*====UCPO Digest, April 2005====*

In this here digest:

*= Orchestra News 
*= Social 
*= The 'Best' of Misc 
*= Photos 
*= Memepool(BBC/eBay and non BBC/eBay!) 
*= Stats

Here begynneth the Digest.

*==Orchestra News==*

Both of the Lent Term concerts saw UCPO and Baby make perhaps their best
sound yet (ie, "actually good, not even 'good for UCPO'"). Baby, conducted by
Mark Galtrey, played to a packed Jesus College Chapel, with Schubert's
Symphony no. 8 ("Unfinished"), Ravel's "Pavane pour une infante défunte",
Arvo Pärt's "Cantus in memoriam Benjamin Britten", and Mozart's 20th Piano
Concerto with our own Phil Potter as soloist.

Later on in the week, the main orchestra wowed Trinity Chapel with Verdi's
"Force of Destiny" Overture, Saint-Saëns''Cello Concerto no. 1 (both under
Mark), and Brahms' epic Symphony no. 1 directed by Stephen.

Recordings (thanks to Phil for hosting): 
Baby - http://student.caths.cam.ac.uk/~pgp24/UCP-2005-03-06/ 
Main - http://student.caths.cam.ac.uk/~pgp24/UCPO-2005-03-11/

Next term's concert will be on Thursday 16th June at the West Road Concert
Hall, with Mussorgsky's Night on a Bare Mountain, Dvorak's popular Symphony
no. 8, and Zodiac, a concerto for percussion by Brian Wilshere. Full info
will appear at http://www.srcf.ucam.org/ucpo/concert.shtml in due course.


The Annual Dinner was held in the Catz OCR, moving into the bar and finally
ending up at Katharine's house, going on for nearly twelve hours in total.
Marks Galtrey and Pritchard, Vicki, and a few others managed to spend
practically the entire duration earnestly debating philosophy and the
existence of God, while the rest opted for drinking, falling asleep, or being
entertained by Jonathan Monrow's witty repartée. The life and soul of the
party was doubtlessly our renowned leader Chris Phelps, who passed out on
Katharine's sofa at around midnight, and refused to be awoken before a group
of medics finally revived him about four hours later. Reports that
unconscious members of the orchestra were taken advantage of in any way,
including being touched in rude places or having wine bottle corks thrown at
them many many times, are utterly false and have absolutely no basis in fact
whatsoever. Honest.

Other social events included the Formal at New Hall, with much drunkenness
and debauchery afterwards, several curries/evenings at the pub, and of course
the post-concert parties. We also had a new committee elected; rumour has it
that some members actually stood of their own accord and weren't relentlessly
bullied/cunningly ensnared/sweetly cajoled/ into doing so by Vicki. Simon is
chair. Everyone is teaboy. I am Harris (some have said).

*==The 'Best' of Misc==*

There was a (yet another?) huge debate about Christianity, CICCU, American
fundamentalism, etc, for which Mark (and Phil) (and John) contributed several
enormous essay-length posts complete with detailed footnotes and references.
The discussion was made increasingly relevant when a CICCU group stole our
normal corner in Robinson Bar after one rehearsal, an event which surely set
their mission back about ten years.

It was suggested that GCSE and A-Level Geography, and indeed the Land Economy
Tripos, consisted of little else other than colouring in. Motion passed
(obviously), albeit with some bitter objections. Other debates included the
old "chocolate is better than sex: discuss"; though Welchew reasoned that
surely sex *and* chocolate are better than either alone, someone raised the
issue of "blockages" which saw our enthusiasm for the topic lessen somewhat,
despite Frankie's helpful advice about using whipped cream instead.

In the "real world", Beccy and Andy got engaged. Some congratulated the happy
couple effusively, others bemoaned their age, and Phil bullied me to write a
digest. Dave Sim came down with a cold, and the entire complement of misc
gave advice concerning their favourite remedies. Alison envied not having to
work; one wonders if she ever did manage to redeem herself from an
embarrassing incident in a class in which she saw a picture of the
Declaration of Independence and remarked how clever it was that they managed
to sign it on the fourth of July.

Also in the "real world", it snowed in Cambridge. Well, we think it did
anyway; having been falling from the sky non-stop for about four days, it
decided to settle one morning in early March before mysteriously vanishing.
Pedro decided to found the Cambridge University Nudists', Naturists' and
Exhibitionists' Society as a protest against the "tyranny of college laundry"
but fortunately seemed to forget the idea. We hope.

Cambridge lost the Boat Race. Jenny supported Oxford, was violently accosted
by Vicki, and was promptly ostracised for a whole five minutes. We quoted the
BBC many, many times. And Welchew got a pair of guinea-pigs, and was
completely understanding and not at all offended when someone started using a
"pneumatic motherfelching jesus-raping drill right outside his fucking
bedroom when he was trying to sleep."

Finally, there was a dispute over exactly which point we hit 1000 emails
before the end of March. Fifty- one messages were posted about this topic
before it was abandoned, as several people began to slowly lose the will to

*==Photos (many!)==*

Annual Dinner (Fan) - http://randomfan.com/temp/dinner/ 
Annual Dinner (Harris) - http://www.davidharris.org.uk/ucpodinner05/ 
Annual Dinner (Tom) - http://www.wolframite.net/ucpo_dinner_2005/ 
New Hall Formal (Fan) - http://randomfan.com/temp/ucpoformal/ 
New Hall Formal (Harriet) - http://randomfan.com/temp/formalharriet/ 
Post-Baby Party (Fan) - http://randomfan.com/temp/postbaby/


"Daniel Francis? My friend wants to shag him." 
"You can't do that, he's twelve!"
 - Anon & Claire

"So why do other men never flirt with each other when I'm at the party,
 - Pedro

"So tell me, I want to know: *did* Rob grope my balls?" 
 - Nigel

"I'm not a middle aged female!"
 - Simon

"It's my religion - I don't drink" 
 - Simon (with bottle to mouth)

"I'm not chair, I'm not chair, I'm not chair, Vicki's chair! 
 - Simon , ever willing to embrace the responsibility of his new role.

"I think Quakers tend to feel it rather than see it"
 - Phil

"I was like, I want that baby, I want that baby! Aaaaaaaaah!" 
 - Simon

"We're talking about my rampant sexuality" 
 - Simon. Yes. Again.

"But does this mean that stimulating the clitoris is rather easier for the
 male hyena than it is for the male human?" 
 - Anon.

"A friend of mine is under the impression that UCPO is full of very quiet and 
 timid people. The example she uses to support this is Alison. 
 *looks bemused*" 
 - Vicki

"My supervisor took me into a dark room and looked at my screwed-up sperm." 
 - Sarah

"Either you'll have to get it out, or I'll have to feel for it." 
 - Alison (to Alex)

"Just because I'm a Lib Dem doesn't mean I'm bisexual." 
 - Jawnathan Mawnrow

"You can stop rock 'n' roll with a caravan."
 - Fan

"I just found a mutant!!!!!! Yay!!!!! *goes off to bounce and decides she
 will come to the formal after all*"
  - Katharine

"On the other hand, I haven't grown out of a pair of shoes in quite a while.
 Which is fantastic :D" 
"It's called "finishing puberty", Phil." 
"I was describing some of the benefits you can look forward to, Stefan" 
"Yeah, one day you might have something there to hurt..." 
 - Phil, Stefan, Phil, Stefan & Dave.

"Talking of rodents (guinea pigs are rodents aren't they?), I'm currently
 reading about a set- theoretical construction called an "active baby mouse".
"Breast mice. No, really." 
- Pedro & Vicki

"Like the unfortunate time one of my friends yelled "yes, yes" when I knocked
 on her door, to find her in flagrante delicto with a special friend of
 - Harris

"The thought of attempting to preach the Gospel to Alison is not as scary as
 the thought of being executed in, say, North Korea, for speaking against the
"Hmmm...*resolves to practice scariness*" 
 - Chris Phelps & Alison

"Blimey. I didn't know Pooh Sticks was now officially on the syllabus." 
 - John

"Well, you know, [chocolate] melts at body temperature and can cause
 blockages if you don't take care. Anyway it gives a lot of mess." 
"Hence the beauty of M&Ms. Also you can pick the bitch upside down and shake 
 her like a castanet. Oh yeah!" 
 - Paul H & Rob.


*=BBC News/eBay (we love our news and our auctions)=*












*=Non-BBC News/eBay=*

http://www.kekkai.org/andrea/etc/poquiz/ - Random Quiz. Apparently, Phil is a


http://www.solardeathray.com - Fun with burning things

http://www.rubicon-crossing.com/magnetic/cat.mpg - (60 MB) Ancient Cartoon.
Song will stick in your head until the end of time.


http://thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan.cgi?word=UCPO - Advertising slogan
generator. "Things happen after an UCPO". Quite.


http://thesurrealist.co.uk/slang.cgi?ref=UCPO - Um...

- Intelligent MIDI Sequencing with Hamster Control. Cute animals +
strange music.

- Does what it says on the tin...


http://www.nationallampoon.com/supermanisadick/ - Welchew doesn't like
Superman. Neither does this guy, apparently.


http://www.tetris1d.org/ and

http://guimp.com/ - some pleasant timewasters


http://www.classicfm.com/index.cfm?nodeId=4341&sw=1024 - Controversy reigns
in the Classic FM Hall of Fame as the top 3 pieces are not the same as the
previous nine countdowns...

*==Stats (since last digest, thousands of years ago)==*

      1 AIG_newsletter
      1 alice1089
      1 fes23
      1 jgj25
      1 lsorense
      1 rrichards
      2 fan.yang
      3 ph300
      3 rjc46
      4 jim
      4 v.c.wright.01
      6 V.C.Wright.01
      6 hke20
     10 mgp28
     13 sjh217
     14 sarahfmorgan
     15 sak39
     16 jrp44
     16 scj29
     18 rge21
     21 statsengine
     22 keh35
     25 clk25
     25 stefanfraczek
     36 dpar2
     37 hamelinck
     38 cjp40
     38 nw215
     39 hkj25
     41 ahfw2
     44 eg262
     50 sfm23
     53 haw22
     53 scs43
     59 mjg73
     73 camw3
     76 camwend
     86 jpsa
     97 rmr26
    103 jic23
    105 eas55
    105 sjc64
    108 david
    113 jds36
    116 das48
    118 ser39
    125 fes27
    128 fy209
    128 var25
    174 pgp24
    177 tjop2
    201 dew22
    203 pll23
    235 jah76
    256 aks41
   3444 total

And that is that. Here endeth the Digest.


MOST NOBLE AND ESTEEMED SIRS and most genteel Ladies, I remain ever

Your most humble and obedient servant,

Stefan Fraczek, Esq.,



©UCPO 2002-17, design by David Welchew