

Sunday, 4 November

[00:00 AM] Baron Kuckrich remembers Memento Mori.

[14:00 PM] Vetinari and otzi the iceman are not the only ones after Alex Rider

[14:40 PM] A Tealeaf is a plant well prepared to defend itself from The evil turnip overlord

[17:30 PM] Why would I want to Rent-an-Assassin is he is incompetent? Kabalan Gaspard (Rent-an-Assassin) is punished by Boxy (alive by shocking twist!) for his inemptitude.

[19:00 PM] Major battle! Participants were: Oskari Timgren (Little Timmy) , meleagrine , Chris Kitching (Mr. Teatime) , RunningScared and Tinny Tim

[19:20 PM] Spherically Symmetric Cow of Uniform Density stabs Ben Redwood (TheWrathfulDaggerOfTheFourteenthSwampLord)

[21:45 PM] The Captain's ship is being attacked by Nanobots!

Monday, 5 November

[08:18 AM] Alas! Adam Beaumont (RunningScared) doesn't run away scared from Tealeaf's heavy weaponry.

[09:25 AM] Johann Beleites (Mr.Y) pays for his incompetence with his life. (Raoul Inglis saw to it)

[10:55 AM] Schrodinger's Kill gets poked.

[17:00 PM] Tealeaf and Keyser Soze keep their LifeAndSoul for now.

[17:20 PM] Hedgehog is another who can't get through the government security protecting Alex Rider.

[18:10 PM] GLaDOS gets through Eleanor Hobson (Alex Rider)'s badly made test with ease.

[20:00 PM] Watch the fireworks...

[23:15 PM] Brennen Heames (Keyser Soze) is too incompetent to go out hunting for LifeAndSoul, and as a result now lacks it.

Tuesday, 6 November

[10:00 AM] Edward (Ed) Kim (kimbo) goes inco. Dr. Perceptron helps him to relax.

Wednesday, 7 November

[03:00 AM] Week 4! Asteroids incoming...

[08:45 AM] Another psychofresher dies! Thomas (Tommy) Rychlik (Carpe Diem AKA You only live once AKA Life is short AKA Memento Mori) double kills with Thomas Clausen (Fluffi)

[13:00 PM] Tristan Roberts (Schrodinger's Kill AKA the Killing vector)'s wave function finally collapses to the state of dead. The Lone Ranger is responsible.

[13:35 PM] Borned and raised in the playground makes attempts on the two players who double-killed this morning...

[16:00 PM] Frank Fontaine looks for some ADAM, but finds only Schrodinger's Killed corpse.

[18:00 PM] Wheatley is bad at finding The Minister of Funny Walks and Miss Penguin.

Thursday, 8 November

[12:00 PM] Daniel (Danny) Hunt (Charon's Apprentice AKA The Lone Ranger) shoots the incompetent Matt Butler (The Minister of Funny Walks), but when going out to hunt with Pazuzu, both get stabbed by otzi the iceman (Rosanna O'Keeffe)

[13:30 PM] Wheatley discovers The Minister of Funny Walks is a corpse.

[15:44 PM] Baron Kuckrich can't find Squirtle.

[18:05 PM] Baron Kuckrich still can't find Squirtle.

[19:00 PM] Swishy rids the world of the incompetent John Dylan Musson (known as Dylan) (RedcoatAxemurderer)

[21:55 PM] Nanobots are a threat neither to The Captain nor to The evil turnip overlord

Friday, 9 November

[08:00 AM] Karmanator has it all: karma,LifeAndSoul.

[15:00 PM] tacticallemon's Austerity Measures lead to the death of Katherine Macfarland (Karmanator), but Lord Downey and Gaius Frakin' Baltar survive them.

[16:35 PM] Mom and Tinny Tim make a daring police raid on the wanted criminal Rosanna O'Keeffe (otzi the iceman) to avenge their fallen comrade!

[18:00 PM] Robert (Rob) May-Miller (Lord Downey) makes the mistake of talking to Francis X. Clampazzo.

Saturday, 10 November

[00:00 AM] Bryony (Bry) Choy (NED) spontaneously combusts.

[12:20 PM] We shall dine on penguin tonight! Natalia Mole (Miss Penguin) is barbequed by a Levitating BBQ.

[13:00 PM] The Captain and Swishy team up yet again to hunt down some incos.

Sunday, 11 November

[00:00 AM] An anonymous bounty...

[13:45 PM] Mom does lots today. Nina Jones (Vetinari) is among the dead.

[14:45 PM] Despite taking assassins incredibly seriously, [Someone drunk] (Dead-meat) is incompetent.

[16:00 PM] Doctor Perceptron makes a good attempt on clumsy ferret

Monday, 12 November

[12:00 PM] Frank Fontaine proves biology is superior to machinery by shooting Mary Dai (Godfrey)

[15:54 PM] Mom is the only true villain! Jack Brewster (The evil turnip overlord) is overthrown!

[18:00 PM] GLaDOS searches for a Sheep.

[21:00 PM] Sal is so incompetent he managed to set himself on fire with a Levitating BBQ

[22:30 PM] Tealeaf (Rudi Mears) goes on a rampage! Hannes Whittingham (Sheep) and Yarden Eitan (Yarneo) are slain, as well as 2 innocents.

Tuesday, 13 November

[00:00 AM] Asteroid 2!

[13:00 PM] Ezio Auditore da Firenze is able to survive the harsh climate In West Philadelphia (Martin Chan, aka In West Philadelphia AKA Borned and raised in the playground died)

[17:55 PM] Baron Kuckrich travels In West Philadelphia to find Ezio Auditore da Firenze. Little does he know that no one lives In West Philadelphia anymore.

[21:40 PM] The Nanobots are still bad at killing either meleagrine or Gaius Frakin' Baltar

Wednesday, 14 November

[11:00 AM] Melanie Mertesdorf (meleagrine) finally looses her LifeAndSoul too.

[15:30 PM] Swishy is not very succesful at hunting Frank Fontaine, meleagrine and Gaius Frakin' Baltar.

[16:30 PM] Another attempt by Mom and Tinny Tim (with a broken arm) to take out the wanted criminal Tealeaf!

[17:00 PM] Mom discovers the shocking truth about the umpire, Random Strategy ! :O

[18:10 PM] Mom commences her evil plan to take over the world! Starting with the defeat of the umpire! (Matthew Fitch AKA Random Strategy AKA GLaDOS)

[22:30 PM] George Brade (LifeAndSoul) loses his to notorious criminal mass murderer Tealeaf!

Thursday, 15 November

[12:30 PM] Frank Fontaine can find neither lemon, nor tea, nor ferret.

[14:15 PM] Newly appointed chief of police Francis X. Clampazzo clamps Rory Prescott (Gaius Frakin' Baltar) for attempting to vote for a different chief of police.

[15:00 PM] Alas! James Hardman (The Captain), alone on a hostile planet, finally gets eaten by a giant Tealeaf monster.

[16:50 PM] ALL GLORY TO the Donbot for killing the Hypnotoad.

[18:30 PM] Mom is bad at recruiting people for her evil army. Tinny Tim (with an arm and a leg missing) is shot trying to resist.

[18:50 PM] More corpse killing! Boxy (alive by shocking twist!) stabs the lifeless body of Hypnotoad

Friday, 16 November

[08:30 AM] Mom fails to stop Tealeaf

[12:12 PM] Doctor John Zoidberg joins the dark side.

[13:25 PM] Turanga Leela has had enough of Philip J. Fry's stupidity so kills him.

[18:20 PM] Tinny Tim (with only 1 leg left) fails at stabbing Tealeaf.

[23:00 PM] Francis X. Clampazzo does not tolerate incompetence in his police force. Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth is clamped.

Saturday, 17 November

[08:00 AM] clumsy ferret bests Dr. Perceptron in a duel.

[12:30 PM] Mom II fails to recruit Boxy (alive by shocking twist!) and Kif Kroker.

[17:40 PM] These Nanobots need to be repaired. Swishy and Ezio Auditore da Firenze continue to live.

[18:10 PM] Mom II enjoys maiming cripples such as Tinny Tim (with no limbs)

Sunday, 18 November

[08:19 AM] Perceptron (repaired) also turns against the umpire!

[15:00 PM] Hedgehog is a noob. tacticallemon and Austerity Measures didn't even come close to being killed.

[18:00 PM] Tinny Tim's desembodied head tries bravely to save the world from Mom II, but dies (again) in the process.

[23:59 PM] The Umpire is annoyed.

Monday, 19 November

[09:55 AM] After a week of desperate fighting, Rudi Mears (Tealeaf) is finally killed by Mom III.

[12:30 PM] Swishy hunts for incos Baron Kuckrich, Levitating BBQ and Ezio Auditore da Firenze

[13:40 PM] Daniel Bendisi Kokotajlo (Baron Kuckrich)'s kitchen contains a Levitating BBQ apparently.

[19:00 PM] Oh look, Tinny Tim's ghost didn't die today. Mom III died instead. However Tinny Tim's ghost ruins this by becoming corrupt.

Tuesday, 20 November

[12:20 PM] Mom IV tries to eliminate a high ranked police officer: Boxy (alive by shocking twist!)!

[15:00 PM] No brains for the Brain Slug today. Kif Kroker is not interested in politics.

[19:25 PM] You don't mess with the Donbot. You don't go inco. Ben Webb (Spherically Symmetric Cow of Uniform Density) was inco.

[23:50 PM] Nanobots are no match for the powers of a door. Ezio Auditore da Firenze and Hedgehog are safe.

Wednesday, 21 November

[03:00 AM] Week 6...

[12:40 PM] Captain Turanga Leela doesn't find Pazuzu's son

Thursday, 22 November

[12:00 PM] Epic knife fight! Swishy nearly takes out Ezio Auditore da Firenze but he runs away armless.

[23:31 PM] A bounty on Perceptron (repaired)!

Friday, 23 November

[00:01 AM] Kathleen (Kat) Connolly (clumsy ferret) is thunderbolted for inactivity.

[00:02 AM] Open season!

Saturday, 24 November

[12:00 PM] GLaDOS kills Free Waterfall Sr.. For science.

[16:00 PM] Perceptron (repaired) shoots some innocents

[16:10 PM] Swishy, Ezio Auditore da Firenze, tacticallemon and Austerity Measures avoid being barbecued by Levitating BBQ

[17:00 PM] tacticallemon battles Thomas Ruddle (Frank Fontaine AKA Wheatley)

[18:15 PM] Swishy's cunning plan to rid the world of Ezio Auditore da Firenze and Austerity Measures fails.

Sunday, 25 November

[22:40 PM] The Nanobots finally make a kill! (of James Robbs (Ezio Auditore da Firenze))

Monday, 26 November

[23:59 PM] Absolutely nothing happened today.

Tuesday, 27 November

[19:15 PM] Mom IV does not accept weaklings within her ranks. Tinny Tim's ghost... somehow manages to die again? As well as another innocent...

Wednesday, 28 November

[03:00 AM] Week 7. The last one.

[13:00 PM] To celebrate the end of lectures, Random Strategy kills Old Man Waterfall, Penisfarmer and Destructor, as well as 5 innocents.

[17:00 PM] Swishy fails at getting rid of any competition again today

[19:00 PM] Destructor minus an arm gets killed again. By Mom IV..

Thursday, 29 November

[19:30 PM] The umpire continues his murderous partying by slaying Mom IV, Penisfarmer, Destructor minus two arms, and 8 innocents.

The Assassins' Guild - Headlines

Wednesday, 17 October