Mash session. Harland Quinn brought in four players in one round - OJ (Richard George), Gnapp (Matthew Kirshen), Gaynor Barrett, and Inand (Frederic Ross Roberts)
The day before tomorrow I went for a walk,
For food and for air and some fun,
Armed with a list of incompetents, a large rubber knife,
A pen and a rubber band gun.
I first went to John's to call on a friend,
Who was so helpful with a knife at his throat,
He told me of OJ and all of his traits,
So I left and made a mental note.
So to D1 I went and on D1 I knocked,
And who should then answer the door,
But dear Richard a sweet little innocent boy,
Who I shot so he fell to the floor.
Then I proceeded through Trinity and Clare,
And I went down to Clare Buttery.
To see the incompetents who dare risk the food,
And the Gnapp introduced himself to me!!!
He said "Sign up for rag", I said "Sure what's ya name?"
He said "Matt" and then a bell tolls.
"Matt Kirshen?", "Yeah why?", so I grinned and I stabbed,
And his body was taken away for Rissoles.
So then to Queens' and Newnham where nobody was found,
I walked back to Burrels Field though Sidge Site.
I caught site of Gaynor, So I stabbed in her back,
And she died without even a fight!
By now I was hungry for more Clare student blood,
So I went round to Thirkhill Ct V.
Where I shot Inand promptly as he opened the door,
at roughly a twenty to three.
My killing ends there for this report I fear,
I expect not right there for the week,
So don't answer your doors, if the Harlequin calls,
Or you'll end up as buttery meat.
Love and hugs and fluff...
PC Sidious took out Julie Bull, and Hannah 'Dylan'
This very afternoon, whilst watching Jesus whip John's at rugby I was approached by the Ginger Ninja (Julie Bull). I proceeded to ask if she was still alive (she did not realise even at this late stage that I was drawing my weapon, confirming her place on the incompetents list). At this point I blew a large hole in her chest in front of a large crowd of supporters. Being a considerate Policeman I made sure there was no-one behind her when the shot was fired, people just don't like being covered with innards nowadays. Just to top the whole afternoon off we won the rugby as well. What a result!!
Eventually I found Hannah 'Dylan' Davies in the Eagle. I proceeded to engage her in conversation, whilst at the same time fashioning a knife from a flier picked up on the way in. Completely unaware of this activity I had to tell her it was a knife as I plunged it deep into her stomach. Her last words as her life blood poured onto the ground were "....you....absolute......bastad!!!!!........." Having done this I proceeded to have a pleasant conversation with the ghost of the aforementioned deceased. It's been a busy day and yet another incompetent has passed away.
PCs Seth and Fury removed Ashish Sharma:
The kill was a joint effort. Going up two flights of stairs we entered top E, went up to a person, "are you Ash?" "Yes," *Bang*.
The Masked Man L sent off a poisoned letter to Darkside Slayer, which was all too successful.
PC Teatime lightsabred Darkside Slayer (Paul McIlroy), but he was already poisoned.
Having seen there were two wanted criminals on my beat (Queens'), I decided to rid the world of at least one of them. Seeing from the table of faces that both had the same tutor as me I decided that perhaps my presence would not be too suspicious.
Knocking on The Darkside Slayer's door, I was told merely to come in, to find both criminals at the same desk. One protested "I'm dead" but both were struck down anyway by lightsabre. Then each explained they were indeed both dead and the poisoned note was shown to me. Maybe they hoped I would take it but I'm not that stupid. Why is it that the only successful assassination I have been involved with is my own?
PCs PCTCP and Dirty Harry had an interesting mash-session, taking out Red Adder, The Nyth, and a random armed non-player. They also shot Archie and Darkside Slayer, but they were still dead.
We started our town tour at Catz, where justice was brought to Adam "Red Adder" Battersby at 18:39 by a bullet into his chest. Then we shot Paul McIlroy at Queens for not wanting to sign down under our fake petition we carried around and Neil Johnson for signing it. By the way they were wanted for incompetence, too, but sadly already dead they both told us.
Then I walked over to Trinity Hall, wanting to go after the criminals there, when I spotted most wanted criminal Ping, whom I had looked up from a matriculation-photo, walking in. So I decided to give up everything else and followed her.
She walked into the bar, so I prepared my weapons outside, a knife, a small gun and just in case of deep trouble a CPS hidden under my coat. On entering the door I heard shouts from upstairs and as I wanted to investigate, The Nyth with a rubber-band-gun standing on top of the stairs approximately 8m away from my position spotted me and opened fire at once.
I was not openly bearing weapons, though the gun under my coat looked a bit dodgy.
He was dreadfully fast and before I could get out any weapons, he made a big hole into my right leg - painful but not deadly. I finally manage to get out my gun, a second shot misses me, then I finally return fire and my first precise shot already delivers the deadly blow.
But while he still tumbled down the stairs, another guy (non-player bearing weapons - Umpire) with another rubber-band-gun came running towards me from upstairs - what could I do, but defend myself. So he ended up looking through a hole in his chest.
Startled by this unsuspected ruthless attack, I quickly made my way out of Trinity Hall. Ping You escaped me this time, but NEXT TIME You will not be that lucky.
Actually, a little water did get splashed on other things than criminals.
Killer Spud (Amir Shamsuddin) expired amusingly at his room today:
I've been very incompetent and am very sorry, and as a result I was just killed by some poison (toothpaste) on my door-handle as I entered my room.I don't know who did it, but this is confirming that 'they' did actually kill me.
And Princess Lex (Emma Bennett) got taken out by the Chief of Police:
I stabbed Princess Lex last night for being obnoxiously perky. What's that? She was incompetent... er... I knew that :)
Gulin Yetginer died at the hands of Tiny Tim:
The deceased sat next to me during lectures and didn't notice whilst I sharpened four of my pens into knives. When she left at the end I followed her and after a brief check on how to pronounce her name, (it's polite you see), stabbed her between the shoulderblades.
Now I've got an unfamiliar feeling in the pit of my stomach, could it be guilt? Or is it that I missed breakfast? I could murder a muffin...
PCs PCTCP and Dirty Harry went hunting again today:
PC PCTCP and PC Dirty Harry today waited for The Evil Broccoli and Andrew Bisgrove after their IA Maths lecture - just too predictable those Mathmos.
We sliced Bisgrove's throat from behind in front of the backentrance of Pembroke and followed T.E.B. to his room, which he opened upon me knocking.
"You have been incompetent"
Then I stabbed him and made some tasty broccoli slices out of him with my trustworthy knife.
PCs Granny and Sir Psycho Sexy (the LAPD apparently):
The LAPD (Large Army of Psychopathic Deathbringers) went for a stroll yesterday evening. We found Pythonist (David Jennions) of B2 Angel Court Trinity to be in and watching the matrix. Unfortunately I had no long black coat to produce many guns from so I settled for shooting him with a rubber band gun - twice - in the chest - from point blank range. There were about 5 people in the room, and he refused to admit as to who he was once he became suspicious. However, I had by that stage surmised that he was probably the wanted criminal and true LAPD style shot him anyway.
PC Easy Target uses unorthodox weaponry on Woland, but it has no effect. Use a real direct weapon next time!
I'd like to report a failed attempt to kill me this morning. I found a piece of paper in my pigeon hole which was rather strange since it was adressed to me as "the occupier of old hall 321". So, I was already a bit circumspect. But the piece of paper had also a strange colour : it was almost white in the middle, but rather dirty yellow elsewhere... And it was a bit spongy too... I didn't open it, thinking it might be some kind of trapped letter. I think I'm probably right. So, could you tell the person who tried to kill me that it was a bit too obvious this time ?
Police are requested NOT to use poison or bombs.
PCs PCTCP and Dirty Harry make a fairly good team, but they came up against their match today. PCTCP reports:
At about 2:30pm today, I went to Cromwell Court, Sidney Sussex College, to kill Jonathan "Gringo" Reynaga. We discovered the door to the courts to be locked, so we promptly buzzed the victim's staircase bell. Someone came to answer, attempting to fob us off with a story about there being no-one called Jonathan there, but we saw through his subterfuge. He turned tail and ran, we gave valient chase, but he escaped back to his room. After a protracted firefight at his windows, he snuck round and attempted to take us from the rear. PC Dirty Harry consequently snuffed it. Again. I returned fire, redecorating the courtyard with the bloody remains of the late incompetent, who proved himself to be not quite so incompetent after all.
Ex-PC Dirty Harry sends this in from beyond yet another grave:
Today a task force consisting PC PCTCP and PC Dirty Harry equipped with loads of weapons and a few expendable accomplices found the whereabout of incompetent Gringo - well, he proved to be not that incompetent after all:
We rang the door-bell for his staircase and someone opened the door. Being asked whether Jonathan was in he behaved suspiciously and when we suddelny asked him whether he was Gringo, he tried to slam the door and ran away.
In pursuit I fired the complete ammo of a pocket-gun at him, but I it seems he escaped with minor injuries to his room in order to get his weapons, while I change to my second slightly bigger gun.
Then suddenly he fired twinhanded with two medium-size guns from a window, but quickly disappeared when PCTCP returned fire with heavy calibre. Though being obviously outgunned, he then tried to escape from his front door, but my fire drove him back in.
Afterwards he tried for some time to throw water-boxes at us from different windows, firing his two guns as well.
Then we waited, me watching the front entrance, PCTCP watching the windows and the accomplices watching the other staircases - at least that was what they were supposed to do, but suddenly Gringo managed to appear behind me.
Then we all opened fire at the same time, his weapons were inferior, but PCTCP did not use his CPS efficiently, while I ran out of ammo.
Somehow it seems Gringo and I died in this fierce crossfire. He ended up with wounds all over his body, from PCTCP's gun as well as from mine. While I had some spots on my back when we checked afterwards.
Well, so I it seems, got killed again.
Pope Innocent XIV wandered into the Jesus computer room - and what did he find?
Mario 'Aronnax' Sainz-Martinez's work crisis was ended in Jesus Computer room a few moments ago. His work emerged from the printer only to be made unreadable by the blood emerging from the exit wound in his chest. (Hmm... as our sins are rendered by the blood of Our Lord perhaps...there may be a sermon here somewhere...)
Killing does make such a nice interlude to the writing of a theological treatise, perhaps we should arm the clergy. Well, the Corinthian Epistles call and resist all efforts to be made intelligible - it's a pity shooting them has little effect.
PC PCTCP killed Ashley Morrell today:
Today I killed Ashley Morrell of Magdalene College. Coming upon him in his room, I offered him the choice of being shot by a big gun or a small. Ever concious of the work of his bedders, he chose the ickle gun, in order to minimize the mess left for them to clean up. What a nice chap.
Mmmm. Mint-flavoured contact poison. Forensic evidence suggests this toothpaste attack on Necroneko was by the wanted criminal Ping. It wasn't successful.
Neko saw the mint green poison oozing off her 'in/out' sign and avoided it. It was rather obvious....
...perhaps this is because of the report about the large gun she has in her room. Neko would like to assure her assassins that she really has no guns that big, and works at her computer with the door open.
*big innocent eyes*
Stop Press! Boaties kill each other in shock betrayal:
Due to a lack of paranoia, my trusted boatie friend PC Agent Blue who was organising a formal hall swap turned out to be a villanous undercover policeman who knifed me in the middle of a conversation.
I hope he rots in hell
Awwwwww. How mean. PC Agent Blue says:
PC Agent Blue was organising a Boatie Formal Hall swap and noticed that a wanted (incompetent) criminal wanted to go.
So the PC headed to Malcolm (Creature) Murdoch's room and engaged in conversation about the swap. Creature answered the door with a large water pistol. But he stopped pointing it at me after a few moments of conversation. So I took the opportunity to knife him (appropriately just after he'd mentioned that his director would kill him if he missed his play rehearsal......)
The Creature was hampered by neighbours (non-players) who really wanted to see him die......
Macavity sends a letter bomb...
While cogitating over his cereal this morning, two things occurred to the Napoleon of feline crime. The first was that, since the otherwise unlamented demise of Sir Psycho Sexy there have been no really big explosions. The second was the Tiny Tim was still alive and doing far too well. To this end, TNOFC left a large LED(tm) in Tiny Tim's pigeonhole. It merely requires the removal of the envelope from the pigeonhole to detonate the LED(tm). Results are awaited with interest.
... which Tiny Tim avoided with skill:
Upon checking my pigeonhole this lunchtime I noticed that one of the letters was stuck to the side. Being a little bit paranoid (I like to call it careful) I gingerly peeked behind and was greeted by the sight of a metal "thingy". Praising the Lord that I noticed I then went to lunch. After surviving the delicious canteen food (Ha! - Umpire) I returned to the mailroom, removed both my shoelaces, tied them together and carefully sellotaped the resulting 3m string to the envelope. Retiring to a safe distance behind a wall and warning bystanders to get back I gave the string a sharp tug and was rewarded by the sound of an explosion which took out a sizeable chunk of the mail rack. There but for the grace of God go I.
I'd like to thank whoever planted that bomb for trying, it was best remote attempt that I've been subjected to, and I hope that I'll send them to Heaven soon.
Unicorn and Tigger thought there were far too many incompetents out at Girton, so they went on a mash trip. Unfortunately, there weren't nearly as many available targets as they thought there would be:
Unicorn and I go to Girton
Neil Jennings + Alexander Lim already dead
Found out after shooting Neil, he gives us brief we're daed chat
James Butcher not in
Robert Cass duely mashed
Emma Brennan not in, but we left a message:
"We came to mash you, but you weren't in. T+U"
Proper kill report due in about three and a half hours time after a pub crawl (It'll contain a few typos)
And, sure enough...
<unicorn> we/'re drunk, butt to be coherent, we found one roo,m, with a person leaving, i said "neil?", he said "uh-hu?" we shot him, but he wsa dead, as was soneone bedinning with "a".
VBounced someone later He died. Drhuk nowq It turns out that Neil Jennings and Alexander Lim committed dual-suicide a couple of days earlier.
Jane Burston lightsabred The Board today:
I have made a kill! It was at lunchtime in Trinity Hall and the victim was Roly Beales. As he foolishly opened the door, I issued my war cry and lunged for his chest with my lightsabre. His fast reactions nearly saved him, as he attempted to throw the door closed, but unfortunately for him (and me actually) my fingers got trapped in the door and it flew open again, leaving him unarmed and vulnerable. As my accomplice (susie) stood laughing at the door I knocked him to the ground and finished him off with my trusty sword.
Not bad for an assassin virgin!
PC PCTCP went killing. Again.
Today at about half past seven, I executed the terminally incompetent Sam Taylor (Tafster) of Sidney Sussex College. He made the rather foolish mistake of sleeping in his room with his door left open. Into his room I proceeded, gifting him with a rather sudden awakening, followed by a somewhat different form of rest. It was all rather easily, really.
PC Easy Target decided that a failed kill attempt is not good enough:
I was not surprised to see that my poison letter had had little effect on Claire "Woland" Bordenave. Poor, misguided girl that she was, she thought it meant that I was incapable of killing her, and mocked me in her report to you.
She really shouldn't have done this, as this morning I went out and bought the finest gun that money can buy. Then, at around 4.00 pm, I crept over to Newnham College and tracked my way to her room. She was out, but her door was open, showing that living dangerously has lethal consequences. I stationed myself inside her room and waited.
Not for long. Within 40 seconds she was back, clutching the mugs she had been washing up. She shouldn't have bothered, as they only got dirty again when I pumped her full of lead. She tried to stagger out, but to no avail. Her bedders will have to clear the corpse away on Monday.
So, Easy Target kills an easy target. Who next?
And the victim reports from beyond the grave:
Well, I've got to report my killing which happened this afternoon. I was just coming back from fencing, and, since it had been really tiring, I was contemplating the idea of having a nice cup of coffee. But, first, I had to wash the mugs which had been left on my desk a few hours before... So, I took all of them and went to the kitchen. But, since my door is not easy to open, I left it unclosed, knowing that otherwise it will cause me trouble when coming back with the mugs. I didn't know at the time that this laziness was going to be fatal to me... Because the guy who had tried to kill me the day before by sending me a poisoned letter had been a bit annoyed by the e-mail I sent criticizing the poor design of the thing (which rendered the all stuff pretty obvious) and was in the area at the time... I think that this was actually him that I heard climbing the stairs. Anyway, I was in the kitchen, happily washing my mugs. Once I had finished I took all the stuff in (very important) both my hand and returned to my room already thinking of the coffee... I didn't notice anything special about the door and just pushed it... to discover that someone I didn't know was actually IN my room!!! I saw him getting a gun out of his jacket and immediately understood! With mugs in both my hands I couldn't do anything but I nonetheless tried to shut the door in the hope to stop him, or rather, to stop the bullets. But it was already too late. I had a bullet in my arm and my chances were thin, to say the less. Another bullet got through the door, and the assassin, PC Easy Target, achieved me on the treshold. And this was it.
PC Seth has another stab at the Archaeonecros choccy prize:
This evening at about 19:30 another incompetent snuffed it. Seth and an Innocent accomplice trekked to Trinity Hall and checked for incompetents. We found The White Pawn, her door was open and after she confirmed her identity I shot her, she was very nice about it. Everyone else was out, but "I'll be back".
PC Sir Psycho Sexy made another kill. This time, The Black Beauty:
PC *chocolate huinting* SPS and an unnamed associate had a wander around in between psychology lectures this morning. The result was the finding of the dead bodies of The Black Beauty (Mahmut Tuncer) and The Board (Roly Beales) each with a single rubber band shot to the heart.
But The Board was already dead.
Not much happened today. PC Teatime killed a random lightsabre-wielder:
While working in my room I heard strange noises from behind my door. I also heard the words "lightsabre" and "dark side" used. Taking hold of my own behind my back I opened the door and enquired what was going on, to see two figures wielding sabres doing battle. These were obviously non-assassins as the fight could hardly be described as 'to the death' and the one closest to me lowered his guard as he explained these were birthday presents for omeone. However, he was still armed so I had no choice but to demonstrate my own skill with the weapon of the Sith through his body. Unfortunately his arms thrashed out as he died and in defending myself from his wild beam my own was damaged. Thus I had to retreat back to my room to make repairs and only managed the one kill, as when I came out the other dueler had fled, presumably taking the corpse of his sparring partner with him as that was nowhere to be seen either. I can only take comfort in the knowledge that the one left alive was sporting the dark side's colours, not those of my sworn enemies.
The duelers weren't playing, but they were openly bearing weapons, which makes that a legal kill.
There are still plenty of incompetents to mash. There are also quite a few people who are lined up for incompetence (and thunderbolting) this coming Tuesday. If anyone on the incompetence list is still incompetent by Tuesday, they will be removed from the game by thunderbolt, to make way for real players. Also, since the game is likely (in its current state) to last beyond the end of term, after Tuesday the incompetence deadline will be reduced to 3 days.
Nothing happened today. How boring.
As we all know, if there's no news - if there's been a strike or something, nothing happens. It's wonderful! O Tempora, O Mores. No Times, no Daily Mirror. (Flanders and Swann)
Psymonty has so far had about half a dozen attempts made on him. None successful yet, although his room number label has now been put back in the right place. Someone also raided and got safed - who was this?
PC Easy Target makes another kill:
I woke up on Sunday and wondered about arresting a few more of those on the wanted list- to be precise, one Kate "Black Rook" McGavin. But she was out, away for the weekend, which dampened any plans I had for hastening her demise.
Patience is a virtue. I went home, did some work, and waited peacefully for Monday morning. Then, at approx 8.30am today, I went along to Tit Hall, trusty gun in hand, mounted her stairs, waited for her to open her door twenty seconds later, and shot her in the chest. Her dying words, as far as I can remember, were "you bastard", unappreciative of my hard work. I left her body dribbling blood outside her room.
Two down. Perhaps I could even become a decent policeman...
The Dosser, Prasanthi Pucanachandra, and PC Teatime were killed by Étienne Chatenay:
i have killed Prasanthi Pucanachandra at 16h10 today with my water pistol
i put some contact poison on Salsa woman door handle, she was hidinf behind her door
i put some contact poison on the dosser door handle, he wasn't in his room
i also witnessed an very neat termination of some guy named ed wearing a magdelene scarf by a good looking policewoman
I do not test my contact poison on animal
I have just been killed by some coward going by the name of Etiene. Leaving vaseline on someone's door handle is just not on, especially when I was on my way to pick up my arsenal of destruction. Don't worry Etiene I shall return next term - oh yes I shall return ....
And PC Teatime went off to kill The Salsa Woman too:
It seems more than The Artiste and I had plans to kill The Salsa Woman today. Having had indifferent success with Psymonty we decided to make for Corpus for a better attempt. I withdrew my sabre and tried the door, just in case it was unlocked. A shooting pain met my hand and ran up my arm. The handle was poisoned! Alas, a policeman was killed in the line of duty by a faceless murderer. I use that word in earnest. Murdered. To rhyme with 'Wanted list.' As my shade fades to go to heaven or hell, I urge all my colleagues in the force (and those who haven't been killed even once yet) to MAIM, KILL, DESTROY , . . . .
And I agree. Even if the PC Teatime hadn't been so unfortunate, contact-poisoning a doorhandle is a wanted-list offense.
Ed Hicks bites the dust, courtesy of PC Woland:
Today saw the end of one of the few incompetents still living. After obtaining valuable information from a reliable source, I was able to spot poor Edward Hicks in the law faculty. My reliable source also told me that the he was really proud not to have been killed yet... Well, I just let him enjoyed his last hour on our good old Earth before following him outside the faculty building. I walked behind him for a few minutes waiting for the best opportunity to kill him without any risk for innocent people : you never know what people in the last extremity can do when they are in a crowd... Finally we reached West Road and the time had come : -"Ed!...Ed!"
Poor Edward turned and just had the time to see the firing of the bullet which ended in his heart.
Ed himself says:
I'm dead. Betrayed by so called friends. Bugger
Harland Quinn and PC Granny went on a mashing session, but very few people were obliging:
Harland Quinn and PC Granny present to you - a poem.
(With English subtitles.)
Some procrastination was needed I fear,
To avoid the analysis work,
So PC Granny and I, ambled o'er to New Hall,
With the intent of going berserk.
(We went to New Hall to try to kill people.)
But Ping was not in, and nor was Blood Thirsty,
So on our way plodded we with intent...
Of killing Stiletto Nightshade and extracting some blood,
So off to Churchill we went.
(Neither of them were in. So we went to Churchill.)
We knocked on his door, and he answered it sharp,
But in a hurry he seemed to be,
So as I assertained his ID in a most polite way,
PC Granny stabbed him with glee.
(We knocked. He answered. We asked if he lived there. He said he did. I stabbed him.)
Our next target Lucy P, lived miles away,
So off we did trot to Girton,
To our utter dismay, she was out for the day,
So we returned to Grange Road with feet hurtin'.
(There was nobody we could kill in Wolfson Court, either.)
Through Trinity we walked to call in on the Chief,
But he was out, so we kept on our way.
So then into Tit Hall, where we stabbed the Black Rook,
But she'd been killed somewhat earlier today.
(The CoP wasn't in. So we killed someone in Trinity Hall, but sadly they had been killed earlier in the morning.)
Mauve visited The Wooden Spoon, and got himself wanted:
Just a quiet evening in with Masked Man Light and an innocent named Jill. There was a knock at the door and Jill opened it...."I'm looking for The Wooden Spoon Are you her?" said the voice. "No" said Jill, "she's in here". At that point, the door was shut quickly. After planning manouveres for a few minutes, Jill stood in front of the door, Masked Man Light opened it and I hid in the toilet. Within seconds as I poked my head out, I saw a man with a huge gun and in even less time, Jill was soaked, I caught some sidespray and reached out to make a shot with the confetti gun. I don't believe my shot got anybody. However, my room is unfortunately a "no water weapons" room so Jill isn't dead. The assassins outside ran down the stairs and Masked Man Light threw a few shurikens at them. One of the shurikens caught an accomplice. In a valiant attempt to get the assassin, Masked Man Light's shoulder took a heavy wound, but this was wrapped up and bandaged soon after. He is receiving TLC.
And Mauve says:
The door was opened by an innocent, but upon noticing me she closed the door. It was opened by a man who I thought was a bystander, and also inside I could see the woman who had opened the door originally. However, my target (Wooden Spoon) was a woman and so I could not see her, and did not shoot.
However, Wooden Spoon popped out from behind the civilian woman (who it seemed she had set up as a human shield) with a cap gun, and I was forced to fire. We agreed at the time I hadn't hit the target except with richochets, but I had surely massacred the innocent (Although to my mind she was being used as a shield).
Things didn't end there, the male bystander drew weapons revealing himself as a potential target, and took swipes at us with a sword, and then sliced up my two "civilian" associates with adept use of ninja stars.
However, I did succesfully wipe him out by slicing him from just above his right pec to his shoulder.
And then I got away.
Don't use a water weapon on a no-water-weapons room again, or you will not stay in the game. The Masked Man L was deemed to have had his shoulder blown off, and is due out of Hospital tomorrow. Mauve is on the wanted list.
Yosemite Sam took life a little too seriously:
Today I realised that work was just getting me down a bit too much.. I had been unable to make a kill attempt in several days (OK a week)... Not wanting to appear on the incompetance list drastic action needed to be taken... So, I phoned my sister with gun in hand to wish her good-bye... I then attempted to shoot myself in the head, but the gun clicked through... I couldn't even do this right! I fired again and again but to no avail... Finally success! A shot through the heart! As you read this I shall be sitting in my chair a pool of blood forming around me...
There was an extraordinary amount of electrical storm activity last night. Lightning struck in 15 carefully-selected spots in Cambridge, frying the following incompetent players to a cinder:
Stage 4 news