TimB/Ramses

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Ramses, Keeper of the Goats? That is a story I know well. Sit child, and I will tell you...

You wish to know the tale of how he came to be called a sand snake by the Hyrcanians of Persia, after his defeat of Hassan, the Fat Man of Marrakesh? Ah, you have already heard that one. You know how he hurt his back trying to lift the Fat Man afterwards then.

How about the time Pharaoh gifted him with the helm of one of his own personal guard, The Indestructibles, after watching him fight with his warband in the arena against a brace of mighty beasts? You ask me where that helmet is now? It is said that the rest of the tribe put it somewhere safe so he would not lose it. And because he could not fight worth sand when he wore it.

Has it been said to you that once Ramses discovered a great stone slate, an artifact of power with arcane secrets upon it? It is told that he stubbed his toe upon it while walking and thought it would make a good plate for cooking camel back. Our cook still uses it for this purpose today.

Maybe we should tell you a tale of religion, like the time he was shot by a Greek arrow and was sent to Anubis for judgement. No, it is not true that he dived in front of the arrow to save the woman he loved. Only foolish Persians believe that story. It was Keket, who was not one of the women he was pursuing at the time. He was shouting at her, because he thought she might get shot by that archer over there. Yes, sometimes he should learn to shut up and pay attention, this too is said of him. In any case, Ramses told Anubis he had died because he had dishonourably killed his enemies in the Arena, following the command of Pharaoh. He believed this was the first truly dishonourable thing he had done, so the arrow was his punishment. Merciful Anubis in his wisdom decided that Egypt needed champions and Ramses was to be his, so he kept his heart and sent him back to the world of men. Possibly because the world of men had angered him.

Have any spoken to you of the time he saved the life of the Lioness of Carthage when she was attacked by a restless spirit of her people? Naked in her bed at the time you say? You have heard the version Ramses tells then. I assure you that part is not true. It is said that he carried her from the Arena later that day though, after facing her people in the largest knife dance ever seen.

What about the time he defeated the minotaur in single combat? Oh, someone told you he only did that because a pretty girl said she would go to dinner with him if he did? Well, yes, that does sound like him. It is said that this woman was beautiful and under the effect of a terrible curse to serve at the Annual in penance. In these circumstances, priests, princes and kings all told Ramses that the gods would be angered if he tried to court her, or to free her from her curse. That to do so would be impossible. It is even said that some of these people actually believed saying such things would not encourage him.

There are a few who whisper that it was Ramses who led the warriors of Egypt and Persia in their mission to steal the Sarcophagus of Alexander from the heart of the Greek camp at the Third Annual. This cannot be true though, because his prince knew nothing about it beforehand. You should know better than to listen to gossip my child.


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Last edited August 15, 2011 5:23 pm by Tim (diff)
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