Quotes!
It is a CUSAGC tradition that if someone says something funny or a little bit 'wrong' anyone can shout "QUOTE!" and can then add the quote to this website using the submit a new quote form. These quotes are then published in the next issue of Sky Blue (the club magazine) and here too. Enjoy!
There have been 8 new quotes since the last Sky Blue, which was published on 9th March 2012 and is available here. Members who are logged in can see these quotes - everyone else has to wait for Sky Blue!
It does that if you don't insert it fully - Gwil
I did not refer to the sausage in any way, I'm a vegetarian - Eli
Turd of my soul - Beth
Eli, you should archive your special bits - Beth
I never fiddle with mine, I only fiddle with yours - Eli
David's friend: I'm full of sausage!
Richard: I can't think of any intracommittee relationships [next year].
Ben (about his Cam Card holder): I pulled on it every half hour....
...and then it broke.
CJ: How did your card break? Did you sit on it or something?
Ben: Actually, yes.
Eli: Water! I cycled hard!
Eli (about prison): I know, I've been there.
Tom B: It has an adaptor so it's thin and bendy.
Gwil: I played with a baby for half an hour this afternoon.
Naomi (to Ben): Stop pulling my tassles.
Naomi (after Ian hands her ice slushy): Oh my god that's cold.
Rachel (to Tom): Don't touch me!
Ian: Tom, have you got the Rohipnol?
Ian: It's like rape but not rape.
Naomi: But I want to be a table.
Naomi (about Alice the legless horse): I would have gone with slug.
Tom: Lets hammer Rachel.
Ian: You know octopusses go in, then out, then testicles.
Tim 2: I don't remember this song at cubs.
Naomi: Who is Sir Jasper?
And later....
Naomi: I still don't understand who Sir Jasper is.
CJ (to Tom): If you touch her tassle again I'll slap you!
Rachel: I'm sorry I don't have tassles.
Tom (during *** best song): Can we try that later?
Rachel (to Richard): What are you sticking in my ear?
Richard: Apparently in bed I'm...
Tim (to Beth and Eli at committee meeting): "Have you remembered ANYTHING about garden party?"
Eli: "I've done a seventy footer so I won't do anything less than that."
Eli: I've done 70 footers before so I don't want anything smaller.
Gwilym's phone: *SMASH*
Gwilym: "Well, the phone's ok, but it's taken a chunk out the floor!"
Tim T: "That's one reason why Scouts shouldn't be allowed to have phones that I've never heard before."
Gwil: "There's sooo much space, where are we going to put the beds?"
*Pensive silence*
Gwil: "I know, we could play spin the bottle, and put a bed wherever it points!"
Hannah: "Which is why I started blowing it, to stop it going flat."
Marathon Entrant (about phonebook stacking): "It's only four more books but it's not that much more unstable."
Marathon Entrant (encouraging team mate on phone book stack): "Try not to shake."
Eli: "I'll have to refinger it with three fingers."
Eli: "I will go all over your car."
Eli (after having had her head between Beth's legs): "I could be a lesbian, let's do this more often."
Eli: "Who's most likely to have sex in a library?"
Jack: "Emily."
Tim B: "I thought it was just a finger."
Ed: "What's CUSAGC?"
Beth (whose Mum works high up in the NHS): "The NHS is full of s**t."
Eli: "Now I think it's really cool cos I've got a pornstar aunt."
Ed: "Wow, does she keep bees because she's got loads of homemade jam."
Naomi (to Michael):" Are you called Tim as well?"
Michael: "No, I'm Michael."
Richard: "There are a lot of Tims in CUSAGC."
Gwil: "I enjoy having a bit of a fiddle."
Marathon Entrant (to team mate): "You smell like a lake."
Eli: "James can you see to Beth?"
Eli: "I eat so much I could be a buffalo."
James to Eli: "You do look a bit like a buffalo."
Chris: "This is the gay stage in my drunkenness."
Beth: "Licking up creamy things is not the way forwards."
Eli: "I'm gay for Beth."
Beth: "Have you not heard of showers?"
Chris: "I felt it."
Beth: "Someone else do him, I can't."
Eli: "I get around."
James: "Incessant flirting."
Emily: "How can you not like the cream?"
James: "The table doesn't have herpes."
Beth: "We enjoyed the paintbrushes."
Eli: "Oh God Josh, you're so good, you're so strong!"
Beth: "Well you were holding on quite tight."
Beth: "It's gyp cake."
Eli: "It sounds like the mould you get in the bottom of the fridge."
Beth: "I'd better try this cake to make sure we aren't poisoning freshers."
Fresher: "What's the green stuff?"
Beth: "It's yellow!"
Beth (table wrestling): "I'm stuck."
Eli (to Beth): "You're bendy."
Eli: "I just want to do Beth."
Dave: "I'll give you £10 if you take me."
Beth: "You know the occasions in life when the insides of your legs hurt."
Eli (an alcoholic in true social sec fashion): "I just want water."
Alex: "I'm quite cheap on a night out."
Alex: "We live in the same house but we are not lesbians."
Eli: "You'll ruin it if you wiggle."
Beth (to Tom): "Shove your hand down there."
Gwil (about Tom): "There are a lot of photos of him behind windows doing funny things. No, not..."
Beth (about a previous quote): "In fairness that was required!"
Richard: "They probably are as well" (Beth and Eli going to bed together).
Richard: "That's another thing I liked in the railway toilets."
Beth (talking about her course): "I quite like AIDs."
Eli: "Interesting fact. Beth masturbates to Disney!"
Beth: "Anyone else want rimming?"
Ben: "On a snow day the porters tend to turn the other cheek."
Eli: "Want a plaster?"
Beth: "Yes!"
Eli: "...I don't have any."
Eli (to Beth): "Well that's not my fault. I didn't tell you to shag the table."
Eli (about Beth's harp): "Her one is black and has a bell-end."
James: "I am afraid I might go blind after drinking this."
Beth: "That was the worst experience of my life!"
Eli: "I know that's not true."
Emily: "You might have to carry me home Tim."
Eli: This is folk cheese [music]. "It's a bit like blue cheese. Only a few weirdos like it."
Emily (to Eli): "I would have danced with you but I thought you wanted a man."
Emily: "I have a centre button on my touch."
Emily: "I had this great chat with our college gay."
Eli (about her pregnancy scare friend): "She's like an Emily."
Emily: "Shaking my head makes me feel dizzy."
Eli (about cocktail): "Its got jizz in it."
Eli: "I am a massive curry wimp."
Tim T: "Eli will have to do."
Beth: "She was lying on me."
Eli: "We started the other way around."
Beth: "Why have I got a condom?"
Beth: "At least you aren't playing with a condom."
Beth: "You don't play with a condom. It is a means to an end."
Eli (about smacking): "No front bottoms."
Eli (about the tea bagging challenge): "Do Ben, do Ben, do Ben!"
Josh: "Since when was I Rogan Josh?"
Eli: "You are now!"
Beth: "I tried to suck it so hard that it didn't work."
Eli: "I also have to do a number of fingers."
Eli: "The face to face humiliation is too much."
Eli: "Where am I?"
Eli: "You just have to fill in a form to get into my oesophagus."
Beth: "My oesophagus just won't do it."
Eli: "Apparently I am allergic to laundry. That's why I never do it."
The website (aka Gwilym): "If you have any questions, please the CUSAGC Secretary, Emily"
Gwilym (on Marathon Recce): "And this is Six Mile Bottom"
Hannah: "That's a very big bottom."
Eli: I look all weddingly!
Eli: I look like a tart and it's all good.
Eli: We might have to hobble at tart speed.
Eli (about her fascinator): That's enough of my head growth!
Beth (about singing with the harp): Normally that costs extra.
Tim: How do you rape feet?
Richard: I've not paid for it but I'm getting my money's worth.
One of Hannah's friednds: I'm not that much of an alcoholic!
Tim: Gwilym and Hannah went up the hill to bag a trig point.
Emily: The awkward moment when you can't talk to them because they are just too old.
Jenny (from Nottingham): You seem to have smaller holes.
Richard: Can we see your music please.
Eli: I only do that after 3 days
Eli: Do a whoosh
Eli (about Gwilym and Hannah): I think we threw ourselves at them a little bit
Beth (to Eli): I could get a JCB on your dirt
Eli: I'll have you know I can see directly beneath my breasts
Eli: So before he pops his clogs I better get to Steven Hawking and give him a quickie.
Eli: I may have married Nelson Mandela but I can't remember
Beth: I have mouth incapabilities
Beth: "Emily was just too easy."
Eli: "I was going to text your brother and offer him a 3 way."
Beth: "He's nearly 18 so it's almost acceptable."
Gwilym: "I will."
Ian: "Aaargh, I feel abused."
Ben D (on Inflatable Rally): "I don't tend to frequent kids' parties."
Ian (about pictionary): Beth likes the hard ones.
Beth (in response to previous quote): Well obviously.
Michael C: Have all these dishes been risk assessed?
Gwilym: aaaaah, yes.
Eli: Don't pour it on my leg.
Beth: Your leg might like it. Don't discriminate.
Eli (about Kiwi's age): He's pretty mouldy.
Naomi: We had some Irish people on our course and they can't say words properly.
Naomi (about the cause of Eli's bruise): That's actually a legit reason, not just getting drunk.
Gwilym (about the closure of paths during Bumps): I'll put on my angry rambler costume and go cause some trouble.
Eli: Do I know about that (Beth's geese).
Beth: Yes. It's amazing, we're going to eat them.
Richard: Beth is holding lots of things that she has no idea about.
CJ: "They ask you where you want to be stamped."
CJ (about Whispy): "We might have to put some more coins in his butt."
Eli (about Clare formal): "James! You know the small person? He jumped me."
Eli: "There's a lot of unnecessary doggy style".
Gwil (entering quote into phone): "It doesn't have doggy in the predictive text!"
Eli: "Obviously you haven't done it enough!"
On the way to formal at Clare.
Rachel: "That wasn't a bird was it?"
Ben & Naomi: "Errr..."
Ben: "I think it was."
Rachel: "You're kidding right.....oh s***!"
Richard (to Beth): "Will you butter me?"
Eli (to Emily): "Will you butter me too?"
Eli: "I have James, James is my stash."
Eli: "Please insert that into your oesophagus right now."
Emily (about Eli): "She gave up because she can't cope with the banana touching her tongue."
Beth: "It must be great to be gay. Every time you masturbate it's like practice!"
Eli: "I want to have kids, I can't wait to have kids."
Eli: "I would never say 'Richard has a massive penis'".
Beth: "Cleaning your throat won't help."
Eli: "It depends what you're doing."
Beth: "That's definitely true."
Eli: "I need Gwilym's Hannah to dress me."
Eli (to James): "We're supposed to be having children together."
Rachel: "Can I be Godmother?"
Beth: "Can I be Aunt?"
Naomi: "Can I be the cousin?"
Eli: "That doesn't look like Ben, that looks like a Muslim woman."
Eli (putting arm around Beth): "CUSLAGs will bring in the CUSAGCers."
Eli: "Well he's a bit of a cock-muncher..."
"...If I munched cock and you never mentioned it, then I'd be offended."
Beth: "Arggggh I have sensitive teeth."
Naomi: "Eli is a bit of a whore then."
Eli: "Emily and Louise are blatantly up for some homosexual relations."
(to Richard and Bethan) "You two aren't involved, you're just the film-makers."
Beth (to Richard): "The note of despair in your voice says 'I used to be in CUSAGC but now it's gone to the dogs'".
Richard: "It's turned into CUSLAGs."
Ben: "Social Sec is all about getting the club drunk, flirting with people and having fun."
James (to Beth): "I'm going to cry now and it's your fault."
Rachel (to Naomi): "You're the official balloon blower... the CUSAGC blower."
Beth: "James is so warm."
Ben: "If I want to pat someone on the head, I pat them on the head."
Beth: "Lie, lie now, do the sexy wok."
James (to Beth): "Do you always feel the urge."
Beth: "Only when you're around."
Beth: "I have doubts about sexuality."
James: "My gown is covered in Baileys."
Beth: "That's no reason to suck it."
James: "My hand is really sticky."
Beth: "You know what that was, I was doing a Persian market snake dance."
Eli: "Rachel, you have a nice leg."
Eli: "You'll have a floppy dick for the rest of your life."
Eli: "James, you massive pimp, you... he's a very fresh pimp... I'm going to go and pimp myself for a bit."
Emily (to Beth): "I'll be leaving no earlier than 8 so i'll knock you up before I go."
Emily: "Right, so now I'm gonna sprint home so I don't get raped."
Rachel (about Beth): "You aren't supposed to dive in naked."
James: "How do you know what glue tastes like?"
Beth: "Have you never sniffed glue before?"
Eli: "Don't f*** with me man. I'm pissed!"
Eli: "I'm off my face. God knows what might happen!"
Eli: "Three times last Cindies!"
Eli: "I think Beth gets very sexual by herself. Especially with Doctor Who."
James: ...[says something]...
[James (with artistic licence from Ben): "Hammond (that's Richard Hammond of Top Gear fame) is hot. I'd so go there."]
Eli: "James thinks that Hammond is hot."
Rachel: "Ben can make that into a quote later."
At CREAM.
Eli (about a Brownie): "Can she write?"
Beth: "Doctors just like sticking things in you... it makes you feel violated."
(Balloon modelling)
Emily (to Gwilym): "Please stop sending your sperm in my direction."
Eli: "I like climbing into bed."
Eli: "Can you imagine doing D of E with a kid on your back?"
Beth: "What's the point. It's not like you can sleep in a child!"
Ben (to Richard): "Did you just get Gwilym all wet?"
Richard: "Yes I got Gwilym wet."
Ben (to Eli, about cheese): "Just get your fingers in there Eli."
Eli (about Beth's chocolatey fingers): "She's trying to finger me."
Eli: "He's got a really thin pole. That makes it easier!"
Gwilym (to Kiwi, about searching for missing Scouts): "So you're the guy they send chasing after kids?"
Ben: "Tom was given his prize of a glow in the dildo for leaving at Annual Dinner."
CJ: "It's been useful!"
Emily (balloon modelling): "I told you you could suck it."
Rachel (balloon modelling): "I squeezed too hard."
(Balloon modelling)
Gwilym: "The important thing is to lubricate..."
Rachel: "Why?"
Gwilym: "Because you will never be able to get it out again if you don't."
(Balloon modelling)
Rachel: "That's really huge."
(Balloon modelling)
Rachel (being tied up by Naomi & Beth): "I feel like I'm being slightly abused here."
(Balloon modelling)
Beth: "The snake's really stiff."
(Balloon modelling)
Rachel: "Oh, oh... I popped out."
(Balloon modelling)
Emily (to Gwilym): "Do you want me to hold one while you blow the other."
(Balloon modelling)
Rachel: "Ouch that went straight in my wine."
(Balloon modelling)
Rachel: "Has it worked...is it inside?"
(Balloon modelling)
Rachel: "This is kind of bursting out."
(Balloon modelling)
Beth: "You could screw it together... from either side."
Emily (about Selwyn formal night): "I just remember being yanked under the table."
(Balloon modelling)
Beth: "Rachel said I can get away without licking."
(Balloon modelling)
Beth: "Shall we do this side as well. Oh no, it's too tight."
Beth (inflating a balloon): "It's really hard work."
(Balloon modelling)
Rachel: "Who needs a dog..."
Beth: "...when you have a giant sperm."
Beth (about building a balloon man): "We have an arm, a penis and a sperm. What more do you need?"
(Balloon modelling)
Beth: "This is tiny."
Beth (about the balloon man): "He's not that well endowed."
(Balloon modelling)
Rachel: "Obviously Gwilym is quite attached to his sperm."
Eli: "It's a bit impossible when it's that thick"
Eli: "I might use a fork because it's quite wet."
Eli: "He's got an implement!"
Richard: "Where's Louise ... I need to plug her in."
Michael: "We're going to put words in your mouth Ed."
Ed: "After 5 years why stop there?"
Richard: "I have a clipper that clips penises."
Richard: "If I'm in a hurry, people get penises"
Tom B: "Oh! My hands are all sticky now!"
Tom: "I just pate'd my hands."
Gwilym (on quotes): "Sometimes they were coming so thick and fast that I..."
Ben: "I specifically promised Naomi and Rachel a formal at Clare if they did it." (about another quote on Hughes/Clare formal).
Gwilym (about freshers' formal): "But only Kiwi's going so he can prey on freshers."
Ben D: "That's the plan!"
CJ (about Ben's alcohol consumption): "How many had he had?"
Gwilym: "About this many." (indicates with fingers).
CJ: "What, bottles?"
Tom: "Or freshers?"
CJ (to Tom): "Will you actually get some in your mouth for once."
Everyone: "QUOTE!" (Gwilym starts writing)
Tim: "Referring to cheese."
Tim: "The idea is to split everyone two ways before we leave Cambridge."
Tom: "QUOTE!"
Gwilym: "Is that a quote? I suppose if it's on the quotes page..."
Gwilym: "We could have a good run up to the dyke."
CJ: "I'd banished him to the bed..."
QUOTE
CJ: "It's a good thing I didn't say tied him."
Tom: "I don't like being tied up by four grown men jumping on me."
(a conversation about the punt pole)
Gwilym: "I'm looking for a quote..."
CJ: "It looks like quite a sturdy one."
Gwilym: "We did have an ARU pet for quite a few years." (referring to Tom)
Ben: "QUOTE...Tom is Gwilym's pet."
Tom: "Where's my lead?"
Gwilym (about a fresher): "He's quite timid until you get him drunk."
Gwilym: "I used to do an amazing Pingu but you have to take off your shoes and slap it on the floor."
CJ: "You're squashing my boobs."
Ben: "QUOTE!"
CJ: "Kiwi, look what he's done to me..."(Tom has tied up CJ with bike lock)"...it's bondage."
James B: "Are we fluffing?"
Eli P: "Can I be a multi-tool?"
Beth: "Bum holing!"
Ben D: "I think she's trying to convince us that she knows dirtier stuff than me."
James B: "I don't think so!"
Ben D: "I'm not drunk."
Gwilym: "Then why are you so happy?"
Eli P: "Some girls swap femidoms." (with Beth)
(Much later, and on a totally unrelated topic) "Why is what I said wrong then?
Naomi S: "Because nobody swaps femidoms!"
James B: "Gwilym is quite attractive..."
Someone: "QUOTE"
James B: "That's the last time I get drunk near the quote book."
Ben D: "This is just the tip of the iceberg..."
Naomi (to Ben D): "Are you called Kiwi back home?"
Eli P: "Shall we adjourn to ma chambre? I think that's all right. There's 8 of us , so that's not kinky is it?"
James B: "One of them just tickled me!" (Eli, Beth, Emily and Naomi were under the table).
Eli P: "Daaaaim....I was just looking at you and YES! 'I'd tap that.'"
Someone: "Eli is a feline!"
Naomi: "We did it at Hughes."
Ben D: "Well you got enough out of it."
Emily (about the NZ quake): "As long as it killed people I'm there."
Naomi: "We'll be good."
Ben D: "Where are the tits?"
Eli (to Beth): "The harp is boring when I want you to get awkward."
Ben: "This is a little awkward."
Beth: "You see, Emily just needed to be raped."
Naomi: "Well, she is pretty beautiful."
Ben D: "Oh, yes! Yes!" (James B has bunny ears put on) "That's much better."
Beth: "I need ears."
Beth (about Guiding): "It's an opportunity for girls to feel themselves."
Ben D: "I'm blatantly the favourite because I'm so awesome."
Eli: "I don't want to be in Gwilym's private collection."
Eli (about friend): "He's a rampant gay."
Naomi (to friend): "You do sound quite Northern."
James B (on bunny ears): "These ears are for me."
Eli: "I'll buy you pieces of s***."
Eli: "I need the services."
Beth: "I was planning on just dropping my gown."
Ben D (about James): "If he had a pair of tits, I'd so go there!"
Ben D: "That's the secret to being a good social sec - you've got to flirt with everyone."
Eli: "Oh there's the floor! I really needed the floor right then.!
James B: "I left with Gwilym." (discussing progressive meal).
Gwilym (after particularly dodgy conversation with Ben): "We're doing hands-on."
Matt (about Eli): "She can frape herself."
Gwilym: "You can give them nuts." (About his research project. Involving children.)
Naomi (to James): "The floor at Hughes is a lot harder than the floor at Newnham."
James B: "I love Cindies."
James: "I stand by the fact that Gwilym is attractive."
CJ: "Come on, shift your arse Yaris!"
Tom B (singing loudly): "I want you to make me feel like the only girl in the world!"
Ricard R: "It just popped out."
Tom B: "I didn't quite push it in."
Thor (indie SSAGO): "Becca, use this dog!"
Richard R: "Tom is pumping me up."
Richard R: "Tom's nozzle is broken."
Eli: I couldn't keep them in my mouth.
Kiwi (about Tom B's gift): "Just grip the end and twist it."
Eli: "You've just hit my food baby; I'm going to have a food miscarriage."
Rachel (about Ian in the drinking game): "I've done him three times already."
Kiwi: "I'll take anything."
All: "To the Queen."
Eli: "Fittie!"
Eli (about the Wetherspoon Award): "I hope this is meant to make Scout Leaders feel good about their size."
Eli: "I want your babies, after your wife has already had them."
Eli: "Give me a bush."
Eli: "You don't need to have the morning wank as well. You can wait till the afternoon"
Eli: "Put it away Richard!"
David Proctor: "But I saw the coach arrive, so I popped off in my car."
Eli: "More than one person has been tempted to have a suck."
Ian: "I can't be bothered to drink."
Ben D: "Ian likes head. I'd know."
Ian: "I'm dribbling everywhere."
Ian: "It's syphilis Ben."
Tom (to CJ): "Do you want to play with my wand?"
Eli: "She just hit my food baby. I'm going to have a food miscarriage."
Eli: "I'm in the middle so I can go either way."
Emily: "I've never been raped. I don't plan to be."
Beth: "If I get raped it'll improve my tripos grade."
Tim: (after mention of Emily being raped): "I don't see any problem with that."
Beth: (about Eli to Ian): "She's done Cleopatra before."
Ian: "Was she good?"
Naomi: "There's no 'e' in Mugabe."
Eli: "Ding Dong!"
Richard (5 seconds and some typing later): "...ding...dong..."
Eli (to Richard): "If I walk in on a masturbating man you're getting the blame."
Ben: "No, I'm here."
Beth: "Why so sexist? Why does it have to be a man?"
Eli: "No, I'm masturbating on Ben."
Eli: "We should form a sub club. CUSlags."
Gwil: "Rod did imply we should set up CUSlags."
Richard (after Dan took a photo): "You flashed!"
Eli (about Whispy): "I use a femidom so he doesn't catch any STIs."
Beth: "Eli as the new su-shag"
Richard: "It's quite long now."
Naomi: "What is a knot?"
Richard (Gwil tying a knot around Hannah's arm): "Bondage!"
Hannah: "I know what he's doing."
Eli: "Send all requests to me."
Richard: "Round the back by the bins?"
Hannah: "I like a mixture of cheeses."
Naomi: "It's actually quite hard."
Eli: "Hannah's been the best so far."
Rachel (about Whispy): "I hear he has something in his arse."
Richard (about pimping Eli): "Well, we have a contingency plan if we lose all our money."
Richard: "It's got head."
Emily: "It's stiff!"
Eli: "We know what happens in my jeans don't we."
Someone: "Quote!"
Eli: "F***!"
Eli: "I can get plastered for three quid... yes I'm that skanky."
Eli (to Beth): "On top or side to side?"
CJ: "I'm comfortable with anything."
Beth (as a Geographer): "Dubai is in India, isn't it?"
Kiwi: "Are we still taking quotes?"
CJ: *raspberry*
Tom B: "Does that make *raspberry* quotable?"
Kiwi: "How do I spell *raspberry*?"
Tom: "What's the deal with SAGLO?"
Gwil: "We don't have one."
Tom:"So how does it work now?"
Gwil: "We're f***ed!"
Richard (on the topic of Service events): "There are other services we can do."
Michaela: "But they're underage!"
Kiwi: "Nothing wrong with that!"
Ben: "I'll have some of Richard's spicy nuts."
Ian: "What are they?"
Kiwi: "Richard's spicy nuts."
Michaela: "I like them!"
Eli (to Beth) - You need controlling with two sausages!
Gwilym (trying to act on advice from Kiwi, while halfway up a climbing wall) - I've studied anatomy, and that's not possible!
(This conversation was heard early on the 5th morning of CTW.)
Jenni W (looking at badges) - I was a Brownie.
Gwilym - I wasn't.
Andrew N (about his blanket) - I didn't bring mine with me.
Gwilym - What, your Brownie!?
Gwilym (about Fresher's Fair) - Tim was thrusting certain things on random people.
Gwilym - Apart from the A14, which is lovely (the sarcasm was evidently lost on everyone!).
Andrew N - ....So we can all get off quicker.
Tom B - It takes time to man up.
Andrew N - Can someone open the door please?
Jenni opens door - (Screams!) Aaaaargh! F***! (runs and hides as Andrew walks in holding a chicken).
Gwilym (about the chicken handling incident) - It doesn't actually say don't play with the animals.
Gwilym - No, because if we bring it up at a meeting it will be debated, no conclusion will be made and someone will be sent away to explore the possibilities.
(Jenni W starts recording in the quotes book)
Gwilym - Surely you can't record blatant facts as quotes.
(About contact lenses)
Jenni W - Are you in, or missed?
(pause)
Gwilym - I'm in.
(rude balloon modeling)
Jenni W to Gwilym - Do you want me to hold the other end to keep it hard?
(rude balloon modeling)
Jenni W - It's the way it comes at you when you blow.
(rude balloon modeling)
Kiwi - Did the candle go?
Gwilym - Yes, it was while we were all playing with penises.
Gwilym (about the rude balloon models) - They'll shrivel in the cold won't they?
Gwilym (rude balloon modeling) - There's all the dangly bits of the strap on in the photo.
Andrew N (referring to the heater cord)- Maybe I pulled it once too many times.
Jenni W (about CJ and Tom B) - If those two want to sleep we could go and play on our bed.
Gwilym (playing cards) - I'm good at getting punished.
Andrew N (candle watching) - Don't breathe.
Jenni W (on writing in the dark) - You under estimate my talent.
Andrew (about the coin operated power box) - Someone had to hold it while I twisted.
Andrew (about cards) - I'm interested in anything I can get.
Tom B (the glow stick in the balloon) - Push it in, push it in.
(A conversation about balloon modeling)
Kiwi - I didn't bother going all the way down, just as far as the head.
Jenni W - That's all you ever need to do.
Andrew N - That's what many people think.
Jenni W - I've never had any complaints.
CJ - Do I get to sleep with Whispy tonight?
Andrew N (naughty balloon modeling) - My testicles are unbelievably tiny.
Kiwi (naughty balloon modeling) - Dogs are easy.
Jenni W (boatie talk) - I have trouble keeping my knees together.
Jenni W (reading the thermometer on his belt) - Kiwi's hot.
Jenni W to Gwilym (holding up the large balloon containing a glowstick) - What would be wrong with this in your professional opinion?
Gwilym - Gonorrhea I expect.
Andrew N - Does that make it glow in the dark then?
Gwilym - It does now.
(Another rude balloon modeling conversation)
Kiwi - Will you please stop hitting me with the giant willy.
Jenni W - That would almost be a quote, but to be a quote it would have to be taken out of context, and that's quite in context.
Alex to Louise R (both LUSAGC) (about the ketchup at the pub) - Just go round there and I'll pump it into your mouth.
Andrew to Alex (LUSAGC) about (belaying) Kiwi - Do you want to do him or shall I?
Eli - I'm a hill pussy.....I'm a big pussy.....Oh, hell, I'm pussy galore!
Louise R (LUSAGC)(after curry) - I am feeling very satisfied.
Eli (after driving to CTW) - My wrist hurts.....from extreme wheel clenching!
Eli - This is a dangerous place to put a face.
Eli: (About Kiwi and Richard) Wow, you have a special relationship
Kiwi: A very special one!
Richard R: [Some Question]
Beth N: Momnomnomblaanomomeah [Eating not-yet-set fudge noise]
Richard R: Could I have a drink?
Beth N: What would you like?
R: A liquid please
B: Yes, but which one?
R: A wet one...
Gwilym (singing in an incredibly high falsetto, accompanied by CUSAGC and harp):
Not in that poor lowly stable,
With the oxen standing by,
We shall see Him; but in Heaven,
Set at God’s right hand on high;
Where *SCREECH* - no way, that's IMPOSSIBLE!
All in white shall wait around.
Eli: Best descant EVER!
CJ: I was trying to get him to take it off!
Eli: It's so long!
Eli: I can't cope with the length!
Eli: Can I poke the wall?
Eli: Keep pushing!
Gwilym - Does that mean Mary Poppins is a time Lord?
Tony Thatcher (picking up a burger): I didn't want it to fall out when I picked it up
Gemma Louise Rix - StinGS(Pulling Pidge's knecker): Everybody loves it when it's tight.
Russell Mayall - StinGS: I prefer it tight
CJ (Getting into Tom's car): I haven't opened my legs this far in a while
CJ Finch (Getting into the car): I haven't opened my legs this far in a while
CJ Finch (in the car): I'm not taking my trousers down for no one
Clare Bristow (about the brownies): "They like men don't they?"
Defining Frottage:
Clare B: It sounds like a cross between Cottage Cheese and Fromage Frais
Richard R: Sounds Kinky!
Anon - Dwarf on Dragon Action!
Jenni: I think we need to think of more footballers... ... Gary Barlow... ... Wait no, he's in Take That!
Jenni: I can't make three quotes in a minute!
Tim: My ability to get lost is directly proportional to the number of maps I have
"But she oactually loves me; Ian's just a pet." Leigh Brown on Jenni Whitfiels'd's mothering skills.
Base P (on hearing some people walk down the adjacent track):
- Are they Scouts?
- No, I think they're normal people
Kiwi Ben: Guides don't wear knickers in New Zealand (= neckers apparently)
Clare: My brain only works when it's connected to my hand
Jenni - "The best thing to do is to keep sucking them until they get this long (gesturing about 2ft in height with her hands)
Richard - "As long as there is no one underneath me"
Helen: [about David and Tom] can you leave it five minutes? They're not dressed yet!
Adrian (to Ian) - I think I deserve an award for visiting your room in the middle of the night
Ben: "Is there a radiator under this chair?"
It would be quoteable if I said don't get Claire wet on my bed. Jenni
Jane: Ed's been in some interesting positions
Jane: (to Adrian of Michael) will you help me tie him up
Adrian (of Tom) Have you considered an alternative career...as a caveman?
Phil: "It's just a little stiff...it's coming"
Adrian: Time taken to reach a decision is inversely proportional to Jaffa Cakes.
Jenni: At one point I wanted to use Phil to strangle Tom.
Clare: (about the new committee) There's going to be interesting group dynamics.
Adrian to Laurance: I'm scanning your Ostrich
Fiona: "I think you need to put meat stock cubes in Quorn"
Dave: He's a nice guy, but he can get a bit annoying in too large a quantity.
Dave: I knew I should have worn less clothes
Adrian: "I still fancy Tom, I think."
Lizzie (OUSGG Chair) : "OUSGGers are second class"
Dave S : "Ed should be coming along soon - these are his trousers"
Adrian : (unintelligible muttering)
Michael : "It was dirty, wasn't it!"
Adrian : "Absolutely!"
Adrian, talking about how many quotes this term have been his : "I need diluting"
Jane (the day after Tour de Trigs) : "My knees are rebelling - I don't think I've done enough walking"
Dave S : Can you only have sex with certain types of bicycle?
Dan : Are all horses born on 1st January?
Robin : Vi is Ed squarded
Adrian ' trans-sexual operations are painful'
Dave S (while opening a box of Ferrero Rocher with a spoon N.B. this is definitely a hazard) - "It's a bit like opening an egg.."
(Dan Smith, holding a netted bag) 'are there any holes in this satsuma bag' (Ed) 'Yes, many'
(Clare, next to a cup of tea) 'I never did get my cup of tea' It's next to you! (Adrian)
CUSAGCer's your mug is here! (as Adrian moves into the centre of the room)
(Adrian, at Marathon) 'When I was a Guide'
Adrian in youthful optimism about how SB works - Absolute final deadline, no ifs or buts, Sunday 25th November!
Ben - It's friendly, but legal
Ben - If Michael pulls it it will stop being straight
Jane - Have you removed your dangly bits Ben?
David (During a game of Password): "You find them on the Cam - they come in black or white. They break your arm you know..."
Ben: "An Eagle... no, a seagull... a duck... no, a goose ... ah.. a swan..."
Tom - "Me and Doradus are going out."
David (while playing articluate): "It's a word....."
Rosie: "Since when did the Queen live in Derby"
Michael (trying to impersonate a monkey): "They go oh-ah-ah"
Ben: "The Spice Girls"
Michael: "It's not my fault that strange things start appearing by my appendages."
Jane (whilst discussing threesomes): "Why do they always have to involve me?!"
Clare (in the pub after BREAM & CUBAA): I'm still not sure I even like children.
Jane to Ed: Can you super-size me?
Ben to Michael: You've still got paint on your legs!
Maddy: Thats because he doesn't exfoliate.
Ed: It's not quite as satisfying when they resist
Jane: I have no skills
Jane (in a conversation about sleeping with supervisors.): "I've had them on kitchen tables"
Heard over the radio on Forward... "Scout Cam Ed, Scout Cam Ed, this is Scout Cam Pot Noodle, over..."
Victoria: Wow did my text message work!
Ben: I'm totally organised at all times
HMF: It's a nice isolated place to have a crime!
Annoymous (Katie J submitted and knows who!): 'If I can't have Ed, can I have Serena?'
Emma to Michael: "can you close your legs?"
Helen: "That's very Emma: sitting there with a mobile phone and something down her top."
Ben: "I am not an idiot"
Ben to Emma: "You might need to stand up and look less pissed."
Adrian to James "So... I'm basically agreeing to have sex with you and give our children all my money?"
Matthew "I see I haven't convinced either of you with vermin free computing"
Michael: "You'll end up with a wall-knot whip..."
Peter "I'm a shapely blonde with an hourglass figure"
David Askew (about Serena) - "I know it's perverse, but I quite like being tickled by her."
Jane "Ed and Tom still seem to be resolutely single"
Ed (about Ben): "How many CUSAGCers has he done?"
Sarah (about Ben): "He's not old, he's mature!"
Jess: to do stuff to horses.
Jane: Either I'm on drugs or I'm a lesbian.
Ed: One way or another I'm going to end up doing the dogs body
Jane: Are you any good at screwing, David?
Jane: I'm fairly good at small screws
Harriet: You're not blowing my Hoover!
Ben Fryer [on discovering he'd been labouring for hours under a false assumption]: It's going to take half a day to put September back into the year!
Helen F: "No don't [eat me], I'm not very tasty!"
James "I'll try not to wet myself..."
"Men who do Morris dancing are top of my fantasy list!" - Maddy
Michael: I think I'll end up in drag someday.
Helen (hmf): I've gone off weed now.
Ed: "I think David and I have a problem..."
Jane: "Yes... Pyromania"
Andy: My plans for tonight are to look at my laptop and then take it to bed and hug it
Followed by: "Well you would want to hug it too if you saw it; it's beautiful"
Jane: You can usually get men to do whatever you want if you ply them with alcohol
Katie: "Jane, hold me!"
Katie: "Jane, hold onto me!"
Jane: CUSAGC is *officially* bad for you...
Victoria: We could all get into your bed very quickly.
Katie: Michael, when are you going to be in your room?
Ed: "If I were a piece of parachute cord, where would I be hiding...?"
Andy to Jess: Open your legs
David Proctor (Sagely commenting on Fresher recruitment strategies) - "Having a club that's a bit too big so people don't quite get to know each other as well is a lot better than ending up not having a club at all... Because that would be f***ing embarrasing."
Helen F - I do know the difference between hippies and prostitutes! [she doesn't, she thinks Soho is full of hippies]
Stephen: "I'm only any good at stirring."
Ben - I have not got a harem! I define a harem as 8, and I've only got 7.
Ben: Dettol, that's terrible stuff. It's dual purpose, you can use it for cleaning toilets.
Jess: That's Dettox!
Ed to Serena: "You are not treating me like a horse!"
Helen: "Unless I get him up against a wall."
Helen: "They can take people from strange places."
Michael: "I can imagine Stephen and Ben easier than Serena and Stephen."
Michael: "I can imagine Stephen and Ben easier than Serena and Stephen."
Sarah: "Well I can't. Well I can, but the results would be somewhat explosive!"
Ben to Helen: "You just sleep in the nearest bed, regardless of who's in it!"
Ben: "I never said anything."
Ben - We should bury Michael, because I have utility, and no one else is obnoxious.
Helen F - Unlike David, I don't make inappropriate comments
Helen F(to Michael) - I don't think you should talk about fantasies because...
Ben - that piece of wood's a platypus
Katie J about Tom and Ben - They're like the Chuckle Brothers
Helen Fagan - Jess is less keen on having a baby.
Ben - I'll get Jess a dog if you get me a baby for a week.
James to Katie J - Come and hit on me!
Jane to Ben: You're a terminal flirt!
Jane - I miss maths...I really really miss maths
Helen - "Fiona dried me..."
Michael: How the hell do I look like a paedophile?
Ed - "We're such a dodgy society"
Ben's advice for programmes and planning - You would have thought that a group that spent so much time talking about sex would provide some practical examples
Ed on Ben and Jane- Its kinda like a random bitch fight
Laurence- I don't know what kind of bitch fight you go to but frankly this is of a pretty poor standard
Katie J- I was going to tell Michael to put some clothes on but was afraid I'd get quoted
Ben Fryer clothing guru- Surely tights are normal wear for Michael
Laurence: so what exactly is a house boy?
Ben: It's Jane little sex slave.
Jane to Laurence- Can you get it up
James - Don't expect me to be competent
Helen: I'm calling 999
Michael: 911 actually
Helen: What -are we in America?!
Friend: He had his zip undone -that much be crucial.
Victoria: Maybe he was taken by surprise!
"So what are 80 year olds like in bed Ben?"
Ben- "Not bad actually!"
Michael- "Just ram it in there and wiggle it about"
Zoe- "I'm quite psycopathic really"
Zoe: If you have CUSAGC clotes wear those, if not wear uniform. If you don't have those, wear nothing!
Ed to Serena - I behave myself most of the time. It's you who cause all of the problems.
Helen: No toner is a dream - i LOVE it when it says 'no toner!'
Robyn - Can you really see me wearing bright pink?
Ben - No, I was just enjoying the image.
Ben - I need a warrant and a female
David Prince - "We need more pregnant women"
Helen Fagan - "Do they assign you pregnant ladies - you don't have to find one, do you?"
Serena to Michael - we can just jump on you
Ed about Serena and Michael - "Now's probably a bad time to suggest threesomes"
Jane - "Michael is significantly easier"
Ed to Serena - "Are we finished yet?"
Michael: "I'm dangling..."
Michael -"I'm turning into Serena..."
Ben: "I don't like things attached to me!"
Ben (about Serena and Michael): Do you want to carry on playing with him?
Ben: I wouldn't trust my pancakes
Michael: I would say I miss my sanity, but I don't...
Ben (fantasising) - "I think I going to do it like that ... no wait, if I do it the other way round there might be the possibility of a quick eightsome at the end ... I *do* like a good eightsome."
Ben - If I had had a PDA I wouldn't have forgotten to get dressed.
Jane: Too much wishy washy arts rubbish
Helen (hmf): I'm the sort of people who...
Jane (to Alex): We're in the left-hand corner of your wardrobe
Michael, in response to 'so how was your play?'
"It was fun. The heckling at the student performance just made it better."
Alex - Milk is not the solution to a milk shortage
Helen: There's no 'a' in David's name...
Helen to Michael: "Of course, you are doing Material Science... so it's entirely possible you're not going out with anyone!"
Serena about David: "You can stab him for me if you like..."
Ben - I always have chocolate in my car - it helps me avoid road rage...
Ben: "Guys do wear clothes, when their girlfriends aren't around..."
Michael - "It's in your interests to run around like a mad lunatic"
Michael: "All of the female geeks I know either have a boyfriend or are lesbians.."
Serena: "Well you just need to become gay and that will solve the problem!"
Alex: There's something in your jacket pocket. It feels like a...
Jane to Michael: "Are you planning on getting on the floor as soon as you get on the ice?!"
Alex to Serena: "You're confused?! I've managed to get married and have kids without even knowing!"
Ben - All I need to do is make up a few bogus payments and then I can do money laundering on a big scale.
Becky (to Serena): You can give me one if you want
Serena: "I've been tied up three or four times... you can actually use climbing equipment"
Helen F: "Michael and Serena doesn't always mean sex"
Ross: Hmmmn, I think I could cope with a career as a bra.
Zoe to Michael- "So do you like your testicles?"
Laurence- "I've never worn a lead before, its a new experience"
Zoe- "I'm just trying to work out how you get a dog to rape you"
Becky- "Can I state categorically that I am not turned on by watching only semi dressed women"
Zoe - "But male strippers are boring...."
Becky- "You'd better watch out Laurence, you have long hair, I might get mistaken and start stripping you"
Zoe, advising Michael on his search for a girlfriend: "You might get a female fresher, they dont know you yet"
Laurence: ah but as you said the other night i'm a secret masochist, ..... and a historian
Ben (to Helen Fagan): Whats the point in me being drunk, you aren't at home tonight
Total stranger as Laurence and Ben hurtle past him on Froggatt Edge:
"You can go a bit slower you know! You don't have to enjoy the countryside in such a rush!"
Ben's holiday plans- "I'll have my own nice little private ward with lots of nurses."
Andy to Ben- "You can marry Helen but I'm not going to marry Jess!"
Ben- "Anarchy is incredibly easy to organise"
Ross -Go on then, give me a hard one.
Zoe - I should go and work on flu, that way I might get it.
Zoe to Michael - I'll blow you!
Zoe - I've only got one left to get, and that's gonorrhea. Richard gave me them.
Zoe to Michael - I'll finger you!
Laurence (to Zoe) - You go off and do obscene things with Stephen Rolph
Sarah: I can't think what Stephen and Zoe could do together that would contravene the constitution.
Laurence (to Zoe): You appear to have stolen my five-continental ball.
Sarah: Stephen was long. Ben: Yes, very long.
Laurence: Hello Michael, how can I help you?
Michael: Well Serena said I had to pull someone...
Jess (about the societies fair) - It's a bit like walking into Topshop
Sarah - 2007 is the hundreth centenary of Scouting
Sarah - I have a question about where money comes from.
Serena (about David Proctor) - I poked him, not literally, the one that makes him vibrate
Serena (about Michael) - Are you supposed to go up and stay up!
Laurence (to Stephen) - I love you forever
Serena (to Michael) - you're supposed to go up and stay up!
Michael: I really ought to learn to think before opening my mouth
Victoria - I've got two hands. I've just realised that.
Michael: I feel useless
Sarah - Victoria made it steamy this morning
Michael: I'm just not with it at all today
Victoria (dead pan): I'd noticed that
Tom (while Ed was driving): It's better not to look!
Alice: Why is it called Hadrian's Wall?...So he's dead then?
David to Helen: I'll trade you for a sheep
"When it's night most things are dark" - Tom Heritage, TST 2005
Tom (to Michael): It's not you, it's me
Mark to Ben
You can't lift it through a hawthorn tree.
Ben (having just turned his bicycle basket basket upside down above his head:
Finally I've found a use for cycle helmets; stopping mobile phones hitting you on the head.
Sarah (about Serena): Can someone please get behind her?
Fiona - Please don't mate on me!
Ben to Becky- "I think someone is wearing far too few clothes"
Ben- "I'm not *that* effeminate"
"You're all responsible" - Sarah to the annointed hordes of CUSAGC
"I like Tony Blair. I wanted him" - Zoe
Helen Fisher- "My friend's getting a penis cake at formal tonight. Its a very long story."
Jess (to Sarah): You really missed out in the toilets
Stephen - I don't want an annoying boyfriend
Jess - I've not had anything to drink, just wine.
Ben - Becky's got far more meat than I've got.
Becky (asked why she didn't heve contact lenses on): I've got icing in them
Laurence: I normally try to avoid drugs.
"stephen please stop poking Zoe"- Laurence
Becky - Because Ben is busy with me.
Sarah to Matthew: \"You must have eaten slugs when you were young...\"
Robyn's friend: I forgot I can't molest Robyn in quite the same way...
Fiona: i think i might be allergic to dirt - bit of a problem in this house...
Matthew: Perhaps e-mails are easier to get right when completely sober...
Matthew: There's not much work to do to the punt this year, so it shouldn't take
very long
Laurence: I recruited a sex maniac today
Laurence: She's used to nutters
Helen Fagan: I got a dodgy one from David yesterday
Ben (at 9:15pm): I think I'll have to go to bed soon