Cloak & Dagger The Assassins' Guild - Week 1 News

Friday, 11 June

[16:00 PM] The game begins!!

Go! Now! Kill!

[17:24 PM] The game gets poked with a stick

[17:31 PM] One of Ed's broken morris sticks enjoys some pleasant socialising with Hot Crossbow Bunny, killing him in the process
One of Ed's broken morris sticks reports:

Hot Crossbow Bunny visited my humble abode while I was waiting for the player list to appear. A duel round our house occurred, ending by my shooting of him while hiding in my own bathroom. I then enjoyed a pleasant chat with his corpse.

Hot Crossbow Bunny reports:

Alas my attempt failed, however the home of Simon Taylor is great for epic chases!! I am pre-emptivly thanking all his housmates who will let anyone in !! Feeling that my weaponry could be improved I Then zombie walked to retrive my namesake bunnies. In doing so was comfronted by a nameless assasain but I was already dead.

[17:34 PM] I heard a dude. He did not however stay to hear my ballad.
Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] reports:

yours sincerely, Bilbo Baggins (Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1). p.s.I no longer have the Ring. But I do think I am about to have another adventure... As an Eventer, I don't consider myself to be playing, but I kill and die like the players do. Eventing is partly intended for older people still wanting to be involved in Mayweek, I'm doing it to guarantee it has a pioneer this time round. Oldies worry about unsuitable accomodation (cf my address) or about their jobs/departments (A place I will essentially never be this week, so leave it alone, eh? you young Tooks and Brandybucks) In exchange for such, Eventers are constrained not to be allowed to win. Or about taking it too seriously, so Im only taking this around as seriously as Ive been taking CTF or Generals or Plan 9 for those who know what such things are... It's "Eventer" for participant in the style of a Killing Event, at least in my book (which is red and written in an elegant if spidery hand...) To mark this as a campaign for the older, my nyms this week will include various old sci fi/famtasy characters :)

[17:50 PM] Attempt close but fails
Cassius Chaerea reports:

At 1745 Gustav Mogull attempted an assasssination on myself with a capgun, but failed since he shot me from too far away. He then ran offf before I could retaliate.

[19:15 PM] Tithe My Wok meets Wxrthltl Jwlpklz and Doctor Octagonapus. The latter flees, the former does not...

[19:50 PM] No Use For a Pseudonym was killed by Tithe My Wok while making a C3PO costume.
A Flemish Flamingo reports:

A swift hunt with limited subtlety through the assassin's home college found some assassins and many unanswered doors or empty rooms. Despite some assassin absences, 'No Use For a Pseudonym' was surprised in the middle of a blast of costume-making creativity by the simultaneous attack of water and nerf by myself and Tithe my Wok, after Spork had taken successful steps to get us into the building. Even an hour is ample time for assassins to make their mark, so it seems.

[20:00 PM] Multiple groups turned up in the same place at the same time. Deaths occurred. Squirrel Pyrimidal to The Moist One and The Moist One to Dr. Talos

[20:24 PM] Things Jam, Alex Dies. Especially strawberries. His Lordship the Duke killed Nasreddin Hodja.
Nasreddin Hodja reports:

Saw the Duke a mile off, led him on a long chase through [UNSPECIFIED LOCATION], then just as I was about to reach safety the door jammed, and so did my RBG. Fail...

His Lordship the Duke reports:

I *did* give you a head start. Well, sort of. You were kind of sprinting away before I even got near! Good run though, think we should both enter for the Athletics Club?

[20:25 PM] Zombie Jigglypuff used rollout to stop Dan Baker watching football
Zombie Jigglypuff reports:

Having seen our glorious ex-Prime-Minister wandering around [UNSPECIFIED COLLEGE] I merrily tried to sing him to sleep so that I could eat his brains. Unfortunately, a Zombie Pikachu had recently made off with my throat, leaving me in no state to do any singing.
So instead, I shot him. And then ate his brains.


[21:00 PM] Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] did a doublestrike with single bands to the back in a ballqueue but neither counted :(
Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] reports:

Hobbits are fairly silent, even old ones :) So behind he appeared on his woolly, little old feet, and clic-clic and two are down. Unfortunately, one said he'd told the umpire he was OOB in the queue (though that info was not up when Bilbo left to go on his hunt), and the other one was still dead having previously been murdered by the other one. This was a moderately daring raid due to the this being in the proximity of both the Barad-Dur (UL) and of Skeletor's "Snake Mountain" Fortress (Unspecified_Building). Bilbo is confused at the extent to which the geography has changed since his previous dragon-burgling trip out of the Shire... Bilbo also encourages others to write reports, for these bring the game alive...

[21:20 PM] Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] held what turned out to be Elahrairhah's (Hot Crossbow Bunny) ghost at gunpoint
Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] reports:

Having left Hobbiton in direction of Rivendell having bequeathed Frodo with most of my most prized possessions, I came across a character from another fantasy world and recognized him by his huge red glowy ears that the Blavk Rabbit of Fu Inle had given him in place of his own that he'd sacrificed. Bilbo had been wise enough to keep Sting, however, and drew Sting forth to challenge. Unfortunately, the sacrifice had been mortal and this was but Elahrairah's ghost. P.S. This happened in the region of 6:15. [The number of orders in which one can succesfully enter the time of the event must be small, as that's twice that I've found it *tell me* the wrong time rather than *ask me* to enter the time.] Just as well that neither resulted in fatalities, as fatilities with wrong times make a mess...] Bilbo Baggins at your service, B.B.

[22:00 PM] Cassius Chaerea kills The Marquis de Carabas in Sidney Bar
James Hardman reports:

At 2200 in Sidney Bar I slit the throat of Aneurin Redman-White as he was ordering drinks at the bar.

[22:30 PM] His Lordship the Duke shot The Moist One's corpse
His Lordship the Duke reports:

It was *very* satisfying, shame he was dead at the time.

[22:45 PM] Cassius Chaerea kills Mogulevski

[23:10 PM] Tithe My Wok and Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] get ambushed by His Lordship the Duke and MLIT
MLIT reports:

The moonlight sparkled off Edward's pale skin as he walked towards me. The water from my gun reminded me of the rain. Edward likes the rain. MLIT

His Lordship the Duke reports:

T'was self-defence M'lud. Honest.

Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] reports:

Having spent some of the evening trying and failing to link up with Elrond by phone, Bilbo came across Aragorn, who was in great haste because Arwen and Galadriel were being menaced at an imminently ending unspecified_social. Thus they formed a temporary alliance, just in time for Elrond to zap Bilbo with the "River Bruinen" from some adjacent dark bushes for deigning to enter those parts with a temporary ally. Elrond's grounds, that Bilbo would impale the ambusher with Sting faster than recognize his old pointy-eared pal, were justified insofar as Bilbo got two multikill "stabs" off before being hit and the *third* "stab", i.e. the first posthumous one, took Elrond's legs. That is because Bilbo's first two "stabs" were at the barycentre of the am-bush, which was empty. They were not justified insofar as he could simply have remained silently in his bush and not zapped either of us.

Elbereth Gilthoniel herself was also there (yes, it was *that* unfair) and partook of wasting Aragorn but did not hit Bilbo with her divine radiance. For the nonce, Elrond's shots took Bilbo's legs and gun arm off, the rest of the mess was of Sting's prior own making. "Relatively light" massively fatal damage for an unleashing of the Bruinen such as unhorsed the Nine (probably Churchill Mafia, as others don't have the numbers ;) ). Accounted for by Bilbo flinging himself 4 paces backwards to behind Aragorn (who received the full wrath of the Vala-backed Half-Elven).

So much for Elvish hospitality. O Tra La La Lalley :) Beards do indeed get wet in this Elvish Valley :) :) :)

O Elbereth Gilthoniel
you judged the Scavenging well
I joined in cos you were bored
with little time to afford,
and despite being just three
(but with two from Germany)
we somehow outscored
the Sidney Sock-Raptor Horde ?


one very damp Hobbit.

Saturday, 12 June

[01:33 AM] The candyman massively mistimed his ambush on A Flemish Flamingo and was defeated by security gates

[13:29 PM] Sporks were found to not be so useful as forks...The Moist One and Spork double killed.
The Moist One reports:

Upon receiving an intriguing phone call, i decided to investigate and was met with a water gun outside of a glass door. After a brief skirmish it resulted in the Moist one being moistened and the spork rusted. Note to Umpire: in reporting the double kill a difficulty was encountered in the form of who killed who: Spork did NOT commit suicide, I was just failsome in the form filling. The correct report is the 13:29 report. Sorry!

[14:14 PM] Gordon Brown (texture like sun) raises duty on Pimms. The Paradox and Zombie Jigglypuff set to lose out.

[14:15 PM] Tithe My Wok finds The Marquis de Carabas, and it is experimentally determined that a single rubber band beats a sword.

[14:30 PM] Cassius Chaerea shoots Mogulevski at the Union Society Garden Party

[14:45 PM] Red Neck kills Crazy, Salty, Noodle, Doctor Octagonapus, Limes and Noodle shoots an 'innocent'
Doctor Octagonapus reports:

So there we were, having a bit of water-based japery in the summer sun, when another individual joined us roughly from behind. Watery death resulted.

Simon Cash-Whalory reports

at approximatelye an quattere to three of the clocke, did myself espy one Matthew Hinks assassinatinge a tottale of four churchillian rascalles (Michael Darling, Imran Shakir, and two otheres) upon the bankes of yon Cam ryver. The fourth rascalle did pronounce himself alreadye deceased. As I stood watchynge the slaughter, a fyfthe villayne (this tyme a lady, Katie King) did appear and slaye me wythe a flaymethrowere. The most honourable esquire Hinks did then wreake upon her a most grayve punyshement, and slayne were she.

[15:00 PM] Card Games on Motorcycles (without card games or motorcycles but plenty of death). Leroy Jenkins killed Deniable Iron
Leroy Jenkins reports:

Deniable Iron waited outside LEROY JENKIN'S room's as LEEROOY JENKIIINS came back from the shower, but LEEEEEEEERRRRRROOOYY JEEENKINS had chicken (which was actually a throwing knife) and killed him.

Daniel O'Brien reports:

Despite going into that Rookery having done the number-crunch and given myself a thirty-two point three three [repeating of course] percentage of survival, I got Leeroy'd. Counter-ambushed by my target snaking back from the shower hiding a knife beneath his bath-towel. Hopefully he did not loot my beloved Devout Shoulders.

[16:10 PM] Ice cream is a dangerous luxury. Red Neck is discharged from office by Dr. Talos, but revenged by his colleague Professor Monster

[16:10 PM] The Editor has No Use For a Pseudonym as he rushes to meet certain deadlines...
The Editor reports:

The Editor's comment: Love the hair. Especially the way it holds rubber bands which are fired into it. Couldn't resist trying :D

[16:46 PM] His Lordship the Duke shoots R.C. in the back as he enjoys the delights of $UNSPECIFIED garden party
His Lordship the Duke reports:

Sorry old boy, hope my kill of you wasn't too R.C.. I hope you enjoyed the Pimms and oysters!

*Bell Rings* 200th kill

[17:00 PM] A crazed squirrel takes revenge

[17:13 PM] Gordon Brown (texture like sun) ended boom, bust and The Paradox

[17:29 PM] Dude, you forgot to enter a headline >:|

[17:32 PM] A crazed squirrel takes revenge

[17:48 PM] The Marquis de Carabas was murdered in his hidden mansion by Tithe My Wok

[18:06 PM] Failed ambush ensues double kill. And then another kill.
The Fourth Doctor reports:

Although forewarned by a tap-tapping on my window, I failed to hear this due to rocking out in my meditation chamber. Therefore, the first I heard of the attack was the screams of two assassins dying simultaenously. Grabbing the nearest gun to hand, I peeked out my door and fired several shots at the one surviving attacker. My gun, however, had rubbish range and I was forced to retreat and retrieve my far superior primary weapon. The target was then downed successfully.

Dr. Hax reports:

Sneaking up on Leroy Jenkins failed due to him not being in his room, and instead being on the other side of a galss door, knife in hand and intent to kill. However, my lighning reflexes prevented him savouring the victory as while his kife was yet still in the air, I shot him throguh the gut, how very pyrrhic. I can only conclude that while a top hat is indeed stylish everingwear for the modern assassin, it is not very subtle.

Leroy Jenkins reports:

Went to get some food (I wasn't going to make the joke, but it was chicken actually today) And noticed blatent Clare assassins in the corner of my eye. I contacted Zordon, but he couldn't summon teh megazord because he was listening to the awesome score (or travis which is considerably less awesome). Planning a sneak attack on the assassins but ended up in a double kill against Dr. Hax, Flamingo tried to kill me but the opportunity was already robbed. Zordon arose from the command centre, but Flamingo grew to a monstrous size (or she was really close I'm not sure), finally summoning the ultrazord he shot her.

[18:50 PM] Cassius Chaerea stabs R.C., but he is already dead!

[19:15 PM] The Marquis de Carabas mutilates the corpse of Mogulevski, just to make sure
The Marquis de Carabas reports:

Aha! After a long day being hunted by sinister and apparently immortal killers, I located Mogulevski and stabbed him in the neck at some kind of function. Unfortunately he was already dead.

[19:25 PM] Cassius (Cassius Chaerea) stabbed by Monty (Monty Crackers)
Sean Tull reports:

During the Union Garden Party, I witnessed James stab another assassin just a few feet away from me. Unfortunately for James, I then emerged to stab him, and the other assassin had already been dead at the time. This happened at quarter past five.

[20:35 PM] Massacre of the Innocents - Tsinakan, the great king, king of the land of Kasadgad, brother to the sun and moon brutally slaughters seven bystanders!
Tsinakan, the great king, king of the land of Kasadgad, brother to the sun and moon reports:

Thus speaks Tsinakan, the great king, king of the land of Kasadgad, brother to the sun and moon:
Before I sat on the throne of my father, all the foreign countries were hostile against me. The neighboring foreign countries spoke thus: "His father was a valiant king. He had conquered enemy countries. Then he became a god. But the one who now sits on the throne of his father is a child."
When I, brother to the sun and moon, sat on the throne of my father, even before I went to the foreign countries who were hostile against me, I went to the feasts of the mother goddess. I celebrated them and I lifted my hand toward the shining mother. I spoke thus:
"O my mistress, light of the stars, the neighboring countries who called me 'a child' have belittled me. Then, they have started to attack the borders of your holy land, my mistress! Strike the heathen down!"
The mother goddess heard the words of my mouth. She rose me up and strengthened my arm. I defeated those Mathmos, Natscis, Historians, and Mahal waiters who rose against me in ten years. I have destroyed them. I captured prisoners, oxes and sheep, and I sent them back to the land of Mahal.

[21:01 PM] Zombie Jigglypuff eats Gordon Brown (texture like sun)'s brains. Again.
Zombie Jigglypuff reports:

Zombie Jigglypuff was annoyed. Despite having had his brains eaten the day before, Gordon Brown (texture like sun) had tripped it over that morning, spilling Zombie Jigglypuff's own brains and limbs and other not-so-vital organs all over the place. It had taken Zombie Jigglypuff hours to find them all again!
On the plus side, Zombie Jigglypuff DID find a new voicebox while searching. Hooray! Jigglypuff can sing again!!

So, on discovering Gordon Brown (texture like sun) watching football, Zombie Jigglypuff decided to try out it's new-found singing voice and lull the ex-Prime Minister to sleep. It worked. So Gordon Brown (texture like sun)'s brains got eaten. Again.


[21:15 PM] Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] used Stinglet on Esther Nicoll
Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] reports:

In sneaked Bilbo, through a sidepassage into The Mountain. But what's this, it isn't Smaug that lives in this mountain, but the Lady of Rohan, and she has company! Eowyn (Es) was on a mattress on the floor with someone else (Faramir the Innocent ?), under a cover. I inserted a bandgun on Es's side and fired. Apparently his arm was in that region too, so I also got him. I do not know if he was trying to defend her (ie accomplice, e.g. by grabbing more of the cover or *interposing* his arm) I'm assuming not, unless told otherwise :)
Bilbo then left with a "My name is Bilbo Baggins, Bilbo Baggins at your service" curtesy, for which stylepoints are pleaded, for all that no Baking was involved.
This action happened at 21:15 in fact. Oopsie about the time, Bilbo was in a hurry. Change if relevant (ie if Es is killed at a *really* ungodly hour.
Nor can poor old Bilbo figure out how to report deaths. He wishes Frodo had been there to help him with all this new-fangled technology...

[21:30 PM] The Elusive Higg's Boson did not think that The Moist One was adequately living up to his title, and swiftly rectified this.

[22:00 PM] Murder at the Superbop
Cassius Chaerea reports:

At Sidney's last bop of the term, appropriately titled "Something to do before you die" I stabbed Aneurin Redman-White to death (2200) and then sniped Gustav Mogull from afar as he entered, dressed as a Mafia enforcer, to assassinate me.

[22:45 PM] Cohen the Barbarian (because it's never too late to invade a thinly-disguised caricature of the Chinese Empire) shot Neal Carr, Robert Sullivan and Julian Willis. Leroy wisely chose to run in the opposite directionan and Leroy. Julian Willis wisely chose to run in the opposite direction
Cohen the Barbarian (because it's never too late to invade a thinly-disguised caricature of the Chinese Empire) reports:

And so I decided to invade Churchill because it was the most populous and started with the letters C, H and I didn't bother to read more... I did so because She Ra told me to. Unfortunately the outcome was different from expected: I recognized Neal Carr outside among a group of 4 men, but could not be sure they were all *assassins*, some might just be spectators. So I bared before I need have, where the ground got narrow, to try and funnel them. Willis, to his credit, managed to escape sideways down the road, whilst I cut the other three down on and around the footpath. Neal Carr disputed the outcome of the third kill, (He showed his could fire halfway across the road, I showed mine fired all the way across the road *and* I'd kept well away, plus I had him pinned, rained down lineshots, and my gun was prone to dribbling (as it demonstrated whilst we duelled). I did not go into how I'd sliced at his legs before wetting the upper portions of him with rather later shots, or how killing range is smaller than actual range due to dodging, but that doesn't apply to my fire as they were lineshots covering the entire width of the gravelly crevasse I'd pinned him in. Nevertheless, I thought a duel was the man even more amicable and entertaining way to resolve it than hard science and demos of at what distance I can dodge hundreds of small arms fire shots in a row from, and agreed to duel with some equal weapons. (Incidentally they were also weapons for which experience counts less than for waterguns). He lost because a) he ran out of ammo before me and b) could not then outrun me.
So yes, strong veterans do exist, even if Cohen is a somewhat old one (he is 93 in Terry Pratchett when he invades the Agatean Empire?). That sort of fight, and how I handled it with brief calls that didn't interrupt the flow of play, is common in *varsity matches*. If you like it, come to Varsity Practises next year! In my heyday I often did beat 3 or 4 opponents at once, even fairly seasoned ones such as some of my Apprentices (no, not including you, Twillo, you were always a bit *too* special and are now the UK's best assassin waterfighter, just as I once was). I still got somesuch victories with *equal* weapons this last General's Event, ask e.g. your mate Matt Hinks :)
As a point of fairness, I'll say that I know of three others among the players in this game who can fight to that kind of effect, whilst perhaps twice as many I know to be around halfway there.

[23:10 PM] Cohen the Barbarian (because it's never too late to invade a thinly-disguised caricature of the Chinese Empire) shot Danae Mercer
Cohen the Barbarian (because it's never too late to invade a thinly-disguised caricature of the Chinese Empire) reports:

Let's begin this episode with the nice clip here , with the following changes to the words.

Crystal Castle --> White Castle

Spirit --> Bandit

Greyskull --> Unspecified_Light_Side_Magic_PowerSource

EEEEvil forces of Hordak --> EEEEvil forces of Tunnardak

That music also introduces me, Madame Razz, a witch who is so old that she has forgotten quite a few spells, though her heart is in the right place and she is one of She Ra's few confidants.

In today's story, we start in a spiky borderland fortress of the Horde.

Tiwawa Tiwawa Tiwah (Menacing Horde undertone)

Cut to picture of Tunnardak (on a Punt).

Tunnard: "Heh, heh, heh. Well done Shadow Weaver!" (some cousin of Ben's, eh, SheilaMaf, Amy, etc? ;)

Shadow Weaver: "You arrre too kind, my liiiiege"

Tunnard: "Not only have you taken the most endurant member of the population away from the recruiters of the Rebellion and incarcerated her inside a spiky prison fortress, and tethered her marathon-running ability to a giant hamster wheel that will power the Horde's definitive armaments,"

[Cut to a gigantic red doom-cannon approximately 1 kilometre long. Cut back.]

...but your spell has even caused her to forget who she is, and become unfindable by NOT SPECIFYING HER ROOM NUMBER!"

Loud whirling noises. Madame Razz approaches.

Razz "Wheelie Really Turny When, the Abducted Rebel Lives in Number 10!"

A Giant Pancake falls on her head. There are still loud whirling noises.

Razz "Lighty County from Left till Right, the Neighbour Who's in is Number Eight!"

Kowl laughs as a copy of the Conservative Manifesto materializes and begins to chase Madame Razz.

Razz "Lighty County from Right till Left, This Choice of Doorbell is The Most Deft!!!"

And there she was.

Razz: "Hamster wheel, you are Old News, Become again her Running Shoes!!!"

(this spell involved water from a bright plastick device, labelled S ... u ... p ... e ... r ... S ... o...)

Pompoma: "What happened, where am I?

Razz: "you were placed under a spell by the Horde, which stopped you from running around helping to free Etheria! But now you can join the Great Rebellion, go out hunting for Horde Robots, Leech-Man, Shadow Weaver, Mantenna and Tunnardak himself"

Pompoma: "Oh, and my room number is Three"

Diddy Dirry Dit Dirirdit Dit Tuh! (noise coincident with appearance of Madame Razz in above videoclip. 5Cut to Tunnardak deriding Shadow Weaver for not using an enchantment so feeble that even Madame Razz can break it]

So now we know, folks, Danae Mercer lives in *number 3* (roomnumbers should be given, eh, and what better way of finding out than a game-kill, eh, viewers!)

She Ra and I would like to end with an important word. Of course Richard didn't actually tether Danae to a giant hamster wheel so as to hyper-pressurized a gigantic CPS that used to belong to Nick Plummer... But very occasionally real life bad things do happen during assassins buisness. If so, you should tell such as an Umpire, a Cabal or an Auror.

I'll use this as closing theme, for it's a worded variant thereof (itself actually the Intro of the "Sword of Power")

Sunday, 13 June

[00:30 AM] Distinctive costumes prove fatal

[00:50 AM] Squirrel Pyrimidal kills both Wxrthltl Jwlpklz and Limes

[08:40 AM] Cohen The Barbarian carried off a lovely maiden forlorn (Sophie Kneller) into oblivion
Cohen the Barbarian (because it's never too late to invade a thinly-disguised caricature of the Chinese Empire) reports:

Cohen came across a lovely maiden forlorn (Sophie Kneller) in some random part of town. Being a polite Barbarian, he let her draw and shoot first before he struck her down with the flat of his axe. Cohen is scandalized that there weren't any Temple Guards to preliminarily cut down before getting as far as the maiden. Quite unlike the good old days, when guards were a guaranteed appetiser.
Apparently the cult in question was that of Richard Tunnard (it's not clear if he's the prophet, the god, the sacrifice-claiming demon or any combinations thereof in this system of belief...)

[10:00 AM] A plot unravelled
Cassius Chaerea reports:

Coming out of the shower, I overheard Gustav Mogull discussing a plot to kill me. Sneaking around, I took a shot at Gustav before he could complete his plan, but unfortunately missed. After laying low, I managed to reenter my room without incident.

[11:04 AM] The Paradox had a quick jog, somehow stabbing Gordon Brown (texture like sun) in the process. Oh, revenge is sweet!

[11:20 AM] Blood sinks into the brown brick of Churchill... Penis-on, Wxrthltl Jwlpklz and Salty are taken down by Elrond, MLIT and Spork respectively
MLIT reports:

It was sunny outside. Edwin was sat in his room, curtains closed. He cant go outside or people will know he's different, not quite human... MLIT

Elrond reports:

Three Cards for the Clare-kings under the sky
Seven for the New Hall-ladies in their halls of concrete
Nine for Mortal Minions doomed to die
In the Land of Churchill where the Shadows lie
One Card to rule them all, One Card to find them
One Card to bring them all and in The Darkness bind them
In the Land of Churchill where the shadows lie.

[12:15 PM] And finally one bites the dust as Spork kills Wxrthltl Jwlpklz
Spork reports:

This actually happened at about 12.15 not 12.29 but I misentered things, sorry.

[13:00 PM] Hercule Poirot killed Leroy Jenkins and The Fourth Doctor who killed Red Neck who killed Super-happy-face =D!. Professor Monster survived the carnage
Hester Thorneycroft reports:

I concur. If you're going to hold a stake-out outside someone's room for over an hour (as I did), then do make sure you're facing the right way. Particularly if you're perfectly recognisable from behind... regardless, it was nice to bear witness to some lively banter (i.e. over-enthusiastic friendly fire) as a corpse afterwards!

[13:00 PM] Massacre of the Innocents II - Tsinakan, the great king, king of the land of Kasadgad, brother to the sun and moon continues his rampage and casts down fourteen more unbelievers!
Tsinakan, the great king, king of the land of Kasadgad, brother to the sun and moon reports:

Thus speaks Tsinakan, the great king, king of the land of Kasadgad, brother to the sun and moon:
I think we've been through the spiel already. Time to strike down some more heathens!

[13:57 PM] Fresh air proved fatal. Dr. Talos killed The Moist One

[14:44 PM] Proof that Morris should be done with Sporks, Spork killed One of Ed's broken morris sticks

[15:10 PM] Tithe My Wok goes on a killing spree of sorts

[15:35 PM] Tithe My Wok's killing spree was abruptly ended

[16:24 PM] Dude, you forgot to enter a headline >:|

[16:30 PM] Garden party carnage
MLIT reports:

Today I met a man named Marc, one of the Volturi. He wanted my blood, so I stabbed him and let his royal blood drench the green carpeted lawn of the orchard. MLIT

[16:52 PM] Platymapus got Suicide Sundae'd
Platymapus reports:

PlatypusFail :(

[16:55 PM] His Lordship the Duke takes out Squirrel Pyrimidal but mistakenly stabs someone who looks surprisingly like another member of the same college...
His Lordship the Duke reports:

I saw a fearsome-looking squirrel in my garden and set my hunting chihuahua on it, curious as to which would emerge victorious. It turns out that my little cur is feistier than I'd given it credit for, since it returned to me with a bloody corpse in its little fangs.

*NB* This kill was achieved with an amusing killer attack animal and whilst wearing a top hat. Style points please?

[17:00 PM] Leroy Jenkins runs in and screws over his teammates
Leroy Jenkins reports:

After an earlier betrayal, I have respawn and teh doctor have regeneration, but they both had a delicious amount of force gems so I killed them with two knives and proceeded to looting their corpses. Hopefully this will compensate for them voting me down to Hero of Darkness.

[17:45 PM] The HydroBlade cuts a swath of destruction
Daniel O'Brien reports:

Chilling on Sunday afternoon, I spied a post on <unspecified social network> from Flemish Flamingo, requesting I come outside and play. Being the gentleman I am, I obliged. However I'm not the kind to use the 'front' door.

Using my 'secret' escape route, I abseiled down on to Green Street, and careered around the corner into Rose Crescent, unleashing a volley of fire from the HydroBlade. Yes, /that/ HydroBlade.

Two blondes hanging outside Gardies (who looked suspiciously like Flemish Flamingo) sadly fell in my eagerness for blood, but I soon spotted the targets, and, apologising to the bewildered civilians, charged forth.

Flamingo thought to take me on with a RBG, and her colleague Grohlios fared no better with a thrown knife.

[18:20 PM] The Moist One has trouble with liquids as he is taken out by a pincer of His Lordship the Duke and MLIT
His Lordship the Duke reports:

So sorry old boy, but to be fair you did forfeit your honour when fleeing a young lady in a voluminous (and voluptuous) dress :P

[18:30 PM] Platymapus disappointed Dr. Talos by Already Being Dead. Ololol.
Dan Baker reports:


[18:30 PM] Spork killed Mogulevski

[19:01 PM] Dr. Talos shoots Deniable Iron through Deniable Iron's open window.
Daniel O'Brien reports:

The devious fiend Dr. Talos managed to find my back entrance and fired through my own window and scored himself a RBG kill.

[19:05 PM] I found it, give me a job at CERN? Spork killed The Elusive Higg's Boson

[19:45 PM] Duel to the death results in the death of Compo at Dr. Talos's bands

[20:52 PM] Platymapus and One of Ed's broken morris sticks went to a teddy bear's picnic. Platymapus's teddy bear nommed One of Ed's broken morris sticks's head.
One of Ed's broken morris sticks reports:

Note to self. If you come to a party where the other assassin is due to respawn in 5 minutes time, do not forget this within the next 5 minutes.

[20:55 PM] Garden Party Deaths, Spork killed dust and Son of Sevenless

Monday, 14 June

[01:22 AM] Tithe My Wok was sneaky-sneaky...
The Moist One reports:

I awoke to find a most polite but mildly disconcerting note in my bathroom...

[01:57 AM] One of Ed's broken morris sticks found his maker, and his nemesis
One of Ed's broken morris sticks reports:

Upon respawning, considerably less sober than when I died a few hours before, I noticed that my killer had just departed, along with Mr Morland (the killer of morris sticks). However Twillo made me suspect that she was waiting outside to shoot me, and had sabotaged my RBG just in case. This was clearly just an attempt to make me as paranoid as I was drunk. I thus unsabotaged it and shot Twillo instead.

[12:00 PM] Wedding shenanigans as The Marquis de Carabas leaves his bride at the altar to fight His Lordship the Duke. He dies and his best man Cassius Chaerea swiftly follows. Spork turns into Schrodinger's Cat.
His Lordship the Duke reports:

His Lordship the Duke approached the wedding ceremony, his tan garments standing out among the bright and colourful outfits of the attendees. Bellowing a challenge to The Marquis de Carabas he summoned him from the altar for the promised fight. Drawing their swords, they circled one another and exchanged insults.

The Marquis de Carabas: You would ruin my wedding day, you fiend?

His Lordship the Duke: I would claim the honour of your lady, sirrah, or so-called lady - for I hear she has no honour, nor has she for some years now!

The Marquis de Carabas: Retract that statement, Sir, or perish at my blade!

His Lordship the Duke pulls out a pistol and shoots The Marquis de Carabas square in the chest. As he dies, The Marquis de Carabas cries out:

'Sir, you do me a great injustice! I thought one of noble blood such as yourself would display some honour in combat.'

'The mistake is yours, good sir, for believing an Assassin would display a quality as weak as honour. In any case, my lineage is preserved by preventing such upstarts as yourself from acceding to titled positions. Now, how do I claim my trophy?'

There ensued a fire-fight with The Marquis de Carabas's Proxime and best man. He lived not to see another day's light.

[13:02 PM] A quick battle between The Paradox's sword and Squirrel Pyrimidal's knife saw both of them dead
Squirrel Pyrimidal reports:

A good lesson for the inexperienced killer squirrel, alert your friends not to say "Hi Sophie" when they see you, as this somewhat limits your ability to sneak up on the person in front of them...

[13:45 PM] An Unfortunate escape plan.
Red Neck reports:

Once again, I have failed to use Autoumpire. Limes distinctly remembered me from a previous day- probably with his dying thoughts poised on revenge. I decided to travel to the distant college to meet a few assassins... I failed to find any. However, on my journey out, a certain person glared at me cautiously whilst I walked past and proceded to sprint towards his staircase - closely followed by me. He fell only feet from his door.

[15:52 PM] Hot Crossbow Bunny killed One of Ed's broken morris sticks
Hot Crossbow Bunny reports:

In a terrible lapse of judgement Simon attended a play and displayed this fact on facebook. Thus I was waiting outside his house just after the play ended, and he recieved a rubber band to the back of the head as he entered his house. Goodbye thoughts of shakespere , hello temporary death.

[16:25 PM] Hot Crossbow Bunny ambushed Ol' Mother Hubbard but a warning leads to him running away.

[16:34 PM] The Moist One got confused by the Paradox and mutilated a corpse

[17:23 PM] The Fourth Doctor has a healing pint with His Lordship the Duke and Spork
His Lordship the Duke reports:

Healing but not quite healing enough, it would seem!

[18:11 PM] The Moist one moistens by surprise

[18:13 PM] Further Moist Treachery...

[18:17 PM] Treachery pays a high price...
The Moist One reports:

The final round of treachery was about to begin. My ambush was in place. My Moistener was ready at my side...but then disaster. The traffic blocked the road giving time for the now not so helpless ambushees to prepare. In the confusion of combat the non-combatant Pip was hit while firing off random shots at me. From the chaos it emerged that while Salty had been diluted, but the joys of Autoerotic Asphyxiation had taken their toll and The Moist one was no more...the treachery now revealed to his erstwhile compatriots.

[18:30 PM] Lolicks at Selwyn
Elrond reports:

In which there was some interactions, a duel to determine if R.C. had managed to shoot Elrond up some stairs - good fight by the way old boy, we should reconvene and duel again at the gates of Mordor (by which I mean Churchill) and some chat. An awesome weapon has been promised to be unleashed at the EoGP. Middle Earth trembles at the thought...

[18:40 PM] No Use For a Pseudonym fumbled with his keys for too long and got soaked as a result!

[18:50 PM] Rampage at Churchill - casualties are many
His Lordship the Duke reports:

Upon hearing that shenanigans were occurring at Churchill, Spork and I decided to engage. In the ensuing carnage, we pursued practically every player remaining around Churchill, leading to Spork shooting No Use For a Pseudonym but falling to a sneak attack from Autoerotic Asphyxiation. Ultimately this latter and Penis-on stood around behind some non-players and kept their distance from my friendly water weapon, but then Penis-on decided to advance with a 'shield' (umbrella). My shots blasted through his puny attempts at defence and destroyed the body beneath...

[19:45 PM] Dr. Talos and Deniable Iron meet again. Same result, different location.
Daniel O'Brien reports:

Decided to go out on my Monday evening for some May Ball queue-raiding. Started with the Jesus line in hopes of spying the elusive malicious Dan Baker, made a pass along the Trinity queue, and moved down the road towards the festivities at Clare. Made my way down Trinity Lane and, on reaching the bottom, saw Guterres coming up Garret Hostel Lane in the other direction. A resounding firefight ensued. Exchange of fire of rubber bands, thrown kifes, nerf darts from our selection of pistols, until both of us were mostly spent. He retreated a bit of the way up Senate House Passage, and I pulled off my initial pursuit, retreated to Garret Hostel to retrieve spent ammunition. Noticing he'd pulled out his Storm750, I legged it to Orgasm Bridge, hoping to make a stand and use the higher ground to my advantage. But alas, it was not to be. But by Cthulhu, we gave those May Ball attendees a good free show. My corpse decided to follow Guterres around for a while afterwards. During my pleasant stroll I met up with some other corpses, either on their way to balls, or themselves having just died to other assassins in the ball queue environs.

[20:15 PM] Dr. Talos bumped into Grohlios, A Flemish Flamingo and Dr. Hax as he went for supper.

[21:00 PM] Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] is not a fan of the folk dancing One of Ed's broken morris sticks . Dr. Talos dissected Hot Crossbow Bunny

[21:00 PM] Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] showed that Sting is still sharper than One of Ed's broken morris sticks
Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] reports:

The Goblin Folk, recently reallocated to a nearby mountain range manufactured out of Red Leicester, sought to molest the Elven Folk queuing to sample of far more exotic Camel Cheeses. But Sting glowed bright blue and around fifty feet long into the back of their notorious leader, Morristikh Son of Ignatuz.

Tuesday, 15 June

[05:58 AM] He Man cut off BandMan (a reinterpretation of BeastMan, by J Doe) from road to safety, whilst Skeletor as ever curses his minions

[06:00 AM] Dr. Talos bumped into Grohlios, A Flemish Flamingo and Dr. Hax as he went for breakfast.
Dr. Talos reports:

All this food is profitable.

[06:00 AM] Platymapus's Supreme Mastery of the Assassins Arts Gentle was not quite enough for Ser Barristan Selmy's Mastery of Pelletdodger Vaapteen
Ser Barristan Selmy reports:

Khaleesi, you can't see where her hands are...
Loose clothing *is* dangerous in giving zero second draws and hiding xactly how much ammo she had. And she was preceded by an Accomplice (who then tried to no-force break my momentum), though he is so loveable that I did not shoot him for it. She then further hid behind a further well known couple of socialites of the ancient and Pedantic Order of the TeaPot. But went down to the "Figure of Seven DuckLunge", which would seem to be appropriately mortal unto Platypi.
Graceful Platypus, Came close to killing but ended a Splatypus.
And the sorrowful (wo)men of Qarth and the Faceless (wo)men of Braavos have never failed to meet a contract. Thus, more devilry is entirely to be expected.

Platymapus reports:

Having thrown the one pen which I'd managed to fit into my evening bag, I had no choice but to turn and flee, loosing a shoe on the way (which Ser Barristan Selmy was not gentlemanly enough to pick up for me - tut) but still managing what I claim was a rather stylish handbrake turn round Mr Brister and Miss Pendlebury before getting a rubber band to the heart.

[13:00 PM] Accidentally on purpose.

[13:10 PM] The dude with the CPS on the bike was about 4 metres from being brutally molested by skirmish squad "Codename Chemical Rodent" it at *blurred time*
Chipmunk Pyrrolidine reports:

SQUEAK? asked the Death of Rats. But this one did not quite take the bacon rind. There's a fabulous secret feature why it'd have been a particularly good kill, but I lacked 4 metres over around 200 to pull it off (curses ancient rodent/hobbit/barbarian feet). Such fabulous secrets will be revealed when the game is over. Nor should it ever be anyone's buisness exactly when an attempt was made if the receiver remained unaware of that attempt.

Chipmunk Pyrrolidine reports:

As good a place as any to note that I've also bang-killed a player for bearing arms while OOB for going about techie buisness, and that I've found and conversed with *two other* techies who *weren't* bearing [is that a full set of techies found in a single morning ? :) ]. And I also shot another dude on Monday for having a watergun within a few metres of a player address who claimed not to be in the game [why does this always happen to me? That's not even a rhetorical question ;) ]

[13:55 PM] To Butcher the Dan Baker, who better than The Candlestick Maker?

[13:59 PM] Firefight behind the UL - Alicia Danks Daniel O'Brien and Twillo in attendance
Daniel O'Brien reports:

Was passing along Garret Hostel Lane, or whatever it becomes after crossing Queens Road, adjacent to Clarememcourt and the UL. Alicia Danks, with Twillo in tow, ambushed me coming the other direction. Lucky for me, her RBG jammed. I backed off slightly to pump up the HydroBlade. A brief in-fight discussion phase of whether her summer dress for a garden party was appropriate formal wear no-water status attire ensued, but Twillo was nonchalant. That was good enough for me, and I gave my opponent a light dowsing. Being the gentleman I am, I offered her my towel, but she politely declined, and we went our separate ways.

Platymapus reports:

Snuck up on Deniable Iron by hiding behind Twillo 'Subtlety' Brooks... And I would've gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for that pesky jamming RBG.

[14:10 PM] In a fortuitous laundry run The Moist One made the Noodle soggy
The Moist One reports:

<Insert ramblings about the AutoUmpire here>

[14:10 PM] Broken morris stick is broken
MLIT reports:

Today I saw One of Ed's broken morris sticks. My heart yearned to be reconnected with its owner. Oh Edward! MLIT

[14:35 PM] Royal Ferret of Comets and Tom Lehrer Professor of Smut essentially invented how to play The Game

[16:00 PM] The candyman attacked The Paradox's boat with Haribo. And water. The Paradox shot back, but ended up mutilating a corpse.

[17:45 PM] In the Navy, you can sail the seven seas, but not if your ship is sunk, as R.C. defeated The Master of the Fleet, but not before The Master of the Fleet had sunk The Flaming Angel of Wrath. R.C. and Mr Bump then destroyed each other.
The Master of the Fleet reports:

At 1745hrs the enemy, Charlotte Field, was spotted making a clear heading for dock. In a classic pincer movement myself, and Harry Robinson, moved swiftly to cut her off. Harry fired the first shots, but unfortunately they only found targets in the innocent which followed her. In the confusion she turned and began to flee but a single shot from my broadsides sank her swiftly but not before a request for support could be sent. Being aware of this Harry and I moved to take up positions outside the docks and waited for the reinforcements to arrive. Unfortunately the fire support from Adam Grieg was too powerful and his artillery ( super soaker) sunk me without warning. Remaining within the Harbour walls he continued to lay down fire on Harry Robinson. In a brave move Harry decided to put himself on a collision course and charge down the fire from Adam. Though Harry was sunk fulfilling his duty, He managed to get off a single shot that damaged Adam severely and sent him to the deeps. Watching carefully over the entire exchange was Sean Tull who did not fire a single shot in the entire event.

Joe Reed, Master of the Fleet

[17:50 PM] Noodle learned not to carry visible guns

[18:00 PM] Zombie Jigglypuff and Tithe My Wok raid Churchill, killing lots of dudes. Zombie Jigglypuff has more brains to eat.
Zombie Jigglypuff reports:

La-la-... Oh, hi Tithe My Wok. If I promise not to eat your brains, will you help me eat the brains of other people? I'll share the brains with you?
Oh, you don't like eating brains. They're very nutritious you know... But, you're still willing to work with me because there are people that you want dead. Hooray! Brains!

And so, with that, Zombie Jigglypuff and Tithe My Wok journeyed to the distant realm of Churchill. On arriving, Tithe My Wok quickly spotted Noodle and Autoerotic Asphyxiation, gunning them both down. Zombie Jigglypuff looked longingly at the newly available brains, but at the insistence of Tithe My Wok they moved on.
Shortly afterwards, they entered a dark cave, which made Zombie Jigglypuff feel both nervous (on account of being a cute, innocent Jigglypuff) and at home (on account of being a zombie). To one side within the cave was Crazy, who attacked Zombie Jigglypuff with a bottle of beer. For a moment Zombie Jigglypuff was terrified, thinking it had been hit by holy water. However, on recognising the alcoholic stink, it promptly sang Crazy to sleep, and helped itself to a couple of mouthfuls of brain.
Deeper within the cave, they came to the cavern in which lived the person Tithe My Wok wanted to kill: the notorious Penis-on.
Unfortunately, they were unable to gain entrance to the cavern, but could hear Penis-on summoning reinforcements from within. These reinforcements consisted of Crazy's ghost (annoyed about his lack of brain) and Limes. Limes threatened Zombie Jigglypuff with an 'rbg' style pokeball, so Zombie Jigglypuff killed him. And eated his brains.
Leaving Penis-on in his cave, the two intrepid explorers began to leave, but lo! Penis-on pursued them, using another 'rbg' style pokeball. Both Tithe My Wok and Zombie Jigglypuff swung round, Tithe My Wok cutting him down with gunfire at the exact same moment that Zombie Jigglypuff hit Penis-on with a wad of acidic spit.
And then, with Churchill conquered, Zombie Jigglypuff and Tithe My Wok left that disturbing place and returned to civilisation (but not until after Zombie Jigglypuff had a FEAST of brains).


[18:01 PM] The Moist One took out Doctor Octagonapus on the way to his dinner...

[18:01 PM] Guerrilla Rodent Division Chipmunk Pyrrolidine, Squirrel Pyrimidal sent into Churchill, reperforating 2 dead ones and driving 2 live ones to their Doom upon Mount Pleasant (see other events)

[18:20 PM] No Use For a Pseudonym needs a bigger waterpistol

[18:20 PM] The Moist One met Wxrthltl Jwlpklz but was informed that he was dead, so let him keep his corpse unmutilated.

[18:30 PM] Multiple allegiances tangle as Jason Bjorn, Zombie Jigglypuff and Tithe My Wok come across Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] and Squirrel Pyrimidal. Squirrel Pyrimidal is gunned down by Jason Bjorn and then Tithe My Wok falls to Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)]. Zombie Jigglypuff and Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] do some fighting then some talking. Jason Bjorn watches, amused.
Jason Bjorn reports:

I swear to God, if I even feel somebody behind me, there is no measure to how fast and how hard I will bring this fight to your doorstep. I'm on my own side now.

Jason Bjorn reports:

Jason Bjorn: You move, you die.
J Doe: Bjorn.
Jason Bjorn: Gun down.

Zombie Jigglypuff reports:

Zombie Jigglypuff: Ah, hi Jason Bjorn. Long time no see. Tithe My Wok, this is Jason Bjorn; Jason Bjorn, this is Tithe My Wok. And we're all friends here ok?
Jason Bjorn and Tithe My Wok look at each other shiftily: Ok.
Zombie Jigglypuff: So, Jason Bjorn, any brains?
Jason Bjorn: No... but I did hear a rumour that the feared Pokemon trainer Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] is around. Let's split up. Tithe My Wok, check over there. Zombie Jigglypuff, you're with me.

A short while later...
Zombie Jigglypuff: It's him! It's Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)]! And he's got the CPS model Master-Ball! And he wants to use it on ME!
Jason Bjorn: And that's Squirrel Pyrimidal. This could be interesting...
As Jason Bjorn faces off against Squirrel Pyrimidal, Zombie Jigglypuff tries singing in order to set Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] to sleep. It doesn't work - Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] is wearing ear-muffs.
Zombie Jigglypuff: RUN AWAY!!!
Zombie Jigglypuff's left leg almost falls off at it retreats (moving really quite quickly for an undead), but it escapes unscathed.

Shortly afterwards, Zombie Jigglypuff rejoins the battle upon hearing that Tithe My Wok is now fighting Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] alone, with Jason Bjorn having slain Squirrel Pyrimidal. However, Tithe My Wok is soon cut down, leaving Zombie Jigglypuff solo against Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)]. Once again...
Zombie Jigglypuff: RUN AWAY!!!

Another short while afterwards, Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] puts away the CPS Masterball and offers to talk to Zombie Jigglypuff. Emerging from its hidey-hole, Zombie Jigglypuff nods its head.
Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)]: A Zombie Jigglypuff. Wow, I've never seen one of you before. Much as I'd like to catch you, that doesn't seem likely to happen now. So instead, if I offer you brains, will you help me catch/kill other things out here in this weird and wonderful world?
Zombie Jigglypuff: Jiggly! Brains! Yay!


[18:30 PM] Jason Bjorn takes out his 208th assassin, and it appropriately happens to be a cheerleeder, or so her PomPom would suggest. Zombie Jigglypuff and Tithe My Wok happened to be watching.
Jason Bjorn reports:

I can tell you the license plate numbers of all six cars outside. I can tell you that our waitress is left-handed and the guy sitting up at the counter weighs two hundred fifteen pounds and knows how to handle himself. I know the best place to look for a gun is the cab of the gray truck outside, and at this altitude, I can run flat out for a half mile before my hands start shaking. Now why would I know that? How can I know that and not know who I am?

[18:50 PM] Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. MLIT wins

[19:00 PM] While escaping from one assassin No Use For a Pseudonym gets jumped by three. *Sigh*

[19:45 PM] Jason Bjorn flees the large gun of Dr. Talos as MLIT scatters in a different direction
Jason Bjorn reports:

Do you even know why you're supposed to kill me? Look at us. Look at what they make you give.

Jason Bjorn: MLIT! Listen to me! The police will find us, and the people who took that picture, the people who killed Wombosi, they are going to come here and they will kill us.
MLIT: The people you work for!
Jason Bjorn: I will take you wherever you need to go. I will take you there, and I will leave you there. You can do whatever you want, you never have to see me again. But not here. If we stay here, we die.

[21:45 PM] Zombie Jigglypuff raids Clare, but only Compo is in. Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] waits outside.

[22:28 PM] FAIL
The Moist One reports:

The Moist One was just savaged by his own Deadly Demon Dog...thank you Eleanor, thank you... FAIL.

[22:30 PM] Revenge: Spork killed The owner of the large rubberised sword.

[22:46 PM] Spork killed Penis-on, he may have already been dead though but I don't know.

[23:15 PM] More carnage at Churchill. Spork killed Limes, Doctor Octagonapus and Salty. Dr. Talos killed Crazy and Noodle survived.

Wednesday, 16 June

[10:55 AM] A not-so-early wake up call
miaow reports:

You can getz up nao plz? No? OK. *RAWWWRRR*

Blood seeps from the bed...


[12:05 PM] The end is Nye!
miaow reports:

I can has his wief plz?

[12:35 PM] The Moist One killed Crazy and Salty

[12:36 PM] R.C. kills The Master of the Fleet with a rubber band
R.C. reports:

The Flaming Angel of Wrath saw The Master of the Fleet and ran to fetch R.C., but unfortunately all three were unarmed... Until R.C. remembered the emergency rubber band he carried at all times! A quick loading onto his hand and R.C. was ready to go. Chasing after a fleeing The Master of the Fleet, R.C. managed to catch up shortly before The Master of the Fleet entered a non-projectile zone and shot him in the back.

[13:10 PM] Simian Beard's wok was successfully tithed
Simian Beard reports:

After attending unspecified college may ball the night before, and spending the entire morning in bed, I rose around 1pm in a dazed stupor, trying to figure out which boatie it would have been that I had cavorted with in the early hours. Returning to my room after a brief bathroom visit, I was ambushed by Tithe My Wok, who shot me squarely in the chest before swiftly departing. Funny really, I'm sure I locked my door. Oh well, back to bed...

[13:28 PM] Squirrel Pyrimidal did a bit of corpse knifing
Squirrel Pyrimidal reports:

I came across one Nasreddin Hodja earlier lying in the street. Not sure whether he was alive or dead I decided to investigate with my knife. Unfortunately he was dead. Oh well...stabby stabby

[14:06 PM] Come to the Assassins Pirate Punting Killing Event 12:00-3:00 Thursday! went to Churchill to "Advertise Piracy", resulting in, among other things, Wxrthltl Jwlpklz, Autoerotic Asphyxiation and Doctor Octagonapus being shot.

[14:06 PM] Come to the Assassins Pirate Punting Killing Event 12:00-3:00 Thursday! went to Churchill to "Advertise Piracy", resulting in, among other things, Wxrthltl Jwlpklz, Autoerotic Asphyxiation and Doctor Octagonapus being shot.

[14:06 PM] playing too much Farmville shot Noodle and Limes

[14:06 PM] Come to the Assassins Pirate Punting Killing Event 12:00-3:00 Thursday! went round to advertise Piracy, resulting in, among other things Wxrthltl Jwlpklz, Autoerotic Asphyxiation and Doctor Octagonapus being shot

[14:07 PM] The Fail to get a complete picture set and Amy's dispute with a person in a big queue offed The Grand Marshall of the Elephant Headed Peoples
The Grand Marshall of the Elephant Headed Peoples reports:

Temporary note to umpire: this and 2 other entries constitute a 6 on 2 fight between "Farmville and Pirate/Elephant" and 6 Churchillites, survived solely by Amy and The Fail :)

[14:24 PM] Dr. Hax was out on the prowl, and ran across Nasreddin Hodja, Red Neck, The Fourth Doctor and Professor Monster, and promptly shot them (in that order)

[15:05 PM] Death and Zombie attack in a supermarket, The owner of the large rubberised sword. dies to Squirrel Pyrimidal
Squirrel Pyrimidal reports:

Wanting some live prey I lured The owner of the large rubberised sword. to a supermarket and preceded to gut her in the isle. Five minutes later I was brutally nerfed by the zombie of my victim. Luckily Squirrel Pyrimidal has special powers and is immune to zombie attacks, so I escaped with my life.

[15:10 PM] Tithe My Wok just lost The Game while lurking

[15:32 PM] Death and zombie attack in a supermarket, The owner of the large rubberised sword. dies to Squirrel Pyrimidal

[16:10 PM] R.C. stabs Mr Bump in the garden

[16:13 PM] Come to the Assassins Pirate Punting Killing Event 12:00-3:00 Thursday! went to Churchill to "Advertise Piracy", resulting in, among other things, Wxrthltl Jwlpklz, Autoerotic Asphyxiation and Doctor Octagonapus being shot.

[16:47 PM] The Paradox had such a nice barbecue that he decided not to kill Emile Heskey. No such luck next time though...

[16:52 PM] Warning don't walk in unannounced, though if anyone else wants to... Spork shoots The Elusive Higg's Boson

[17:00 PM] Tonight, two more young Churchillites succumbed to the curse that is playing too much Farmville. This plague must be eradicated!

[18:36 PM] Zombie Jigglypuff goes punting!
Zombie Jigglypuff reports:

Whoops, actually happened at 16:10. Not that it matters - nobody died that wasn't already dead.

Zombie Jigglypuff went punting. Yay!

Zombie Jigglypuff did some bridge hopping. Yay!

Zombie Jigglypuff had a picnic. Yay!

Once it got off the punt, Zombie Jigglypuff saw Nasreddin Hodja. So Zombie Jigglypuff shot him. Unfortunately, he was already dead. But still, nice tasty University Challenge Brains!


[19:50 PM] The Moist One killed The Fail in a bike by...

[20:09 PM] Danae Mercer leaves the game

[20:15 PM] Dr. Talos shot Compo

[20:20 PM] Discussion closed. Red Neck stabs Professor Monster, The Fourth Doctor and Hercule Poirot
Red Neck reports:

After intense discussion about whether time travel is in fact possible, it was then that I decided the best way to resolve the matter was to stab my colleagues- just in case they were sent from the future to kill me...

[20:30 PM] Uneventful queue lurking for Simian Beard and Teal'c
Simian Beard reports:

Went out this evening with Teal'c to marvel at Cambridge's fashion sense for tonight's varied offering of May Week festivities. Cringing at the attire of the court jesters attending to the affairs of the monarch and his mistress(es), we bumped into the suavely-dressed Neal Carr outside Unspecified College. Alas, 'twas but a shambling corpse, and so too allegedly were his colleagues.

[20:30 PM] Dr. Talos shot dust and Son of Sevenless. The crowd approved.

[20:40 PM] You just lost, The Game. May ball queue + Platymapus = DEATH.

[21:06 PM] The Moist One killed Wxrthltl Jwlpklz

[21:15 PM] Dr. Talos saw the elusive Ol' Mother Hubbard go punting.

[23:00 PM] Tithe My Wok finds a room full of dudes. Carnage ensues.

[23:05 PM] Tithe My Wok finds another room...

Thursday, 17 June

[00:35 AM] The Fail of getting the complete picture set and of having a dispute next to a queue offed The Grand Marshall of the Elephant Headed Peoples
The Grand Marshall of the Elephant Headed Peoples reports:

Temporary note to umpire: this and 2 other entries at 14:06 constitute a 6 on 2 fight between "Farmville and Pirate/Elephant" and 6 Churchillites, survived solely by Amy and The Fail :)

[00:47 AM] Tim Kew invades Daniel O'Brien's room. Again. How original.
Chaaaaaaaarliiiiieeeeeeee reports:

Contrary to popular belief, I am not your Juliet, and just because I show a lack of interest in your attempts to serenade me from below my balcony window, does not entitle you lovable rogues to climb atop the veranda and gun me down. AND WHO TOOK MY KIDNEY? SERIOUSLY GUYS, NOT ON!

[00:59 AM] Noodle kills The Moist One

[02:50 AM] Bored of working Spork goes on an unproductive killing spree, killing The owner of the large rubberised sword. and "dying" to a zombie Doctor Octagonapus

[12:09 PM] Brutus bang killed a sweaty The Fail

[12:40 PM] Dr. Talos does not tolerate imposters. Dr. Hax lost his GP's license.

[13:36 PM] Brutus killed Limes

[15:20 PM] Another tithe is exacted on our glorious former leader.

[16:30 PM] No Use For a Pseudonym trusts in Doctor Octagonapus, the fool.
Doctor Octagonapus reports:

A swift pint results in No Use For a Pseudonym ending up at the wrong end of an RBG.

[16:32 PM] Death at the Senate House! University Constabulary Nonplussed

[16:45 PM] The Master of the Fleet is sunk by an undead pokemon

[16:55 PM] Zombie Jigglypuff forgot to carry a quick-draw CPS. The tithe for this was duly exacted.

[17:55 PM] Dr. Talos refuses to be tithed.

[18:00 PM] Dr. Talos left pirate punting early to kill the punters leaving the area. No pirates were armed.

[18:40 PM] Bambi ran into a rabid animal in town and decided to put Squirrel Pyrimidal down

[18:51 PM] Bambi bamboozled One of Ed's broken morris sticks

[19:05 PM] Bambi decided to Compost Grohlios

[19:16 PM] Hester Thorneycroft is not a car. Dr. Talos killed A Flemish Flamingo

[19:59 PM] Bambi arrived home to find people in his room, so shot The Elusive Higg's Boson

[20:15 PM] More visitors shot, Bambi shots The owner of the large rubberised sword. on the arse as she leaves

[20:30 PM] People need to stop visiting me. The Moist One gets shot

Friday, 18 June

[00:31 AM] The Moist One bang killed The Elusive Higg's Boson

[00:40 AM] Wxrthltl Jwlpklz finds a group of naughty children who haven't paid their tithes

[02:25 AM] Gordon Brown (texture like sun) takes insufficient care upon leaving the UNSPECIFIED June Event, and has his brains eaten. Again.
Zombie Jigglypuff reports:

I did warn you that you didn't want me as an enemy, Gordon Brown (texture like sun)...

[10:05 AM] A duel results in another tithe.
playing too much Farmville reports:

At 10 o'clock this morning, Tithe my wok overcame the social disease that is Playing Too Much Farmville. With a band gun.

[11:30 AM] Roomstorming!

[12:30 PM] Failed balcony raid on Chaaaaaaaarliiiiieeeeeeee by Spork and Tithe My Wok
Daniel O'Brien reports:

Remember kids, anti-burglar window locks are surprisingly effective. As is mooning your opponents from the safety of your own castle.

[13:01 PM] A Flemish Flamingo was randomly at UNSPECIFIED so got shot by Bambi

[13:15 PM] We meet again Bambi, for the last time... Red Neck suprises Bambi

[13:16 PM] Tithe My Wok shoots Red Neck.
Red Neck reports:

Hmm... Should have guessed.

[14:00 PM] Dr. Hax's speed is no match for Tithe My Wok's firepower.

[14:15 PM] The fleet is tithed.

[14:20 PM] Mr Bump is bumped off...

[14:42 PM] Dude, I almost forgot to enter a headline - Bambi shoots Super-Happy-Face =D! who 'flamingoes' The Doctor

[14:48 PM] Dont trust those delivering messages; they may also deliver a bullet to the chest

[15:10 PM] Tragedy at Robinson- yet another student falls victim to the deadly effects of playing too much Farmville!

[15:15 PM] It's easter-time for Hot Crossbow Bunny!

[15:30 PM] Zombie Jigglypuff went hunting for Tithe My Wok, but didn't find him. All it wanted was its tithe back...

[15:35 PM] Tithe My Wok seems to have gone Crazy

[15:58 PM] A duel leaves The Moist One exactly that.

[15:59 PM] Ladies and gentlemen...
His Lordship the Duke reports:

I would like to announce that MLIT and I are, indeed... STAYING ALIVE

[16:00 PM] The Game ENDS!

Come to the end of game party at the Eagle at 5pm!

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