Obviously Chris Field is an emissary of the lizard people, being over 6ft tall and having webbed feet, he is clearly a lizard/human hybrid. Through Chris, the lizard people intend to retake Earth by any means possible.

Being very cunning and clever, the Reptiloids have a multi-pronged stratergy.
Firstly, they wish to understand current human culture. They have noticed Chris has trouble blending in sometimes, and hope that with more information they can pass moe easily unnoticed. To that end, the following items will be useful to the lizard people:
    * A trilingual dictionary [3 points]
    * Copies of the same book in more than two languages [1 point per language above two, max 5 points]
    * A complete set of Famous Five books (only Blyton, mind you) [4 points]
    * Biggles Takes it Rough [2 points]
    * A Raffles book [3 points]
    * A Flashman book [1 point]
    * A rude word spelled out with Smarties lids [up to 3 points]
    * Animals in Architecture: The Cambridge Information leaflet [1 point per animal, maximum 5 points]
    * The best pun headline [3 points]
    * The best page 3 [3 points]
    * Wednesday’s cryptic crossword, complete (from a respectable publication) [3 points]
    * Perform a medley of classic TV theme tunes [1 point per theme tune we recognise, maximum 5 points]
    * Opera glasses [3 points]
    * A string quartet [4 points]
    * Orchestral merchandise [1 point]
    * A ticket to Eurovision [5 points]
    * Sex up Shakespeare [up to 3 points]
    * A pitch for a porn movie [1 point]
    * A prop from a porn movie [4 points]
    * A fascist porn movie [5 points]
    * Four bankers in a room with no shoes or socks on [4 points]
    * An original song about your favourite historical figure (Bonus points if it’s our favourite historical figure too) [up to 5 points]
    * Play a recognisable tune on as many of the following as possible: Wineglasses, spoons, ribs, bottles [1 point each]
    * A new blues song about the Scavenger Hunt [up to 5 points]
    * A re-enactment of your favourite STEPS music video - Bring the original for comparison purposes (Extra points for costumes) [up to 5 points]
    * A didgeridoo [1 point]
    * Krautrock [1 point]
    * Marillion [9 points]
    * A tattoo of t.A.T.u. [1 point]
    * And, with the leftovers, the best papier mache sculpture [3 points]
    * A rock. Some paper. Some scissors. Three enter, one leaves [3 points]
    * Beat a college fellow at RPS (best out of 3) [3 points]
    * A team member included in the world ranking of some sport [3 points]
    * Something you win when you get a Blue [1 point]
    * A collector’s plate [3 points]
    * A baseball card collection [4 points]
    * A church collection [6 points]
    * Poker chips [1 point]
    * A computer chip [1 point]
    * An I Spy book [2 points]
    * A Magic Eye book [2 point]
    * I, Claudius [1 points]
In addition, the most well known lizard hybrid, George Bush, has been extremely unconvincing in his simulation of a human. Therefore, when the lizard people create their next American President, they want someone more likable, hence:
    * A picture of your favourite US president - made out of pasta [up to 5 points]

Their goal is of course to take over the world[1] and they have been known to attempt to achieve this using pyramid schemes[2] during the middle period of Reptilian culture. The items:
    * A human pyramid [1 point per person]
    * An inhuman pyramid [5 points]
    * A photo of a team member at the Pyramids [1 point]
    * Pyramid magazine [3 points]
    * Start your own pyramid scheme! [2 points]
are related to this, and we also hypothesise that they already have some grasp of current human culture (probably from Chris or George) and are planning something even better than a Pyramid scheme.
    * A new reality TV show [1 point]

Depending on exactly which Reptilians are currently seeking control of Earth, they could either be coming from a mothership in Saturn [3] or another galaxy or star, possibly in the constellation Draco[4].
If they are coming from Saturn, it is well known even a small quantity of human foodstuffs can power a reptilian craft, so it is likely that the following items, from about 3 teams, would be sufficient to power the Targzissians fleet:
    * A passion fruit [1 point]
    * The least and most carbon neutral bananas, and proof of this fact [3 points each]
    * Plant a tree [6 points]
    * A bowl full of only red M&Ms [3 points]
    * Candy floss! [1 point]
    * A cake with someone inside it [8 points]
    * Homemade cupcakes - they had better be good [4 points]
    * Chips [1 point]
    * Bring us a shrubbery! [4 points]
    * Bring us a bonsai! [3 points]
    * Gunge [2 points]

If they are coming from another star, then a warp engine or time machine is required. Time machines are notoriously hard to configure and calibrate, and it could be hypothesised that the following innocuous items are actually time device calibration data points:
    * A high visibility jacket [2 points]
    * Fashion from the ’50s, ’60s, ’70s and ’80s [1 point each]
    * Fashion from the 15th, 16th, 17th and 18th centuries [2 points each]
    * A stamp collection [2 points]
    * Reality Checkpoint [1 point]

A warp engine could be constructed with the following items:
    * The Key to the Secrets of the Universe [4 points]
    * Carry water in a sieve [5 points]
    * An oversized novelty golfball [1 point]
    * Half a golf club [6 points]
    * A fence [1 point]
    * Fetch us a plank! [2 points]
    * A home-made steam engine [10 points]
Basically, the polariton flow of the secrets of the Universe through the sieve causing the water suspension is powerful enough to ionise the golfball. An oversized golfball must be used to avoid quantum tunneling effects. The ball can be then hit with the club, and the equal and opposite reaction will result in the matter transference of everything within the fence, transconduited by the plank. The steam engine of course powers the entire device.

On arrival, it is expected the lizard people will attempt, and succeed, to make slaves of the entire human race. A basic slavery declaration will be useful to them to ensure they do not break any local laws in making slaves. Something like:
    * A completed McDonalds application form - we’ll return it after judging it so you can submit it, no worries [2 points]
    * The deed to someone’s soul - No need to sign it in blood [1 point]
    * A team member punting tourists down the Cam [6 points]

They will also wish to control society in an attempt to maximise panic, so that humans are more easily cowed. To do this, they require examples and ideas, given the terrible lizard imagination (ever watched a lizard? They are so dull!) The following items:
    * Ban a book! [8 points]
    * An autograph from Neighbours [1 point]
    * An autograph from Tony Blair [4 points]
    * An autograph from Stephen Hawking [8 points]
    * An autograph from a gameshow host [2 points]
    * A college bursar in their office with a team member [3 points]
    * A birth certificate [1 point]
    * A death certificate [2 points]
    * A bronze swimming certificate [3 points]
    * A gay marriage certificate [4 points]
    * A laminated degree certificate [5 points]
    * Make us a wig fit for a judge [6 points]
    * Your team in the newspaper [3 points]
    * Get the phrase “a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest” onto BBC News’ Have Your Say [3 points]
    * A human eye (not attached) [8 points]
    * A scientologist (cannot be combined with previous item) [3 points]
will provide valuable.

Finally, it may be necessary to blackmail team members in future, in order to hide the fact they basically did all the Reptilian invasion work for them. The following blackmail material will be required:
    * The most overdue library book [3 points]
    * A photo of a team member with a world leader [6 points]
    * A photo of a team member with Imre Leader [1 point]
    * A photo of a team member with a lead singer [2 points]
    * A photo of a team member with a scout leader [4 points]


[1] http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Reptiloids
[2] http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Reptiloids
[3] The Targzissians, described in http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reptilian_humanoid and http://www.thecomingoftan.com/
[4] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Draco_%28constellation%29