UCPO digest February 2006

In order to keep up the tradition of UCPO webmasters, I feel I ought to 
compile at least one digest before forgetting to do it and letting the 
number of misc emails spiral out of control,  and deciding that going for 
a pint is a much more attractive proposition than wading through them all! 
This digest will cover everything since the AGM, i.e. February 2006. 

Orchestra News

As nearly a year has passes since the last digest I will briefly recap on 
the events that have passed since then. We have had a string of successful 
concerts; Easter Term saw Dvorak VIII, Mussorsky’s Night on a Bare Mountain 
and Brian Wilsheres’ Zodiac, but I think that’s all I want to say about that 
particular piece :-) In Michaelmas Term, Baby played Sibelius I and 
Shostakovich 2nd Piano Concerto in Emmanuel URC, and Main were again in West 
Road, this time with Ravel Piano Concerto, Brahms Academic Festival Overture 
and Schumann III. All concerts were a great success, and the parties were 
even more so. 

A new committee was elected at the AGM on Feb 1st – Mihai Swift is now chair, 
and has Harriet Johnstone, Bob Nimmo, Sarah Kendall, David Ponting, Phil Howie, 
myself and the rest of the conductors as her minions. 

This term’s concerts are as follows:
Main: Monday 13th March, Trinity Chapel – Stephen to conduct Wagner’s Prelude 
to Act III of Lohengrin and Weber Clarinet Concerto No. 2 (soloist: Katuyli Lloyd), 
and Mark to lead us through Brahms IV
Baby: Thursday 9th March, West Road – Daniel to conduct Mozart Symphony No. 40 and 
the Adagio and Fugue in C minor, while Mark will be playing and directing Haydn’s 
Cello Concerto in D. 
Both concerts should be fab, and it would be nice to see as many non-playing 
members coming to the concerts. 

The best of misc
Keeping with tradition, misc debated linguistics once again, while also discussing 
the potential for inserting the word ‘sic’ into zero and one character essay titles. 
Surprisingly, CICCU/the existence of God/atheism were not mentioned this month, 
but suitable venom was released in the direction of animal rights extremists and 
John Humphries.

In the real world, Chris passed his first year of teaching, and we sent out 
congratulations to Janet Cottrell on her forthcoming wedding. Rob found more reasons 
to consider quitting his job, and Vicki R cursed the pathology department’s incompetence, 
but didn’t have to do a viva. The logistics of Annual Dinner were discussed, including 
Rob observed the genius of making the pricing a bit fairer for non-alcohol drinkers by 
including half a bottle of wine per person in the cost. Post-dinner hangovers were then 
compared, and Mihai was thanked for hosting another fab party. 

An enormous rabbit that appeared on Newsround was accused of being a hoax. A variety of 
technical opinions were raised, including the fact that German Giant rabbits are similar 
to Angoras, and that lettuce makes rabbits ill, although swans are quite partial to it. 
We eventually concluded that camera trickery rather than actual deception was involved, 
which didn’t detract from the fact that the rabbit was cute regardless of its size. 

Pedro continued his observations on life across the pond, although didn’t update us as 
to whether the predicted super-bowl winning riots actually occurred. The relative 
difficulties of the Gallon of Milk in an Hour Challenge versus chugging a quart of 
chocolate milk were complicated by the interconversion of units, although the answer 
seemed to be 1.2. Various members remembered the trauma of public information films 
that scarred them for life, and there was confusion as to whether or not it was snowing. 

Other topics discussed included rampaging badgers, the peculiarities of Papworth 
hospital, the concept of ‘le fooding’, invoking group axioms at inappropriate times, 
unneccessary apostrophes and the travels of Simon’s books. Any more detailed analysis 
of the contents of misc will have to be postponed, as a cup of tea or a swig of whisky 
will be needed before reading any more ?



When writing out any given essay title created by someone else, what is the maximum 
	possible number of times one can include the word 'sic' without being overly 
	impolite? - Ed Sanjana

i just drank all the milk i bought for UCPO to drink this week – Simon Smith

Hah! I have nothing more to lose! *Goes all emo, with a hint of goth* - Ed Sanjana

Does anyone else think the cereal making a cameo in today's Sluggy Freelance 
	(www.sluggy.com) should exist in real life? – Dave Welchew

Why is the "Superbowl" not a massive bowling competition? That would calm things down. 
	Anyway, as far as I can tell, everyone's just excited because the "Superbowl 
	commercials" are so great... Weirdness aboundeth muchily... – Ed Sanjana

Anyone know how to stop a rather fetching picture of a kitten appearing on the header 
	of all the emails i send? – Simon Smith

Shut it ya poncy shits. Or I'll glass you wiv mah buckie. And nick yer wallets to pay 
	for another one. Fuckin cambridge toffs. – Phil Potter

I saw it on the news last night - it's real and big, but definitely not that big! 
	Camera trickery as opposed to actual deception, I think... – Alison Stanley

Note to self: the correct answer to 'would you like to mark 30 homeworks by undergrads 
	who could profitably take grammar lessons from Nigerian scammers?' is no. – Dave Sim
Dear Mr Pmdxs, 
I am writing to you with the intention of an to offer making you concerning maths. My 
father was the late great Nigerian mathematician Paul Erdos. In his lifetime his did 
many good maths, but he was unfortunately not published so much as he liked. I intend 
his unpublished works make known to wider the world, but for this I need help. Therefore, 
in greatest confidence I turn to you. With your help we can publish, and in return, I 
offer to split the first authorship 57% of papers first me, 43% for you. 
All I need is a copy of LaTeX, a recent copy of your vital curriculum, and your bank 
account number and sort code, then I can transfer to you this information. Certainly 
you must agree to these terms which are not being offered elsewhere. 
There is no risk for you. All you must do is draft the papers, grant to me first class 
grades, and invoke group axioms. 
I look forward to hearing from you so much. Is that the time? 
Rob-my-sister Erdos, DLitt, PhD, LLM, MA, MSci, MRCPCH, DipLib, VC. – Mark Pritchard

Mike's Bikes 31! Not playing that damn tune for 90 mins! Suggest brass get the fuck to 
	the Castle at half 9..... – Rob Richards

So... the effect on my eventual earnings would have been much milder if I'd
decided to have a sex change and start a family rather than doing a PhD... – Dave Welchew

Imagine how cool it would be to be an oak tree that had the technical refinement to play 
the goldberg variations at speed... 600 years of increasingly fast fugues – Simon Smith

The European Parliament is a truly weird place - kind of like Gotham city but with hordes 
	of bureaucrats. And I´m stuck in here for the rest of the day because they won´t 
	let me in again if I go outside – Alex Williams
Holy red tape, Batman! – Dave Sim

Who is UCPO chair? – Phil Potter
Me - Mihai
Would this be a bad time to say I've never heard of you? Argh I'm getting old... – Gnome

Snow, snow, go away, come again never, you big load of airborne toss. – Emmy

In the translation I'm doing, ought I to write "the goal is twofold" or "the goals are 
	twofold"? - Alex
If you are talking about one goal with two related bits, use the first. If you are talking 
	about two goals, put "there are two goals". If you are talking about the intricacies 
	of football, stop. - Emmy



A suprising lack of links this month; only 3 BBC news articles and nothing on eBay – blimey!




Rob Richards		27
Ed Sanjana		20
Dave Welchew		19	
Emmy Goodby		19
Alex Williams		15
Simon Smith		15
Vicki Rainsley		12
Dave Sim		10
Phil Potter		9
Pedro			8
Katharine Hubbard	6
John Aldridge		6
Mihai Swift		6
Sarah Kendall		6
Jonathon Cameron	5
Jenny Howie		5
Janet Cottrell		3
Chris Phelps		3
Mark Pritchard		3
Naomi Ward 		2
Tom Pullman		2
Alison Stanley		2
Caroline Williams	2
David Harris		2
Vicki Wright		2
I’m not UCPO chair	2
James Percival		1
Jonathon Storey	1
Mark Galtrey		1
Matthew Graham	1
Matthew Whitely	1
Paul Ryland		1
Richard Edgar		1
TOTAL			216


That’s all folks – TTFN 

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