Cloak & Dagger The Assassins' Guild - Week 5 News

Saturday, 15 February

[16:00 PM] little fella puth a thtop to Benjamin Weber (Thargo Hoath)
little fella reports:

We once went inco-bashing together. Today I had to it myself.

Thargo Hoath reports:

Alath, Thargo hath fallen. Ath I returned to my quarterth to ethamine thome tekthtth I needed for my thpeech lethonth, Krazovski burtht out from behind me, brandithing hith weapon. In my enthuthiathm for the art of thpeech, I had forgotten about the litht, and now they had dithcovered me! It only took a few thotth from hith wepon, and I wath bleeding out on the ground. No one thall ether know what Hilman wath trying to do.

Sunday, 16 February

[13:15 PM] End of the Line for Tom Zhang (Tank Engine) in the race against Nitros Oxide
Nitros Oxide reports:

{translated from the original Gasmoxian}

*cut to studio with neither anchor there* *camera pans up to a spaceship* Hello to all you lucky Gasmoxians - you asked for it, so we delivered. We're going to commentate live this week and physically put ourselves in harm's way! What's this for, you ask? It's only for SURVIVAL OF THE FAAAAAAASSSSTEST! Yes, we're going to travel with that noblest of racers (by which I mean completely and utterly ignoble), Nitros Oxide, to his latest victim..uh, I mean challenger!

Let's find out who that should be, Zam, because we've got some travelling to do! Did you fix the hyperdrive? Obviously, I got Dingodile on the case pretty much instantly. So good to have sponsorship from N. Brio. On that note, here's a message from Dr. N. Brio himself: "STOP PLAYING WITH SLINKIES! I INVENTED THEM, THEY'RE MINE!" He sponsored this whole program just to say that. Seems that way, Zam!

Anyway, let's SPIN. THE. WHEEL! *spins* Oh good, it isn't far. I mean, um... OH MY VELO IT'S [COLLEGE-PLANET REDACTED]. One of the bedrocks of civilisation, it's probably one of the richest planets in the known universe. It's represented by Tom Zhang, who combined his love of sports and his planet's wealth to build a sports-themed rocket. Odd choice in the modern era, isn't it Zam, when the UFO-style spaceship shape is preferred by most people? Yes, but Zhang loves his straight line speed - and you just can't get that with something as unaerodynamic as a UFO!

And we've arrived! Just at the same time as Oxide, it seems, who is currently using cunning and guile (and his best innocent voice) to persuade a local citizen to give him access to the planet's surface. However, it seems that Mr Zhang is not there - what a shock! Does this mean that we'll have to call it a night? ZAM - THERE - LOOK OUT THE WINDOW! It's Tom Zhang's craft! Oxide has seen it too and he's hiding out on the planet - in a bar, obviously! Being the most famous racer in the known universe must take a lot out of you, eh, Zem?

We're just getting info in now that says that Zhang has returned from his sporting endeavours, but he's accompanied by an accomplice. And Oxide burst out of the bar as he hears Zhang approaching - his accomplice shouts to warn Zhang, but it's too late! Oxide has got him and the race is on!


And that's it for Zhang! He's lost and Oxide is the winner! Guess what that means now, Zem? Um, they all shake hands and Oxide goes home for some brunch? NO, WE TURN THEIR PLANET INTO A PARKING LOT! I should warn any children or aliens with nervous dispositions to look away now like the wusses they are.

*intergalactic space laser sounds*

Woops, looked like the Asphalt Cannon was a little overpowered - we may have destroyed [COLLEGE-PLANET REDACTED]. Ah well, it's not like it wasn't worth it for god-tier TV!

Till next time, hail Emperor Velo the 27th!

Tuesday, 18 February

[14:00 PM] Ioannis Sarigiannidis (Paige the Perplexed) and William Eamon Callison (Eamon) (Dante) thunderbolted

Wednesday, 19 February

[15:00 PM] Cheesey Ostrich changes the weather report, no more Patrick Stevens (Stormbringer)

Thursday, 20 February

[10:00 AM] The War Doctor hunts down and kills criminal Daniel (Danny) Hunt (Purple Turtle)
The War Doctor reports:

No More!

[15:00 PM] No one in when little fella comes around
little fella reports:

Two colleges, very close to each other. I always got them confused. Fortunately, there's someone who I wish dead in both of them. Unfortunately, they're either aware of that and hence take appropriate precautions, or just don't see any reasons to leave their rooms in week 5 (which is probably more likely).

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