The Assassins' Guild - Week 1 News

Thinking that I'd made a great start to the game, I held Woolgar at gunpoint outside Trinity just after 7. You know, because he looks dodgey and all that. He claimed not to be playing though. Good job I didn't shoot him, and ran away.

After amassing my "army" of "minions" to defend my "fortress in the sky" from the "evil" sorts of lolmafia and fluffmaf, i waited through "torrential rain" and "blazing thunderstorms" for any agressors who would dare defy my "devine power". Gordonius was the first to face my wrath.... unfortunately Thomas von Boothward the second, was to shoot me with his "lightning gun". Note: Quotations marks added later by Sarah Tang to mark possible factual irregularities.

At 20.13ish Mr Revelation walked in on me very literally with my pants down (I was getting changed after formal, before you say anything :P). Leaping sideways, I grabbed a gun and returned fire, missing him though, and he escaped out of the same door he entered through.

Le Subtil was returning from a fine meal (if Caius hall can ever be called that), when he bumped into his holiness the Pope. The Pope was not in the most sober of moods so Le Renard did not shoot him straight away out of the kindness of his heart, but when his victim said "so shoot me" when Magua enquired as to his health, he felt obliged to do so.

R0xx0r teh n00b Prince He stands before the door of hamster of doom. He slew hamster of doom. Four hours of day remain and R0xx0r teh n00b Prince is uttely invigorated. The rice phear is very mild. hamster of doom is utterly bold. He has with him the RBG and the XP215. He thinks again...

R0xx0r teh n00b Prince He stands at the top of the Tower of W. He slew Twinkle Toes. Four hours of the day remain and R0xx0r teh n00b Prince is utterly invigorated. The rice phear is very mild. Twinkle Toes is utterly bold. He wields the XP215. He thinks again...

Having met up again after running from Deuce, Revelation and I were wandering down the street, when who should I spot but Corkscrew, on the phone and waving at us. Slightly surprised by his lack of any further reaction; I suppose he must already be dead. Point him out to Richard, who goes and bang kills him anyway. Corkscrew doesn't take his attention from the phone.

Have a look at the scores page. Hmm, Deuce's been busy. Let's go after him! Maybe we'll get lucky and find him sitting in his room with the window open. We're crossing Parkers Piece when Richard spots a figure coming towards us. Figure spots us and turns to run. Mistakenly believe that figure is carrying a sports bag with his CPS 2000, and decide not to give chase, instead starting to make our way off Parkers Piece by a hopefully unexpected route. Are about 3/4 of the way across and talking about how difficult it is to recognise someone in this light when we realise that a figure very definitely carrying a CPS 2000 is running up behind us. Split up and bolt. He for some reason decides to go after the more heavily armed Richard, and I run away and hide for 20 minutes, before meeting up again with Richard who had also managed to evade him. Return by a roundabout route to Trinity, during which time we bump into a somewhat not with it Corkscrew. Entering Trinity, who should we meet but Deuce? Richard hides and leaps out at him, whilst I cower behind a wall. There then follows a long discussion phase, during much of which I continue to cower behind said wall.

May bumps were invented by the Master in 1827 when he realised that the boaties were having difficulty in having any decent races because the Cam is narrow and twisty for most of its length, and because he likes to watch boats crash into each other. People in boats are protected by the aura of the Master, which was most fortunate when yours truly was attacked with a water firing device by persons unknown standing on the shiny new footbridge (which was of course also invented by the Master) next to Emmanual boat house. Rumours that a bank party was involved are currently unconfirmed, which is a good thing as otherwise the Dean would be rather annoyed at them not getting a permit first.

Saw Full-Lycra Foxy returning from bumpety-bump, so I stuck my knife in him. Then again, since it was so much fun the first time.

Le Renard Subtil killed his holiness Pope Nunchucks VII (and his sidekick Jesus) again in a moment of madness, but promises to find someone more interesting next time

TACTICAL RETREAT!

As we were leaving the post-punting consolidation, I spotted a familiar figure across the road. Despite Ed's lab coat, and the three CPSs that the two of us were carrying, he didn't appear to have spotted us. So, with foxy-like cunning, and after lots of duckery and weavage to avoid tourists, I leapt out from behind a post-box and, um, got him a bit wet. Sorry.

Caught Maz trying to escape from the Punt Wars OOB area, chased him as far as that motorised gate thing where we shot each other, before realising it was still out of bounds. He then escape into the crowds of tourists on Trinity Street, and I was unable to find him again.

R0xx0r teh n00b Prince He stands facing west towards the Keep of Trinity. The rice phear is very cold. R0xx0r teh n00b Prince is very afraid. He has with him Ortho Rhombic. R0xx0r teh n00b Prince He stands facing south on the Street of Trinity. The rice phear is very cold. R0xx0r teh n00b Prince is very afraid. R0xx0r teh n00b Prince R0xx0r teh n00b Prince is hidden in the Keep of Caius. The rice phear is fairly cold. R0xx0r teh n00b Prince is fairly afraid.

Death to pirates. (and those that resemble pirates and are in piratical rooms, whilst not being pirates themselves)

Recieved warning that a couple of dodgy-looking people were lurking around the entrance to my SuperSecretHideyHole (tm). Leaving my Pimm's behind, I sprang into action, and ran all the way there, to find an absolute blood bath, with Ross stood proudly in the centre. He fired on me, taking out my right leg, so I hopped away, surprisingly unfollowed. The lack of a tail made me think a sneak attack from another direction might work. It did.

Spotted Racoon and CF walking across Trinity backs. Waited for them to pass me in the dark, then ran up behind and nailed him. A perfectly executed attack, unfortunatly Racoon had just been killed by Tom :(

Well there I was, walking along, minding my own business, when all of a sudden I saw flying daggers coming towards me down the road! Obviously I wasn't going to stand for this. Those young whippersnappers, they don't know when they're born, I tell you. Anyway. I whipped out my garish weapon and gave the whippersnapper what for. He seemed to appreciate it. I believe I also mutilated a corpse that happened to be nearby, but I can't get the Umpire to believe me. It wasn't a fair fight though. Everyone knows that malt loaf is weak against boaties.

"Who were you looking for?" "I'm looking for Lizzi." "Oh, me?" "Bang!"

Whilst out awalking Zephyr and innocent friend encountered in their path, the fearsome killers Excessively Dangerous Thing and RIAA assassin. The innocent friend, being the arse that he is, attracted the attentions of the pair and indicated that Zephyr was an assassin, was unarmed, and was a good choice for a quick killing. After carefully weighing the potential veracity of this statement, given that innocent friend was dressed entirely in black, sporting long hair and a dashing hat, Excessively Dangerous Thing shot innocent friend, allowing Zephyr to flee unmolested.

bopped into my old pal, Stephen Chester...

Heading to Blue Boad for completely non-assassin related business, I spied a suspect young lady leaving at speed 7. Surely I came across her last night?Lucky I had an RBG on me so I could gun her down outside Johns after a brief chase.

It was obvious you were an assassin as a) I met you the day before and b) You ran faster when I drew a gun on you :)

It was more a "You *are* an assassin, aren't you?" in confirmation that I hadn't just scared an innocent who looked a little like you...

I may be an arms dealer, but I'm a conscientious one. So when I saw a terrorist walking in exactly the same place as he had been last night, I decided to take decisive action. He'd been a bit upset when I watered him last night, so this time I stabbed him. Aren't I nice?

I'd just been to see the Caius May Week show and saw him kneeling before his rucksack outside CUP.

Leaving the shower, I thought I saw the Holy Afro heading into one of the loos. Through careful questioning I gathered that it was indeed Adam taking a quick number two, so I bang killed him over the door. Then did it again when he came out, just to be sure.

She's not having much luck at it. I had been to visit a friend from Church to pray for the G8 Summit and, having had no breakfast, she offered toast in the kitchen. While en route, she introduced me to her friend Lizziwizzy, and we had a brief chat about Clare Rugby. A good hour and a half later, I was wandering out and decided to check the player list. And Lo! there she was, just two floors above my friend. She wasn't in, but she was just outside. So... "Hi Lizzie!" "Oh hi!" "I wanted to ask you a question about Clare Rugby Club." "Oh yes?" "Did they teach you how to dodge rubber bands?" "AAAAGH" *clickyclickyclicky*

IN THE CAMBRIDGE COUNTY COURT
Case No. Cam05/003
Between:-

Lachlan McLean (Claimant)

-and-

Martin Mariusz Lester (Defendant)

______________________
Particulars of Claim
______________________

1. At all material times the Claimant was armed with two RBGs, a CPS, a copy of the Big Issue and the collected works of several authors inspired by the Holy Spirit to take down in written form the Holy Word of the Lord God Almighty ("the Bible"). At all material times the Defendant was worth many more points than the Claimant.
2. At or about 1.35pm the Claimant was standing outside Ryder & Amies, King's Parade, Cambridge, whereupon he heeded the presence of the Defendant approaching at a steady speed and looking rather paranoid from the direction of Gonville & Caius College. The Claimant, believing himself to be about as inconspicuous as a pair of elephants engaging in energetic sex during a rendition of Handel's Sarabande being performed at the Royal Opera House, ducked behind a row of bicycles and extracted his CPS from a hidden location.
3. The Defendant continued in a southerly direction along King's Parade, apparently not having noticed the Claimant. The Claimant pursued the Defendant on foot, but found that he had vanished into thin air. He continued his pursuit around Pembroke, before giving up and deciding to sit outside Great Saint Mary's Church and await the Defendant's return.
4. While applying sun cream, the Claimant once again heeded the presence of the Defendant, yet again walking from Gonville & Caius College towards King's College. The Claimant, concealing his face behind an innocent passer-by, took out the RBG he had borrowed from Jenny Chase PhD and shot the Defendant twice in the chest. The assassination was caused by the Defendant's negligence in that he:

   ___________________________
   Particulars of Negligence
   ___________________________

   a) Failed to heed the presence of the Claimant on two occasions,
   b) Failed to keep any or any proper lookout,
   c) Failed to shoot the Claimant in time,
   d) Walked too quickly in all the circumstances,
   e) Failed to hide, conceal or otherwise disguise himself,
   f) Wore a great big green coat in inappropriate weather,
   g) Failed to be paranoid sufficiently or at all,
   h) In the premises, had no or insufficient regard for his own safety.

5. The Claimant claims points under the Rules of the Assassins Guild.

Went with Steve to visit Bryony, and guess who would be there but Sap-Sap. So I bang killed him. With a Wildfire, which was a bit of a waste.

For some reason, my earlier kill is no longer around (except it is now). Ah well, stabbed the Holy Afro again for good measure...

My happy stroll down Trinity Street was marred by the realisation that there was a May Ball queue outside Trinity. I stopped to see if anyone I knew was there. At this precise moment, Deuce attacked me with a Nerf-like weapon. I did the only thing I could, and fired the XP215 I had in my hand, missing (lucky too, since he was in formal clothing; sorry Deuce!) and then drew my RBG to continue the battle.

Walking out the entrance to Court-who's-name-I-can-never-remember Court, I saw Tom and Michael stood around. Myself and Mr BOOM BOOM ran towards them, luckily I picked the one who alive to twang with a rubber band, cunningly concealed on the wrist.

'Twas a fine evening, and Le Subtil had been away from the centre of town, with all of its dangers for most of the day. After seeing two Simeon Bird lookalikes (Le Subtil did notice that they were not he, for they each wore a total of zero hats), who should Le Renard spot but he who is The Mound Of Sound. Magua caught but a passing glance, so he followed him from Sainsbury's, and after he had had a better look Le Subtil did shoot him once in the chest outside the gates of Sidney Sussex college.

When Callum arrived at the ball, his first action was to shoot me in the neck with a rubber band. though I was dead at the time. Two minutes before I was due to resurrect, I stabbed him, having got the timings wrong. When he then asked me for a no-kill I explicitly declined, and five minutes later he tried to kill me again before running off. Can someone please tell me where in this sequence of events it was even implied that I had agreed not to kill him for the duration of the ball?

Revelation had offered me a no-kill until noon at about 2.15, and I said I'd think about it. At 3.30 I agreed, on the grounds that Steve was included as well. Revelation smiled in a sinister way, then disappeared into the toilets about twenty minutes before he was due to resurrect. After his resurrection deadline came and went, and still no sign of him, we began to get a bit edgy. Either he was setting us up, or he had serious medical issues. I went inside to find no sign of him except an open window. Had he climbed out? I decided to pre-empt his backstabbing and kill him first. When I actually stabbed him, though, he looked so upset that I let him off. This time.

Leaving the ball, I spotted Felicity making her way down the queue, staring intently at everyone as they passed her by. Drawing my trusty knife, I threw it at her, hitting her (I thought) on the side of the head. Felicity did not think this however, so chased me down the street, until another ball goes verified that I had in fact hit her.

Assassins leaving their doors open these days seems to be such a rare occurence that, when I actually found an unlocked door, I was momentarily dumbfounded as to what to do with it. Instincts from earlier games came rushing back, and I fumbled in my pocket to retrieve a RBG before leaping valiantly inside. Alex was just stirring into wakefulness, and didn't have much of a chance.

Another helpfully unlocked door, and another shared room. Unfortunately my entrance failed to wake either denizen, and I wasn't sure which one was Ying. I tried slamming the door again to no avail. Finally I knocked loudly on the inside of the door with one of the RBGs. The ground floor resident opens her eyes and blinks at me. "Ying?" "eh?" "Are you Ying?" *nods* Bang.

Heard Phil attacking Adam *again*, so ran outside waving guns to sort him out. Unfortunatly he had the higher ground, so there was nothing much I could do. TACTICAL RETREAT!

Le Subtil had entered the land of A-block, when he noted the presence of the one known only as 'The Holy Afro'. He decided to shoot him, with every intention of not reporting the incident, seeing as it would gain him about 5 points in total. However, after performing the deed and proceeding to ascend the stairs, Le Renard caught a passing glance of a dressing gown clad Ortho Rhombic carrying a large array of weaponary.

After Ortho Rhombic had missed once, and Le Subtil realised that their no-kill was well and truly recinded, he released a volley from his RBG and then retrieved his XP from his room, and did proceed to exchange further volleys through the staircase. This endeavour did not get any results, so he then tactically retreated to his abode, to fight again another day.

Le Renard would also like to point out that his holiness has been killed as many times by Ortho Rhombic as by himself.

Walking out of the door heavily armed after a 15 or so minute visit to Harvey Court, who did I bump into but Adam Hall. It was all I could do to only bang kill him, not soak him thoroughly. Sorry sorry sorry AbF won't do it again sorry sorry...

Dear Maria,

Running away from attacking assassins and hiding in a kitchen/toilet can be an effective, if cowardly, tactic (cf Foxy vs Caius Mafia, Mayweek 04). However it only works if you check that the assassin has gone away again before wandering out into the corridor and carrying on as before. ;)

Walking through the Sidgwick site I spotted two suspect characters walking by Newnham with a large bag. Drawing a BigAssWaterGun (tm), I gave chase at something approximating speed 7, and as I got close I saw that one was Ross (with a CPS1k sticking out his bag) and a young girl with dark hair. I shot them both in the back, only to find that the girl was not Serena as I expected, but an innocent :S

R0xx0r teh n00b Prince has found The Elemental Lord of Malt Loaf, which brings new hope to those seeking higher scores. The rice phear is very cold. The Elemental Lord of Malt Loaf thinks, "You've got to be kidding me." The Elemental Lord of Malt Loaf thinks again... The Elemental Lord of Malt Loaf is hidden in the Maze of Blue Boar. He has with him R0xx0r teh n00b Prince. He commands no minions and 2 knives. R0xx0r teh n00b Prince slew The Elemental Lord of Malt Loaf. He thinks again...

The sound of gunfire, blazing
Round, round round... (deeper and down?)
OHNOES! He liek totally killz0red meinen liebenenen!
Lollercopters!
Lollercopters of pain!!
Errraaarrrgh!!! I killz0r j00!!
Yellow!

Steve is the enemy, and his bank balance is now Steve's enemy. After hearing that Jamie Karran would be going to London soon, i began the mission of gaining intelligence of when he would make this trip and where i could possibly run into him. I found out through a subtle questioning of a raccoon that they where to leave at 11.31pm from the train station in Cambridge, on the previous night. So, i ran to the taxi rank in order to get to the station on time. (This was when i met Philip Bielby in the street in lion's yard... i was just trying to get in a taxi) When i got to the station, the machines there tried to steal my cashcard and then i had to part with cash in order to get a return ticket to London. I waited until the train was about to leave and it was obvious that he hadn't made it... so i rang a raccoon and i found out that they'd fallen asleep. DAMMIT!!! Taxi back home.... Next... i spend a lot of time trying to get information about where Jamie Karran lived and how he was likely to get there from the train. Then i got a phonecall from a raccoon (replying to a missed call i'd given him earlier) to say that he was busy organising stuff before going to the train station. Excellent! I went (via taxi) to the train station, and paid a 10 pound fine in order to change my invalid and unused ticket from the previous day, to a ticket that i could use. I got on the 4.45pm train if i remember correctly.... unfortunately after walking from the back of the train to the front, i discovered he wasn't on the train... oh crap! I ring a raccoon who tells me that the target had gotten a special 4.25pm train. I decided that my information about his whereabouts after kingscross wasn't good enough, so i had to bite the bullet and phone Jamie Karran in order to request that i meet up with him in london. "Why are you coming to London???" ... hmmm, there was no good excuse, so i just told him i was coming to kill him. We decided to duel in kingscross :D:D:D I got off the train, was extremely paranoid, and when i reached a huge number of people in the centre of the train station, i knew i had to get out of the mix. I ran to a wall, and started sliding along it like an industrial wall buffer while keeping my eyes on the shady characters that filled the train station. I knew he would be somewhere near the departure signs so i tried to get into a position where i could see them without leaving my back exposed... Then i saw him, his hair was gelled back and thus had diminished in size by a factor of 10 and also looked black rather than it's 'natural' colour. He was wearing scary yet still quite stylish sunglasses, which covered much more of his face than any pair of sunglasses i'd previously seen. I stealthily moved towards him and shot him.... thank f*ck! That could have been the most expensive cock-up in the history of assassins.... Though i don't know how much it cost Maz to go to Oxford last Michaelmas!

Le Subtil was lurking on Clare bridge (not King's bridge as some inaccurate reports might state) for that fiend Ortho Rhombic when he spotted some people playing with water weapons in a punt.

An associate mentioned that one of them was definitely an assassin, so Le Subtil thought that seeing as they were playing with water weapons anyway, he would join in with their fun. However, although the punter had been identified as an assassin, he was unsure of the others. Le Renard resolved to shoot first and ask questions at some undefined point in the future.

Unfortunately, the person he asked (the fiend who he was looking for in the first place) new precisely who was on the punt, along with which ones had been shot (although Le Subtil maintains that he only shot one), and which ones were assassins.

Le Renard categorically denies shooting any illegal innocents, as the 'innocents' were playing with several water weapons at the time

Scotsman invited me to the pub, and I gladly accepted. On my way, it occurred to me it might be a trap, so I asked who was there. "DunkyB, Russ Williams, and Gordon Ball." So I shot him when I arrived. Damn and blast it, another dead assassin. About 5 minutes before he respawned, we agreed to call a truce for the evening, and just drank Hen instead, and all was well with the world.

Unbelievable! He was wearing a red waistcoat!

This actually happened eight hours or so earlier than it appears. Not that it really matters. Saperia showed up to start queuing for the ball, and I knifed him for not adhering to the dress code. Silly Sappy.

Le Subtil was standing on his balcony, looking out upon the GCSU Garden Party, when he saw a shifty character who looked suspiciously like Nick Plummer sitting in the shade.

Le Renard took this opportunity to make Slaty Cleavage regret recinding their no-kill agreement.

Love waterguns. Hate piracy (Yarr!).

I don't appear to have actually got any points from this kill... Adam, could you wave your Magic Compsci Wand of Fixing please?

Le Renard heard a rapping at his door, accompanied by a cock and bull story, so he opened it a crack and shot Adam, who was armed with an RBG

You cannot escape geology Dave!

Step 1: CPS
Step 2: Curtains
Step 3: ???
Step 4: PROFIT!!!

The heroes of this engagement were undoubtedly Revelation's curtains, which absorbed a ridiculous amount of water, while the denizens of the room cowered behind them like girls (ok, so Felicity *is* a girl, but it's not much of an excuse) and fired blindly at the street, on one occasion even with a weapon that I had sold them! The cheek of it!

All i can really say is that much of the curtain attacking could have been prevented had 'the special one' chosen to leave his room when i knocked on his door about 5 times. The first two times he opened it slightly and then cowered back into his room.... with felicity. (hmmm) After that i was treated to a play-by-play description of what was happening on the street... i was waiting to here the glorious words... "Oh no felicity, they've just made me wet"... unfortunately and rather surprisingly this never happened. I decided to view the rest of the room attacking from outside, but not before i noticed the 'Danger' tape that myself and a couple of trinitarian friends gave 'the special one' in the form of a cone present a few weeks back. But it was oddly placed on the door of a toilet which is claimed to be out of order... hmmm, i would have investigated the toilet further, but nature did give signs of calling so i desisted from my lavatory interrogation.

Operation Kill CF kicked off this morning. It turns out that his house isn't too far from my other favourite London location, the Chinese Embassy. I hung around outside for ten minutes waiting for a friendly innocent to let me in, and just as I gave up and rang his doorbell, one turned up. Sadly it was too late, but a friendly housemate called to me that I "had missed him". This made me a little suspicious that Raccoon might have let him know I was going... I ventured to the UCL library, where I spotted a familiar purple afro stalking the streets. Fortunately he hadn't spotted me (I was in disguise, you see), and was wearing headphones. A super-sneaky running-up-behind-very-fast ensued, and I knifed him.

After leaving Revelation's room last night i knew i had to kill some people fast, if only to force Rev out into killing. I never expected to see him before 7pm this evening... especially since i've lurked his room for the grand total of 9 hours in the last 36, without success. I was fortunate to run into Gordon Ball and Simeon Bird last night, who i suspected where sent after me under the promise of a party to be held in the honor of the next person to kill me. These two kills put me back into a position to threaten Revelation's lead. (also, tom shot an armed philip bridge in hope of securing the MPhil award!) This morning, i got up and under the knowledge that the newnhamites would all be buggering off at some point today, i went to lurk them. Naturally called by Gooding again (after the hilariousness of the previous kill) and then it couldnt hurt to try Amins door, and it didnt :) (see previous report heading) Then i lurked Newnham from 9.30am, i saw a pair that looked like Maria and a potential Ben cycle past, but not stop at newnham to my surprise. Then i saw Luci's friend Rachael carrying belongings to her car, this lead to much hiding during the lurk so she didn't see me and warn the newnhamites. Then who do i spy walking into newnham, but Revelation. I couldn't easily get close enough to trivially kill him on the way in, and also i couldnt get him beyond the front entrance, as the porters have stopped letting me in. Something about wearing a coat during the day struck out at them as being suspicious :S. I knelt on the step in wait... some passers by were good sports and ignored me when i motioned at them to not say anything about my presence. Some didnt notice me as they walked *into* the college. And at one point, a porter came out to the entrance, stood less than half a metre from me, and looked around, before asking someone if they'd parked a car that was also less than 2 metres from me. Thankfully i wasn't spotted. Then after what seemed like ages, 'the special one' walked out the door. I bang-killed him, but also shot him lots (sorry), i think it was because me knees where in agony from kneeling on the step in a crouched position. I have to say this has been a very enjoyable game so far, even though it has been the most paranoid and psychopathic experience of my life. And remember kids, NEVER Stand Next to Steve McCann!!!

He approached me at lunch and sat down next to me. It would have been rude not to shoot him.

Hoppity skip up the stairs to Lindsay's room, the door to which stands open. RBGs in hand, I approach the door to discover Lindsay's mother (I presume) standing in the doorway, clearly helping her to pack. Momentarily I freeze; but I need not have worried. "Lindsay, there's someone here to see you," she cries, in such an innocent voice (seeming not to have noticed the weapons in my hands) that the victim comes strolling happily out. Bang.

Just when you thought the game was over, all it takes is me to prove that people can still cock up the autoumpire... I dropped round to see Firestone, who wasn't being very sociable. I pranced around in front of her room for a while to lure her out, but after she shot at me a bit with a RBG (and was out of range) I retreated to a bathroom. When I emerged, there was a crash from the adjacent bathroom, and Serena appeared, firing a RBG. Had she stuck with it, she'd probably have killed me, but she chose to retreat again, and re-emerge with a CPS 1500. I would like to know what my face looked like at this stage, in the split-second before the muzzle of the gun appeared and she started firing. I guess I deserved it for what I did to Steve the other night... Unfortunately, after the gun finally ran out of water and left me soaked to the skin in the corridor, I felt obliged to point out that it *was* a Water With Care zone.

I was just packing up my room when someone tried the door handle. How very rude, anyone would think you're not a gentleman, thought I, and endeavoured to find my RBG in the obstacle course that now constituted my room. By the time I'd found and loaded it he had returned to the door and knocked again. I poked the RBG around the door and emptied it at him, and he did the same at me. Unfortunately he was out of range, so I retreated back into my room, locked the door, reloaded the RBG and retrieved a CPS, not knowing that corridors were only water with care. Leaving my room the assassin seemed to have disappeared, leaving a corridor liberally scattered with rubber bands. However the toilet door was locked, and having not heard anyone leaving their room I decided that this was suspicious, and hid in a bathroom. Tom duly appeared and I fired a few rubber bands at him before switching to the CPS. I'm afraid I don't know what your face looked like at that point Tom, since I knew where you were, and wasn't about to present you with a target to shoot at! It was very satisfactory to soak you, even if it didn't stand!

Just when you thought the game was over, all it takes is me to prove that people can still cock up the autoumpire... I dropped round to see Firestone, who wasn't being very sociable. I pranced around in front of her room for a while to lure her out, but after she shot at me a bit with a RBG (and was out of range) I retreated to a bathroom. When I emerged, there was a crash from the adjacent bathroom, and Serena appeared, firing a RBG. Had she stuck with it, she'd probably have killed me, but she chose to retreat again, and re-emerge with a CPS 1500. I would like to know what my face looked like at this stage, in the split-second before the muzzle of the gun appeared and she started firing. I guess I deserved it for what I did to Steve the other night... Unfortunately, after the gun finally ran out of water and left me soaked to the skin in the corridor, I felt obliged to point out that it *was* a Water With Care zone.

I was just packing up my room when someone tried the door handle. How very rude, anyone would think you're not a gentleman, thought I, and endeavoured to find my RBG in the obstacle course that now constituted my room. By the time I'd found and loaded it he had returned to the door and knocked again. I poked the RBG around the door and emptied it at him, and he did the same at me. Unfortunately he was out of range, so I retreated back into my room, locked the door, reloaded the RBG and retrieved a CPS, not knowing that corridors were only water with care. Leaving my room the assassin seemed to have disappeared, leaving a corridor liberally scattered with rubber bands. However the toilet door was locked, and having not heard anyone leaving their room I decided that this was suspicious, and hid in a bathroom. Tom duly appeared and I fired a few rubber bands at him before switching to the CPS. I'm afraid I don't know what your face looked like at that point Tom, since I knew where you were, and wasn't about to present you with a target to shoot at! It was very satisfactory to soak you, even if it didn't stand!

Felicity (predictably) wasn't lame enough to leave her door unlocked, so I made my way out of a side door. As I approached the front of New Hall, however, I realised I was being followed and ran round the corner to grab my guns. By the time Felicity caught up with me, having eventually seen through my cunning disguise, there was a fairly obvious disparity of weapons, and she was forced to hide behind several cars. Owing to injuries and general exhaustion, I couldn't run very fast, and she managed to work her way round me and flee back into the college. As she did so, though, I shot off her left arm and leg, and it was learned she bled to death shortly afterwards.

I would like to point out that I just splashed Mr Mathmo Chris, as the majority of the stream from my XP hit the defensive curtains. So there.