The Assassins' Guild: Lent 2016 Game Awards

For various achievements and entertainments, the following awards are presented:

The Holzhauer Award for Psychopathy:

Christopher Bowring, for making (at least) 5 kills, accomplicing 5 more, and wiping out everyone else in the duel.

The Kenny Award for Dying Far Too Many Times:

Twm Stone, for 6 recorded deaths.
Honourable Mention to Peter Rugg, for 3 in the first week.

The Lemming Award for the First to Die:

Justin Wilkinson, for dying about 10 minutes after the game started.

The Harland Quinn Golden Quill for the Most Amusing Reports:

Withheld, for a distinct lack of sustained personas.
Honourable mention to Curtis Reubens, for a death report that brought a tear to the Umpire's eye, and to Michael Warman, for his glorious incobash report.

The Yellow Streak Award for Running Away:

Daniel Chiverton, who turned up to the incobash while incompetent for the protection it gave him, then locked himself in a toilet when his incobash team dissolved and refused to come out for several hours.

The Brutus Award for Best Betrayal:

Curtis Reubens, for betraying the Mathia (and taking the pseudonym 'Brutus'!).

The Darwin Award for Death by Stupidity:

Will Grace, for wearing a hoody with his name on it and as a result being stabbed.

The Obfuscated Tutorial System Award for Silliest Pseudonym:

Tom Flynn, Gwilym Kuiper, Claire Farey, James Brotherston, Freddie Brewer, Ellie Holderness, Georgina Turner, Fred Alford, Richard Birkett, Joe Tomkinson and Kai Hugtenburg, for 'A member of a loose coalition of players consisting of σ(Claire Farey), σ(Curtis Reubens), σ(Ellie Holderness), σ(Fred Alford), σ(Freddie Brewer), σ(Georgie Turner), σ(Gwylim Kuiper), σ(James Brotherston), σ(Joe Tomkinson), σ(Kai Hugtenburg), σ(Tom Flynn) for σ in S₁₁'.
Honourable Mention to Andrew Raison, for a single newline character.

The Zaphod Beeblebrox Award for Style:

Alex Hardwick, for dropping the bass on Jonny Phillips.

The Laurel and Hardy Award for Most Amusing Double-Act:

Alexis de Vivenot and Christopher Bowring, for forgoing the use of (well-deserved) extra pseudonyms in favour of continuing the plot of Tintin and the Picaros.

The Catherine Zentile Award for Least Innocent Innocent:

Daniel Heydecker, for systematically betraying the Mathia to Alex Hardwick, including by giving James a 'really interesting maths problem' so he stopped watching Curtis' back.

The Reversed Burden of Johannes Award for Unintentionally Killing Innocents:

Freddie Brewer, who went wanted several times.

The David Duffit Award for Secrecy and Deception:

Alex Hardwick, for setting many tempting anonymous bounties targetting incos, inviting all the surviving members to an unofficial duel and then not turning up, and allying with EVERYONE in the end-of-game duel.

The Mario Sainz-Martinez Award for cowwuption:

Alex Hibbert, for coaxing a large chocolate bounty in exchange for information about an incompetent, then killing them anyway, and Kim Ward, for the illicit posting of a sniper on the roof of the CMS.

The David and Goliath Award for Best Giant-Killing Activity by a New Player:

Clara Ding, for tricking the Umpire into bearing with an adorable fluffy "killer sheep".
Honourable Mention to Alasdair Glen, for killing the previous Umpire at his door.

The Three Hours Early Award for Paranoia:

Freddie Brewer, for pulling a gun on his own gown.

The 'Do you have my fish?' Award for Excuse Least Likely To Get Someone To Open The Door:

Michael French, whose attempt to convince a target he was a friend failed when they recognised his voice from the attempt 5 minutes previously.

The Banker's Bonus Award for Profit:

Twm Stone, for killing his own Chief of Police to claim three bounties simultaneously.

The Butch Cassidy Award for Most Doomed Killing Spree:

Alexey Sorokin, for killing a string of illicit targets, half of which were annulled, and subsequently being killed on the day of going wanted.

The Maximus Decimus Meridius Award for Best Fight to the Death:

Kim Ward and Alexey Sorokin, for a showdown over dinner with paper laser swords.

The Bandwidth Bandit Award for Non-textual Reports:

Curtis Reubens, for making the betrayal of his mafia public via YouTube.

The Order of the Black Coat Award for Application of the Art of Disguise:

James Brotherston, for disguising himself as Alex Hardwick when attempting on Joe Gregory.

The Dirty Dozen Award for Best Duodecuple Act:

The Mathia, for trying (and failing) to prevent Part II Maths being the inevitable bloodbath, posting their names and faces jumbled up on Facebook, and then upon betrayal, crossed out the traitor's face, meaning he was the only one people couldn't identify.

The 'My Hero' Award for the Biggest Fanclub:

Joe Gregory, for exclaiming "OMG Alex Hardwick, you are my Assassins hero, I've wanted to meet you for ages!!" when it wasn't even the real Alex Hardwick.

The Adam Smith Award for Services to Economics:

Alex Hardwick, for the complex bounty economy that developed, with certain bounties passing through several deaths.

The Judas Award for Trying to Betray Someone, But They Miraculously Live Thanks to the Power of the Almighty:

James Brotherston, (for taking the pseudonym 'Judas'!!), and having his attempt to betray Freddie Brewer fail after Alex Hardwick's name flashed up very obviously on his phone.
Honourable Mention to Twm Stone, for trying to kill his CoP, who survived by dint of falling over at an appropriate moment.

The Gentleman's Award for Reverse Profit:

Queen Margery Tyrell, for arranging for a picnic to be brought to the incobash.

The Pedants' Award for Attention to Detail:

Isobel Sands and Jack Robinson, for being the only ones who included the secret word in the signup email.
Dishonourable Mention to all the rest of you, a group which included 4 past and future Umpires. Rule 11.8, you all suck.

The Police Hero Medal for Outstanding Service:

Jack Robinson, for giving up his life to the eventual winner less than an hour after his going wanted.

The Couldn't Make It Up Award for Ironic Pseudonym Choice:

Twm Stone and Clara Ding, for coming up with 'Jon Snow' and 'Ghost' independently.

The Peace in the Middle East Award for Fragile Alliances:

The Churchill Mafia, who achieved a spectacular 87% internal casualty rate in the first week.

The FIFA Independent Ethics Committee Award for Legitimate Business Practices:

Lyanna Stark, for attempting to bribe the Umpire with chocolate tiffin 15 minutes after the conclusion of the previous game.

The Speedrun Award for Rapid Target Clearing:

Raghul Parthipan, for killing his first three targets within a 24 hours of the start of the game.

The Orange Scarf Award for Subtlety:

Kim Ward, who went on several raids, including the entire incobash, dressed as a panda.

The George R. R. Martin Award for Commitment to the Plot:

Alex Hibbert, who somehow managed to make the whole game make sense in a Game of Thrones context, writing thousands of words of consistent reports whilst fulfilling his role as Chief of Police, weaving in subtle banter about the Umpire, and producing a duel report of truly epic proportions.

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