The Assassins' Guild

[18 Jun, 15:10 PM] Tragedy at Robinson- yet another student falls victim to the deadly effects of playing too much Farmville!

[18 Jun, 14:48 PM] Dont trust those delivering messages; they may also deliver a bullet to the chest

[18 Jun, 14:20 PM] Mr Bump is bumped off...

[18 Jun, 14:15 PM] The fleet is tithed.

[18 Jun, 14:00 PM] Dr. Hax's speed is no match for Tithe My Wok's firepower.

[18 Jun, 13:16 PM] Tithe My Wok shoots Red Neck.

[18 Jun, 13:15 PM] We meet again Bambi, for the last time... Red Neck suprises Bambi

[18 Jun, 13:01 PM] A Flemish Flamingo was randomly at UNSPECIFIED so got shot by Bambi

[18 Jun, 11:30 AM] Roomstorming!

[18 Jun, 10:05 AM] A duel results in another tithe.

[18 Jun, 02:25 AM] Gordon Brown (texture like sun) takes insufficient care upon leaving the UNSPECIFIED June Event, and has his brains eaten. Again.

[18 Jun, 00:40 AM] Wxrthltl Jwlpklz finds a group of naughty children who haven't paid their tithes

[18 Jun, 00:31 AM] The Moist One bang killed The Elusive Higg's Boson

[17 Jun, 20:30 PM] People need to stop visiting me. The Moist One gets shot

[17 Jun, 20:15 PM] More visitors shot, Bambi shots The owner of the large rubberised sword. on the arse as she leaves

[17 Jun, 19:59 PM] Bambi arrived home to find people in his room, so shot The Elusive Higg's Boson

[17 Jun, 19:16 PM] Hester Thorneycroft is not a car. Dr. Talos killed A Flemish Flamingo

[17 Jun, 19:05 PM] Bambi decided to Compost Grohlios

[17 Jun, 18:51 PM] Bambi bamboozled One of Ed's broken morris sticks

[17 Jun, 18:40 PM] Bambi ran into a rabid animal in town and decided to put Squirrel Pyrimidal down

[17 Jun, 18:00 PM] Dr. Talos left pirate punting early to kill the punters leaving the area. No pirates were armed.

[17 Jun, 17:55 PM] Dr. Talos refuses to be tithed.

[17 Jun, 16:55 PM] Zombie Jigglypuff forgot to carry a quick-draw CPS. The tithe for this was duly exacted.

[17 Jun, 16:45 PM] The Master of the Fleet is sunk by an undead pokemon

[17 Jun, 16:32 PM] Death at the Senate House! University Constabulary Nonplussed

[17 Jun, 16:30 PM] No Use For a Pseudonym trusts in Doctor Octagonapus, the fool.

[17 Jun, 15:20 PM] Another tithe is exacted on our glorious former leader.

[17 Jun, 13:36 PM] Brutus killed Limes

[17 Jun, 12:40 PM] Dr. Talos does not tolerate imposters. Dr. Hax lost his GP's license.

[17 Jun, 12:09 PM] Brutus bang killed a sweaty The Fail

[17 Jun, 02:50 AM] Bored of working Spork goes on an unproductive killing spree, killing The owner of the large rubberised sword. and "dying" to a zombie Doctor Octagonapus

[17 Jun, 00:59 AM] Noodle kills The Moist One

[17 Jun, 00:47 AM] Tim Kew invades Daniel O'Brien's room. Again. How original.

[16 Jun, 23:05 PM] Tithe My Wok finds another room...

[16 Jun, 23:00 PM] Tithe My Wok finds a room full of dudes. Carnage ensues.

[16 Jun, 21:15 PM] Dr. Talos saw the elusive Ol' Mother Hubbard go punting.

[16 Jun, 21:06 PM] The Moist One killed Wxrthltl Jwlpklz

[16 Jun, 20:40 PM] You just lost, The Game. May ball queue + Platymapus = DEATH.

[16 Jun, 20:30 PM] Dr. Talos shot dust and Son of Sevenless. The crowd approved.

[16 Jun, 20:20 PM] Discussion closed. Red Neck stabs Professor Monster, The Fourth Doctor and Hercule Poirot

[16 Jun, 20:15 PM] Dr. Talos shot Compo

[16 Jun, 19:50 PM] The Moist One killed The Fail in a bike by...

[16 Jun, 17:00 PM] Tonight, two more young Churchillites succumbed to the curse that is playing too much Farmville. This plague must be eradicated!

[16 Jun, 16:52 PM] Warning don't walk in unannounced, though if anyone else wants to... Spork shoots The Elusive Higg's Boson

[16 Jun, 16:10 PM] R.C. stabs Mr Bump in the garden

[16 Jun, 15:10 PM] Tithe My Wok just lost The Game while lurking

[16 Jun, 15:05 PM] Death and Zombie attack in a supermarket, The owner of the large rubberised sword. dies to Squirrel Pyrimidal

[16 Jun, 14:24 PM] Dr. Hax was out on the prowl, and ran across Nasreddin Hodja, Red Neck, The Fourth Doctor and Professor Monster, and promptly shot them (in that order)

[16 Jun, 14:07 PM] The Fail to get a complete picture set and Amy's dispute with a person in a big queue offed The Grand Marshall of the Elephant Headed Peoples

[16 Jun, 14:06 PM] Come to the Assassins Pirate Punting Killing Event 12:00-3:00 Thursday! went round to advertise Piracy, resulting in, among other things Wxrthltl Jwlpklz, Autoerotic Asphyxiation and Doctor Octagonapus being shot

[16 Jun, 14:06 PM] playing too much Farmville shot Noodle and Limes

[16 Jun, 14:06 PM] Come to the Assassins Pirate Punting Killing Event 12:00-3:00 Thursday! went to Churchill to "Advertise Piracy", resulting in, among other things, Wxrthltl Jwlpklz, Autoerotic Asphyxiation and Doctor Octagonapus being shot.

[16 Jun, 13:10 PM] Simian Beard's wok was successfully tithed

[16 Jun, 12:36 PM] R.C. kills The Master of the Fleet with a rubber band

[16 Jun, 12:35 PM] The Moist One killed Crazy and Salty

[16 Jun, 12:05 PM] The end is Nye!

[16 Jun, 10:55 AM] A not-so-early wake up call

[15 Jun, 23:15 PM] More carnage at Churchill. Spork killed Limes, Doctor Octagonapus and Salty. Dr. Talos killed Crazy and Noodle survived.

[15 Jun, 22:46 PM] Spork killed Penis-on, he may have already been dead though but I don't know.

[15 Jun, 22:30 PM] Revenge: Spork killed The owner of the large rubberised sword.

[15 Jun, 22:28 PM] FAIL

[15 Jun, 21:45 PM] Zombie Jigglypuff raids Clare, but only Compo is in. Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] waits outside.

[15 Jun, 18:50 PM] Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. MLIT wins

[15 Jun, 18:30 PM] Jason Bjorn takes out his 208th assassin, and it appropriately happens to be a cheerleeder, or so her PomPom would suggest. Zombie Jigglypuff and Tithe My Wok happened to be watching.

[15 Jun, 18:30 PM] Multiple allegiances tangle as Jason Bjorn, Zombie Jigglypuff and Tithe My Wok come across Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] and Squirrel Pyrimidal. Squirrel Pyrimidal is gunned down by Jason Bjorn and then Tithe My Wok falls to Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)]. Zombie Jigglypuff and Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] do some fighting then some talking. Jason Bjorn watches, amused.

[15 Jun, 18:20 PM] No Use For a Pseudonym needs a bigger waterpistol

[15 Jun, 18:01 PM] The Moist One took out Doctor Octagonapus on the way to his dinner...

[15 Jun, 18:00 PM] Zombie Jigglypuff and Tithe My Wok raid Churchill, killing lots of dudes. Zombie Jigglypuff has more brains to eat.

[15 Jun, 17:50 PM] Noodle learned not to carry visible guns

[15 Jun, 17:45 PM] In the Navy, you can sail the seven seas, but not if your ship is sunk, as R.C. defeated The Master of the Fleet, but not before The Master of the Fleet had sunk The Flaming Angel of Wrath. R.C. and Mr Bump then destroyed each other.

[15 Jun, 14:35 PM] Royal Ferret of Comets and Tom Lehrer Professor of Smut essentially invented how to play The Game

[15 Jun, 14:10 PM] Broken morris stick is broken

[15 Jun, 14:10 PM] In a fortuitous laundry run The Moist One made the Noodle soggy

[15 Jun, 13:59 PM] Firefight behind the UL - Alicia Danks Daniel O'Brien and Twillo in attendance

[15 Jun, 13:55 PM] To Butcher the Dan Baker, who better than The Candlestick Maker?

[15 Jun, 13:00 PM] Accidentally on purpose.

[15 Jun, 06:00 AM] Platymapus's Supreme Mastery of the Assassins Arts Gentle was not quite enough for Ser Barristan Selmy's Mastery of Pelletdodger Vaapteen

[15 Jun, 06:00 AM] Dr. Talos bumped into Grohlios, A Flemish Flamingo and Dr. Hax as he went for breakfast.

[14 Jun, 21:00 PM] Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] is not a fan of the folk dancing One of Ed's broken morris sticks . Dr. Talos dissected Hot Crossbow Bunny

[14 Jun, 20:15 PM] Dr. Talos bumped into Grohlios, A Flemish Flamingo and Dr. Hax as he went for supper.

[14 Jun, 19:45 PM] Dr. Talos and Deniable Iron meet again. Same result, different location.

[14 Jun, 18:50 PM] Rampage at Churchill - casualties are many

[14 Jun, 18:40 PM] No Use For a Pseudonym fumbled with his keys for too long and got soaked as a result!

[14 Jun, 18:17 PM] Treachery pays a high price...

[14 Jun, 18:13 PM] Further Moist Treachery...

[14 Jun, 18:11 PM] The Moist one moistens by surprise

[14 Jun, 17:23 PM] The Fourth Doctor has a healing pint with His Lordship the Duke and Spork

[14 Jun, 15:52 PM] Hot Crossbow Bunny killed One of Ed's broken morris sticks

[14 Jun, 13:45 PM] An Unfortunate escape plan.

[14 Jun, 13:02 PM] A quick battle between The Paradox's sword and Squirrel Pyrimidal's knife saw both of them dead

[14 Jun, 12:00 PM] Wedding shenanigans as The Marquis de Carabas leaves his bride at the altar to fight His Lordship the Duke. He dies and his best man Cassius Chaerea swiftly follows. Spork turns into Schrodinger's Cat.

[14 Jun, 01:57 AM] One of Ed's broken morris sticks found his maker, and his nemesis

[14 Jun, 01:22 AM] Tithe My Wok was sneaky-sneaky...

[13 Jun, 20:55 PM] Garden Party Deaths, Spork killed dust and Son of Sevenless

[13 Jun, 20:52 PM] Platymapus and One of Ed's broken morris sticks went to a teddy bear's picnic. Platymapus's teddy bear nommed One of Ed's broken morris sticks's head.

[13 Jun, 19:45 PM] Duel to the death results in the death of Compo at Dr. Talos's bands

[13 Jun, 19:05 PM] I found it, give me a job at CERN? Spork killed The Elusive Higg's Boson

[13 Jun, 19:01 PM] Dr. Talos shoots Deniable Iron through Deniable Iron's open window.

[13 Jun, 18:30 PM] Spork killed Mogulevski

[13 Jun, 18:20 PM] The Moist One has trouble with liquids as he is taken out by a pincer of His Lordship the Duke and MLIT

[13 Jun, 17:45 PM] The HydroBlade cuts a swath of destruction

[13 Jun, 17:00 PM] Leroy Jenkins runs in and screws over his teammates

[13 Jun, 16:55 PM] His Lordship the Duke takes out Squirrel Pyrimidal but mistakenly stabs someone who looks surprisingly like another member of the same college...

[13 Jun, 16:52 PM] Platymapus got Suicide Sundae'd

[13 Jun, 16:24 PM] Dude, you forgot to enter a headline >:|

[13 Jun, 15:35 PM] Tithe My Wok's killing spree was abruptly ended

[13 Jun, 15:10 PM] Tithe My Wok goes on a killing spree of sorts

[13 Jun, 14:44 PM] Proof that Morris should be done with Sporks, Spork killed One of Ed's broken morris sticks

[13 Jun, 13:57 PM] Fresh air proved fatal. Dr. Talos killed The Moist One

[13 Jun, 13:00 PM] Massacre of the Innocents II - Tsinakan, the great king, king of the land of Kasadgad, brother to the sun and moon continues his rampage and casts down fourteen more unbelievers!

[13 Jun, 13:00 PM] Hercule Poirot killed Leroy Jenkins and The Fourth Doctor who killed Red Neck who killed Super-happy-face =D!. Professor Monster survived the carnage

[13 Jun, 11:20 AM] Blood sinks into the brown brick of Churchill... Penis-on, Wxrthltl Jwlpklz and Salty are taken down by Elrond, MLIT and Spork respectively

[13 Jun, 11:04 AM] The Paradox had a quick jog, somehow stabbing Gordon Brown (texture like sun) in the process. Oh, revenge is sweet!

[13 Jun, 08:40 AM] Cohen The Barbarian carried off a lovely maiden forlorn (Sophie Kneller) into oblivion

[13 Jun, 00:50 AM] Squirrel Pyrimidal kills both Wxrthltl Jwlpklz and Limes

[13 Jun, 00:30 AM] Distinctive costumes prove fatal

[12 Jun, 23:10 PM] Cohen the Barbarian (because it's never too late to invade a thinly-disguised caricature of the Chinese Empire) shot Danae Mercer

[12 Jun, 22:45 PM] Cohen the Barbarian (because it's never too late to invade a thinly-disguised caricature of the Chinese Empire) shot Neal Carr, Robert Sullivan and Julian Willis. Leroy wisely chose to run in the opposite directionan and Leroy. Julian Willis wisely chose to run in the opposite direction

[12 Jun, 22:00 PM] Murder at the Superbop

[12 Jun, 21:30 PM] The Elusive Higg's Boson did not think that The Moist One was adequately living up to his title, and swiftly rectified this.

[12 Jun, 21:15 PM] Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] used Stinglet on Esther Nicoll

[12 Jun, 21:01 PM] Zombie Jigglypuff eats Gordon Brown (texture like sun)'s brains. Again.

[12 Jun, 20:35 PM] Massacre of the Innocents - Tsinakan, the great king, king of the land of Kasadgad, brother to the sun and moon brutally slaughters seven bystanders!

[12 Jun, 19:25 PM] Cassius (Cassius Chaerea) stabbed by Monty (Monty Crackers)

[12 Jun, 18:06 PM] Failed ambush ensues double kill. And then another kill.

[12 Jun, 17:29 PM] Dude, you forgot to enter a headline >:|

[12 Jun, 16:46 PM] His Lordship the Duke shoots R.C. in the back as he enjoys the delights of $UNSPECIFIED garden party

[12 Jun, 16:10 PM] The Editor has No Use For a Pseudonym as he rushes to meet certain deadlines...

[12 Jun, 16:10 PM] Ice cream is a dangerous luxury. Red Neck is discharged from office by Dr. Talos, but revenged by his colleague Professor Monster

[12 Jun, 15:00 PM] Card Games on Motorcycles (without card games or motorcycles but plenty of death). Leroy Jenkins killed Deniable Iron

[12 Jun, 14:45 PM] Red Neck kills Crazy, Salty, Noodle, Doctor Octagonapus, Limes and Noodle shoots an 'innocent'

[12 Jun, 14:30 PM] Cassius Chaerea shoots Mogulevski at the Union Society Garden Party

[12 Jun, 14:15 PM] Tithe My Wok finds The Marquis de Carabas, and it is experimentally determined that a single rubber band beats a sword.

[12 Jun, 14:14 PM] Gordon Brown (texture like sun) raises duty on Pimms. The Paradox and Zombie Jigglypuff set to lose out.

[12 Jun, 13:29 PM] Sporks were found to not be so useful as forks...The Moist One and Spork double killed.

[11 Jun, 23:10 PM] Tithe My Wok and Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] get ambushed by His Lordship the Duke and MLIT

[11 Jun, 22:45 PM] Cassius Chaerea kills Mogulevski

[11 Jun, 22:00 PM] Cassius Chaerea kills The Marquis de Carabas in Sidney Bar

[11 Jun, 20:25 PM] Zombie Jigglypuff used rollout to stop Dan Baker watching football

[11 Jun, 20:24 PM] Things Jam, Alex Dies. Especially strawberries. His Lordship the Duke killed Nasreddin Hodja.

[11 Jun, 20:00 PM] Multiple groups turned up in the same place at the same time. Deaths occurred. Squirrel Pyrimidal to The Moist One and The Moist One to Dr. Talos

[11 Jun, 19:50 PM] No Use For a Pseudonym was killed by Tithe My Wok while making a C3PO costume.

New on Friday, 18 June

[18 Jun, 14:42 PM] Dude, I almost forgot to enter a headline - Bambi shoots Super-Happy-Face =D! who 'flamingoes' The Doctor

[18 Jun, 15:59 PM] Ladies and gentlemen...

[18 Jun, 16:00 PM] The Game ENDS!

[18 Jun, 15:30 PM] Zombie Jigglypuff went hunting for Tithe My Wok, but didn't find him. All it wanted was its tithe back...

[18 Jun, 12:30 PM] Failed balcony raid on Chaaaaaaaarliiiiieeeeeeee by Spork and Tithe My Wok

New on Thursday, 17 June

[17 Jun, 00:35 AM] The Fail of getting the complete picture set and of having a dispute next to a queue offed The Grand Marshall of the Elephant Headed Peoples

New on Wednesday, 16 June

[16 Jun, 20:30 PM] Uneventful queue lurking for Simian Beard and Teal'c

[16 Jun, 20:09 PM] Danae Mercer leaves the game

[16 Jun, 18:36 PM] Zombie Jigglypuff goes punting!

[16 Jun, 16:47 PM] The Paradox had such a nice barbecue that he decided not to kill Emile Heskey. No such luck next time though...

[16 Jun, 15:32 PM] Death and zombie attack in a supermarket, The owner of the large rubberised sword. dies to Squirrel Pyrimidal

[16 Jun, 13:28 PM] Squirrel Pyrimidal did a bit of corpse knifing

[16 Jun, 16:13 PM] Come to the Assassins Pirate Punting Killing Event 12:00-3:00 Thursday! went to Churchill to "Advertise Piracy", resulting in, among other things, Wxrthltl Jwlpklz, Autoerotic Asphyxiation and Doctor Octagonapus being shot.

[15 Jun, 19:00 PM] While escaping from one assassin No Use For a Pseudonym gets jumped by three. *Sigh*

[15 Jun, 18:01 PM] Guerrilla Rodent Division Chipmunk Pyrrolidine, Squirrel Pyrimidal sent into Churchill, reperforating 2 dead ones and driving 2 live ones to their Doom upon Mount Pleasant (see other events)

New on Tuesday, 15 June

[15 Jun, 05:58 AM] He Man cut off BandMan (a reinterpretation of BeastMan, by J Doe) from road to safety, whilst Skeletor as ever curses his minions

[15 Jun, 19:45 PM] Jason Bjorn flees the large gun of Dr. Talos as MLIT scatters in a different direction

[15 Jun, 18:20 PM] The Moist One met Wxrthltl Jwlpklz but was informed that he was dead, so let him keep his corpse unmutilated.

[15 Jun, 16:00 PM] The candyman attacked The Paradox's boat with Haribo. And water. The Paradox shot back, but ended up mutilating a corpse.

[15 Jun, 13:10 PM] The dude with the CPS on the bike was about 4 metres from being brutally molested by skirmish squad "Codename Chemical Rodent" it at *blurred time*

[12 Jun, 17:00 PM] A crazed squirrel takes revenge

New on Monday, 14 June

[14 Jun, 21:00 PM] Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] showed that Sting is still sharper than One of Ed's broken morris sticks

[14 Jun, 18:30 PM] Lolicks at Selwyn

[14 Jun, 16:34 PM] The Moist One got confused by the Paradox and mutilated a corpse

[14 Jun, 16:25 PM] Hot Crossbow Bunny ambushed Ol' Mother Hubbard but a warning leads to him running away.

[12 Jun, 17:32 PM] A crazed squirrel takes revenge

[13 Jun, 16:30 PM] Garden party carnage

[13 Jun, 18:30 PM] Platymapus disappointed Dr. Talos by Already Being Dead. Ololol.

[12 Jun, 17:13 PM] Gordon Brown (texture like sun) ended boom, bust and The Paradox

[11 Jun, 17:31 PM] One of Ed's broken morris sticks enjoys some pleasant socialising with Hot Crossbow Bunny, killing him in the process

New on Sunday, 13 June

[12 Jun, 19:15 PM] The Marquis de Carabas mutilates the corpse of Mogulevski, just to make sure

[11 Jun, 17:50 PM] Attempt close but fails

[13 Jun, 10:00 AM] A plot unravelled

[13 Jun, 12:15 PM] And finally one bites the dust as Spork kills Wxrthltl Jwlpklz

[11 Jun, 22:30 PM] His Lordship the Duke shot The Moist One's corpse

New on Saturday, 12 June

[12 Jun, 17:48 PM] The Marquis de Carabas was murdered in his hidden mansion by Tithe My Wok

[12 Jun, 18:50 PM] Cassius Chaerea stabs R.C., but he is already dead!

[11 Jun, 19:15 PM] Tithe My Wok meets Wxrthltl Jwlpklz and Doctor Octagonapus. The latter flees, the former does not...

[12 Jun, 01:33 AM] The candyman massively mistimed his ambush on A Flemish Flamingo and was defeated by security gates

New on Friday, 11 June

[11 Jun, 21:00 PM] Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] did a doublestrike with single bands to the back in a ballqueue but neither counted :(

[11 Jun, 21:20 PM] Bilbo Baggins [Post Eleventy-First Birthday Party: Version 111.1 :)] held what turned out to be Elahrairhah's (Hot Crossbow Bunny) ghost at gunpoint

The Assassins' Guild - Updates

New on Sunday, 27 June