The Assassins' Guild - Week 1 News

Hot Crossbow Bunny visited my humble abode while I was waiting for the player list to appear. A duel round our house occurred, ending by my shooting of him while hiding in my own bathroom. I then enjoyed a pleasant chat with his corpse.

yours sincerely, Bilbo Baggins (Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1). p.s.I no longer have the Ring. But I do think I am about to have another adventure... As an Eventer, I don't consider myself to be playing, but I kill and die like the players do. Eventing is partly intended for older people still wanting to be involved in Mayweek, I'm doing it to guarantee it has a pioneer this time round. Oldies worry about unsuitable accomodation (cf my address) or about their jobs/departments (A place I will essentially never be this week, so leave it alone, eh? you young Tooks and Brandybucks) In exchange for such, Eventers are constrained not to be allowed to win. Or about taking it too seriously, so Im only taking this around as seriously as Ive been taking CTF or Generals or Plan 9 for those who know what such things are... It's "Eventer" for participant in the style of a Killing Event, at least in my book (which is red and written in an elegant if spidery hand...) To mark this as a campaign for the older, my nyms this week will include various old sci fi/famtasy characters :)

At 1745 Gustav Mogull attempted an assasssination on myself with a capgun, but failed since he shot me from too far away. He then ran offf before I could retaliate.

A swift hunt with limited subtlety through the assassin's home college found some assassins and many unanswered doors or empty rooms. Despite some assassin absences, 'No Use For a Pseudonym' was surprised in the middle of a blast of costume-making creativity by the simultaneous attack of water and nerf by myself and Tithe my Wok, after Spork had taken successful steps to get us into the building. Even an hour is ample time for assassins to make their mark, so it seems.

I *did* give you a head start. Well, sort of. You were kind of sprinting away before I even got near! Good run though, think we should both enter for the Athletics Club?

Having seen our glorious ex-Prime-Minister wandering around [UNSPECIFIED COLLEGE] I merrily tried to sing him to sleep so that I could eat his brains. Unfortunately, a Zombie Pikachu had recently made off with my throat, leaving me in no state to do any singing.
So instead, I shot him. And then ate his brains.

La-la-la-la-la-BRAINS!

Hobbits are fairly silent, even old ones :) So behind he appeared on his woolly, little old feet, and clic-clic and two are down. Unfortunately, one said he'd told the umpire he was OOB in the queue (though that info was not up when Bilbo left to go on his hunt), and the other one was still dead having previously been murdered by the other one. This was a moderately daring raid due to the this being in the proximity of both the Barad-Dur (UL) and of Skeletor's "Snake Mountain" Fortress (Unspecified_Building). Bilbo is confused at the extent to which the geography has changed since his previous dragon-burgling trip out of the Shire... Bilbo also encourages others to write reports, for these bring the game alive...

Having left Hobbiton in direction of Rivendell having bequeathed Frodo with most of my most prized possessions, I came across a character from another fantasy world and recognized him by his huge red glowy ears that the Blavk Rabbit of Fu Inle had given him in place of his own that he'd sacrificed. Bilbo had been wise enough to keep Sting, however, and drew Sting forth to challenge. Unfortunately, the sacrifice had been mortal and this was but Elahrairah's ghost. P.S. This happened in the region of 6:15. [The number of orders in which one can succesfully enter the time of the event must be small, as that's twice that I've found it *tell me* the wrong time rather than *ask me* to enter the time.] Just as well that neither resulted in fatalities, as fatilities with wrong times make a mess...] Bilbo Baggins at your service, B.B.

At 2200 in Sidney Bar I slit the throat of Aneurin Redman-White as he was ordering drinks at the bar.

It was *very* satisfying, shame he was dead at the time.

The moonlight sparkled off Edward's pale skin as he walked towards me. The water from my gun reminded me of the rain. Edward likes the rain. MLIT

T'was self-defence M'lud. Honest.

Deniable Iron waited outside LEROY JENKIN'S room's as LEEROOY JENKIIINS came back from the shower, but LEEEEEEEERRRRRROOOYY JEEENKINS had chicken (which was actually a throwing knife) and killed him.

The Editor's comment: Love the hair. Especially the way it holds rubber bands which are fired into it. Couldn't resist trying :D

Sorry old boy, hope my kill of you wasn't too R.C.. I hope you enjoyed the Pimms and oysters!

*Bell Rings* 200th kill

Although forewarned by a tap-tapping on my window, I failed to hear this due to rocking out in my meditation chamber. Therefore, the first I heard of the attack was the screams of two assassins dying simultaenously. Grabbing the nearest gun to hand, I peeked out my door and fired several shots at the one surviving attacker. My gun, however, had rubbish range and I was forced to retreat and retrieve my far superior primary weapon. The target was then downed successfully.

Aha! After a long day being hunted by sinister and apparently immortal killers, I located Mogulevski and stabbed him in the neck at some kind of function. Unfortunately he was already dead.

During the Union Garden Party, I witnessed James stab another assassin just a few feet away from me. Unfortunately for James, I then emerged to stab him, and the other assassin had already been dead at the time. This happened at quarter past five.

Thus speaks Tsinakan, the great king, king of the land of Kasadgad, brother to the sun and moon:
Before I sat on the throne of my father, all the foreign countries were hostile against me. The neighboring foreign countries spoke thus: "His father was a valiant king. He had conquered enemy countries. Then he became a god. But the one who now sits on the throne of his father is a child."
When I, brother to the sun and moon, sat on the throne of my father, even before I went to the foreign countries who were hostile against me, I went to the feasts of the mother goddess. I celebrated them and I lifted my hand toward the shining mother. I spoke thus:
"O my mistress, light of the stars, the neighboring countries who called me 'a child' have belittled me. Then, they have started to attack the borders of your holy land, my mistress! Strike the heathen down!"
The mother goddess heard the words of my mouth. She rose me up and strengthened my arm. I defeated those Mathmos, Natscis, Historians, and Mahal waiters who rose against me in ten years. I have destroyed them. I captured prisoners, oxes and sheep, and I sent them back to the land of Mahal.

Zombie Jigglypuff was annoyed. Despite having had his brains eaten the day before, Gordon Brown (texture like sun) had tripped it over that morning, spilling Zombie Jigglypuff's own brains and limbs and other not-so-vital organs all over the place. It had taken Zombie Jigglypuff hours to find them all again!
On the plus side, Zombie Jigglypuff DID find a new voicebox while searching. Hooray! Jigglypuff can sing again!!

So, on discovering Gordon Brown (texture like sun) watching football, Zombie Jigglypuff decided to try out it's new-found singing voice and lull the ex-Prime Minister to sleep. It worked. So Gordon Brown (texture like sun)'s brains got eaten. Again.

La-la-la-la-la-BRAINS!

In sneaked Bilbo, through a sidepassage into The Mountain. But what's this, it isn't Smaug that lives in this mountain, but the Lady of Rohan, and she has company! Eowyn (Es) was on a mattress on the floor with someone else (Faramir the Innocent ?), under a cover. I inserted a bandgun on Es's side and fired. Apparently his arm was in that region too, so I also got him. I do not know if he was trying to defend her (ie accomplice, e.g. by grabbing more of the cover or *interposing* his arm) I'm assuming not, unless told otherwise :)
Bilbo then left with a "My name is Bilbo Baggins, Bilbo Baggins at your service" curtesy, for which stylepoints are pleaded, for all that no Baking was involved.
This action happened at 21:15 in fact. Oopsie about the time, Bilbo was in a hurry. Change if relevant (ie if Es is killed at a *really* ungodly hour.
Nor can poor old Bilbo figure out how to report deaths. He wishes Frodo had been there to help him with all this new-fangled technology...

And so I decided to invade Churchill because it was the most populous and started with the letters C, H and I didn't bother to read more... I did so because She Ra told me to. Unfortunately the outcome was different from expected: I recognized Neal Carr outside among a group of 4 men, but could not be sure they were all *assassins*, some might just be spectators. So I bared before I need have, where the ground got narrow, to try and funnel them. Willis, to his credit, managed to escape sideways down the road, whilst I cut the other three down on and around the footpath. Neal Carr disputed the outcome of the third kill, (He showed his could fire halfway across the road, I showed mine fired all the way across the road *and* I'd kept well away, plus I had him pinned, rained down lineshots, and my gun was prone to dribbling (as it demonstrated whilst we duelled). I did not go into how I'd sliced at his legs before wetting the upper portions of him with rather later shots, or how killing range is smaller than actual range due to dodging, but that doesn't apply to my fire as they were lineshots covering the entire width of the gravelly crevasse I'd pinned him in. Nevertheless, I thought a duel was the man even more amicable and entertaining way to resolve it than hard science and demos of at what distance I can dodge hundreds of small arms fire shots in a row from, and agreed to duel with some equal weapons. (Incidentally they were also weapons for which experience counts less than for waterguns). He lost because a) he ran out of ammo before me and b) could not then outrun me.
So yes, strong veterans do exist, even if Cohen is a somewhat old one (he is 93 in Terry Pratchett when he invades the Agatean Empire?). That sort of fight, and how I handled it with brief calls that didn't interrupt the flow of play, is common in *varsity matches*. If you like it, come to Varsity Practises next year! In my heyday I often did beat 3 or 4 opponents at once, even fairly seasoned ones such as some of my Apprentices (no, not including you, Twillo, you were always a bit *too* special and are now the UK's best assassin waterfighter, just as I once was). I still got somesuch victories with *equal* weapons this last General's Event, ask e.g. your mate Matt Hinks :)
As a point of fairness, I'll say that I know of three others among the players in this game who can fight to that kind of effect, whilst perhaps twice as many I know to be around halfway there.

Let's begin this episode with the nice clip here , with the following changes to the words.

Spirit --> Bandit

Greyskull --> Unspecified_Light_Side_Magic_PowerSource

EEEEvil forces of Hordak --> EEEEvil forces of Tunnardak

That music also introduces me, Madame Razz, a witch who is so old that she has forgotten quite a few spells, though her heart is in the right place and she is one of She Ra's few confidants.

In today's story, we start in a spiky borderland fortress of the Horde.

Tiwawa Tiwawa Tiwah (Menacing Horde undertone)

Cut to picture of Tunnardak (on a Punt).

Tunnard: "Heh, heh, heh. Well done Shadow Weaver!" (some cousin of Ben's, eh, SheilaMaf, Amy, etc? ;)

Shadow Weaver: "You arrre too kind, my liiiiege"

Tunnard: "Not only have you taken the most endurant member of the population away from the recruiters of the Rebellion and incarcerated her inside a spiky prison fortress, and tethered her marathon-running ability to a giant hamster wheel that will power the Horde's definitive armaments,"

[Cut to a gigantic red doom-cannon approximately 1 kilometre long. Cut back.]

...but your spell has even caused her to forget who she is, and become unfindable by NOT SPECIFYING HER ROOM NUMBER!"

Loud whirling noises. Madame Razz approaches.

Razz "Wheelie Really Turny When, the Abducted Rebel Lives in Number 10!"

A Giant Pancake falls on her head. There are still loud whirling noises.

Razz "Lighty County from Left till Right, the Neighbour Who's in is Number Eight!"

Kowl laughs as a copy of the Conservative Manifesto materializes and begins to chase Madame Razz.

Razz "Lighty County from Right till Left, This Choice of Doorbell is The Most Deft!!!"

And there she was.

Razz: "Hamster wheel, you are Old News, Become again her Running Shoes!!!"

(this spell involved water from a bright plastick device, labelled S ... u ... p ... e ... r ... S ... o...)

Pompoma: "What happened, where am I?

Razz: "you were placed under a spell by the Horde, which stopped you from running around helping to free Etheria! But now you can join the Great Rebellion, go out hunting for Horde Robots, Leech-Man, Shadow Weaver, Mantenna and Tunnardak himself"

Pompoma: "Oh, and my room number is Three"

Diddy Dirry Dit Dirirdit Dit Tuh! (noise coincident with appearance of Madame Razz in above videoclip. 5Cut to Tunnardak deriding Shadow Weaver for not using an enchantment so feeble that even Madame Razz can break it]

So now we know, folks, Danae Mercer lives in *number 3* (roomnumbers should be given, eh, and what better way of finding out than a game-kill, eh, viewers!)

She Ra and I would like to end with an important word. Of course Richard didn't actually tether Danae to a giant hamster wheel so as to hyper-pressurized a gigantic CPS that used to belong to Nick Plummer... But very occasionally real life bad things do happen during assassins buisness. If so, you should tell such as an Umpire, a Cabal or an Auror.

I'll use this as closing theme, for it's a worded variant thereof (itself actually the Intro of the "Sword of Power")

Cohen came across a lovely maiden forlorn (Sophie Kneller) in some random part of town. Being a polite Barbarian, he let her draw and shoot first before he struck her down with the flat of his axe. Cohen is scandalized that there weren't any Temple Guards to preliminarily cut down before getting as far as the maiden. Quite unlike the good old days, when guards were a guaranteed appetiser.
Apparently the cult in question was that of Richard Tunnard (it's not clear if he's the prophet, the god, the sacrifice-claiming demon or any combinations thereof in this system of belief...)

Coming out of the shower, I overheard Gustav Mogull discussing a plot to kill me. Sneaking around, I took a shot at Gustav before he could complete his plan, but unfortunately missed. After laying low, I managed to reenter my room without incident.

It was sunny outside. Edwin was sat in his room, curtains closed. He cant go outside or people will know he's different, not quite human... MLIT

Three Cards for the Clare-kings under the sky
Seven for the New Hall-ladies in their halls of concrete
Nine for Mortal Minions doomed to die
In the Land of Churchill where the Shadows lie
One Card to rule them all, One Card to find them
One Card to bring them all and in The Darkness bind them
In the Land of Churchill where the shadows lie.

This actually happened at about 12.15 not 12.29 but I misentered things, sorry.

Thus speaks Tsinakan, the great king, king of the land of Kasadgad, brother to the sun and moon:
I think we've been through the spiel already. Time to strike down some more heathens!

Today I met a man named Marc, one of the Volturi. He wanted my blood, so I stabbed him and let his royal blood drench the green carpeted lawn of the orchard. MLIT

I saw a fearsome-looking squirrel in my garden and set my hunting chihuahua on it, curious as to which would emerge victorious. It turns out that my little cur is feistier than I'd given it credit for, since it returned to me with a bloody corpse in its little fangs.

*NB* This kill was achieved with an amusing killer attack animal and whilst wearing a top hat. Style points please?

After an earlier betrayal, I have respawn and teh doctor have regeneration, but they both had a delicious amount of force gems so I killed them with two knives and proceeded to looting their corpses. Hopefully this will compensate for them voting me down to Hero of Darkness.

Chilling on Sunday afternoon, I spied a post on <unspecified social network> from Flemish Flamingo, requesting I come outside and play. Being the gentleman I am, I obliged. However I'm not the kind to use the 'front' door.

Using my 'secret' escape route, I abseiled down on to Green Street, and careered around the corner into Rose Crescent, unleashing a volley of fire from the HydroBlade. Yes, /that/ HydroBlade.

Two blondes hanging outside Gardies (who looked suspiciously like Flemish Flamingo) sadly fell in my eagerness for blood, but I soon spotted the targets, and, apologising to the bewildered civilians, charged forth.

Flamingo thought to take me on with a RBG, and her colleague Grohlios fared no better with a thrown knife.

So sorry old boy, but to be fair you did forfeit your honour when fleeing a young lady in a voluminous (and voluptuous) dress :P

Upon respawning, considerably less sober than when I died a few hours before, I noticed that my killer had just departed, along with Mr Morland (the killer of morris sticks). However Twillo made me suspect that she was waiting outside to shoot me, and had sabotaged my RBG just in case. This was clearly just an attempt to make me as paranoid as I was drunk. I thus unsabotaged it and shot Twillo instead.

His Lordship the Duke approached the wedding ceremony, his tan garments standing out among the bright and colourful outfits of the attendees. Bellowing a challenge to The Marquis de Carabas he summoned him from the altar for the promised fight. Drawing their swords, they circled one another and exchanged insults.

The Marquis de Carabas: You would ruin my wedding day, you fiend?

His Lordship the Duke: I would claim the honour of your lady, sirrah, or so-called lady - for I hear she has no honour, nor has she for some years now!

The Marquis de Carabas: Retract that statement, Sir, or perish at my blade!

His Lordship the Duke pulls out a pistol and shoots The Marquis de Carabas square in the chest. As he dies, The Marquis de Carabas cries out:

'Sir, you do me a great injustice! I thought one of noble blood such as yourself would display some honour in combat.'

'The mistake is yours, good sir, for believing an Assassin would display a quality as weak as honour. In any case, my lineage is preserved by preventing such upstarts as yourself from acceding to titled positions. Now, how do I claim my trophy?'

There ensued a fire-fight with The Marquis de Carabas's Proxime and best man. He lived not to see another day's light.

Once again, I have failed to use Autoumpire. Limes distinctly remembered me from a previous day- probably with his dying thoughts poised on revenge. I decided to travel to the distant college to meet a few assassins... I failed to find any. However, on my journey out, a certain person glared at me cautiously whilst I walked past and proceded to sprint towards his staircase - closely followed by me. He fell only feet from his door.

In a terrible lapse of judgement Simon attended a play and displayed this fact on facebook. Thus I was waiting outside his house just after the play ended, and he recieved a rubber band to the back of the head as he entered his house. Goodbye thoughts of shakespere , hello temporary death.

Healing but not quite healing enough, it would seem!

In which there was some interactions, a duel to determine if R.C. had managed to shoot Elrond up some stairs - good fight by the way old boy, we should reconvene and duel again at the gates of Mordor (by which I mean Churchill) and some chat. An awesome weapon has been promised to be unleashed at the EoGP. Middle Earth trembles at the thought...

Upon hearing that shenanigans were occurring at Churchill, Spork and I decided to engage. In the ensuing carnage, we pursued practically every player remaining around Churchill, leading to Spork shooting No Use For a Pseudonym but falling to a sneak attack from Autoerotic Asphyxiation. Ultimately this latter and Penis-on stood around behind some non-players and kept their distance from my friendly water weapon, but then Penis-on decided to advance with a 'shield' (umbrella). My shots blasted through his puny attempts at defence and destroyed the body beneath...

The Goblin Folk, recently reallocated to a nearby mountain range manufactured out of Red Leicester, sought to molest the Elven Folk queuing to sample of far more exotic Camel Cheeses. But Sting glowed bright blue and around fifty feet long into the back of their notorious leader, Morristikh Son of Ignatuz.

All this food is profitable.

Khaleesi, you can't see where her hands are...
Loose clothing *is* dangerous in giving zero second draws and hiding xactly how much ammo she had. And she was preceded by an Accomplice (who then tried to no-force break my momentum), though he is so loveable that I did not shoot him for it. She then further hid behind a further well known couple of socialites of the ancient and Pedantic Order of the TeaPot. But went down to the "Figure of Seven DuckLunge", which would seem to be appropriately mortal unto Platypi.
Graceful Platypus, Came close to killing but ended a Splatypus.
And the sorrowful (wo)men of Qarth and the Faceless (wo)men of Braavos have never failed to meet a contract. Thus, more devilry is entirely to be expected.

SQUEAK? asked the Death of Rats. But this one did not quite take the bacon rind. There's a fabulous secret feature why it'd have been a particularly good kill, but I lacked 4 metres over around 200 to pull it off (curses ancient rodent/hobbit/barbarian feet). Such fabulous secrets will be revealed when the game is over. Nor should it ever be anyone's buisness exactly when an attempt was made if the receiver remained unaware of that attempt.

As good a place as any to note that I've also bang-killed a player for bearing arms while OOB for going about techie buisness, and that I've found and conversed with *two other* techies who *weren't* bearing [is that a full set of techies found in a single morning ? :) ]. And I also shot another dude on Monday for having a watergun within a few metres of a player address who claimed not to be in the game [why does this always happen to me? That's not even a rhetorical question ;) ]

Was passing along Garret Hostel Lane, or whatever it becomes after crossing Queens Road, adjacent to Clarememcourt and the UL. Alicia Danks, with Twillo in tow, ambushed me coming the other direction. Lucky for me, her RBG jammed. I backed off slightly to pump up the HydroBlade. A brief in-fight discussion phase of whether her summer dress for a garden party was appropriate formal wear no-water status attire ensued, but Twillo was nonchalant. That was good enough for me, and I gave my opponent a light dowsing. Being the gentleman I am, I offered her my towel, but she politely declined, and we went our separate ways.

<Insert ramblings about the AutoUmpire here>

Today I saw One of Ed's broken morris sticks. My heart yearned to be reconnected with its owner. Oh Edward! MLIT

La-la-la-la-la-BRAINS
La-la-la-la-la-BRAINS
La-la-... Oh, hi Tithe My Wok. If I promise not to eat your brains, will you help me eat the brains of other people? I'll share the brains with you?
Oh, you don't like eating brains. They're very nutritious you know... But, you're still willing to work with me because there are people that you want dead. Hooray! Brains!

And so, with that, Zombie Jigglypuff and Tithe My Wok journeyed to the distant realm of Churchill. On arriving, Tithe My Wok quickly spotted Noodle and Autoerotic Asphyxiation, gunning them both down. Zombie Jigglypuff looked longingly at the newly available brains, but at the insistence of Tithe My Wok they moved on.
Shortly afterwards, they entered a dark cave, which made Zombie Jigglypuff feel both nervous (on account of being a cute, innocent Jigglypuff) and at home (on account of being a zombie). To one side within the cave was Crazy, who attacked Zombie Jigglypuff with a bottle of beer. For a moment Zombie Jigglypuff was terrified, thinking it had been hit by holy water. However, on recognising the alcoholic stink, it promptly sang Crazy to sleep, and helped itself to a couple of mouthfuls of brain.
Deeper within the cave, they came to the cavern in which lived the person Tithe My Wok wanted to kill: the notorious Penis-on.
Unfortunately, they were unable to gain entrance to the cavern, but could hear Penis-on summoning reinforcements from within. These reinforcements consisted of Crazy's ghost (annoyed about his lack of brain) and Limes. Limes threatened Zombie Jigglypuff with an 'rbg' style pokeball, so Zombie Jigglypuff killed him. And eated his brains.
Leaving Penis-on in his cave, the two intrepid explorers began to leave, but lo! Penis-on pursued them, using another 'rbg' style pokeball. Both Tithe My Wok and Zombie Jigglypuff swung round, Tithe My Wok cutting him down with gunfire at the exact same moment that Zombie Jigglypuff hit Penis-on with a wad of acidic spit.
And then, with Churchill conquered, Zombie Jigglypuff and Tithe My Wok left that disturbing place and returned to civilisation (but not until after Zombie Jigglypuff had a FEAST of brains).

La-la-la-la-la-BRAINS!

I swear to God, if I even feel somebody behind me, there is no measure to how fast and how hard I will bring this fight to your doorstep. I'm on my own side now.

Jason Bjorn: You move, you die.
J Doe: Bjorn.
Jason Bjorn: Gun down.

Zombie Jigglypuff: Ah, hi Jason Bjorn. Long time no see. Tithe My Wok, this is Jason Bjorn; Jason Bjorn, this is Tithe My Wok. And we're all friends here ok?
Jason Bjorn and Tithe My Wok look at each other shiftily: Ok.
Zombie Jigglypuff: So, Jason Bjorn, any brains?
Jason Bjorn: No... but I did hear a rumour that the feared Pokemon trainer Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] is around. Let's split up. Tithe My Wok, check over there. Zombie Jigglypuff, you're with me.

A short while later...
Zombie Jigglypuff: It's him! It's Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)]! And he's got the CPS model Master-Ball! And he wants to use it on ME!
Jason Bjorn: And that's Squirrel Pyrimidal. This could be interesting...
As Jason Bjorn faces off against Squirrel Pyrimidal, Zombie Jigglypuff tries singing in order to set Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] to sleep. It doesn't work - Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] is wearing ear-muffs.
Zombie Jigglypuff: RUN AWAY!!!
Zombie Jigglypuff's left leg almost falls off at it retreats (moving really quite quickly for an undead), but it escapes unscathed.

Shortly afterwards, Zombie Jigglypuff rejoins the battle upon hearing that Tithe My Wok is now fighting Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] alone, with Jason Bjorn having slain Squirrel Pyrimidal. However, Tithe My Wok is soon cut down, leaving Zombie Jigglypuff solo against Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)]. Once again...
Zombie Jigglypuff: RUN AWAY!!!

Another short while afterwards, Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] puts away the CPS Masterball and offers to talk to Zombie Jigglypuff. Emerging from its hidey-hole, Zombie Jigglypuff nods its head.
Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)]: A Zombie Jigglypuff. Wow, I've never seen one of you before. Much as I'd like to catch you, that doesn't seem likely to happen now. So instead, if I offer you brains, will you help me catch/kill other things out here in this weird and wonderful world?
Zombie Jigglypuff: Jiggly! Brains! Yay!

La-la-la-la-la-BRAINS!

I can tell you the license plate numbers of all six cars outside. I can tell you that our waitress is left-handed and the guy sitting up at the counter weighs two hundred fifteen pounds and knows how to handle himself. I know the best place to look for a gun is the cab of the gray truck outside, and at this altitude, I can run flat out for a half mile before my hands start shaking. Now why would I know that? How can I know that and not know who I am?

Do you even know why you're supposed to kill me? Look at us. Look at what they make you give.

Jason Bjorn: MLIT! Listen to me! The police will find us, and the people who took that picture, the people who killed Wombosi, they are going to come here and they will kill us.
MLIT: The people you work for!
Jason Bjorn: I will take you wherever you need to go. I will take you there, and I will leave you there. You can do whatever you want, you never have to see me again. But not here. If we stay here, we die.

You can getz up nao plz? No? OK. *RAWWWRRR*

Blood seeps from the bed...

*miaow*

I can has his wief plz?

The Flaming Angel of Wrath saw The Master of the Fleet and ran to fetch R.C., but unfortunately all three were unarmed... Until R.C. remembered the emergency rubber band he carried at all times! A quick loading onto his hand and R.C. was ready to go. Chasing after a fleeing The Master of the Fleet, R.C. managed to catch up shortly before The Master of the Fleet entered a non-projectile zone and shot him in the back.

I came across one Nasreddin Hodja earlier lying in the street. Not sure whether he was alive or dead I decided to investigate with my knife. Unfortunately he was dead. Oh well...stabby stabby

Wanting some live prey I lured The owner of the large rubberised sword. to a supermarket and preceded to gut her in the isle. Five minutes later I was brutally nerfed by the zombie of my victim. Luckily Squirrel Pyrimidal has special powers and is immune to zombie attacks, so I escaped with my life.

Whoops, actually happened at 16:10. Not that it matters - nobody died that wasn't already dead.

Zombie Jigglypuff went punting. Yay!

Zombie Jigglypuff did some bridge hopping. Yay!

Zombie Jigglypuff had a picnic. Yay!

Once it got off the punt, Zombie Jigglypuff saw Nasreddin Hodja. So Zombie Jigglypuff shot him. Unfortunately, he was already dead. But still, nice tasty University Challenge Brains!

La-la-la-la-la-BRAINS!

After intense discussion about whether time travel is in fact possible, it was then that I decided the best way to resolve the matter was to stab my colleagues- just in case they were sent from the future to kill me...

Went out this evening with Teal'c to marvel at Cambridge's fashion sense for tonight's varied offering of May Week festivities. Cringing at the attire of the court jesters attending to the affairs of the monarch and his mistress(es), we bumped into the suavely-dressed Neal Carr outside Unspecified College. Alas, 'twas but a shambling corpse, and so too allegedly were his colleagues.

Temporary note to umpire: this and 2 other entries at 14:06 constitute a 6 on 2 fight between "Farmville and Pirate/Elephant" and 6 Churchillites, survived solely by Amy and The Fail :)

A swift pint results in No Use For a Pseudonym ending up at the wrong end of an RBG.

I did warn you that you didn't want me as an enemy, Gordon Brown (texture like sun)...

Remember kids, anti-burglar window locks are surprisingly effective. As is mooning your opponents from the safety of your own castle.

I would like to announce that MLIT and I are, indeed... STAYING ALIVE