News - Page 3 of 8
created 2/2/98
The weekend started not with a bang, but with a whimper, as PC George and two other assassins, heavy with guilt and possibly alcohol, decided to end it all. The explosive corn flakes however failed to detonate due to incompetence; this didn't stop the three running around town under the illusion that they were invisible. They narrowly escaped final death at the hands of the highly sangerous and inebriated Bijan Omrani who was spending the evening shooting anything that moved, but in his drunken stupor he was unaware his gun had expended all its ammunition.
Earlier, the Omrani had attempted to kill PC 'Beast' Ramshaw, but only succeeded in slaying the strange Mr Ed and his lady friend. Enraged by this failure, he then progressed to the van of life, adding to the raw materials therein by shooting dead one of the cooks. He shall be sadly missed.
Two attempts at bombing failed early on Sunday, when the agent known only as Number6 placed incendiary devices at the doors of The Monk and the Antichrist. Unfortunately, (from one perspective), neither device did its deadly work. Here are the reports submitted by the two very much alive victims....While opening my door, cautiously as always, I noticed a certain amount of tension and jumped to the obvious conclusion. On careful inspection, I could just about see a string at door handle level and a green bottle underneath.And this from The Monk....
Unfortunately, I didn't have any scissors long enough to reach the string so I settled on detonation at a distance. I unravelled a few metres of my reel of steel wire (finally came in handy!) and hooked one end around the string. Retreating behind a suitably positioned chest of drawers I tugged on the string. There was a muffled pop, shortly followed by a fireball that stopped just short of the chest of drawer I was using as cover.
AntichristI opened my door this morning to find a bomb on my doorstep. It was a nice bomb so I took it into my room and placed it on the mantlepiece. One day, it might even explode...This means there has yet to be a successful kill from afar. We obviously have some very cautious killers out there....
The corpse of the Vixen has finally been laid to rest, as her killer, known only as Satan's Child claimed responsibility for the dastardly deed. The Vixen now hunts on the police force. Due to the nature of her death, the civilian population of cambridge are now afraid to go out for fear of seeing the mutilated corpse staggering through the streets, gun in hand.....
The Time - lunch on Monday
The Place - Emma canteen
The killer known as 'Will' was wasted today - this report from his erstwhile killer, Mr Bond...It was with the cold heart of an trained killer that I double-crossed my own friend today, while his defences were down. Leaving informal hall, I caught up with him :Can noone be trusted? Of course not....
"Will, I've got something for you, but I'm not sure you're going to like it" ... It was too late for him by the time the sentence was over. Polished steel sprang from the hilt of the flick knife in my right hand, and I brought it round in an arc, slashing him in the shoulder blade, before plunging the knife into his chest repeatedly, puncturing both lungs. He slumped quietly to the ground, blocking a busy corridor, and the life was finally trampled out of him by students raring to get a meal from the wonderful canteen. The look of suprise set on his corpse was not from where the knife had come from, but from who the knife had come from.
I walked away unmoved, and made off to clean the blood from my knife before it dulled the shine- it has much work to do before the game is out.
Monday saw the death of the mysterious and poetic Jandarma, slain by the still incorrectly named 'PC George'...Alerted by the sound of meditation coming from the bathroom, PC George and friends quickly drew their weapons. Then, quick as a flash, Jandarma appeared in the middle of the corridor. There was a breif exchange of fire, but Jandarma quickly realised that his cheap pistol was outclassed by PC George's SS50, and leaped back into the bathroom. But PC Georges aim was true, and Jandarma was dead.
It is widely denied that Agent Incompetent shot himself in the leg whilst cowering behind a defesive sheild several meters away........
The next day, and Number6, the terrorist who had been attempting to firebomb the rooms of Antichrist and The Monk, with little success, was finally slain - this report from a witness at the scene....I am writing this message on behalf of the belated Number6 (aka Matthew J. Grounds), who was gassed to death today in his room, and didn't log out of his hermes account beforehand, allowing me to peruse his once-private messages (they're no use to him now). He was alerted to their presence as the door was rattled on its hinges, then a faint hissing sound began. Only when it was too late did he realise the consequences of not diving for his gas-mask straight away, as he collapsed in a coughing fit that would occupy his last moments on this earth.The following message was intercepted by police listening teams later the same day, giving some clue as to the identity of the killer...
On a happier note, I can finally get back that CD he borrowed off me.Mr Grounds vent to his door ven ve knocked so ve gassed Him through the botom of ze door. He staggered into ze corridor gasping for breath and mercy so ve shot him vith our Kalashnikovs. Vladimir Sigilvlodov and some of his ex KGB Kamarades reporting from Emmanuel
The Heinous Criminal Bijan Omrani struck again Tuesday evening, this time claiming the life of the rookie PC Vixen, only just accepted into the force. He must be slain NOW!!!PC Vixen is dead. After the mysterious circumstances of her death preceding her reincarnation as a policewoman, she seemed disorientated and confused - insisting she was already dead before I had even shot her. Again, my cap gun appeared to be out of ammunition, but after pulling the trigger for the sixth time her body slumped onto the ground. I have not yet reached my goal, you WILL ALL PAY!
The wanted list has its second member today (Wednesday 4th). In another incident relating to Bijan Omrani (is there anyone else in this game?), an innocent civilian was slain by poison on the door of the notorious killer. It is believed the responsible assassin was Mr Magoo, otherwise known as Ben Mansell, y5 Queens' brm20 (a no water weapon zone). The (for once) innocent Omrani had this to say...I was awoken at about 2:20 this afternoon by Clare Boothby. Suspicious of her motives for her attempt to find me in bed, I refused to answer the door. I called my friends through my advanced defence communication network, and they identified Ben Mansell who had accompanied her. Mr Alex Lu, on seeing a note attached to my door, he took it off to hand it to me and he slumped against the door, within seconds, the contact poison applied to the note took effect, and he immediately lost conciousness. He died a few seconds later, slumped against my door.
Mr Magoo, realising that his only hope for survival would be to kill everyone in sight, struck again later the same day :DEAD: Matt Watts.Seems like Bijan Omrani has some competition...
Foolishly opening his door, Matt was shot in the chest by the rebel assassin Mr. Magoo's blue death ray. He screamed in agony and clutched at his stomach, before dropping to the ground and writhing in agony. His assassin stood and watched until the body stopped twitching, then turned and walked away...DEAD: Will Wiles.
Mr. Magoo struck again, only minutes later, paying a short visit to Will Wiles. The blue death ray this time blew the unfortunate police officer into thousands of little red pieces, leaving a terrible mess on the walls.NOT DEAD (yet): Chief of Police, Nadim Nehme
Stopping only to wipe the bloodied goo that was formely Will Wiles from his coat, Mr. Magoo strolled over to Trinity Hall. As luck would have it, who else did he see but the chief of police in the corridor, walking towards him. What weapon should he use? The high-powered supersoaker rifle? The poison gas smoke grenade? His trusty knife? The pistol loaded with explosive rounds? Nope, it's the old favourite, the death ray again! However, for once the device malfunctioned and the Chief managed to escape into the safety of his room.Of course, this is just the beginning...