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Watson (L): not chuffed, never has been, never will be

What does an Aussie cricketer say if he’s happy to be picked in the Ashes squad? That he’s stoked, in the words of Shane Watson (if you listen to the extract from his press conference, admire the way he transforms Australia into ‘uh-stray-ya’, talking Strine, see?)

What does an English rugby player say about being called up to the squad for the summer fixtures? That he’s chuffed, in the words of Sam Vesty

It’s hard to say why either of these was originally transferred to mean ‘very happy’, but both have in common a connection with engines. The two verb meanings of ‘chuff’ in the OED are [a] an onomatopoeic way to describe the puffing workings of an engine, [b] to swell out (the cheeks usually). So the image behind the metaphor is perhaps a kind of strutting boy-cockerel, sticking out its chest, and sounding off loudly in its pride

‘Stoking’ a fire or furnace is that thing you do to stir it up and keep it thriving. It’s a universal instinct men at barbecues will surrender to for no apparent reason or benefit except that it feels powerful. Feel that heat and watch that steam rise! And therein lies the link between these two terms for being happy – it can’t be a coincidence that they’re both associated with giving off heat, noise, steam, looking impressive, sounding impressive, and that the consequences are actually substantial

‘Chuff’ has also picked up a couple of unsavoury slang meanings. But the happy one is characteristically British, apparently first used by military types in the mid 20th century, and now kept alive by rugby players – a bit posh then really. As for ’stoked’, it’s characteristically New World, was probably first used by surfer types in the late 20th century, and is now common currency among Aussie cricketers, snowboarders and stoners everywhere… Why are the Brits so uncool at everything? We even had Cool Britannia and couldn’t do that right

Very bad news that one consequence of a proposal to change publishing laws in Australia might be the inadvertent loss of ocker-speak to the literary world. The route from one to the other is an indirect loop around the houses, but it seems as though: removal of territorial copyright and parallel import restrictions = more non-Oz versions of books for sale in Oz = books by Oz authors only being available in US English

The first examples given in the Guardian write up about this are not so much ocker as words familiar to speakers of British English: “Rugby has become gridiron, pavements have become sidewalks and mums are moms”. So this will strike a chord with any who feel the least bit touchy about American English taking over (don’t even get me started on the get-go)

Later examples in the article are proper ocker: ‘ute’, ‘dunny’ and ‘chook’ – words which Aussie author Kate Grenville was asked to translate for US editions of her books, much to her annoyance. And you thought they only talk like that in Neighbours

So the whole thing has been brought up by Australia’s productivity commission, who spend their days looking for ways to break down anti-competitive markets. A noble cause, you’d think. But sometimes a little protectionism goes a long way. You see, these copyright and import laws are “standard protections given to publishers and authors across the English-speaking world”. If the parallel import restriction is removed, then we British and those Americans are free to ‘flood’ the market Down Under with our de-ocker-ised versions of their books, and not vice versa

Which sounds terrible, but actually it’s only a little healthy competition, and you know how those Aussies are a patriotic lot. Imagine the Sydney Book Party – an angry mob hurling crates of incoming Pommie books overboard into the waters in front of the Rocks

So if the import issue doesn’t seem so much to worry about on the surface, what’s the undercurrent here? Well, first, there’s the annoyance we Brits can sympathise with that the ‘translations’ (read, ‘insult to national identity’, here) only seem to apply one way: while ocker has to be converted to American, the same fate befell Harry Potter, Bridget Jones (the authors of these websites may well have a lot of/too much time on their hands, though at least the second was for course credit and not just cyberspace kudos), and so many more before and since

But also, it seems as though the authors are upset because territorial copyright means they receive more in royalties for books sold in their home market than abroad. Hence the willingness of a big name such as Peter Carey to speak out about the whole thing, though framing it in nationalist and anti-US terms is a wise move as that’s far more likely to gain sympathy than a complaint that ‘they’re taking all my money away’. Who’d care about that at this time?

Mind you, the productivity commission only propose reducing territorial copyright to one year from publication, not abolishing the thing. The bulk of one book’s sales are likely to happen in those first twelve months or not at all – except for a slow burner like, say, the Bible. After that, sales plateau down (can you ‘plateau down‘?) unless, say, a major prize, cult following or film tie-in develops. Something like Atonement, for example. So, Peter, you’re right: grab what you can when you can

So, where were we? Oh yes, long live ocker-speak! Save our dunny, our eskies, and our sheilas! That’s the point being made here. We in the UK have been doing our bit for a while, lapping up Neighbours, Home & Away and Steve Irwin (RIP) on the small screen, flocking to Croc Dundee, Strictly Ballroom and Australia (sort of) on the big screen, opening Walkabouts everywhere. The publishing commission won’t help if they reduce territorial copyright and scrap parallel import restrictions. Whether or not that’s true is up for debate. But, you know, tell me about it. Heaps

Until Fred Goodwin got in on the act, no one with a Scottish accent could do any wrong. It’s been that way for a while now, which explains why Scots have been entrusted with key positions in the broadcasting industry, at the other end of the line in call centres, and, oh, say, running the country

It’s an accent we can trust in. Not like those dastardly Received Pronunciation (or Queen’s English) types who turn up so often now as villains in the movies with plums in their mouths

But one pundit thinks the position of most trusted accent is up for grabs again, after all the banking scandals RBS and Scots in general have been involved in. But it’s highly unlikely that the position will be taken by RP. Not on your nelly

For too long now, it’s been so uncool to be posh. Regional accents have been the thing. Think Huw Edwards, Adrian Chiles and Tess Daly and you’ve got the idea. Even (Scots) public school educated Tony Blair chose to distance himself linguistically from the outgoing Tories – forcing himself into an Estuary English of sorts far removed from Thatcher and Major’s RP leadership

But, another observer thinks RP has made a comeback of sorts: “Yes, I’m frightfully posh, in an English Sloane/Russian aristocrat kind of way. I’m so posh that I don’t wear makeup. But that’s OK because, haven’t you heard, it’s now officially cool to be posh. Telly can’t get enough of us. Posh is the new regional accent”, writes Sam Wollaston (as Alexandra Tolstoy) in a review of her programme about horses on the BBC (only posh people are allowed to work with horses on the BBC, remember)

Wollaston does proceed to mock Tolstoy’s poshness in the rest of his write up, however. Starting with the accent: “They’re such heppy people, the Spanish, and I’m heppy with them. And obviously very heppy to be on a horse” (heppy = happy, see the mockery?). And it’s precisely this attitude which means RP will never really be that cool again: it’s far too easy a target. Except for the Queen. It’s her English after all, so it’s definitely cool for her to be RP

Good news for the Dictionary of American Regional English (DARE for short, coolly). 44 years in the making and finally finished. For now at least. For, as they say in the south, they’ll be fixing to keep it up to date. Well actually they’d most likely say something like, ‘finna’, a bit like how ‘going to’ and ‘want to’ are so often actually pronounced as, ‘gonna’ and ‘wanna’. Because it’s easier

But back to the point: ‘fixing to’ is thought to have originated from its 17th century use to mean ’set in order’ or ‘prepare’ – rather than the ‘repair’ meaning which was also in use at the time and which we are more familiar with (though we still use ‘fix’ in an ‘arrange’ sense when we say something like, ‘let me fix you up with a drink’)

Now, in the southern US dialect, its meaning is close to but not exactly the same as ‘going to’. ‘Fixing to’ is less certain than ‘going to’. It signals a general intention with the hint that a final decision remains to be made, whilst ‘going to’ is more like an avowed proclamation. Something people can hold you to. Quite a useful distinction. One we could all probably do with. Unless you’re a cut-throat candidate on The Apprentice, in which case you’d always want to use ‘going to’ and appear to be very assertive and decided. ‘Fixing to’ would be far too flakey. And odd, so far from Alabama. So best not to use it all in all. Not in Isleworth anyway

Terrible news this morning about the shootings in Alabama. On the radio they had a clip from an interview with the local chief of police, Frankie Lindsay. And, not to make light of tragedy, but from a linguistic standpoint I’m really liking the way they say “vehicle” in the southern US: ‘vee-hi-cle’

It sounds like so much trouble to say that it’s hard to believe they still do it. The rest of us stopped doing it a long time ago. But then it’s indicative of the way we use language as a marker of group identity: if it’s a stereotypical feature of your dialect (and I don’t know if ‘vee-hi-cle’ is in this case, but think of an obvious example like the UK’s north-south ‘baath’-'bæth’ split) and if you’re proud of it (either the feature or the dialect, or both), then you’ll keep it no matter the linguistic constraints on using it. The subconscious thinking must be something like, this may cost me an ounce more effort to pronounce, but it’s the way I’ve always said it, it’s the way my group says it, and it’s staying with me

It’s the same with how older speakers of British RP still pronounce “theatre” as three syllables: ‘thee-a-ter’, rhyming with “creator”. Silly people: all that extra effort

Come on the Cornish. We love your pasties, your clotted cream and your caravan parks. Now we’d quite like you to save your language. It’s been classified as extinct, in the Atlas of the World’s Languages in Danger. Cue a (small) cry of protest. But there’s about as many Cornish speakers left as kakapos, and at the moment it’s surviving on local pride and individual enthusiasm. Look what the Welsh did though. Gaelic too. Anything’s possible

An Indie exclusive the other day: “Army is fighting British jihadists in Afghanistan”. And what’s the evidence? Overheard Brummie English accents over the Taliban radios. Yorkshire too

A military source is quoted, “You get the impression that they have been told not to talk in English but sometimes simply can’t help it.” A leopard can’t change his spots: your accent says a lot about your background and personal history. And there’s hardly many more distinctive and unique accents than Brum and Yorks

If English is their first language, then that’s the language they’ll be most comfortable with. Radio communication in a military context must be a pressurised situation. Clarity, efficiency and speed of exchange are crucial. And if both speakers know the other speaks fluent English too, it’s almost inevitable this would happen. It would take an extraordinary for two speakers placed in such a scenario not to slip into English. Must try it as an experiment some time

Poor Brummie. It gets a bad press. First categorised as less intelligent than silence (note that Yorks was rated ‘most intelligent’ in the same study – the Taliban obviously went for top and bottom in their recruiting), then appearing on ‘the other side’ in a faraway conflict. Not to mention Ozzy Osbourne