News - Page 2 of 8

created 31/1/98

Yesterday, indications of the growing threat of open gang warfare were clear, as two unwary killers were gunned down as they wandered into the mafia controlled zone of Bene't street. The following report was left carved into the cranium of one of the less damaged corpses....
"I, Hitman Vladimir Sigilvlodov vas valking through the zone controlled by the Mafiya, ven I saw two rival gangsters in shades, vith their guns fully visible. I shot these Kamarades dead vith my Kalashnikov, for entering our territory, vith not as much as a Spasseva or Pajalsta betveen us."
It was unfortunately impossible to identify the bodies, let's just say that they were probably alive once....
Late last night (30th) police were called out once again to the room of the man known only as 'wheezer' to investigate what might have been just another lover's tif were it not for the pools of blood dripping into the room below. The police were a little unnerved when the ghost of one of the dead rose and spoke to them, saying thus :
Supper had been gorgeous as gorgeous can be in Hall, when after the meal Vitor (aka Wheezer) was chating to this girl about a date in his room when a noise announced the entrance of two unknown visitors.
Wheezer had time to look at his assassins and realize what was coming... He dodged the first shot trying to reach for his knife, but his vulnerable position was quickly exploited by his assassins who mercilessly sprayed bullets on him and his companion.
Wheezer was dying, shot in the neck, agonizing over the pool of blood forming around his head, mumbling codes and targets that were lost forever, seeing his companion killed by a chest wound and overhearing that everything was to look like a crime of passion.
As his vital signs were slowly stopping and the pain was being soothed by the incoming of shock, he mumbled his last words... I planted my tree, I wrote my book... I die in peace.
However, having completed their assignment, the assassins went on their way, ignoring the Brazilian coffee that had just been brewed.
The killers were quite indisriminate (or perhaps just having a good time), and the death of wheezer's date is most regrettably. However, this crime is of relative insignificance when compared to the leaving of a pot of coffee. As a result of this attrocity, the wanted list has its first member...
Charles Baylis aka Bijan Omrani, C7 Trinity Hall, cgb23, no water weapons
The other assassin, the ironicly named 'PC George' killed his target only and so escapes being 'wanted'.... but if he ever neglects a pot of coffee in its hour of need I shall be most annoyed....
Not content with the above crime, Omrani summoned his chi to send himself to the room of the resently resurrected PC BikBok. Appologising profusely, he nonetheless shot her in the head, vanishing in a cloud of sparks. Kill him now, before he destroys you....
Attempting to relax in Trinity Bar (a potentially dangerous choice) proved difficult as The Monk noticed Omrani and PC George; chasing them out he fired a flurry of shots which alas proved out of range. The returning flamethrower fire from PC George only succeded in slightly singing the Monk's habbit, and all three escaped unhurt.
'Bother' said Pooh, as Bijan Omrani killed someone again...
He's too good - kill him now....
Bijan Omrani, accompanied PC George, were this morning seen acting suspiciously outside Memorial Court. After Cannon Fodder gave away her position by running and trying to escape, they gave chase and a brief shoot out, Bijan Omrani shot Cannon Fodder. He is praying for rain to wash away the blood on the bushes.
The Wildebeast was finally hunted down earlier today, signs of the return of a murderous killer from a previous game all too clear....
The body of one Richard Hainsworth, formerly of Jesus College, was found slumped over his teapot today, having been shot at close range. Forensic examination of the remains shows a single entry wound in his right arm, and a rather larger exit wound in his left.
It appears that the hapless victim had invited his assassin into his room, perhaps for a cup of tea and a biscuit. Laughably, before he could produce the custard creams, he was skillfully executed. The only evidence to the identity of his killer is a ballistics report showing the murder weapon to be that once owned by the infamous Buttercup.
It appears that his spirit lives on in another.
Has Buttercup returned? Only time will tell....