The doctors labelled him and insanity case
He's got a tattoo on his arm of Queen
Elizabeth's face
He's still a great believer in the master race
Ever such a Gentleman

You'd want to cross the road rather than walk by him
He looks just like a psycho in a Hitchcock film
But you would never guess that underneath his hardened skin
Is a nervous disposition

He's so scared of spiders, and his room 101
Would be stuck with a tarantula and no-where to run
He always carries insect spray but holds it like a gun
Ever such a hooligan

He doesn't like policemen, and doesn't like the "gays"
Despite his blaze attitude he hasn't seen the Krays
He's never had a girlfriend but his mum thinks it's a phase
Like Pokemon or puberty.

Oooooooooooooooo

Last year at Christmas they let him out of jail
So he could see his family but then he skipped his bail
Rumour has it he's now living somewhere out in Wales
In a grotty little caravan (very close to Aberfan)

Knocking back a bottle, and stumbling around
Swearing at the children then he passed out on the ground
At first they stood there wide eyed, as quiet as a mouse
And finally called out "Is there a doctor in the house?"

Ooooooooooooooooo

Electrics

He kicked up the electrics
Ignite, time to evacuate
Read just, different objectives
Make time to meet his associate

When Chaos theory meets 999

Who gets tanked up on match day?
OH NO! Nightsticks and riot vans
Handcuffs, chainsaws and ashtrays
Stand tall, take it like a man

When Chaos theory meets 999

Who's that running down the railway line?

Wait till it's nice and quiet
The Perfect Place to start a fire
Full Time sparks the ignition
BANG! BANG! Disturb the peace
Oh No No, Don't call the police
Oooooooooooooo
(Full Time sparks the ignition)

I lost track of the time

Espadrilles

Meet people I don't know
People I want to get to know
They've all got foreign names
Espadrilles and silly games

Are they looking at my hair?
Or are they looking at my shoes?
That one's just been dumped
You can tell by the way she moves
The way she drinks the night away

But it's too soon to approach her
To encroach upon her new found freedom
Just make excuses and leave
She still hates men
And you, you just remind her of him

One o'clock private party
The doorman lets you in no questions asked
They stand, their amazed
Just how did he get past?

Not last night but the night before
24 robbers came knocking at my door
I got up and let them in
They hit me on the head with a rolling pin

Jack and Jill, and three blind mice
Went to a party with Snow White
They all danced until 12 o'clock
When Old Mother Hubbard turned the power off

369
The goose drank wine
The monkey chewed tobacco on the street car line
The line broke
The monkey got choked
And they all went to heaven in a little rowing boat

I've impressed my new companions
They won't pick on me
With my sleight of hand
They're new fans I guarantee