The Assassins' Guild

[11:00 AM] Omega Flare blasted the time-space continuum around Chloroform Tea

[11:30 AM] Omega Flare ate some Lady of the Cake - om nom nom

[15:15 PM] B for Mutton decided to go and watch some bumps, not realising that Don't touch sandvich had had the same idea.

[15:15 PM] the terror shark! Raaaaaaaaaaaargh!, momento mori and A Hint of Nostalgia spotted and chased Comin atcha like a three-letter-acronym! Hungry terror shark!

[15:25 PM] The Duke got into bed with Pollux Castlerock and Chandler mews, and they both died of shock...

[15:50 PM] Coryan Wilson-Shah shot The Ginger One, ran away from Jacob Samuel Corteen then shot momento mori

[16:10 PM] the terror shark! Raaaaaaaaaaaargh! was still hungry so nommed on C for Miles and Augustus the Cat

[16:50 PM] Hiding in a corner somewhere wasn't Hiding in a corner somewhere, Hiding in a corner somewhere was right in front of Mr Simian Bird

[17:12 PM] the terror shark! Raaaaaaaaaaaargh! has delicious cake!

[17:45 PM] An Omega Flare dared to touch (and eat) Don't touch sandvich

[17:58 PM] John Barrett was violently aroused from his slumber by the terror shark! Raaaaaaaaaaaargh! There was A Hint of Nostalgia about the whole affair.

[18:08 PM] Looking around Clare for anyone foolhardy enough to open their door this soon after the start of the game

[18:15 PM] Theo Sanderson snuffed it when A for 'Orses shot him with a RBG as he went to the gyp, Augustus the Cat looked on and laughed!

[18:25 PM] The assassin currently standing right behind you, calmly taking aim at your head punishes the Cauchy Distribution for his poor choice of time to leave the hall queue

[19:00 PM] People should really pay attention to the details of no-kills; D for Ential didn't and then he got stabbed in the back by The assassin currently standing right behind you, calmly taking aim at your head

[19:12 PM] John Barrett was violently aroused from his slumber by the terror shark! Raaaaaaaaaaaargh! There was A Hint of Nostalgia about the whole affair.

[19:48 PM] Somebody threw a water bomb at A non-player

Sunday, 14 June

[00:40 AM] This is getting embarrassing. Patricide AGAIN. Paul Tinton kills Edmund (Ed) Croft

[00:50 AM] D for Ential was carelessly on the phone, and not expecting the Cauchy Distribution

[11:03 AM] John Barrett saw Simian Bird today. He was wearing a bike helmet. Both perished.

[14:25 PM] The Duke caused the momento mori of momento mori

[15:00 PM] A study in Murray Edwards, where Pringles was killed with her back to the door. A non-closed-room mystery, perhaps?

[15:45 PM] The Duke ate some more Lady of the Cake

[16:10 PM] your mum went to see Coryan Wilson-Shah, but Mr Blimey Maloney Esq. killed him as he fled

[16:10 PM] The Duke experienced A Hint of Nostalgia as he molested him

[16:15 PM] Perhaps Omega Flare regrets extolling the virtues of lies to the terror shark! Raaaaaaaaaaaargh! 3 days earlier...

[16:25 PM] Epic fish got eaten by the terror shark! Raaaaaaaaaaaargh!

[16:55 PM] John Barrett was taken unawares by a Tree and died.

[17:25 PM] Platypus stabbed an elegantly-attired young lady who turned out to be an elegantly-attired but dead Lady of the Cake.

[17:30 PM] Pollux Castlerock tapped Tree on the shoulder, clarified the rules, and shot her in the gut, narrowly escaping a stabbing. Pollux Castlerock thanks Omega Flare for kindly providing the weapon.

[17:51 PM] Alex Atkins will join the game!

[18:37 PM] Daniel O'Brien 2 - Innocents of Clare 0; Daniel O'Brien 0 - Dominic Carr 1.

[18:45 PM] A non-player didnt expect someone to be Comin atcha like a three-letter-acronym

[18:58 PM] D for Ential encounters a meal of rubber from A Stygian cloud of charcoal ebony on the way to hall

[19:00 PM] Woes of Woes, the blue headed one, Amy Booth, involved Pollux Castlerock and Chandler mews in innocent chatter of yellows and aphids, but showed her true self soon enough. The saddest part, dodging was not even on the poor children's minds.

[19:25 PM] Coryan Wilson-Shah shot Carol Sparke

[19:30 PM] Shiroi Ryu flames suicidal innocent.

[19:30 PM] Father, overcome with grief, mutilated Epic fish's corpse

[20:00 PM] Coryan Wilson-Shah stabbed Edmund (Ed) Croft

[21:00 PM] Coryan Wilson-Shah shot John Barrett

[23:20 PM] Comin atcha like a three-letter-acronym killed A non-player again

[23:35 PM] The Duke encountered an unarmed Flash... Aah!, but failed to catch Flash... Aah!

[23:45 PM] George Davies has signed up and will join the game at 00:01:00 on Tuesday

Monday, 15 June

[03:05 AM] the terror shark! Raaaaaaaaaaaargh! was brutally murdered by Lady of the Cake but there was A Hint of Nostalgia to end her life

[12:20 PM] Carnage at Scisoc! Epic fish stabbed Mr. E in the back

[12:20 PM] Carnage at Scisoc! Epic fish killed The Great Rapscallion

[12:30 PM] Carnage at Scisoc! Epic fish slew Pringles

[13:00 PM] Carnage at Scisoc! I'm a tard illegally bang kills The assassin currently standing right behind you, calmly taking aim at your head. Blatantly I'm a tard

[13:30 PM] An interaction occured! The Nose of Sauron shot The Ginger One as The Ginger One wandered the streets in search of food

[13:42 PM] John Barrett was cornered by the The Duke and The Duchess

[14:00 PM] An interaction occured! The Nose of Sauron bumped into C for Miles and Augustus the Cat on the way to unspecified. C for Miles cycled away but The Nose of Sauron managed to catch up with Augustus the Cat and knife him from his bike.

[14:15 PM] The Nose of Sauron met Platypus outside SciSoc. Platypus drew her weapon. The Nose of Sauron followed suit and elegantly strafed into a wall. Result = fail

[14:20 PM] the Witch of Agnesi teleports onto D for Ential's windowsill, shoots an arm off, wishes him a happy birthday and leaves.

[14:30 PM] Carnage at SciSoc garden party! An ex-Parrot enjoyed himself until he left, killing Paul Tinton, Edward Ignatius Morland and James Brister before dying to Adam Guterres

[14:50 PM] Chloroform Tea killed Jingle Bella

[15:15 PM] After a glorious stand-off and several rounds of fire, The Duchess shot Lady of the Cake

[15:50 PM] The Duke shot de stiekemerd but only got the leg, leaving The Duchess to stab her (in the arm) and then again, but this time finally killing her!

[16:18 PM] Ducal visit to Emmanuel

[16:55 PM] Yee-Haw! Someone take the cattle in, or if not then round up the B for Mutton

[17:03 PM] John Barrett retired from the game.

[17:36 PM] Chandler mews and Stubbles finally caught up with a mostly naked Mr. E, after falling for an entirely naked Mr. E's lies earlier today

[17:44 PM] Mr. E discovers he is not quite as dead as he thought, by being shot by Pollux Castlerock and Chandler mews

[18:35 PM] D for Ential saw the Cauchy Distribution coming, but apparently didn't have any equpment to defend himself with

[18:45 PM] An incredibly unsubtle assassin ate some Pringles

[19:00 PM] Chloroform Tea killed Jingle Bella again on the way to May Ball at approximately 7pm. Muah ha ha ha.

[19:05 PM] An incredibly unsubtle assassin stood in the middle of the road and shot The Duchess

[19:06 PM] Further events on the way to Trinity ball: The assassin currently standing right behind you, calmly taking aim at your head killed Chloroform Tea before heading to the Ball in a big crowd of dead assassins; The Great Rapscallion snuck up behind said crowd and "killed" a few corpses, but only wounded the one live assassin, who then stabbed him.

[19:15 PM] The Nose of Sauron shot The assassin currently standing right behind you, calmly taking aim at your head on the way to Trinity ball

[19:45 PM] Snap, Crackle and POW! and Epic fish visited Mem Court. ChiliNinja wanted to go to Clare ball and chose suicide by assassin.

[20:02 PM] Snap, Crackle and POW! shot A non-player

[20:15 PM] An interaction occured! Augustus the Cat should've been wary of Japanese waitress bearing fortune cookie. The fortune cookie went Snap, Crackle and POW!

[20:53 PM] Pollux Castlerock was foiled by his unpreparedness for waterless situations; also throwing knives. That man over there who doesn't look at all shifty, suspicious or assassin-like gets a kill

[21:03 PM] While That man over there who doesn't look at all shifty, suspicious or assassin-like was in a euphuria of conversation, Chandler mews took caution of what went on before and with two bangs, cannoned That man over there who doesn't look at all shifty, suspicious or assassin-like to the grave.

[21:10 PM] Lady of the Cake sucessfully assassinated B for Mutton

[21:50 PM] The Duke pennied Cakeface

[22:00 PM] Joshua Guy Blanchard Lewis is caught out by a bush containing de stiekemerd

[22:20 PM] The Ginger One finally made a hit, square to the chest of The Minister for Silly Walks

Tuesday, 16 June

[01:12 AM] Cakeface yet again does it Twillo-style by getting rubber banded outside the Trinity Mayball by the Cauchy Distribution!

[06:00 AM] Cakeface takes a slash at Jingle Bella and A Stygian cloud of charcoal ebony!

[06:10 AM] Read all about it! Gunfight outside Trinity May Ball! Carnage as corpses litter the street!

[07:05 AM] The Duke and The Duchess paid The Ginger One an early visit.

[10:55 AM] The Duchess and Mr. E enjoyed watching the fireworks. The Duchess possibly more so as they contained an unexpected stabbing.

[11:35 AM] Lady of the Cake suprised B for Mutton with a knife kill

[14:00 PM] An afternoon picnic, involving Pringles and Cakeface...

[14:00 PM] I saw Simeon Bird.

[14:15 PM] Inconclusive water-fight in Pembroke

[14:15 PM] A double stabbing occurs The Ginger One and Brian Cohen stab each other, meaning That man over there who doesn't look at all shifty, suspicious or assassin-like misses out on the action.

[14:50 PM] Chloroform Tea killed Byrhtnoth while she was lurking.

[14:55 PM] Chloroform Tea killedA Stygian cloud of charcoal ebony.

[15:00 PM] A firefight occurred! Pollux Castlerock's legs were chewed off by the terror shark! Raaaaaaaaaaaargh!, whilst Chandler mews was zapped by an Omega Flare

[15:13 PM] Epic fish killed Simian Bird

[15:46 PM] B for Mutton killed Lady of the Cake vis the medium of undead rat

[17:40 PM] de stiekemerd got help from Dr. A to kill Jingle Bella

[18:35 PM] It went something like this...

[19:45 PM] What's that? A Hint of Nostalgia in Fitz, coming over Pollux Castlerock?

[19:50 PM] A Stygian cloud of charcoal ebony descends on orgasm bridge, killing Don't touch sandvich

[20:44 PM] Flash... Aah! flees The Duke again, as the terror shark! Raaaaaaaaaaaargh!, Tree and A Hint of Nostalgia loiter around and get told by porters that their weapons will be confiscated if they return - caution advised around Churchill.

[21:00 PM] Chandler mews got caught in the Omega Flare explosion again... brave, but doomed.

[21:10 PM] Chloroform Tea killed A Stygian cloud of charcoal ebony.

[21:10 PM] Chloroform Tea killed The assassin currently standing right behind you, calmly taking aim at your head.

[21:57 PM] Chloroform Tea killed E for Brick.

[22:15 PM] Comin atcha like a three-letter-acronym killed Chloroform Tea.

[22:30 PM] Don't touch sandvich called the Umpire over to be asked to be let into Trinity, and was shot by a very unobtrusive Platypus

[22:40 PM] An incredibly unsubtle assassin encountered a very sharp-toothed the terror shark! Raaaaaaaaaaaargh! on top of a hill

[22:55 PM] Platypus, disguised as a pregnant chav, shot Jingle Bella.

[23:15 PM] D for Ential left his window open, so Platypus shot him through it.

Wednesday, 17 June

[01:10 AM] James Brister was, indeed, The assassin currently standing right behind you, calmly taking aim at your head when Byrhtnoth failed to notice that he had respawned.

[02:10 AM] After having camped Edward Ignatius Morland's room for far too long, The assassin currently standing right behind you, calmly taking aim at your head finally catches him off guard.

[02:40 AM] Hiding in a corner somewhere was reborn and promptly slew Mr Simian Bird

[12:49 PM] Shiroi Ryu finally tastes the Epic fish using his own stratagem of lack of subtlety

[13:50 PM] A Stygian cloud of charcoal ebony engulfs on Jingle Bella and Lady of the Cake though the latter takes it with her.

[14:05 PM] An ex-Parrot was caught in the act by Jenny Hawkin

[14:10 PM] An attempted back-stabby Chloroform Tea back-fired (remember, no projectiles in shops), The assassin currently standing right behind you, calmly taking aim at your head took offence at this and quickly dispatched her.

[14:24 PM] Simian Bird obtained detailed briefing of the vital status of those present; James- -

[14:30 PM] Shiroi Ryu dodges vital inquiry, to detriment of Byrhtnoth.

[14:55 PM] Bleeding followed by duel: Shiroi Ryu finishes off Comin atcha like a three-letter-acronym

[15:05 PM] The Ginger One was molested by the terror shark! Raaaaaaaaaaaargh! In the meantime, A Hint of Nostalgia wafted over the balcony and round the block, in time to, er, touch That man over there who doesn't look at all shifty, suspicious or assassin-like

[15:20 PM] Matt Hickford snuck up on the Witch of Agnesi and said 'stab', but alas, Matt Hickford has no weapons.

[16:10 PM] momento mori was making food, but unfortunately was not expecting the Cauchy Distribution

[17:07 PM] Late arrival killed by low-flying Simian Bird.

[17:25 PM] the Witch of Agnesi made to regret his dangerous decision to pick The Nose of Sauron

[17:50 PM] The Nose of Sauron forcibly de-bearded Stubbles

[17:52 PM] Adorable undead minion of Lady of the Cake fatally squeeks Shiroi Ryu. Timekeeping is important!

[17:52 PM] Lady of the Cake met Jingle Bella; there was a double-kill involving a Handbag and a Rat.

[18:04 PM] The Nose of Sauron unleashed his wrath upon the terror shark! Raaaaaaaaaaaargh! but was suddenly overcome by A Hint of Nostalgia.

[18:59 PM] Ed Nokes will join the game at 00:01:00 on Thursday

[19:33 PM] An ineffectual RBG duel occurred through Don't touch sandvich's door.

[19:40 PM] The Umpire has his fun with I'd like to claim this RBG on second home allowances please

[20:20 PM] D for Ential left his window open, The assassin currently standing right behind you, calmly taking aim at your head came visiting.

[22:50 PM] Chloroform Tea sneaked up on B for Mutton and gunned him down

[23:00 PM] Omega Flares do not discriminate, and blast their way through everyone, even That man over there who doesn't look at all shifty, suspicious or assassin-like

Thursday, 18 June

[02:30 AM] Chaos at Post Party!! Chloroform Tea shoots E for Brick only for A Stygian cloud of charcoal ebony to kill her and The assassin currently standing right behind you, calmly taking aim at your head.

[11:30 AM] Lady of the Cake assassinated B for Mutton once more

[12:15 PM] The Duke out-thesps I'd like to claim this RBG on second home allowances please

[12:20 PM] Platypus is suddenly extinct, after an inquisition from The Nose of Sauron!

[12:45 PM] The Duke is hungry, so he stops by the market square and eats some Pringles

[13:05 PM] THE NOKESMOBILE IS IN TOWN!

[13:45 PM] the terror shark! Raaaaaaaaaaaargh! spots the Cauchy Distribution in town, killing him with A Hint of Nostalgia

[13:57 PM] Simian Bird was distracted by delicious ice-cream long enough for The assassin currently standing right behind you, calmly taking aim at your head to sneak up behind him; it was probably worth it.

[15:05 PM] The Duke really does like his cake, although he seems to be sticking with Lady of the Cake... watch out, all other cakes, he might om nom nom you too! :P

[15:30 PM] Cakeface can't spell... but can epic fail, to the amusement of A for 'Orses

[16:05 PM] The Duchess and The Duke sneaked up behind B for Mutton and shot him again in the Union Garden Party

[16:15 PM] The Nose of Sauron was last seen sniffing a line, and enjoying A Hint of Nostalgia!

[16:22 PM] Cardinal Ximénez of Spain sees an assassin and a very large gun, and runs away as fast as possible, much to the amusement of his parents.

[16:49 PM] om nom nom! Cakeface and icecream with ChiliNinja and Surprisingly!

[17:50 PM] D for Ential knocked on The assassin currently standing right behind you, calmly taking aim at your head's door un-armed; needless to say, he died.

[18:15 PM] Simian Bird was travelling across town, and not expecting the Cauchy Distribution

[18:45 PM] The assassin currently standing right behind you, calmly taking aim at your head comes to hall expecting food and shelter, but unfortunately for him, not the Cauchy Distribution

[18:53 PM] Meng Li shot Amy Booth

[19:15 PM] Snap, Crackle and POW! is more of a dog-person really. Augustus the Cat is no more.

[20:00 PM] The Nose of Sauron tried to shoot The Duchess, overlooking the fact that her ladyship was in formal wear and hence No Water.

[20:00 PM] Amy Booth invites people to a concert

[20:15 PM] The Duke discovered that once you pop, you indeed can't stop, and bang-killed Pringles again

[20:25 PM] Fighting in the dance hall! Cakeface and C for Miles duke it out georgian-style.

[20:30 PM] J for Vendetta brutally murdered Joshua Guy Blanchard Lewis

[20:30 PM] A for 'Orses fails to evade fire from Cakeface!

[20:34 PM] Platypus turns out not to be extinct after all, much to the dismay of Comin atcha like a three-letter-acronym!

[20:35 PM] de stiekemerd got the Platypus wet :(

[22:45 PM] Matt Hickford snuck up on The assassin currently standing right behind you, calmly taking aim at your head and said 'stab', but alas, Matt Hickford has a weapon.

[23:14 PM] Assassins + leaving a dance at the same time = Dead Assassins. Shiroi Ryu kills Jingle Bella before falling to A Stygian cloud of charcoal ebony.

[23:15 PM] Don't touch sandvich and A Stygian cloud of charcoal ebony proved the proverb: when an assassin is tired of looking around corners for shifty looking fellows with large water guns, he is tired of life. The Nose of Sauron was the shifty.

Friday, 19 June

[11:00 AM] Snap, Crackle and POW! made Gareth Tear (Gaz) cry

[11:45 AM] The Duke is just beaten to the kill of Mr. E by some scoundrel...

[12:00 PM] Yarr! Pirate punting happened! Avarrrrst me hearties!

[12:10 PM] I'd like to claim this RBG on second home allowances please on his way to shoot tourists encountered a heavily-armed Platypus.

[12:20 PM] Byrhtnoth seems to be making a habit of dying embarrassingly soon every time she makes a kill - this time cornered by J for Vendetta in a very fetching pirate hat.

[12:30 PM] de stiekemerd shot A non-player

[14:00 PM] Surprisingly, an Omega Flare can strike anywhere or everywhere.

[14:35 PM] The assassin currently standing right behind you, calmly taking aim at your head crossed paths with Chloroform Tea whilst heading to their respective subjects' garden parties; as the latter was encumbered by a large bag, The assassin currently standing right behind you, calmly taking aim at your head was victorious.

[14:37 PM] The Duke took out Shrike and narrowly avoided shooting his much hairier guest

[15:08 PM] Chandler mews stabbed Pollux Castlerock in the back

[15:10 PM] Don't say you weren't warned! An Omega Flare tears Newnham asunder, parting the bodies and souls of Jingle Bella and Lady of the Cake

[15:15 PM] Amy Booth and George Davies exchange shots

[15:30 PM] C for Miles, A for 'Orses and Augustus the Cat were lax in their post-pirating conversations. The Nose of Sauron and Comin atcha like a three-letter-acronym showed their true pirateyness by cutting their throats, albeit with much jolliness and rum swigging.

[15:30 PM] the Cauchy Distribution agreed to a truce with less than four hours left of the game, The assassin currently standing right behind you, calmly taking aim at your head thought this was hilarious.

[16:40 PM] Christopher Powell should vary his defence strategy a bit more...

[16:59 PM] Amusement in the press, featuring Pollux Castlerock, Omega Flare and Chandler mews

[17:45 PM] Platypus shot E for Brick but was shot by The Nose of Sauron. J for Vendetta killed The assassin currently standing right behind you, calmly taking aim at your head