Stags and Hens Poetry

Stags and Hens      by Rachel Horton

     There was a young girl named Mo
     Who never knew where to go
     She always said "What?"
     So she should be shot
     But young Billy, he loved her so.		      Billy he wore a shell suit
     Cause he thought he looked really cute
     But not like a tart
     For that's Peter's art
     But nobody liked those boots.

     Especially that psycho called Eddy
     Who for a fight always was ready
     He never got pissed (cough)
     And Berni he kissed
     But really he just loves his teddy.
     Oh and don't forget he loves Dave
     This is the man he does crave
     We never knew he was gay
     Until that day
     When his love he was desperate to save.

     But Dave he just wants a wife
     But she's just run out of his life
     So he's stuck with Eddy
     And Eddy's teddy
     Now that's really trouble and strife. 
                       (Alex take note)
     For Linda escaped from the bog
     Into the backstage fog
     Bernie said "Fuck!
     It's just my luck,
     I'm the only one who didn't get to snog." 
                        (only joking Anna)

     But Bernie has "Dick" home in bed
     Whose lines in the end Robbie said
     For talk's all he'd do
     But Carol he'd screw
     So perhaps he'll shut up when they're wed.
     But Kav won't be such a fool
     For although Frankie's earrings are cool(?!)
     She is too sarcy
     And would just get narky
     When he goes off to art school.

     So that leaves Roadie alone
     And I'm afraid he'll remain on his own
     He'll say "What the fack!"
     Peter will give him the sack
     Cause all that he does is moan.
     So that's all the Stags and the Hens
     And I see everyone's made friends
     The play may be gone
     But Stags and Hens will live on
     And may cast piss-ups (Jon,Fran) never end.

Ode to Stags and Hens     by Anna Foster

        When Shakespeare came to Robinson
        He found to his delight
        That 'Stags and Hens', a comic play,
        Was on that very night.		         He booked his ticket quickly,
        For he wasn't being silly
        In passing up the chance to see
        A play by his friend Willy.

        He took his seat and through the
        Program pages then he wades,
        Surprised to find 'Director'
        Is the famous star 'Miss Blades'.
        But then the curtains open
        And the cast do grace the floor,
        The brightness of the costumes
        Make poor Will's eyes very sore.

        For Carol's top and Linda's frills
        And Berni's bright pink lipstick,
        And Peter's boots and Robbie's tie
        And Billy's shell suit kick it!
        But laugh he does from start to end
        Of every single scene,
        Such comic acting of high class
        He's never ever seen.

        Maureen cries and Linda sulks
        And Carol flirts with Robbie,
        Frankie is a sarky bitch
        And Berni wants a snoggie.
        Robbie cleans his kecks while
        Billy's drawing porny pics,
        Eddy's going psycho and
        Kav's helping Dave be sick!

        And meanwhile in the bandroom
        Peter's wearing boots with foil,
        And Roadie's trying to get some power
        With wire all in a coil.
        The girls redo their make-up
        While the lads repaint the loos,
        And poor old Dave, the stag, just has
        His head down by his shoes!

        So as the play progresses
        There are snogs and fights galore,
        But Linda just can't wait to get
        Away through any door.
        But Shakespeare's simply rolling round
        And laughing at the gags,
        The girls however, still will not
        Remember their hand bags!

        Will loves the Scouser accents
        And the Irish's not bad too,
        He's taking notes to write a play
        Again set in a loo!
        In fact he's so impressed that
        He decides to wage a war,
        On Willy Russell's comedy
        (But he still yells for more!).

        And so the curtains close on
        What has been an epic show,
        The audience and Shakespeare
        Simply do not want to go.
        They cheer and clap our bowing
        And throw flowers at us all,
        Unfortunately, people,
        That's our final curtain call.

        The next time you will see this cast
        Their names will be in lights,
        For Shakespeare's play the girls in frills,
        The boys all wearing tights!
        Alas this tale must end
        But I will see you all anon,
        At Elvis night in 'Binson bar
        Where Stacey will be gone!


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