This account seeks both to inform, and also to encourage an interactive learning approach, as do all books in the I-SPY series. The interactive learning process will involve going down to the climbing wall to SPY these climbers. Some are harder than others (but not as hard as Rick), hence the point system.
TEFAL JACKSON 500pts.
The Tefal Jacksan is a shy retiring creature. He is now very rarely seen at the wall, and may even be extinct. In his prime, however, Tefal was an incomparable performer, as he glid across the hall, flaunting his banana-stuffed ballet tights to hordes of primary school girls, and arousing the ardent passion of "Dickless Barton". Occasionally, he would pause to sensuously stroke the concrete of the climbing wall, as he slipped from poise to poise. Tefal’s true home, though, is among the sweaty boaties and rugby players at Fenners, whom he teases with his nymph-like buttocks.
DICKLESS BARTON SPECIAL AGENT 200pnts.
Sadly Barton realised what his life’s ambition was too late, "If only I had started earlier, I could have had a body like Arnie Schwarznegger’s!" Nevertheless he has achieved two of the great goals of body building; absolute muscle definition and total winkie shrinkage. (How do you know, Rick? Ed.)
CHRIS THORPE VULGARIS 10pts.
Otherwise known as "the shortarsed one" or "that curly haired kid". Being a goblin of miniscule size, Chrissie has resorted to "hypertraining". Thus he is always at the wall (living somewhere on the slabs). However, whenever other climbers are about, he will stalk them malignly, and then attack with his standard opening, "looks good, what holds can you use?". This is invariably followed up by a thrust of his pouting lips towards you with the words; "piece of piss". He is to be avoided, and fortunately, as long as you stay high (above about two feet), he can be.
(Rick, Kaptain BicepandtrainveryhardandshoutImpathetic himself, has promised more of these exciting portraits and a prize for the winner. Can anyone wait? O.K. Rick, don’t hit me! Ed.)