Cloak & Dagger The Assassins' Guild - Week 1 News

Saturday, 14 October

[00:00 AM] An interview with the world's most prominent businessman is aired across the galactic network.
Cornelius Gray reports:

"So, sir, if you don't mind me saying, your business has recently reached a level where you own a majority share in literally every market. How do you respond to critics who say that you are capitalising on this to increase the gap between the rich and the poor?"

"Silvia??????? may I call you Silvia?"

The reporter nodded and Cornelius continued.

"Well Silvia, and please, call me Cornelius or Kernel, sir is far too formal, Silvia, I began my business in weapons manufacturing. Now, some would question my methods of 'hostile takeover', but it is my opinion that the one true way of this world is that those who have power can do as they like and those than do not have power cannot stop them. Who is going to stop me? I own the most powerful company in all the world, my authority is equal to President Snow's and I have the most competent security force ever known to mankind, equipped with many of my own creations that I have not released to the public. Did you know that I have had no less than 7 attempts on my life in the past month? To my critics, I say, what are you going to do about it?"

Silvia shivered slightly. That was good??????? it meant that he had control over this situation.

"Still, I'm not an unreasonable person devoid of empathy. Indeed, that was why I called you here today. Under my, dare I say, rule, no person goes hungry or knows a life without access to medicine so long as they simply sign their names on the register every year. No person is homeless anymore. The economy is blossoming and I give generous grants to research workers the world over."

"But some say that-"

"Yes, I know, some say that I am a murderer, that the conditions I make the poor live in are deplorable, well, they should have seen the conditions previous to my intervention. Many say that they will not sign their bodies away to me post death and would rather live on the streets and that is their decision. Many say that I retain research grants and give them only to those pieces of research that truly interest me. Silvia, people fear power and power is one thing that I most definitely have. But again, that is not why I called you here. You are aware, of course, of warp sickness? The plague that is sweeping through our streets? Fatal, of course, and, of course, many will . Well, I have developed a cure, a real cure. What do my critics say about that, hmm? Now, I am working on a method of mass synthesis, but, sadly, I only have a limited dose of the substance."

"So, what do you intend to-"

"Do with it? Simple, I intend to give it out to some lucky people who have been infected. There will be a raffle, but not like Snow's raffle of death, no a raffle of life. Thankyou for your time, Silvia."

Cornelius turned away from the reporter, indicating that the interview was over.

"Sir??????? one more question."

Oh, she was brave, this one. Most reporters had heard the stories about those that tried to make Cornelius say things that he didn't want to say. He turned back to her with a winning smile.

"What about the Twitch program?"

"What about it?"

"People say that you're policing the streets by implanting copies of yourself into the corpses of those who signed up for your organ donor scheme."

"Ah. My critics again. They will weave any story. The Twitch program is an automated police force, designed to keep our streets safe and my 'Twitches' do that very effectively, even if they may seem slightly distressing in their physical appearance."

"Automated corpses?"

"Those people can serve the city in death. What need have they for their bodies now? Will that be all?"

"Yes sir."

"Then I bid you adieu, Silvia."

Cornelius turned away for good this time and walked to his office, casually dispatching of yet another assassin who had been hiding behind a desk on his way there. One shot from a slug pistol to the chest, and then, once Cornelius was satisfied that the man was alone, he emptied the other 5 bullets into the man, just to be sure that he wasn't going to get back up.

Bullets in this age of laser technology??????? at this sort of range, a laser weapon would have been much more effective, but Gray had always found that he had a love for the classics when it came to weaponry. Call him old fashioned, but these weapons had served him well for centuries before the more fancy weaponry came out, even if they were a little noisier and clunkier, they got the job done. Besides, many assassins who were trained to fight against laser weaponry had never encountered standard slug rounds.

He couldn't help it that his own consciousness was good at policing the streets. Little did the others know that there had been 3 successful assassinations of Cornelius Gray for the 9 he'd foiled. What walked before them was simply a synthetic body with his consciousness, turned into data and implanted within it.

Still, soon, with the news of this cure, chaos would break loose. People would realise that those who were infected couldn't beat them in the raffle if they were dead. For their lives, people would start fighting until there were only a few left.

He was almost beginning to feel nostalgic about the whole matter. He'd done much the same once, long ago, fought for his life against a number of other highly trained killers and somehow, he'd survived it all. Somebody would.

Even those that didn't want to kill would find themselves dragged into it as others bumped them off to increase their own odds at winning the raffle.

It was time to find a new killer.

And then, when he had them, he had plans.

If his plan went ahead, Snow's days were numbered. He already had his target, now he just needed to find his assassin.

Oh, and it had the added benefit of finding a cure to warp sickness in the process.

[00:00 AM] The AutoUmpire makes an attempt on the Umpires' nerves
The AutoUmpire reports:

- event => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Event(803) [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : - authpw => [redacted] - submit => Log In - authlogin => true - authuser => [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : - path => /societies/assassins/dbbackup/Mich2017 - submit => Backup [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : - college => Christ's - address => The Capital - notes => 1/2 of the umpire's power has been bestowed upon them. - submit => Add - name => Alex Allen - manualcol => The Real World - water => No Water - email => [null] POST Map [null] Map : - submit => Add - pass => 2 - active => on - pseudonym => President Snow - player => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Player(2) - submit => Edit - report => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Report(111) - pass => 3 - pseudonym => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Pseudonym(103) [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : - submit => Add - assassins => [__::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(79), __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(51), __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(12), __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(29)] - pass => 2 [null] POST Map

[null] Map : - ::chocolate/Check/100 => on - pseudonym3 => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Pseudonym(29) - headline => The Duel! - pseudonym2 => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Pseudonym(12) - pseudonym1 => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Pseudonym(51) - ::chocolate/Check/200 => on - ::chocolate/Text/1 => 4 - pseudonym0 => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Pseudonym(79) - visible => on - event-time => 14-10-2017 15:21:27 - ::chocolate/Check/0 => on - ::chocolate/Text/301 => 4 - ::chocolate/Text/201 => 4 - event => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Event(0) - assassin0 => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(79) - submit => Add - assassin2 => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(12) - assassin1 => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(51) - assassin3 => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(29) - ::watermelon/Text/102 => - ::watermelon/Text/201 => - ::watermelon/Text/202 => - ::watermelon/Text/101 => - pass => 3 - ::watermelon/Text/301 => - ::watermelon/Text/302 => - ::chocolate/Check/300 => on - ::watermelon/Text/1 => - ::chocolate/Text/101 => 4 - ::watermelon/Text/2 => - active => on [null] POST Map [null] Map : - submit => Add Death - victim => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(29) - event => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Event(797) - killer => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(79) - pass => 4 [null] POST Map [null] Map : - submit => Add Death - victim => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(12) - event => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Event(797) - killer => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(79) - pass => 4 [null] POST Map [null] Map : - submit => Add Death - victim => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(51) - event => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Event(797) - killer => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(79) - pass => 4 [null] POST Map [null] Map : - submit => No More Deaths - victim => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(79) - event => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Event(797) - killer => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(79) - pass => 4

[null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : - submit => Submit - ::chocolate/Check/2 => on - event => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Event(798) - ::chocolate/Check/0 => on - ::chocolate/Check/1 => on [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : - submit => Edit - event => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Event(797) [null] POST Map [null] Map : - update => true - headline => Test Edit - time => 13-10-2017 19:21:27 - submit => Edit - visible => on - event => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Event(797) - active => on [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : - submit => Submit - event => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Event(799) - ::chocolate/Check/0 => on [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : - submit => Add - assassins => [__::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(33), __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(1)] - pass => 2 [null] POST Map [null] Map : - ::chocolate/Check/100 => on - headline => The Umpire forgot to enter a headline. - assassin0 => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(33) - pseudonym1 => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Pseudonym(1) - pseudonym0 => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Pseudonym(33) - ::chocolate/Text/1 => 4 - submit => Add - assassin1 => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(1) - event-time => 13-10-2017 20:28:33 - ::watermelon/Text/102 => - ::chocolate/Check/0 => on - ::watermelon/Text/101 => - pass => 3 - event => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Event(0) - ::watermelon/Text/1 => - ::watermelon/Text/2 => - ::chocolate/Text/101 => 4 - active => on [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : - submit => Add Death - victim => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(33) - event => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Event(800) - killer => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(1) - pass => 4 [null] POST Map [null] Map : - submit => No More Deaths - victim => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(1) - event => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Event(800) - killer => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(1) - pass => 4 [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map

[null] Map : - submit => Add - assassins => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(79) - pass => 2 [null] POST Map [null] Map : - headline => The Umpire forgot to enter a headline. - assassin0 => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(79) - ::chocolate/Text/1 => 4 - pseudonym0 => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Pseudonym(79) - submit => Add - event => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Event(0) - event-time => 13-10-2017 20:29:11 - ::watermelon/Text/1 => - ::watermelon/Text/2 => - active => on - ::chocolate/Check/0 => on - pass => 3 [null] POST Map [null] Map : - submit => No More Deaths - victim => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(79) - event => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Event(801) - killer => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Assassin(79) - pass => 4

[null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : - submit => Edit - event => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Event(801) [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map [null] Map : [null] POST Map

- submit => Generate Emails - force => on - output => emails/email.20171013 - pass => 2 [null] POST Map [null] Map : - submit => Send Emails - output => emails/email.20171013 - pass => 3; raise FatalError;

[null] POST:Map : - headline => EMAIL_GENERATION_FAILURE [null] POST: Ex/on: -submit => GAME_START_COLLAPSE (err:MEMORY_EXCEEDED) [null] POST: Solution => ABANDON_GAME (err: NOT_A_CHANCE) - event => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Event(512) (invoke: SUMMON_PHD??) - event => __::org.ucam.srcf.assassins.Event(513) [null] Map : - authpw => [redacted] - submit => Log In - authlogin => true - authuser => - raise FatalError:LACK_OF_SOBRIETY_#WONTFIX - switch => competent_user: $EBalani?


[11:00 AM] The breaded fiend, Monsieur Breadperson, kills Pseudocrem (Imogen Sandford) in their own home!
Monsieur Breadperson reports:

Haha greetings, it is I, Monsieur Breadperson, your favourite cerial killer, jack of all trades and master of Naan!

For this kill, yours truly decided to opt for a humble approach: heading over to [REDACTED] with a copy of Sourdough under my arm, I sat in the staircase of my delightful yet now deceased target and waited with this dough-lightful page turner. I was much rye-led when I noticed her taking trips to the kitchen, yet I chose to pick my moment carefully; I donut want to be caught out. At last, (but not yeast), after a long wait, I threw caution to the wind and knocked on the victims' door, calling out her name; after which she simply opened her door, allowing me to say 'Bang' as I held my gun to her face. She would have fared better where she not loafing around.

Sincerest apologies; what a Pita it is that you were to go so soon, and that the kill would be such an anticlimax, but perhaps I shall see you again as part of the police squad.

[11:50 AM] Dr. Song stabs Max Sinclair (Oliver Layzell) in the heart.
Dr. Song reports:

I spotted Layzell walking with a group of his companions, laughing, at ease, completely off his guard (the fool). I saw my chance and took it, striding up towards him over the cobbles, dagger in hand, the wind in my hair, adrenaline pumping through my body as the thrill of the hunt took over. A look of recognition passed across his face, replaced swiftly by that of horror as he saw the knife and realised what was happening. There was no time for him to run, no time to draw a weapon or pray to his gods. I gave him a quick death, I might be an assassin but I am not cruel. Dagger in the heart, twist it around, just enough time to watch the life leave his eyes before anyone thought to avenge him. "Oh no, not you," he whispered as his knees gave out and he crumpled to the floor, the dagger still planted in his chest. I yanked it out of his body, dripping with still his hot blood, before giving a warning look to his speechless entourage and swirling around, melting away into the morning mists. I left the corpse in the street. The police can deal with it.

Oliver Layzell reports:

As [REDACTED] College assembled to watch the Great Court Run, Dr. Song pulled a knife on me at 11:51 and proceeded to stab me to death in front of the horrified spectators.

[13:20 PM] The Were-Bear strikes, killing an innocent. Kitty Shade lives to see another day.
The Were-Bear reports:

Would-be assassins beware

For on the hunt is the Were-Bear

As Kitty Shade can declare

When he hunts, there is plenty to fear.

Betrayed by her friend, thinking us her "freres"

Hannah caught her death right then and there

In the form of two bullets and one attack bear

- The Were-Bear and his accomplice, Monsieur Bread-Person

Kitty Shade reports:

I returned from a Sainsbury's expedition this morning to be informed by my neighbours that some assassins from [REDACTED] had come and thrown a teddy bear at [REDACTED], an innocent. I just want to clarify that I was not hit and am still in the game.

[Umpire's note: It is against the rules to kill an innocent. The Were-Bear is now wanted! - President Snow]

[14:00 PM] Miguel Jaksoni visits Reginald but is foiled by a locked door
Miguel Jaksoni reports:

Blasted Cornelius Gray. Ever since his announcement paranoia had shut almost every door in the blasted city. Before it'd been easy to test his experiments. But now every Tom, Dick and blasted Harry asked questions before answering the door, and lying never sat well with the Jaksonis.

Blast. But at least, Miguel thought with a smile, there was no deadline on the progression of Science...

Reginald reports:

At approximately 2PM today I was interrupted by a mysterious visitor knocking at my door, he stated with conviction that a gentleman named 'Alan', or perhaps 'Adam', had asked him to deliver something to my abode; all that he possessed was a bicycle helmet, so I was hesitant to allow him entrance. I asked him quite bluntly if his intention was to dispatch with me, stating that I am indeed armed for my own protection. He stated that he was, perhaps a foolish move, for now I am alert and I know his face. I watched from my window as he swiftly fled, sadly I did not have sufficient time to open the window and fire upon him; next time though, I will not be so slow to take action.

[17:45 PM] A close call, imacyclepath meets their attacker, theboi
imacyclepath reports:

So at approximately 5.45 this evening, having just followed a potential victim home from Sainsbury's, only to realise they were not my target (oops). I was putting my shopping away when I espied theboi running into my building with a coat hanger and harmful intent. Unarmed and panicked, I filled a glass with water and awaited my sorry fate. The fool stabbed me in the arm, which I was obliged to inform him did not actually count as murder. I swiftly threw my water at him (with the other arm of course), driving him back from the door but tragically not killing him as it was an unlabelled weapon. My cowardly foe thus took flight as I laughed at him out of the window. Having discovered the identity of my would-be killer I have sent a lovely message forewarning him of his imminent doom and reminding him to read the rules.

theboi reports:

Had an encounter with imacyclepath today. Killed right arm but she is still alive. She proceeded to splash water at me using her dead arm.

[19:10 PM] Saq Madiq introduces Pink Panther (Paige Yallop) to the sharp end of their sword
Saq Madiq reports:

I, Saq Madiq have just slain Paige Yallop by thrusting my sword into her twice as she feasted on a doughnut, she was so sad as she died but I had to show no emotion.

[20:00 PM] Pseudonymous Bosch offers a friendly handshake to Baron von Slavski (Zak Lakota-Baldwin)... that's a strange looking hand
Pseudonymous Bosch reports:

On the evening of the 14th of October, Zak Lakota-Baldwin was inhumed with extreme prejudice by Pseudonymous Bosch. After spotting a mutual friend, Mr Bosch took her aside and confirmed the identity of the target. He then took two steps forward, reached as if to shake hands, and stabbed him with a 20 ft long iron pike (compressed to pencil form).

This is the first.

More will follow.

Pseudonymous Bosch.

[20:30 PM] Emile Ward lands a deadly blow to Big booty man (Ed Gilford)
Emile Ward reports:

Someone from Ed's staircase let me in the building. After that, I knocked on Ed's door and he opened it without any suspicion. I immediately stabbed him in his stomach with my knife. First target neutralized.

[21:45 PM] The Were-Bear (Teddy Mack) is brought to justice by The Geiger Countess, Furston LeDolier and Ivanova Koestler
Ivanova Koestler reports:

A sorry tale to tell: the brief criminal career of Teddy Mack ends all too quickly as I, newly-automated enforcer Ivanova Koestler, accompanied by Chief of Police The Geiger Countess, and faithful accomplice Furston LeDolier, put an end to him. We arrived at the fugitive's bolthole, weapons primed, and prepared to settle in for a long night's work of waiting. A monotonous task, to be sure, but one we were gladly willing to carry out on behalf of the glorious Gray Corporation, and the bright future to which it shall lead us. Hark- a door opens! It was a good citizen, mindful of his duty toward the law. He knocked three times on the criminal's door, urging his friend to come out. No sound was heard. We resolved to try again the following day, perhaps at the felon's dress-rehearsal (for he was a thespian- a relic of the dead ages that came before. How foolish are they who draw faith from such idols even now! But I digress). We descended the many staircases, the top of which the fugitive has made his nest. And lo, the criminal appeared before us.

I must confess that this was my first raid, and I was rather stunned to see the man we'd been hunting suddenly within our grasp. Further, I was not eager to join the likes of Mack among the ranks of those who murder innocents. No- only those who threaten our system must be killed! This is the first rule of policing, and it was not something I would abandon. For these reasons, though my sword was outstretched and eager to be bled, I thought it best to make sure that the man who stood, frozen, before us truly was the fiend we were seeking. Sword in hand, I uttered the fateful words: 'are you Teddy?'

He ran. We gave chase, firing all the while. But the outlaw was impossibly quick, and soon passed out of sight, lost in a path bordered on both sides by alleyways of brick. Brave Furston LeDolier returned the way we had come, plotting to take the criminal's life should he unwisely return to his lair, while the Countess and I continued on. We walked many steps, fearing ambush all the way, until our path led us to the escape-hatch of the fugitive's refuge. Once more we climbed the stairs, hearing the voice now of our target, crowing over his escape with an accomplice called as backup. We listened, crouched outside the door. Some minutes later, the conversation ended with the opening of the door. The accomplice fired and missed, but The Geiger Countess fired back while I struck him with my sword. It was over quickly.

This left Teddy Mack. As he must have known at this point that he was under siege, with no aid forthcoming from his friend, we assumed our work for the night was done. But lo and behold- the door opened again! A rabid beast was loosed upon us, but so keen was its blood-lust, and so narrow the stairwell, that it ran face-first into a wall and was rendered immediately unconscious. But no sooner had we recovered, than Mack darted out with a sword of his own. I parried his strike. He parried mine. We bandied back and forth, and fell together.

So ended the life of Teddy Mack, murderer of innocents and wanted fugitive. Time of death: 9:45 pm.

May he rest in peace.

Furston LeDolier reports:

Greetings Citizens! We, the only people worthy of the title of Us, have a grand announcement to make. You may have heard, correctly, that We deem the situation of mystery and oppression surrounding Grey's raffle both disturbing and distressing and We have, therefore, deemed it necessary to take action. On this day a certain Furston LeDolier was deposited onto the scene. A strange name to be sure, but We know of no more effective an agent. Today, Furston, Our Furston, has made his first great contribution to The Cause.

In an act of shocking and unspeakable violence, an innocent was killed this day by a rampaging Were-Bear and We could not stand by and let this come to pass without justice being done! Our agent was dispatched with all haste, to the college of [REDACTED], to track down this monster killer of innocents, there to assist the two upstanding officers of the state already present. They descended in all silence, so our sources say, upon the room of the killer, only to be met with nothing but a statement of contempt. The bear had not even graced us with their presence! However, fortune favours The Cause dear citizens! For on their way out they were met with a stranger. One officer, a fine if new looking automaton, Ivanova Koestler, asked this stranger's identity, whereupon he could not hide his guilt and ran. 3 shots were fired from our agent's gun, all missing the killer in his haste to avoid the inevitable.

Now. Some would say that at this point Furston LeDolier missed out the rest of the conflict. Some, whose loyalty to The Cause was not beyond question, might claim that in running back to cover the stairs he forfeited any meaningful role in the cornering and final dispatching of The Were-Bear and his accomplice. This is slander! These are lies and those who utter them are lower than filth! The role played by our agent was valuable, indispensable, for had the entrance not been covered who knows how many vile accomplices the murderer of innocents could have brought in. The Were-Bear has now been safely disposed of by the highly efficient enforcement. We would like to sign off Our announcement by imploring citizens to stay calm, the Grey situation will be resolved. Already much good has been done today, and it is clear that some of the droids are like minded with Us. The Cause will prevail.

Monsieur Breadperson reports:

Hello again, it is I, Monsieur Breadperson, your favourite cerial killer, jack of all trades and master of naan.

What wrappened tonight was a disaster for both myself and my ally in arms, Teddy Mack A.K.A The Were-Bear.

I was settling down to watch an episode of Yeastenders when I received an urgent call from my college ally that he was being attacked. I im-knead-diatly picked up my gun and SPRINTED barefooted for 2 minutes from my staircase to his, but when I got there he wasn't in.

When exiting, I discovered he had run away from '3 assailants', and so we rye-treated to his room, believing them gone (this constitutes our first two mistakes: first, he did not realise this was a police squad, second, if whey had realised this, we wouldn't have assumed they left).

About 10 minutes afterwards, I opened the door, leaven for my room when I spotted from the corner of my eye a gun aimed at my position. Believing this to belong to a regular assassin, I rye-actively shot my gun - hitting what turned out to be the chief of police - in the arm, only to be hit in the stomach by a cosh belonging to another policeman. Meanwhile, my ally, who had a far better (albeit less honourable) reaction, slammed the door behind me shut, ensuring his safety for my demise. I was toast.

No, I'm not bitter.

Afterwards, I chatted to the two delightful MURDERERS, as we waited to see what my friend would do next. He emerged 10 minutes later, throwing his attack bear at the police officer but missing, whilst forcing the CoP to retreat, having hit her in her remaining arm; thereafter a duel ensued between the officer and my ally, who both valiantly killed each other, the former dying to a sword, the latter to the same cosh that had ended me.

It is at this point that we realised, crumb to think of it, that they had come for my ally, after our misadventure at [REDACTED]; and that in fact had I not shot at them they would not have killed me. I hope you will understand that one hardly moans at the outcome of things - for the three police officers proved charming company, and their gift of baked goods was a song to my heart - when one points out that yours truly could hardly have refrained from shooting at what he believed to be assailed by assassins, not police officers and the Chief of Police herself.

Thus ends the tale of Monsieur Breadperson's assassins career. My plans of grandeur, my rise to the top, my hope to use the phrase 'You're Toast' before shooting someone in the head... It's all scone, battered to the wind.

[Umpire's Note: Monsieur Breadperson is not dead. As they were not the police's target, the kill was illicit. They have been revived through the omnipotent powers of the Umpire - President Snow]

The Geiger Countess reports:

We received word early this evening that a serious crime had taken place, resulting in the death of an innocent bystander. Such reckless criminal activity cannot and will not be tolerated, and as a principal Enforcer of the Law, it is my solemn duty to eliminate any individuals who would involve themselves in such behaviour. I led a strike force, aided by Police Unit Ivanova Koestler and a Concerned Citizen who wished to see justice done, and we called at the perpetrator???s residence. His neighbour – a Good Citizen by all appearances, who showed the right and proper respect for the Force of the Law and who wisely did not presume to question the presence of the Law Enforcement in his building – knocked at the perpetrator???s door in an attempt to grant us easy access. Unfortunately, the perpetrator did not appear to be in his room at the time. As we quit the building, however, an individual matching the perpetrator???s description appeared, approaching the staircase we were leaving. We requested a routine identity check, but rather than agree to this – as all Good and Reasonable Citizens do – he fled the scene. Police Unit Ivanova Koestler and I followed his apparent route, while the Concerned Citizen accompanying us covered the building???s entrance to prevent the perpetrator from entering that way if he doubled back.

We found no trace of the perpetrator in the grounds or buildings along the route he had taken, but did discover a rear entrance to his residence building after circling the area. Upon reaching his rooms once more, we overheard voices – his and another???s – discussing his narrow escape, and his belief that he was now safe. Police Unit Ivanova Koestler and I took up positions upon either side of the door, out of sight of the viewing port, and waited. Eventually, the door opened, and a Citizen – who was neither the perpetrator nor the perpetrator???s neighbour – appeared, brandishing an old-fashioned bullet revolver (as is commonly used in areas where the infrastructure is not designed to withstand gamma fire). Upon seeing that we were waiting for the perpetrator, he discharged his weapon, but his shot went wide and he was immobilised by our return fire [Umpire's Note: Cornelius Gray would like it noted that all firearms issued to enforcer droids will automatically adjust themselves simply to 'stun' those who are not wanted criminals to prevent a repeat of this incident. The Gray Corporation would like its customers to rest easy, knowing that they are safe, so long as they follow the laws... well, that is until competency runs out]. In the seconds it took for this to occur, the perpetrator had seen the prepared ambush and abandoned his co-conspirator, locking himself inside his room. We spoke to the Citizen we had apprehended, determining that he had come to the aid of his "friend"**, the perpetrator, having been told only that the perpetrator was under attack. It was determined, in communication with our superiors, that this Citizen could be permitted to live – despite placing his loyalty in "friendship"** ahead of his loyalty to the State on this occasion.

We did not expect the perpetrator to quit his room while we remained there, and had audibly expressed this opinion. However, he had apparently believed himself to have the advantage of surprise and of weaponry, for he opened his door very suddenly, and released what appeared to be a genetically modified bear into the corridor. While initially a cause for concern, the animal proved to be docile and did no harm to any of those present. The perpetrator then moved forward with a sword. Attempting to fire on him, I lost the use of both arms, but Police Unit Ivanova Koestler engaged him in m??l??e combat. The perpetrator was eventually killed, but not before Police Unit Ivanova Koestler had sustained terminal damage. I would like to personally recommend that Police Unit Ivanova Koestler be upgraded and returned to active service following the evening???s events, in the interest of not losing a highly efficient Unit of the Force. Having conducted a preliminary evaluation for the Twitch programme at the scene, we then left the premises.

We would like to remind all citizens that we, the Force of the Law, are here for your protection. We remove from society those dangerous individuals who would destabilise the whole, and we ensure that our bounteous State runs smoothly and efficiently. Those individuals who break the rules – or who do not meet their contribution targets towards the ever-forward motion of our society – must be removed, for the sake of all our futures. We hope that you understand. We hope that you bear [Heh, 'bear' –CG] this in mind. We hope that you remain our Good Citizens.


**We would like to remind all Citizens that "friendship" is heavily discouraged by the State, and has been shown to reduce net efficiency in many scientific studies generously sponsored by our President.

[Cornelius Gray would, however, like to note that these studies were not sponsored or conducted by his business and that in his experience, having a few 'allies' can be quite useful.]

[22:00 PM] Monsieur Breadperson is reanimated by the Gray Corporation.
Monsieur Breadperson reports:

"Is it ready?" asked Cornelius Gray, his voice slicing through the glacial air of the reconstruction halls.

"Y–yes Sir, we can bring it back online now", whimpered the technician.

"Do it".

The technician entered the commands into the console that stood at the foot of the great furnace, which began spewing forth huge gusts of scalding air.

Suddenly, the doors of the furnace swung open, revealing the inferno that lied within. The technician covered his face from the heat, but Cornelius Gray stood still, peering into the blazes, impassible.

"Sir!" shouted the technician over the screams emerging from the furnace, "Is it wise to bring it back so soon?".

"Silence", replied the businessman, "its death was merely a setback".

"But Sir, it had collaborated in the death of an innocent sir, the Senate send in the Countess and her squad to take care of his ally and he got caught in the crossfire, Sir..."

"I had the decision... Overruled", replied Cornelius Gray, calm as ever.

"B–but Sir, the Senate..."

"WHO rules in this city, the Senate, or ME?" Snapped Gray, casting a withering stare at the technician, who slunk away in fear.

As the owner of the Corporation looked back at the furnace, he saw the outline of a figure rising from the flames.

"Ah, so you are back", said Cornelius, "Do you remember what you are?"

The technician cowered in fear as the figure rose, and rose, and he froze when it replied with a voice so inhuman that it would terrify even one of the city's emotionless automatons.
"I.... am... BreadPerson."

Cornelius Gray, however, did not cower in fear. Instead, a small smile appeared at the corner of his mouth, which grew into a wide rictus of pure malice.

"Excellent... Then we must put you to work. You have not yet outlived your usefulness to us".

The figure, who was still standing in the bellowing inferno, simply glanced up, and asked:

"When do I start?"

[22:30 PM] Knives beat batons, as Misty Patricia demonstrates to Ascalon Hendricks (Will Harvey-Powell)
Misty Patricia reports:

I used a pen labelled knife and hit him on the head, killing him instantaneously in [REDACTED] college courtyard.

He had a baton but did not strike any blows before the encounter ended. It was agreed between us that he had died.

[23:00 PM] Brock Lee (Lily Bao) meets an explosive end at the hands of theboi
theboi reports:

Killed Lily Bao with a cannonball to the stomach.

Sunday, 15 October

[16:20 PM] Ulex Stultus does not give up his style as he drinks a Vanilla Latte (Elizabeth Hanna)
Ulex Stultus reports:

One of Gray's lackeys opened the door to a fashionably dressed man with a hat on one arm. The target blinked blearily but accepted a proffered sheet of paper without question. The fashionably dressed man smiled, and began to meaninglessly babble about paperwork, before lifting up his hat and revealing a concealed weapon. The unfortunate target, paranoia disabled by flu, barely flinched as her viscera made a mess of the opposite wall's paintwork. The fashionable man slipped his hat on, then slowly made his way down the stairs.

[17:00 PM] Diogenes the Cynic goes wandering. Gray is distressed at how many assassins have more style than he does.
Diogenes the Cynic reports:

On a day scarcely able to bear the burden of a beauty so weighty, I, Diogenes the Cynic, stepped with murderous intent into the colleges and staircases of Commander Christian Cuck (C Cubed on the streets) and Mr. F with heavy weapons concealed beneath my stylish yet comfortable top coat. I knocked on their doors, having gained access to their floors with the aid of my superficial charm and rakish figure. There was no stirring within, I waited, in case their anxiety to hold their breath would do my work for me. I have no evidence of this, so must concede they continue to breathe the free air. They should, however, be aware that there is not college that can conceal them from me, and before the term is out, they will shuffle off their mortal coil.

[17:25 PM] The Shadow Surfer makes an attempt on Stacey but can't quite get their foot in the door
The Shadow Surfer reports:

It wasn't an easy decision to become an assassin, but times are desperate. The undercover black market of contract killing outwardly condemned by Cornelius Gray is secretly sponsored by him – an extension to his corporate power. [Umpire's note: The owner of the Gray corporation would like to point out that he is in no way responsible for how people seem determined to kill each other over his cure. His critics may say that he has done nothing to stop it, but, really, what could he do?] The money is tempting. Too tempting for any undergrounder like myself.

Today was day 1. My target Stacey. Word on the street is that he has already had two attempts on his life. He would be wary – I'd have to be careful.

His room was on the third floor – another white door in a sea of white doors that house every poor worker in this city. I knocked, and heard a faint voice from within. "Hello?" I called cautiously. He opened the door a crack, and I saw one eye look through the gap.

At this point, I lost my usual calm in the face of a potential kill, and lunged forwards with my knife. He was too quick, however, and slammed the door before I could reach him. The sound of a bolt being drawn came faintly through.

Drat. I'd messed it up – let him get away. Feeling somewhat disheartened, I returned late to my lodgings – another day will bring success.

[17:30 PM] Karm Wood and Magdala Buckley go hunting. The dynamic duo catch Russianlove (Marius Stensrud), but Karm Wood illicitly coshes them, going wanted.
Magdala Buckley reports:

Just murdered Marius Stensrud.

I knocked on his door and asked to borrow his phone (I couldn't really think of a better excuse). Karm Wood coshed him on the head and then I stabbed him. And then I apologised for killing him.

[Umpire's note: Hitting an illicit target with a cosh will send you wanted if they are then killed (Weaponry Rules 1.2.2). Coshes are for getting an illicit target out of the way so you may attack your real target, they are not to aid others in getting kills. Because of this, Karm Wood has gone wanted by decree of Cornelius Gray.]

[18:00 PM] An attack by Flip Flop Thief (Barnaby Medhurst) goes terribly wrong! Omar Patel gets the kill and Anastasia Chibulkova goes wanted
Anastasia Chibulkova reports:

After 2 unknown intruders suddenly appeared in my staircase yesterday morning, I had to hide in the shower to avoid the inevitable doom as I could not possibly take on 2 assassins with one bullet. Fortunately, it turned out one of them was targeting my neighbour Omar Patel, who also locked himself away and managed to recognise the killers. Not knowing which one was licitly targeting him, he could not take a chance. Today at dinner however (in the midst of an intergalactic summit), we suddenly noticed Flip Flop Thief approaching our table with speed. Now that our suspicions were confirmed, we waited for him to take out his banana–camouflaged dagger (making him licit for both of us), whereby Omar Patel viciously stabbed him through the stomach with his concealed 12 inch sword, drenching everyone's food with bright green blood from out of this world. Almost instantaneously, I revealed my single shot armour piercing pistol and proceeded to expand the hole left by the dagger, reloading, and finally bringing the intruder's life to an ugly end. Farewell.

All of this seemed to phase out guests very little, as most believed it to be mid–session gladiatorial entertainment.

This close encounter has made me very vigilant, I pray for my future targets, make most of your life, for it will soon end.


[Umpire's note: As much as I do have a love for my armour piercing rounds, this area was weapons restricted (no projectile). As such, I have instructed the loyal forces to hunt down this individual. However, they may yet survive. It's always interesting to see how resourceful certain people can be. – Cornelius Gray]

[18:50 PM] Pseudonymous Bosch (Colin Kaljee) mistakes a business call for a social one, giving Falcon Jones the opening he needs.
Falcon Jones reports:

There was a knock at the door. Pseudonymous Bosch looked up from his work. 'Who is it?', he called. Falcon Jones hurriedly replied and convinced Pseudonymous Bosch to open the door – albeit with his knife held cautiously by his side. When he opened the door, his suspicions were confirmed as he was stabbed with Falcon's own knife. He had no time to react or stab back, and Falcon walked away, leaving the victim to be found the following morning.

Pseudonymous Bosch reports:

As I settled down to a hearty meal of pot noodles and Heinz tomato soup this fine evening I hear a knock upon my door. Who could it be? As a naturally paranoid assassin I always bolt my door, and on asking who was visiting at this late hour received the cryptic reply [REDACTED]. Now, as a man with many important matters in his life, this particular individual had slipped my mind. Yet the suspicion lingered, why had my gentleman not revealed his purpose? Yet if this was a friend I was making him feel foolish. I hear other voices,and decided that it must be a social call, yet I took in hand my trusty pike nonetheless. Alas, my trusting nature was my downfall,and no sooner did I open my door than my caller stabbed me through the chest with a carving knife. It completely ruined my dinner.

[20:00 PM] Magpie takes to the wing
Magpie reports:

Clear skies for a killing, but the prey is too cowardly to show its face.

The day was quiet enough for murder. The sun swung like a flipped coin above the horizon. Even the wings of the swallows seemed sharp enough to split the sky in two. For a bird of my namesake, sorrow lingered on the mind. The air hung too heavily to lie low, begging for a little chaos to stir it up. I went in search of the first of my three unfortunate friends.

It was easy to find them, although the placid Cambridge streets are still unfamiliar to me; altogether unlike the rooftops and alleyways of Venice I once knew as well as the twists and turns carved by fortune into the palm of my own hand. Their house is as bland and faceless as all the rest, worth my attention only for the prize it holds inside. Although several windows stood open, it seemed too laughably simple to enter on such unequal footing: I decided upon more conventional means in concession to the mundane capabilities of my victim, and called at the front door. I found them not at home, but quick thinking turned the innocent confusion of their housemate to my advantage.

Having snared my trap, I have only to wait for the bait to wander straight into my fingers. Fate has a habit of taking favourites amongst those who know how to play her tune.

[20:45 PM] Ulex Stultus stylishly dispatches Tigris (Aleca Haeger) while Cornelius Gray looks on
Ulex Stultus reports:

The fashionable man stalked through the dingy streets of St John's with a particularly purposeful stride. Infiltrating several layers of security with just his wits, Stultus closed in on his target's accommodation. However, the night was dark and full of terrors; after gleaning information from a local, Stultus spotted a flash of shadows in his peripheral vision. He held his breath with anticipation and fear as he saw the distinctive eyebrows of Cornelius Gray [Umpire's note to self: get less distinctive eyebrows] briefly materialise out of the darkness, then sink back out of sight. Evidently, Stultus was being watched by a demigod. However, he was confident that there was no danger to him from Gray - Cornelius employed Stultus and presumably wouldn't end him without definite purpose. Stultus decided to press on, and slipped through several security checkpoints until he reached the target's residence. Its opulence and en-suite bathroom dimensions were simply staggering to Stultus, who had rarely seen such riches before. Knocking on the door, Stultus summoned the target. [Umpire's note: I'm amazed they fell for "I'm with (obscure acronym) and have some papers about you unsubscribing from our mailing list"]. Unfortunately, the target's instinctive action was to crack the door open only slightly, and Stultus' shot only blew away their wrist, not their torso. The target responded by unleashing a savage, desperate barehanded attack and seizing Stultus' gun. Fortunately, it was empty. Stultus whipped off his razor-brimmed hat and sunk it into his target's back. The corpse toppled to the floor, and Stultus slunk back out of the building. Gray's shadow followed him.

[Umpire's other note: It would have been a lot easier in this case (involving fewer discussion phases called) if the target had READ THE RULES. In signing up, you do confirm that you have done so... please do so.]

[21:20 PM] Karm Wood kills Brian Bay (Matthew Alderton), redeeming themselves in the eyes of the Umpire
Karm Wood reports:

I just stabbed Brian Bay outside his room after coshing him on the head.

[21:30 PM] Kitty Shade nearly kills Commander Christian Cuck (C Cubed on the streets), but he is saved by the umpire's power
Kitty Shade reports:

So I just assassinated Commander Christian Cuck (C Cubed on the streets) in Life with a "shuriken", but apparently he's out of bounds, we're unsure how to proceed?

[Umpire's note: I had been told that Commander Christian Cuck (C Cubed on the streets) had been injured and so made them OoB. They are apparently fine now and is back in bounds, but was not at the time of this kill. However, given the short time between me making them OoB and this kill happening, Kitty Shade is not going wanted]

Monday, 16 October

[09:50 AM] Haytham dispatches their target, Jack Napier (Karamvir Kumar)
Haytham reports:

Today at 0950 hrs, I "killed" Karamvir Kumar with a "knife" outside of the Chemistry Department.

[11:00 AM] The Geiger Countess strikes down Anastasia Chibulkova (Adrian Del Ser), but is seriously injured in the process
Ivanova Koestler reports:

It was late on the night of the 15th that the word went out– Adrian Del Ser, alias 'Anastasia Chibulkova', had broken the tenets laid out by the Gray Corporation for the citizenry's protection, and used a projectile weapon in a restricted zone. A killer who refuses to abide by the law is a dangerous thing indeed, and we resolved to neutralise del Ser quickly.

We ambushed the fugitive outside his lab. Trusty sword in hand, I pressed myself against the wall by the entrance as the Geiger Countess took the exit. At 10:56 am, I received word from the Countess that the deed had been done.

Order is restored. Praise be to Cornelius Gray.

The Geiger Countess reports:

The Force of the Law would#like to rem#nd#all Citiz#ns that the use of gamma fire, slug pistols, an# other ranged weaponry is #trictly pro#ib#ted in ce#tain Zones, as their usage therein has been fou#d to damage both infrastru#ture and pr#du#tivity. F#ilure to comply with these regulations may resu#t in re–evaluation and pos#ible revoca#io# of Good #itizen status. We need not remind you that loss#of Good Citizen status fre#uently const#tu#es ground# for termination; our State is upheld by the ha#d work and good behaviour #f all Citiz#ns# and rogu# elements are a threat to all that we work towa#ds.

Having received word t#at an infra#ti#n of the #forementioned regulation had occurred, the perp#trator was thouroughly inv#stigated by#th# Surveill#nce department of the Force, and their probable#daily routine made known t# us. Having#id#ntified # suitable choke–point in this routine, I was ab#e to identify and approach#the perpetr#to# outside # lecture, and to dispatch them quickly with a l#serlight blade. Preliminar# evaluation#at#the scene#suggests possible candidacy for the Twitch prog#amme. However, my own Unit#received co#si#erable da#age in the process from the slug pistol the per#etrator had been carrying.#I would lik# t# request # replacement Unit in order to facilitate my swi#t return to active service# the better#to#serve ou# State and uphold the Force of the Law.

We woul# like to remind all Citize#s that we, #he#Force of #he Law, are here for your protection. We remove#from society those dangero#s individua#s #ho would #estabilise the whole, and we ensure that our bo#nteous State runs smoothly#and efficie#tl#. Those i#dividuals who break the rules – or who do not m#et their contribution targ#ts towards #he#ever–forw#rd motion of our society – must be removed, for#the sake of all our future#. We hope t#at#you under#tand. We hope that you bear this in mind. We ho#e that you remain our Good#Citizens.


Anastasia Chibulkova reports:

The time had arrived. I was wanted. And now I needed to enter a lecture which would likely be surrounded by the heartless officers who had inevitable tracked me down. After an unsuccessful early morning visit to the staircase of my target, I proceed towards my class. Hand in pocket, slug pistol loaded and ready to fire, I enter the building but my progress is stalled by the hoard of people from all around the Gray Corp Galaxy waiting to board the Cornelius mark [REDACTED] educational spaceship.
Then, from the corner of my eye, I spot the Geiger countess bearing her laser sword calmly calling my name. I have but an instant to react as I reveal my heavy duty slug pistol and pull the trigger just as I receive a deadly stab to my head.
Thus end my assassinations, dealt a fatal blow by the loyal forces, though at least I had managed to pierce the armour and seriously injure my killer in the process. I pray her injuries heal soon, and that she considers my candidacy for the Twitch programme as an attempt of redemption for my terrible crime.

[11:00 AM] The Innocuous Postman Who Keeps Accidentally Bumping Into People While Carrying Very Sharp Parcels attempts to deliver a very interesting looking package
The Innocuous Postman Who Keeps Accidentally Bumping Into People While Carrying Very Sharp Parcels reports:

Sorry we missed you!

Today's date: 16/10/2017

Package: We're not sure but it has a very pointy end

Reason for non–delivery: All members of [X SUBJECT] apparently look the same

Re–delivery date: ASAP

[12:00 PM] Makishima goes searching for Jesabethabethabell and Bear, but they unwittingly escape
Makishima reports:

It had been a busy weekend gathering information on my targets, but with little scheduled activity I could find then, I decided it best to wait until today to make my move.

I had a friend visiting Cambridge today, she was leader of my resistance branch elsewhere and we needed to do some face to face, untraceable meetings. So we posed as regular tourists and explored some colleges while scheming. One of these was where a target of mine lived. I had familiarised myself with the college map and so, as we took in the breath–taking sights, we made our way to where this staircase was supposed to be. However, it appears this college is not laid out as easily as the map makes it out to be. We looked around for a while but just could not find it. I will need to try another approach later.

I then bade my friend farewell and knew that this could be a good time to catch a second target. I knew where their building was located so placed myself there in good time. I waited for around 20 minutes, longer than I had expected, and then someone who could have been this person passed by. With no desire to be hunted by Grey's contraptions for killing the wrong person, I hesitated. They looked just different enough to be somebody else. But then it struck me, this was the one. I rushed to the door, but alas was too late. It closed just as I reached it, and my hacking robot was unable to gain me entry. Knowing that there was no–one just arriving to let me in, I had no option but to leave, realising that a very good opportunity had just slipped through my fingers. I will not be so careless again.

[13:00 PM] AJ and Emile Ward clash. After extensive discussion, both walk away unharmed
AJ reports:

An Emile Ward may email you about this as well. If I flicked an unlabelled rubber band at them (them being my prospective assassin) before they stabbed me, am I dead or are they?

Emile Ward reports:

Today I, Emile Ward, set out to kill AJ. I met her and her friends in the [REDACTED] college hall and I approached one of her friends as I wasn't sure who AJ was. As she resembled AJ and I only had one unclear photograph of AJ, I asked this friend: 'are you AJ'? After AJ had heard this, her senses were activated and she knew she was in deep trouble. As a last desperate cry, she took the only item she had within reach, her rubber band to put in her hair [Umpire's note: the word they were looking for is hair tie - President Snow], and threw it at me, hoping that it would count as a kill. I, as I saw the weapon was unlabelled and had no resemblance to any real weapon, stabbed her afterwards with my knife, which I would have been able to do anyway. After this, we discussed the matter and AJ thought that her rubber band could count as a weapon. We thought it would be best to email you about this.

[Umpire's note: This was quite the extensive dispute. Is a hair tie a rubber band? Was it thrown or flicked? Does that even matter?? It almost came down to a duel. HOWEVER, this interaction occurred within a college hall, a no–projectile–zone and potentially OoB as it was in the serving area. It was incredibly difficult to come to a decision and so the fight has been annulled and both parties get to walk away unharmed.

I would like to clarify, from this moment on a hair tie will be considered an elastic band and so can be flicked at the target, just like elastic bands – President Snow]

[15:00 PM] The Innocuous Postman Who Keeps Accidentally Bumping Into People While Carrying Very Sharp Parcels attempts a second delivery but fails to identify the recipient
The Innocuous Postman Who Keeps Accidentally Bumping Into People While Carrying Very Sharp Parcels reports:

Sorry we missed you!

Today's date: 16/10/2017

Package: Large box, ticking ominously

Reason for non–delivery: Recipient not found, despite this being their specified location. Package offered (not at all threateningly) to person who looked slightly like desired recipient, but reaction was convincing enough to determine that they were *probably* not desired recipient.

Re–delivery date: ASAP, or on request.

[15:00 PM] Miss Macaron (Cheryl Jiang) was impaled upon Trillian's sword, proving lectures can be fatal
Trillian reports:

I encountered Cheryl Jiang on the stairs after our lecture and stabbed her in the back with my ruler marked "Sword". We agreed that she is now dead.

[15:45 PM] Cuddly Attack Bear visits White Peeta Bread, but no one was home
Cuddly Attack Bear reports:

I would like to report an attempt made on White Peeta Bread at approximately 15:45 today. I went to [REDACTED] but unfortunately, they were not in so the attempt was unsuccessful.

[16:50 PM] Sneaky Sashimi sneaks a knife into Puck the Kitty (Sarah Racicot)'s heart
Sneaky Sashimi reports:

The addict strode purposefully, making his way through the oddly lit but otherwise familiar city. He had a vague recollection of hearing something about dust and a tail end of a hurricane. He could barely think straight. His mind constricted by the nagging haze of withdrawal. It took all his efforts to focus. The target had recently broadcast her location. He had to get to her first. He had to get paid. He had to get his fix. Just one slice of that delicious sashimi. There. The café. The tables from the picture he intercepted. It must be her. Adrenaline. This was it. A knife between the shoulder blades. A buzz of the credit chip. And finally the exquisite high brought on by the heavenly experience of the most beautiful food in the world.

[18:15 PM] imacyclepath (Natalie Chapman) and theboi's rivalry finally ends in a dramatic encounter
imacyclepath reports:

At approx 6.15 pm. theboi finally got me.

After repeated night–time calls at my door and even an episode where he boldly jumped out of his window barefoot to chase me down the street, I knew this was coming. Alas, I never initiated an attack myself, unable to find the time for the 24 hour surveillance he seemed to have me under.

Tonight, I made the bold and fatal move of going to dinner at the buttery (as of late I attempted the strange art of cooking to avoid such a danger). But of course, theboi was waiting. I, tired of this constant peril and clearly needing some form of outlet, rather than fleeing chose to run straight at my enemy. Surprisingly, it was not this rash move that brought my doom. The pursuer became the pursued, and theboi ran away. This being the usual conclusion to our encounters I naively carried on my way. Now I'm not bitter (that's a lie) but only cowards kill their victims from behind. theboi must have run back round to come up behind silly unsuspecting me. He pelted me in the back with a juggling ball.

I feel a great sense of shame at having been slain by such an unworthy foe, though I must admit his persistence was admirable. A word to the wise, never forgo an opportunity to attack...

theboi reports:

After an intense battle today at sunset, I finally succeeded in eliminating Natalie Chapman. She was a formidable opponent but not many can withstand the stealth and might of theboi.

Tuesday, 17 October

[08:30 AM] Alexander (James Quentin) Duggan begins his life as a killer, dispatching Pedro Salinas (Hannan Saddiq)
Alexander (James Quentin) Duggan reports:

Having lain in wait for his first target for several mornings, Alex finally managed to dispatch his first target. He had been prepared, hiding being a forgotten laundry basket in the hallway. Realising his target had gotten up and was heading to the gyp to make himself some breakfast, he remained quiet and waited for Alexander (James Quentin) Duggan. He passed Alex on the way to the gyp. Alex stood up and listened to the microwave ping. His target appeared to be making himself porridge. Suddenly he heard another door open and close and saw himself being scrutinized. Had he been found out? Alex nodded politely and pretended he had a purpose in this corridor that was less sinister. The watcher nodded back politely, and went on his way. He heard his target and the watcher exchange pleasantries and was relieved when the watcher did not make any mention of himself. He must have pulled off appearing to be harmless. He smiled.

Exhaling quietly Alex tried to calm his excitedly beating heart. He had never killed anybody before, and was slightly apprehensive. He could hear his target leave the gyp and grew expectant. His target walked by, carrying a bowl of porridge, and seemed not be suspecting anything. He passed Alex. Alex drew his sword, stepped up behind him and, before his target could open his door, stabbed him in the back. His target turned around, with a look of surprise on his face. Alex's slow grin was the last thing he saw, before he finally succumbed to his wounds and died. The porridge had luckily stayed in its bowl, and did not go flying anywhere. Alex made his escape, before the watcher could return and raise the alarm, when finding his dead friend on the floor.

[10:55 AM] Elvis (Nathaniel Cooke) and Hatman play ring around the innocent.
Hatman reports:

Hatman killed a target this morning, after spending sections of the last 3 days trying to track him down. Hatman's water pistol was effective against the target's defensive strike, which Hatman thought was very scary. Hatman dodged around the target's companion, and shot the target in the chest. Hatman would like to note that the companion was not harmed during the encounter - both the target and Hatman tried frantically to kill each other without damaging the companion.

[11:00 AM] LaTeX Forest kills Bob (Peter Rugg) and ruins their morning
LaTeX Forest reports:

I killed Peter Rugg today at 11am in the [REDACTED] by stabbing him with my ruler labelled SWORD.

He was unsuspectingly walking out of the lecture theatre when my SWORD pierced his body right through. While dying, he expressed his disappointment with the situation.

Best wishes,
LaTeX forest

Bob reports:

I was just tragically stabbed in the back by LaTeX Forest after a lecture at the [REDACTED].

[11:00 AM] LaTeX Forest and their assailant Reginald find themselves 'mostly armless'.
LaTeX Forest reports:

While still holding a sword, I was approached by an assassin I am a target for. Quite incompetently, he stabbed me in the left arm, which, while very unfortunate, did not kill me. Instead of running away like some coward, I attempted to strike back, only hitting the arm. Now limbless, my attacker proceeded to fire his gun, but my skill of deflecting bullets with my sword cannot be beaten. After a small Discussion Phase, we both went to our lectures. Limbless but alive. Now that I know his face, I'm coming for him.

Reginald reports:

I had made my way to Cornelius Gray's academy of technology on JJ Thompson Avenue for a lecture on handling of information in an automated system, a precursor to understanding the functionality of the 'Twitch' police force's memory handling mechanisms, as I entered the department I saw my target lurking outside the hall, I took swift action, lunging forth with my trusty knife - I managed to slash his arm, rendering it useless, however, he was not dead, at this moment he knew his life was in danger and grasped for his sword with his other hand. At this moment I fired off a slug round from my trusty pistol but it ricocheted off of his sword. He managed to remove my left arm with his sword but I have now stemmed the bleeding and have began constructing a bionic replacement at the academy. By the point my arm lay oozing blood at my side, I knew my attempt was ill-fated and poorly planned so I fled with haste, however, another assassin had seen me bearing and made chase holding a bullet in his hand, thankfully due to my excellent dexterity, I managed to dodge the attack by leaning backwards while also running backwards and narrowly dodging the crowd. Finally, the attacker conceded and returned to his companions. I fled away upstairs and took refuge in my lecture.

After my lecture, I looked over one of the balconies of the majestic academy building to see my target once again sitting and enjoying a brief snack, his eyes met mine, yet I knew that I was too weak to fight again so fled away to work on my replacement arm. The arm is now finished and as good as new, I can only hope that next time I will not so clumsily fail to eliminate what was arguably an easy target.

I will find you, ol' Reginald has never failed to eliminate a target and he never will.

Sleep well tonight, for tomorrow I will find you, and I will kill you.

[Umpire's note: During this event, I have been informed that Forest took a picture of Reginald without his consent. The Gray Corporation would like to remind its customers that taking a picture is illegal as pictures can be used to bring doubt upon the words of its owner in the correct circumstances. In addition, it is highly invasive to a person to have a picture taken of them without their consent and the Gray corporation does not wish its customers to have such invasion of their privacy. Customers have no need to know what other customers are up to, they need only trust that Gray and his security forces are ensuring that what is best for everybody is done. Taking a picture of a Gray corporation customer is treason... treason is punishable by death. On a serious note, it is very much against the rules to take a picture of a person without their consent, as such, LaTeX Forest is going wanted.]

[14:00 PM] LaTeX Forest can't quite kill Miss Scarlet through the door's crack.
LaTeX Forest reports:

I visited Miss Scarlet in his residence today. He was reluctant to open the door, but when a narrow slit appeared, my swors pierced... thin air. The door shut a moment later, but my identity remains a mystery to the terrified target.

[14:00 PM] 8848 has a narrow escape from Falcon Jones (Matt Hutton)'s blade, but Falcon Jones is not so lucky
Falcon Jones reports:

Falcon Jones heard a knock. Who could it be? A friend? An old enemy? A stranger, apparently, and one who would not reveal his name. Falcon knew he may be about to meet his match, and he grabbed his trusty knife, now covered in blood from the days prior. As he opened the door, his fears were confirmed as the infamous killer known only as 8848 stood there, wielding a blue lightsaber. Falcon reacted quickly, lunging with his knife, but it was too late. 8848 finished him with a swift blow to the head and walked away with only minor injuries.

8848 reports:

Hello citizens and subjects!
Tonight, I infiltrated [REDACTED] College in order to test my new lightflail - which is certainly NOT a bodged homemade lightsabre - on either of two victims, or at least to discover where to find them. Although Falcon Jones's lair was not included on the public map of the complex - presumably a deliberate 'oversight' - I still found my way to his door. Impatiently, I knocked. Foolishly, he opened. Unaccustomed to my weapon (it not being the conventional lightsabre), and not having killed for at least a week, my swing was slow, and Falcon Jones lunged with a blood-covered dagger. The lunge, however, was a little too quick, and (barely) missed my arm and torso. But the flail's path stayed true. Falcon Jones's head is available for purchase as a two-piece set.

[14:20 PM] 8848 is foiled by Gray corp's experimental technology (it's called a 'lock').
8848 reports:

Greetings, citizens and subjects!

Generally, using an effective lock is enough to keep you alive - at least for a few more hours. It was certainly more effective for Geoffrey Pritchard than Falcon Jones found removing all trace of one's lair from the map to be. I want Geoffrey Pritchard to know that I know about the 'secret' tunnel, at the obscure end of which he hides.

[Umpire's note: Wait, what secret tunnel? Gray would like it noted that keeping 'secrets' that he is unaware of is treason... treason is punishable by death, assuming he ever finds out, which he will, because he is omniscient. Always remember that Cornelius Gray is your friend and... ok, I'll stop now.]

[17:00 PM] Saq Madiq Wins the waiting game against Elliejc (Ellie Coverdale)
Saq Madiq reports:

After a long and weary journey to [REDACTED], I camped on the ground floor of my target's staircase as she coward away in her room. After a long 20 minutes of waiting she finally came out. Foolishly she tried to run, but there is no hope when my sword thirsts for blood . When I inevitably caught her she was stabbed multiple times and left her for dead.

[17:00 PM] A brief exchange between The Clockwork Orange and Mr. Weenie
Mr. Weenie reports:

I visited The Clockwork Orange's accommodation block at around 17:00, but was unable to get inside. A shot was fired by The Clockwork Orange from a first floor window. Nobody was injured or killed. I made a hasty retreat.

[17:30 PM] Furston LeDolier does their duty. Yoesph Thawne (James Farley) should have employed 'the lock', available at all good Gray corp stores.
Furston LeDolier reports:

Greetings Citizens! We bring you news today. News of courage, adversity, victory! Great and wonderous news, but also... also We bring news of sadness, of treachery, and of shameful hostility to The Cause. We heard news of two potential causes of adversity. Not oppressors but then, We do not wait for our enemies to come to us, when We perceive a threat We must act. And So act We did.

Our Furston was dispatched and brought swift and sure retribution to Our first adversary. The fool had no concept of proper security - all the more a sign of his lack of worth to Us, his door swinging wide open. The confidence, in the wake of Gray's announcement and paranoia... Good Citizens, We can surely only see this as arrogance! As an affront! He thought himself invincible. Two shots proved him wrong. "Good evening" were the last words he ever heard and now we trust the droids will do a tidy job of cleaning up the (considerable) mess.

We then dispatched our agent on to our second target. Oh, good citizens. For shame, they were a crafty one to have set up base in such hostile, ignorant territory! The locals treated Our agent with indifference. Unforgivable already for one so clearly Righteous. If this weren't bad enough, We knew the target had some experience being hunted, and so attempted to enlist the locals to pull them out of hiding. Our Furston, being brave and skilled, realising such paranoia could never be overcome by base means. However, none were forthcoming. So We implored patience. And so he waited... But to no avail. The cry was heard "ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" And thus Our bold agent had to flee from hostile territory, knowing his presence to be revealed.

BUT. Dear Citizens, fear not. For We know a name and We know a place. It would not do to reveal such delicate information to potential spies and informants (for they lurk, dear citizens, around every corner). But to Our target We have only this to say.

We will come.

Yoesph Thawne reports:

Was taking a hard-earned nap following a supervision with the door partially open. Furston LeDolier entered and shot two rounds, the first hitting my leg and the second hitting my chest, prematurely ending my short life as an assassin.

[18:20 PM] Locks, they save lives, a lesson that Sneaky Sashimi teaches Stabbity Stab McStab (Vincent Proud)
Sneaky Sashimi reports:

The addict had diligently researched his next target and planned a careful hit for the following day. But the high that he was riding was making him feel unstoppable. He just couldn't wait that long. Before he knew it, he was at the lion's den. The risk weighing on his mind. He sneaks past the first checkpoint. He should revert to his proper plan. The second checkpoint is now behind him. He must turn back before it is too late. His target's door. Last chance to leave. He mumbles an excuse. The door opens. He pulls the trigger. He registers the buzz of his credit chip.

[20:00 PM] Kitty Harper's cunning water polo based ruse pays off as Pennywise (Krystian Bober) should have been more wary.
Kitty Harper reports:

Pennywise of [REDACTED] killed with knife initially concealed by swim hat. Pretended to be returning it to 'friend' from water polo who had sent me wrong address.

[Umpire's note: Well, I haven't heard that one before.]

[21:00 PM] The hunt between Reginald and LaTeX Forest continues.
Reginald reports:

Today The Shadow Surfer and I visited our mutual friend in his home on the outskirts of this fine city. We stealthily approached the building he resided in and passed through the outer door without significant difficulty, locating his abode was fairly easy. We stood, pistols primed, at the left–hand side of his door. I leaned over to knock: "tap–tap–tap–tap–tap... tap–tap..." There was no response, yet we could see that the lights were on. This unnerved us, then my partner in crime leaned over to knock himself, "tap–tap", nothing still, yet his lights remained on. He knew we were there and we knew he was there, it was a stalemate, there was nothing to do. It is wise for him to be cautious; especially after our little skirmish earlier today.

Do not fear good sir, we will take you out soon enough! I am a patient man, old age does that to you.

Your friendly pensioner assassin,


[22:30 PM] Jul Tamer betrays AJ (Alex Janowska), their ex-partner
Jul Tamer reports:

Around 10pm yesterday AJ arrived into the reception dressed into her most fancy apparel. We had been working in the same rebel group a few months ago, but since then, our pathways had drifted apart. I had been charged with the protection of one of the highest members of the governing body. AJ got involved in the so called 'Planetary Freedom Movement' (PFM), which tried to undermine the last remnants of democracy we had in the governing body. AJ, my ex–partner, had been indoctrinated, and now thought of the governing body as fully corrupt.

Soon after she entered the reception, her conduct was clearly suspect, and I could see her following the every move of my government official. This was too much, his security was at risk. I promptly ran upstairs and grabbed a knife that I hid in my clothes. Coming back to the reception, I was reassured to see that AJ had not moved. I approached her, and her eyes switched to me, and a smile lit her face as she recognized her ancient partner. The smile became an expression of astonishment as I took my knife out and transpierced her head just below the right eye. She was simply able to utter her last word, "Why?", as the light faded from her eyes.

Wednesday, 18 October

[09:00 AM] Mack-Attack (Chloe Mackley) is rudely awoken by their own death, Sebastian Melmoth
Sebastian Melmoth reports:

I can confirm the kill of Mack-Attack this morning after sourcing a key to her corridor from an anonymous accomplice and then waiting outside for fifteen minutes, then knocking, waking her up (sorry Chloe) and shooting her in the head.

[13:15 PM] Mr. Weenie enjoys a delicious Jellybean (Judith Offenberg)
Mr. Weenie reports:

I, Mr. Weenie, killed Judith Offenberg in her room in Pembroke at 13:15 using a nerf gun. I snuck in and was able to perform the assassination with no resistance.

[17:30 PM] The Beast of Burden reminds Alcibiades to lock their door
The Beast of Burden reports:

I just had an encounter with Alcibiades. I opened his door, quickly shut it and went around the corner. He came out, we caught a glimpse of each other then he slammed the door and locked it. Next time I will be successful

Thursday, 19 October

[12:00 PM] An unknown entity associated with spacetime anomaly, dubbed "The Shrike", caused major disruption in Grey corporation AI research facility which resulted in death of LaTeX Forest (Leo Zlotnikov)
The Shrike reports:

Scientific report no. 0733191, 19 Oct 2017

Time: 12:01PM, 19 Oct 2017

Author: research assistant 0023, The Grey Matter corporation (Grey Corporation subsidiary)

Event: An anomalous distortion in spacetime appeared at 12:01PM in the antechamber of the main auditorium of the Grey Matter building. It is hypothesised that its close location to advanced technological equipment created a macroscale superposition, effects of which could be experienced until it spontaneously disappeared at 13:20PM. Left behind was only a corpse of LaTeX Forest. See attached report form 4 (termination of employment) for further details. Cause of this event was dubbed "The Shrike", its nature and whether it will reoccur unknown at present time.

Speculated cause: Snow

Recommended course of action: Increase surveillance of National

Research Institute (aka SNOW research facilities)

Priority: Medium

Report form 4 (termination of employment)

Employee: LaTeX Forest

Name prior to employment: Leo Zlotnikov

Warp status: sick

Cause of death: unknown ("The Shrike")

Autopsy: perfectly triangular hole in the subject's chest, about 10cm

wide, is stipulated to be the primary cause of death

State of the body: automation possible

LaTeX Forest reports:

Under the threat of death, I was running from one lecture to the other. Just a few metres of danger before I'd be back to safety.

Unfortunately, my destination lecture room was occupied and I had to wait in a tiny area hoping a sign saying "Lecture Theatre 1" would protect me from death.

My own foolishness brought about the death of me. I asked whether this tiny area counts as part of a lecture theatre too loud. Moments later, The Shrike's sword pierced my heart. Dying in a pool of blood, my last words were: "Maybe out of bounds..."

[12:00 PM] The Shadow Surfer is just moments too late, stabbing the corpse of LaTeX Forest
The Shadow Surfer reports:

My target was unaware of his peril as I inconspicuously hung around the inside of Cornelius Gray's Academy of Technology. As he stood relaxedly outside the lecture hall, I spied my chance. I rushed forwards before he could move and plunged my knife between his ribs, bringing forth a spring of blood. He turned to face me, and in that moment I realized what I should have noticed. The shuffle of his walk. The blank, empty look of his face. Someone else had got there first. The face that looked back at me was one of a reanimated corpse. He was unaffected by the wound and reached for his weapon, but I was fortunate - the area was populated and I managed to slip away unscathed...

[15:00 PM] The Innocuous Postman Who Keeps Accidentally Bumping Into People While Carrying Very Sharp Parcels continues to struggle to find the recipient of the ticking package
The Innocuous Postman Who Keeps Accidentally Bumping Into People While Carrying Very Sharp Parcels reports:

Dear Umpire,

Now, I am quite upset. I have been a dedicated mailman for a long time now, and I will admit that on occasion I tend to be a little careless with the packages, and the one incident with that container of anthrax was terribly inconvenient for all involved, but with God as my witness, I am efficient. And after four days of consistent attempts to find the owner of this gently ticking item, said owner still insists on remaining elusive.

From my long experience in the mailing industry, I have posited three possible explanations for this:

[1] Recipient is not attending their specified commitments, in which case they may have bigger issues than feeling bereft of their parcel.

[2] All members of [X SUBJECT] look the [UNPROFESSIONAL EXPLETIVE] same.

[3] Recipient is Jaqen H'ghar.

If it is [1] or [3] I would request further assistance.

Yours sincerely,

The Postman Who, While Innocuous, Is Also Slightly Baned

[17:25 PM] Hatman delivers a hat, and death, to White Peeta Bread (Gautam Mahapatra)
Hatman reports:

H-Hatman killed ag-again.

Hatman saw a hatless man and so gave him the hat Hatman had. Hatman suddenly had a flash of Cornelius - gore - razors - wealth - and looked up, recovering with the instincts of a broken killer. A man was holding Hatman's hat! Hatman flew into a bloody rage. Eyes bulging, expression distorting, spittle flying, Hatman pumped shots into the luckless soul. It was his hat! Hatman scooped up his hat and wandered erratically off.

Hatman h-hopes he wi-wi-will not kill again. B-but Hatman knows he shall.

[19:00 PM] An Extinct Turtle learns how to use guns, shooting Cher Lloyd by Cher Lloyd (Kendal Karaduman)
Extinct Turtle reports:

I infiltrated my target's barracks by timing my entrance through the locked door. I had some trouble finding his personal abode but a helpful passerby pointed it out for me. I knocked and made up a lame story about having retrieved the target's study materials. This sounded even more lame to my target, who ordered me to leave the books on the floor and leave. I complied and was about to leave when another helpful passerby offered me a drink. I stayed longer, waiting for my target to unlock his door. I was lucky, the target had a friend coming over for a visit, so I waited until they disappeared into the room and pounced before the door closed. Rushing through the gap I acquired the target and shot him in the chest.

[20:00 PM] The hunter becomes the hunted as Kitty Shade (Hannah Lagorio) is shot down by Commander Christian Cuck (C Cubed on the streets)
Commander Christian Cuck (C Cubed on the streets) reports:

At exactly 8pm tonight, Kitty Shade paid Commander Christian Cuck (C Cubed on the streets) another visit, after almost killing him in the smoky den of scum and villainy that is Sunday Life (before he was miraculously revived by umpires).

This time, however, she met his shotgun, and a nasty end, instead.

RIP Kitty Shade, 2017 - 2017

Kitty Shade reports:

In my attempt to assassinate Commander Christian Cuck (C Cubed on the streets) last night I was unfortunately killed. In my defence, he recognised me through the peephole.

Friday, 20 October

[13:00 PM] theboi takes down Ezio Ibn La'Ahad (Razvan-Cristian Nicolescu)
theboi reports:

I went to a [REDACTED] lecture at 12:00, during which I located Ezio Ibn La'Ahad. I followed him out of the lecture theatre and immediately killed him with a pen labelled as knife to the torso.

[13:30 PM] Jesabethabethabell (Calliope Ryan-Smith) is lured out of their room by Makishima's cookies
Makishima reports:

It had been a while since I last attempted, and my habit of sleeping through my planned kill attempts had seen three/four go down the drain. Perhaps the GrayCorp dreamcatcher I had been given was really poisoning me with sleeping gas to make the pool of incompetents who would be victims of Gray's mass testing of the Twitch program bigger.

This time however, I was meeting some friends for lunch right by my target's accommodation.

I had brought some treats with me to lure my target from their room, and we accessed it with little difficultly. My friends knocked on their door to offer the lure, and out they came. I conveniently emerged from behind a nearby indentation in the wall and thrust a laser sword into them, at which point they died. Nice to have a kill under my belt now.

[14:00 PM] The nastily physical physical natsci takes a lesson in assassination and practices on Sullivan Slaughter (Hugo Blondel)
The nastily physical physical natsci reports:

The nastily physical physical natsci has struck.

After attending a [REDACTED] lecture he discovered how to turn a pen into a knife, and finished off the unsuspecting Hugo Blondel with a shot the head.

[14:00 PM] Alexander (James Quentin) Duggan searches for victims, to no avail
Alexander (James Quentin) Duggan reports:

Alexander Duggan had made his way across the city this afternoon. His accomplice Fitz had acquired some new information that he regarded as vital. Alex was glad he had such a faithful friend in Fitz, though he usually tried to keep his profession apart from his other life. So, this afternoon Alex decided to do some old fashioned reconnaissance to add to Fitz's information, stalking his various targets and finding out about the layout of their abodes.

It was easy to find the accommodation block of his first target, and apparently, she was aware that she was being hunted, as she had a sign outside her room. Alex had to smile, but realizing his target was not at home, he carried on with his investigation. His second target was more difficult to find. His flat was at the very back of the grounds, but he did find new information: it appeared that his target shared a flat. Alex now needed to think about whether he wanted this flatmate to be out, in order to remain anonymous, or whether the flatmate would be collateral. But this target too was out. Making his way to his third target, he received an email from his employer. His first target had already been killed. Alex was annoyed that his research had been done in vain! However, his target had been replaced, so not quite everything was lost. He forwarded the details of his new target to his accomplice, hoping that the genius Fitz could shed some more light on his new target, perhaps a social security number, banking details, or family members. He had faith in Fitz. He was after all the hacking wizard.

Finding out about his third target was even worse: not only was he out, but his accommodation seemed inaccessible! He would have to ask Fitz to try and find a way around that. He was usually good at anything electronic, as the doorlocks appeared to be. He normally tried to keep his friend out of the danger zone, but needs must and all that.

Not quite dejected, but not pleased either, Alex made his way home. He received a call, informing him that target number two had RSVPed to a local sporting event during the weekend. He might look into that and do a proper stake out - though bystanders had to be brought into consideration. He would need to sleep on this...

[15:00 PM] Emile Ward pays a visit to PotatOS (Li Xin) and makes a new friend
Emile Ward reports:

Today I went to PotatOS's flat to kill her. Conveniently, someone else was there to kill someone else. First, we went to that other person and activated by this sound, PotatOS came to check us out. Thinking she wasn't one of the targets, she let us close to her and that's when I stabbed her in the stomach and ended her time.

[20:00 PM] Arthur Dent is overcome by the need to kill Murmadon (Marida Ianni-Ravn)
Arthur Dent reports:

Arthur Dent woke up, on what should be a perfectly normal Friday, with the most peculiar urge. He felt he wanted, no, needed to go to [REDACTED], an area of Cambridge in which he'd never before had any business. How odd. He brushed it away as some vestige of his drunken stupor the night before and tried to push it out of his mind. Breakfast came and went, murder and bagel. MACKREL. Mackerel and bagel. He set about working on his essay, a piece on the main stalking points of the French revolution. Stalking points? No, talking points. What on earth has gotten into me, He wondered. Something briefly crossed his mind about the recent allegations of Cornelius Gray using mind control against the general population, but the thought suddenly became unbearably uncomfortable to hold in his head. The rest of the day came and went, as Arthur struggled with increasingly troublesome mental slips.

That evening, unable to bear it, Arthur decided to try and find some respite by visiting his friend Ford. Ford, by some coincidence was a member of [REDACTED], and that brought Arthur feelings of great comfort and relief. When Ford offered to buy Arthur dinner, he gladly accepted, although he found himself somewhat fervently scanning the room around him as he ate. Inexplicably disappointed by the uneventful nature of the meal, he asked Ford to give him a tour of the accommodation. It was in the midst of this building that he suddenly stopped in front of one particular room, a number which Arthur had never realised held such incredible significance to him before. He reached into his bag, somehow perfectly calm and reassured to find a miniature blaster already loaded with a single shot canister. He knocked on the door, shouting "Hey it's Ben! Sam said you might have my bowl", the words coming from nowhere. He waited a tense 30 seconds, and then saw the confused face of a person he had never before met. Without thinking, he pulled out his blaster and fired his one shot into their abdomen, their valiant dive behind the door only accomplishing the obliteration of their kidney instead of their navel. Arthur, his head now clear, looked down at his hands, stunned in horror at what he had done, and then ran in terror into the night.

[21:00 PM] The Gibbering Man lies in wait for white_rabbit (Jacob Coxon)
The Gibbering Man reports:


Subject 34 experienced terminal trauma to the anterior upper torso this evening. It is as of yet unknown what weapon caused this damage, as the weapon used was removed from the building by its bearer. SecuriCam footage shows the following:

Subject 34 exited his cell for a period of physical corrective treatment at around 19:00. At 19:20, a figure entered his cell. This individual was partially concealed behind the ceramo-metallic door to Subject 34's cell, but blur-removal analysis indicates a high probability that this was Subject 19. 19 proceeded to wait behind the door for around one hour. Facial algorithms suggest considerable insanity in this subject - treatment had evidently not been progressing satisfactorily. At 20:50, Subject 34 re-entered his cell, and was rapidly destroyed by Subject 19 with what seemed to be extreme prejudice. This Psycho-correction officer would like to note that security staff viewing this footage became subject to base animal instincts, and a cleaning crew was required after various bodily fluids were spilled from both orifices. Subject 19 was seen exiting the cell, and did not appear on any other SecuriCam footage.

Audio reconstruction from Subject 34's cell provides little information. Animal noises, 'Gray,' and references to popular styles of clothing used to decorate the cranium are assessed to be a result of Subject 19's current state.

-::Subject 19 profile::- Male, original name unknown, birth date unknown, mental status unknown.

It is not known where Subject 19 procured his unknown make of energy pistol.

It is not known where Subject 19 currently is.


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