Cloak & Dagger The Assassins' Guild - Week 6 News

Wednesday, 21 November

[03:00 AM] Week 6...
Random Strategy reports:

Congratulations to those who survived this far. You are rewarded with this picture of a lynx.

[12:40 PM] Captain Turanga Leela doesn't find Pazuzu's son
Turanga Leela reports:

Made a very pathetic attempt on Pazuzu's son at 12.40 today. After learning of his existence as an assassin only this morning (which is odd, since I was pretty sure I knew all the assassins [IN FRANCE] - there do seem to be a lot of us), I set out to assassinate the police incompetent Pazuzu's son, whose room is so conveniently located in the staircase next to mine. Unfortunately, probably due to the fact that he does a subject which actually expects him to go to lectures, or else because he was at dinner, I received no response to my knock. Probably a good thing he was out, as I was known to my target as an assassin and was clearly bearing. Never fear, Pazuzu's son, I will be back, and next time I will be better prepared!

Thursday, 22 November

[12:00 PM] Epic knife fight! Swishy nearly takes out Ezio Auditore da Firenze but he runs away armless.
Swishy reports:

At 11.55 I entered the college of the incompetent, Ezio Auditore da Firenze, intent on spilling some incompetent blood. I knocked on his door and was surprised to find someone actually in! He said he would come out in a bit, so I waited outside and positioned myself such that he would not immediately see me, but I would see him. As I waited almost ten minutes for him to open his door I grew nervous, as he must in this time surely be getting an immensely powerful weapon ready. As I was starting to get so worried, and because I had a supervision in five minutes, I was just starting to leave, when he finally opened his door. An awkward few seconds ensued in which we looked at each other, knowing that we each were an assassin, but not wanting to make the first move. Eventually I pulled out the first of my throwing knives I had ready in my pocket and threw it as he drew his knives. An epic battle ensued around the stairwell, with both of us dodging all knives thrown. I had, however, been neglecting to pick up any thrown knives and so soon found myself unarmed except for a dagger which I keep in my pocket as a last resort. At this point we came to an impasse, as my target clearly had the upper hand, but I could not flee, because he still had my bag, which I had dropped in order to fight better. After much pleading on my part, I persuaded him to pass it to me through the medium of a friend who was just passing at this point. He then swiftly left and I knew that he was heading for the other stairwell to catch me as I fled the building. I rushed downstairs and was soon in safety. Not wanting to be a coward, however, and still intent on spilling blood today, I retraced my steps a bit and hid behind a corner, ready for him to come around it and be brutally stabbed to death by my one remaining weapon. He spotted me as he approached and started once more to hurl knives at me around the corner. Another battle ensued in which I managed to dodge every knife thrown, only to throw them back at him. He was not so adept at dodging and lost first one arm and then the other. Knowing that he was now completely defenseless, the incompetent fled, pursued a short way by me. My realisation that he was now literally unarmed had come a little too late and so he was soon able to escape me. Remembering my supervision once more, I gave up the chase, but beware, my vendetta on incompetents shall be resumed in due course!

Ezio Auditore da Firenze reports:

Ezio was attacked today by Swishy. After a short stand off, Ezio pursued Swishy out of his Casa. However, the cunning Borgia attempted an ambush, which forced Ezio to retreat, having sustained an injury to the left arm and right elbow.

[23:31 PM] A bounty on Perceptron (repaired)!
Perceptron (repaired) reports:

I have two packs of double chocolate maryland cookies in my room and am willing reward attempts with cookies and successful attempts with more cookies, with bonus cookies for hilarity of weapon and/or cover story*. I'll be in my room between 1.30 and 6 tomorrow, and possible again later in the morning. You could also assassinate me before or after my lecture, but I don't really want to take them with me to my lecture so I'd rather you didn't. Assassination at mealtimes is also allowed, but if you want the bounty I'd be obliged if you'd let me finish eating first so I can go get you your bounty promptly. Please take me up on this offer-I do love social calls!

*while stocks last. Target may be prone to eating bounty rewards in a fit of frustration at essays.

Friday, 23 November

[00:01 AM] Kathleen (Kat) Connolly (clumsy ferret) is thunderbolted for inactivity.

[00:02 AM] Open season!
Random Strategy reports:

The following assassins are still alive, and are now valid targets for any other live assassin!

Addison Shore , Alison Madgwick , Christian Greer , James Robbs , Julian Willis , Petras Balciunas , Thomas Ruddle , Toby Crisford

Good luck

Saturday, 24 November

[12:00 PM] GLaDOS kills Free Waterfall Sr.. For science.
GLaDOS reports:

We do what we must because we can.

[16:00 PM] Perceptron (repaired) shoots some innocents
Perceptron (repaired) reports:

So, I was playing with a new gun this afternoon, and shot a couple of innocents in the process-hope that's cool

The Umpire: I can't actually make you any more wanted.

[16:10 PM] Swishy, Ezio Auditore da Firenze, tacticallemon and Austerity Measures avoid being barbecued by Levitating BBQ
Levitating BBQ reports:

I decided to try and go on a bit of a rampage today, planning to kill Swishy, Ezio Auditore da Firenze, tacticallemon, and Austerity Measures, but sadly all of them escaped unharmed :(

I first went to the accommodation of Swishy at about 15:30 but found it was locked. I had seen a back entrance to the college on a map that looked like it joined up to the accommodation building, so I tried there instead. It was again locked so I waited on the street outside for about 5 minutes until some people arrived who I followed in. Unfortunately aside from the difficulty of gaining access, this college entrance was no better than the main one, and I was back where I started. I finally climbed a staircase that looked like it could join up with her building, but again this failed.

I next headed over to the accommodation of Ezio Auditore da Firenze at about 15:50. Fortunately this was much less secure and I was able to get to his room with ease. I knocked before retreating to a safe(r) distance and drew my gun. I heard a male voice say something along the lines of "hang on" and heard the sound of a door open, but as I prepared to fire I realised it was the next door down, and instead of Ezio Auditore da Firenze who I presumed to be male, I was confronted with someone who looked decidedly female. She explained that she thought the knock had been on her door and that she didn't think Ezio Auditore da Firenze was in, but this conflicted with the fact that I'd heard a male voice answer my knock. I decided to wait a bit longer, but nothing seemed to happen. I then tried the door and to my surprise it was unlocked! But as I began to open it further I heard that same voice say "Is that Paul? Leave it on the desk". I was sure Ezio Auditore da Firenze, in such unsecure of accommodation, could not have made it this far by being that careless, so concluded that some form of trap awaited me inside. I retreated and resumed my patient wait outside his room. But after a minute or so of nothing happening and the arrival of a third suspicious looking person behind me, I decided it was time to cut my losses and move on to easier prey.

I reached the accommodation of tacticallemon and Austerity Measures at about 16:10. Once again there seemed to be no easy way to gain access, but having come a long way I thought it was worth waiting outside for a few minutes. After about a 5 minute wait someone came with a bike and began to enter the building. I knew it wasn't tacticallemon but there was a chance it was Austerity Measures. I prepared my gun and called out 'Austerity Measuresn' but there was no noticeable response. I then, gun still ready, walked up and asked him if he was Austerity Measures or tacticallemon, or if he knew them. He correctly deduced I was an assassin, claimed he knew them but they weren't in, before quickly hurrying off into the building. I didn't know whether to believe him or not but either way there didn't seem to be much I could do about it, so I headed off a little disappointed.

[17:00 PM] tacticallemon battles Thomas Ruddle (Frank Fontaine AKA Wheatley)
tacticallemon reports:

Victory! I overcame Frank Fontaine in an epic duel around Parker's Piece. After vying for position around the ice rink, we closed for a final exchange of fire, and my final bullet caught him before he could dodge. And so the lemon rolls into open season.

[18:15 PM] Swishy's cunning plan to rid the world of Ezio Auditore da Firenze and Austerity Measures fails.
Swishy reports:

Today at 13.00 and 18.15 respectively I made attempts on two of my fellow surviving assassins in the hope of eliminating some of the competition standing between me and my goal of victory. The plans I had concocted to rid the world of Ezio Auditore da Firenze and Austerity Measures were so incredibly cunning and subtle that they would not know they were dead until...well, they were dead. However, neither target turned up to the place he was meant to be at the right time for me to kill him, so unfortunately they are still alive and I merely wasted 45 minutes of Saturday afternoon revision time... Ho hum the life of a live assassin...

Sunday, 25 November

[22:40 PM] The Nanobots finally make a kill! (of James Robbs (Ezio Auditore da Firenze))
Ezio Auditore da Firenze reports:

Ezio had left his door unlocked again. A Borgia agent simply walked in and ended him as he sat at his desk. Drawing his final few breaths, Ezio wondered in amusement how he had managed to survive for so long in such an undefended casa.

Others must now continue his work.

Nothing is true. Everything is permitted.

Nanobots reports:

The nanobots had struck. As the life seeped out of their target, washing many nanobots away, countless more swarmed over the body. The assimilation of his corpse into nanobots began. In death, he gave life to uncountable nanobots. Their name is nanobots. Their number legion.

The Umpire: Levitating BBQ must be feeling sort of annoyed...

Monday, 26 November

[23:59 PM] Absolutely nothing happened today.

Tuesday, 27 November

[19:15 PM] Mom IV does not accept weaklings within her ranks. Tinny Tim's ghost... somehow manages to die again? As well as another innocent...
Mom IV reports:

Hope its ok that a very annoying innocent who claims to have no work to do is also now dead, and his compatroit, well a job unfinished is no job at all...bring it on POLICE!

Tinny Tim's ghost has finally managed to exhaust all variations of Tinny Tim I can think of. So his chip, containing all his personality, has been moved to a new body. Hencefoth, he shall be known as Destructor.

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