VIth CUH&H Chunder Mile

By Philip Scard

"Never in the field of human conflict..."

Thursday did indeed witness extraordinary acts of courage and bravery, as four heroic souls donned their vests and took up their pint glasses, in the racing highlight of the Hairy year. There were no-shows from Jo Stevick (rumoured to be sat in a wooden tub on the Cam dressed as a Masai warrior), and Wardy-wardy-boohoo (following similar no shows for the 2nds-5ths and Alverstones beer teams, one begins to wonder whether the great report of his drinking prowess is purely fiction...), but Andy Owen stepped into the breach, dashing over the road to purchase some Fosters (!!! apparently on the advice of the shopkeeper) even as the other contenders were finishing their warm-ups.

And so four fine examples of manhood lined up at the start, and were off! Rob Harris took an early lead, flying into his first run already with seconds between him and the opposition. Andy Owen took off next, while Si was pacing himself in 3rd, and Lee was trying to savour the flavour of his IPA, as he settled down for a quiet pint in the sun. The order was the same after lap 1, but Si had halved the gap in front of him, while Lee clocked the fastest time, refreshed by his first pint. Things started to take a tumble on the second beer though, with Rob taking 10 times longer than previously. This enabled Andy to storm into the lead, while Si tried to keep in contact. Lee meanwhile, had discovered the absolute capacity of his stomach, and from the beginning of his second pint began a run of vomiting unprecendented in the history of the event. No sooner could he overcome his panting to force some down, than the last gulp decided it was nicer back in the glass, with corresponding damage to Lee's drinking time.

After the second run the pattern of the race became clear, and Si's steady pacing early on proved itself as he cruised into the lead, grabbing his pint glass just ahead of Andy. Benefiting from his lighter stomach load, Lee again clocked the fastest run, closing the gap on third placed Rob. The latter was now discovering the challenge of the event, and barely a few drops into his third pint declared his intention to retire. This was duly refused by the referees, and he sipped stolidly on, running on just ahead of Lee, who continued to produce simply phenomenal amounts of bile.

As the runners entered the toughest part of the contest, Si clocked his slowest lap yet, but still extended his lead over Andy, while Lee again made use of his light loading to overtake the flagging Rob. From then on the order was decided, although a massive effort was required by the spectators to force Rob though his final pint and into the last run. All the competitors had the home straight in sight, and Si finished with the fastest run of the whole race, returning even as Lee and Rob were still staring at the dregs of their last pints. A worthy performance by all, with every runner defeating the beast that is this event, and a calm and commanding victory by captain-elect Si.

Special awards:

• Fastest pint: Si - 14s
• Fastest run: Lee- 71s
• Top chunderer: Lee - more than he drank (as per usual)
• Highly Commended for chunder performance: Rob (final pint)

Course records: Men - 5:58 (Oli Mytton, 2001), Ladies - 13:12 (Sophie Wood, 2004)

Last modified: Wednesday July 04 2007 18:12:46