My poor Depresso is really sad no one is submitting fun reports to read :( Therefore, I am putting a bounty on kills with reports. You get 1 cookie for each kill submitted with a report of 150 words or more (or a cool bit of art!) Make my Depresso happy :)

ONE PACK OF COOKIES GOES TO THE FIRST PERSON TO KILL SHIN!!! (THE UMPIRE aka Water Ghost)
TWO PACKS OF COOKIES IF YOU ARE A LIVE PLAYER (i.e., not Police).
(Payable at the final duel.)

Umpire's note: this does not make Water Ghost a licit target to living players by default. Living players will be sent Wanted for killing him while he is not bearing.

The Dystopiaverse Dragon challenges the Guild again, but this time it's not a boss battle - it's a collection event!

Try to kill as many incompetent/wanted players as possible before the thunderbolt strikes on 3 March. For each inco or wanted player killed between now and then, I will donate £2 for the Guild to build up a new armoury. If you clear the entire incompetent list, I'll add another £50.

I'll also match the donation 5x to a charity of the Umpires' choice.

It has come to my attention that the Umpire known as The Dragon Queen has committed many dreadful crimes, including:

i) betraying the Guild to the Dystopiaverse Dragon;
ii) attempting to cover up the aforementioned betrayal;
iii) attempting to murder her fellow Umpire for cookies;
iv) failing to murder her fellow Umpire for cookies, and;
v) daring to prioritise such arcane things as example sheet deadlines above the Guild

Therefore I would like to announce that I will award to the first person to kill The Dragon Queen one pack of sweets easily obtainable from local supermarkets. In addition I will award a second pack of sweets if the kill is made with an attack animal.

(Note: this still doesn't make me a licit target by default until I find an excuse to send myself Corrupt. Living players will still be sent Wanted for killing me when I'm not bearing.)

It seems that death has not been sufficient to rid The Dragon Queen of her Corrupt ways - now she is even striking down loyal members of her own police force as they retreat! This cannot be tolerated.

Therefore, I am offering a bounty of one bar of chocolate to anyone who kills The Dragon Queen before the game ends. I will additionally offer a second bar of chocolate if the kill is made with an attack animal.

I wish you all good luck in taking down The Dragon Queen, but beware - she is heavily armed and prepared to kill!

Practical notes:

I will be giving myself two minute respawns for the duration of the day. Each player may only claim the bounty once, though you're welcome to try and kill me a second time if it amuses you! Living players will not be granted competency for successfully killing me; I may award conkers but that is highly unlikely to be the deciding factor determining whether anyone makes the duel.

I will be allowed to defend myself, though any kills I make on competent non-Wanted living players will not be upheld and the only effect will be that the player in question cannot bear weapons in my vicinity for the next four hours.

I have a lecture in town at 11am; other than that I'm not sure where I'll be, but may decide to post updates on the Discord if I get bored enough. Except for the lecture I won't spend time in any OOB areas, and if I'm in my room it'll be unlocked unless I'm sleeping.