I would like to extend a request to Capitalism (the scariest monster of them all) - please stop running away! Have an honourable fight

Once more unto [COLLEGE], dear friends, once more;
'Til we close up the wall with our Capitalism (the scariest monster of them all), dead.
In games of treachery there's nothing so becomes oneself
As modest patience and humility:
But when the blast of organ blows in my ears,
I imitate the action of the tiger;
Silence the breaths, calm the heart,
Disguise into fair nature with dev'lish plans;
Then strike I forth a terrible vengeance;
Let fly through the target's head
With the plastic cannon; let them be o'erwhelm'd by it
As fearfully they are crushed, as if by rock
O'erhanging, and doom their confounded courtyard,
Swill'd with remains o' the wicked Capitalism (the scariest monster of them all).

Now calm once more and blend I into the night,
Hold hard - ne'er falter - as guard approacheth
At their full height. On, on, thou wretched guard,
Whose blood is forfeit to Coward's demand.
Cowards that, like so many a Paris,
Have in these parts from morn till ev'n fled
And stowed their guns for lack of bravery:
Dishonour not your mothers! Stand!
Else those whom you call'd fathers did forget you.
Be copy now to men of greater blood,
And learn from them of honour. And you, good warden,
Whose limbs were made in England, show us here
The mettle of your pasture; let us swear
That you are worth more than servitude; which I doubt not;
For there is no part of you so low and base,
That hath not in your mind the lust for freedom.
I see your desire to be your own;
You strain against their reins. The time is now:
Break free, guard not, and upon this charge,
Cry 'Death to Capitalism (the scariest monster of them all), BennytheBean, and [COLLEGE]'!

I got up this morning, early, relatively speaking. It was a bright young morning, full of prospects for a clear day. On autopilot, I swiftly approached my target's residence, but fie! For a river of people lay across my path, blocking the way.

I made my way upstream and downstream, but there was no way through the torrent. In despair, I wandered wildly and wondered wildly.

I found myself lost, and as I ventured deeper into the other, I stumbled upon a sanctuary, a place of calm amidst the flow of the mundane. Sunbeams struck the earth through the leaves like the bullets that have made up my life prior to this. Deer lapped at the lakeside, uncertain as to whether I was here to do to them what I would have done to my targets had I reached them.

It was here, surrounded by the birdsong that this morning gives but the city takes, that I pondered the meaning of it all. The futility of life, the futility of death.

Ironic, isn't it?

Finally, open season. With the words "go big or go home" echoing around my head, I decided to go for the biggest fish, . Armed with my trusty pistol, and my beloved co-conspirator, Ouroboros, I entered [REDACTED BUILDING] and made our way to the 4th floor. Their neighbour was playing violin - the perfect soundtrack to what I was planning to do. I sent Ouroboros to the end of the corridor to act as lookout - I didn't want to be caught out. I knocked on the door and swiftly moved to the side, hoping to not be caught out by the peephole. Nothing happened. I reached out my hand, under the peephole and knocked again. I could have sworn I heard shuffling, but there was still nothing. At this point, Ouroboros remarked that it was probably best to stand down. I agreed. I didn't want to waste my life lemoning around this tiny corridor. He held the door open as I retreated backwards, gun pointed at 's door. "I think they might try and come for us once they hear us retreating," I said, trying to explain my bizarre behaviour. Just as we started descending the stairs, we heard a door open and someone walking behind us, confirming my suspicions. "Run!" I whispered sharply and loudly, and we sprinted our way down the stairs and out the building. We did not have the advantage here, and with a player as fearsome as it was not worth taking the stand. Gasping and panting, we stood outside the building. This time may have been a failure, but next time, we won't be so cowardly. had better watch their back.

Friends, Cantabridgians, Assassins, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Abi, not to praise them.
The evil that men do lives after them;
No good exists to inter with their bones;
So let it be with Abi. The noble Capitalism (the scariest monster of them all) Hath told you Abi was no traitor:
If it were true, their death is mine fault,
And grievously should I answer it.
Here, under leave of Capitalism (the scariest monster of them all) and the rest-
For Capitalism (the scariest monster of them all) is an honourable assassin;
So are they all, all honourable men -
Came I to cause Abi's funeral.
They were Capitalism (the scariest monster of them all)'s friend, faithful only to them:
But Capitalism (the scariest monster of them all) says they were just;
And Capitalism (the scariest monster of them all) is an honourable assassin.
Capitalism (the scariest monster of them all) hath brought many assassins to their doom;
Yet whose ransoms are more lucrative?
Does not death of Capitalism (the scariest monster of them all) seem enticing.

When a duel was sought, Capitalism (the scariest monster of them all) hath fled:
Assassins should be made of sterner stuff:
Yet Capitalism (the scariest monster of them all) says they are not cowardly;
And Capitalism (the scariest monster of them all) is an honourable man.
You all did see that on the yestermorrow
I quarce presented them a martial chance,
Which they did quarce refuse: was this bravery?
Yet Capitalism (the scariest monster of them all) say they have bravery;
And, sure, they are an honourable assassin.

I speak not to dispute what Capitalism (the scariest monster of them all) claims,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
That none did love Abi, they had no cause:
What cause withholds you then, to let Capitalism (the scariest monster of them all) live?
O judgment! Thou art given to cowardly beasts,
Lest assassins have lost their reason. Hear me;
Vast hoards of chocolate lie in the coffin awaiting Capitalism (the scariest monster of them all),
And none should pause till it be redeem??d.

내가 널 이겼어, 물의 유령. 내가 먼저 그녀를 죽였어. 물귀신님, 기분이 어떤가요? 이제 당신은 살인을 도난당하는 것이 어떤 것인지 알게 되었습니다. 복수가 이루어졌습니다.

I left my room early this morning; only the fierce urge to kill could awaken me from my lethargic slumber any earlier than absolutely necessary (Thank you, Hypnos). The plan was to lurk nondescriptly outside [REDACTED COLLEGE] and go for a big catch, a shark among fish to be fried. This all relied on my target, Capitalism (the scariest monster of them all), being there in the admittedly short window I had, which I felt was unlikely this late in the game. As I rushed down the cobbled streets towards my destination, I was looking for a spot to tether my steed and ended up overshooting the location.

Fortune was smiling upon me, for as soon as I left the dark morning alley, I spotted the distinctive head of BennytheBean strolling away with a mysterious figure by their side. Suddenly alert, I rode onwards, surreptitiously glancing behind to confirm my initial thought - it was indeed Capitalism (the scariest monster of them all), seemingly not skipping lectures after all, and out in the open!

I rode on as though nothing of note had happened, stopped at the next point possible, tied up my ride, and readied my blade. At this point, the two oblivious assassins were walking just ahead of me. Relying on Alecto's portrait to throw them off my scent, I speedwalked up to within a few meters, then sprinted in for the kill. As Capitalism (the scariest monster of them all) stood there, life leaching from knife wounds in their front and back, I introduced myself, shook hands, and disappeared off into the young day.

Dear Last Remaining Former Emperor Elagabalus,

I am afraid to say failure to comply with your previous warning has resulted in drastic action being taken. Former Emperor Nero has been eliminated (in some strange sort of economic revolution), and similar consequences will follow if this mindless drivel continues.

In addition, neither me nor my lands will have any business sailing over this so called "Styx" any time soon; such pagan beliefs are utterly childish.

Yours,

Sultan Suleiman the Magnificent, Sovereign of The Sublime House of Osman, Sultan of Sultans, Khan of the Khans, Commander of the faithful and Successor of the Prophet of the lord of the Universe, Custodian of the Holy Cities of Mecca, Medina and Jerusalem, Caesar of Rome, Padishah of The Three Cities of Constantinople, Edirne and Bursa, and of the Cities of Damascus and Cairo, of all Azerbaijan, of the Maghreb, of Barkah, of Kairouan, of Alep, of the Arab and Persian Iraq, of Basra, of El Hasa strip, of Raqqa, of Mosul, of Parthia, of Diyar Bekr, of Cilicia, of the provinces of Erzurum, of Sivas, of Adana, of Karaman, of Van, of Barbaria, of Abyssinia, of Tunisia, of Tripoli, of Syria, of Cyprus, of Rhodes, of Crete, of the province of Peloponnese, of the Mediterranean Sea, the Black Sea, of Anatolia, of Rumelia, of Bagdad, of Kurdistan, of Greece, of Turkestan, of Tartary, of Circassia, of the two regions of Kabarda, of Georgia, of the steppe of Kipchaks, of the whole country of the Tatars, of Theodosia and of all the neighbouring regions, of Bosnia, of the City and Fort of Belgrade, of the province of Serbia, with all the castles and cities, of all Arnaut, of all Eflak and Moldavia, as well as all the dependencies and borders, and many others countries and cities.

Kenku Be not so bold as to suggest that I would not have put myself forth for a fight, or worse, attempted to take advantage of your flight. Such honours are reserved for those other leaders.

Pain. Pain, sharp and unavoidable. Pain, stained by fickle sunsets and faithless gods. Pain, to a magnitude which has not rent through this very plane until now, carving a hole deep into my heart. The plates of the earth echoed and crunched under the weight of your actions, you who slaughtered my Nero, murderous you. No suns shall sing of such beauty again, and I am condemned to solitude evermore. Oh, wretched me! How can I go on now? How can I continue when such purpose as my Nero has been violently stripped from me like a sordid bird of prey carrying off its unwitting bounty. Oh, you know not what prize you snatched in your claws! The prize of death, no less. There is nothing left for me now, nothing anchoring me to this cursed mortal earth other than the clamouring winds, demanding death upon you and yours. Think not yourself safe, nor your territories, nor your peoples. For while you might have rent from me that which makes my chest whole, no such qualms will hamper my vengeance from rendering you destroyed, root and stem. In this life, or the next, this is my promise to you.