C.A.C.T.U.S. - Quotes

• "Hard left, hard left... No harder left."
• "Oh, by the way, I'm going to win."
• "No, you don't want to move your hands - at all..." [juggling instructions]
• "Oh pish, I had at least a metre."..."You could drive a bus through it."
• "You can get, anything that you want, at Alice's Restaurant. (Excepting Alice.)"
• "You can have so much fun with a water pack and a bungee rope."
• "How big are the doughnuts?"..."Round."
• "We'll need to move the batsman out of the way."
• "I thought it was a virus." [Richard explains why he deleted "pitch and putt" from the games page]

The less relevant, the better.

• "All right, no more Communist jokes."
• "Are there any primes with primes either side of them?"
• "Matthew had gas... (pause) hobs!"
• "If I suddenly appeared, it wouldn't bother the epileptics."
• "Does Ian have a small embassy in your room?"

Are you five pence short of a dryad?

• "I remember The Game!"
• "I just lost The Game!"
• "I just lost The Other Game!"
• "I've lost membership to The Club!"
• "I won The Competition!"
• "6.2!"

Most members of C.A.C.T.U.S. will remember the game (except Tom, who swears he's never heard of it).

• "Ah, sod it, I'll kill Hitler."
• "There's far too much normal history around."
• "Emily never will have existed. Okay?"

200 years in the future, the Titanic claims an extra victim.

• "I shall play chocolate, it is a good thing to have chocolate."
• "I could've ended war but I had to destroy chocolate; it was too dangerous."
• "I have milk and I have cookies, but all you need is love, and I don't know what to do!"

Draw one, play one... Usually... Erm...

• "Speaka."
• "Five-million dead. Burger King refused to comment."
• "It was this big!" [associated gesture]
• "Holy Batman, Batman! It's Batman!"
• "We can't play with Richard because he'll either get bored or he'll start making noises."

A game of many facets. If you have to ask... don't!

Silliness is a cure, not a disease. Stop infecting me!