Michaelmas 2023 Game Awards

For various achievements and entertainments, the following awards are presented:

The Tombstone Award for Psychopathy:
Jamie Syiek, for getting 11 kills, including some pretty significant ones.
The Leek and Safe Award for Most Interesting Weaponry:
Chloe Coles-Smith, for a tiddlywinks squidger labelled 'razor-sharp discuss'.
Honourable Mention to Kesteral Zakharov, for a homemade paper rubber band gun, which would have won had it been loaded.
The Darwin Award for Death by Stupidity:
Gianpaulo Ruju, for telling his target that he was there to kill him.
Honourable Mention to Nat Tompkins, for walking up to Shin on the road and proclaiming his incompetence.
The Harland Quinn Golden Quill for the Most Amusing Reports:
Seb Walsh, for various bovine musings, some of which made me laugh out loud.
The Brutus Award for Best Betrayal:
Billy Laws, for betraying his fellow Homerton freshers (including both of his college brothers), leading to 5 deaths!
The Obfuscated Tutorial System Award for Silliest Pseudonym:
Alex Read, for '732 termites in priority mail'
Honourable Mention to Iris Creighton and Cameron Round, both of whom had multiple funny pseudonyms. Boutros Boutros Boutros Boutros Boutros Boutros Boutros Boutros Ghali VII of Spain was a joy to write headlines for.
The Loloccoon Award for Survival:
Lucas Beghein, who survived 6 separate attempts from a very dedicated Peter Steward.
The Lemming Award for the First to Die:
Emily Lin, for the obvious.
The Catherine Zentile Award for Least Innocent Innocent:
Peter Steward's friends, for pretending to be his assassin throughout the entire game, by printing photos of his face and putting them up around his staircase, and invading his room multiple times to leave threatening messages.
Honourable Mention to Jiarui Hu's friend, for pretending to be Jiarui without any prompting at all.
The Yellow Streak Award for Running Away:
Lily Kearney, for escaping a 2 hour room siege by Shin Min Seo, when the latter just wanted a good duel.
The 'Do you have my fish?' Award for Excuse Least Likely To Get Someone To Open The Door:
Shin Min Seo, for responding to Seb Walsh's "who are you", by saying that he was a random person who'd come to assassinate him after seeing him on the wanted list. "Can you go away?" Seb said.
The David and Goliath Award for Best Giant-Killing Activity by a New Player:
Sophie Connell, for killing Shin Min Seo, Bernard Dec and Isaac Riordan, all of whom had high kill counts.
The David Duffit award for Secrecy and Deception:
Vivian Lin, for convincing the entirety of the incobash that she was police, and did not need to be hunted, and also not telling anyone her name during the bash.
The Dr Kimble Award for Surviving the Longest Time on the Wanted List:
Lottie White, for surviving 19 days from the game's beginning, after giving an incomplete address.
The Three Hours Early Award for Paranoia:
Jamie Syiek, for buying people's silence with chocolate, lying about his name to his allies, carrying at least two nerf guns to lectures, and many more things.
The "Nice Try" Award for a valiant effort:
Lily Kearney and Dido Coley, for making four separate attempts on Peter Steward in one day, not realising that he had just been killed that morning.
The Banker's Bonus Award for Profit:
Sophie Connell, For killing the umpire right as the game was ending, earning a bounty.
The Bandwidth Bandit Award for Non-Textual Reports:
Jamie Syiek, for his archaeological finds, depicting a series of violent deaths.
The 'My Hero' Award for the Biggest Fanclub:
Seb Walsh, for getting anonymous fan mail from "The Assassin who Watches."
The Gary Lineker Award for Sportsmanship:
Matthew Burgess, for letting his housemates know that he was playing assassins, so that they would let potential assassins in secretly, to avoid house break-ins.
The Orange Scarf Award for subtlety:
Shin Min Seo, for announcing his current location and plans on the public Discord, multiple times.
Honourable Mention to Lily Kearney, for being so suspicious camping outside a lecture, that Bernard Dec (who was also camping outside the same lecture for the same person) figured out what she was doing and killed her.
The Eh? Award for Weirdest Assassins' Related Happening:
Drogon and spacenerd1235, for joining the Discord server even without playing or being at the university, being overly curious, overly talkative, and just a bit weird.
Honourable Mention to Jamie Syiek, for getting 'assassinated' by a (unrelated) Discord bot.
The Pistols At Dawn Award for an Addiction to Duelling:
Shin Min Seo, for constantly requesting duels and making challenges. No-one accepted his offers.
The *Twitch* Award for Plot Derailment:
Shin Min Seo and Seb Walsh, for these two leading players both dying in a conflict the moment open season started. Sophie Connell was in the right place at the right time to make off with all their points.
The Cuba '62 Award for Narrowly Averted Disaster:
Cameron Round, for coming much closer than anticipated to beating Jamie Syiek in a Magic: The Gathering shadow game.
The Koom Valley Award for Best Ambush:
Dido Coley, for camping in someone's gyp room at 5 to 8 in the morning, when their victim walked past it wearing nothing but a towel, and having to not spook him too much so that he did not drop his towel.
The Show Must Go On Award for Devotion to The Guild:
Henry Caushi and Jamie Syiek, for staying on to help the umpires; especially Henry who graduated two years ago.
The Spawncamper Award for kill farming:
Jamie Syiek, for taking out a large number of freshers betrayed to him by Billy Laws.
The Couldn't Make It Up Award for Ironic Pseudonym Choice:
Jamie Davies, for 'Apate', goddess of deceit, and the extent to which the umpires were deceived by them.
Honourable Mention to Peter Jackson, for 'Hypnos', god of sleep. I lost so much sleep running this game.
The Lawyers At Dawn Award for Disputing Everything:
Bernard Dec, for disputing many umpirical decisions, mostly completely unrelated to himself.
The Love Bug Award for Unresolved Sexual Tension:
Shin Min Seo, for, I quote, 'That moment when I talked to some guy cause I thought he was cute then realised he knew the person I was after.'
The Red/Blue Colourblind Award for Teamkilling:
Isaac Riordan, for killing his long-standing ally, Nathan de Carle
The Watcher On The Walls Award for Dedicated Ambushing:
Shin Min Seo, who would spend hours waiting outside people's rooms for their return
The [REDACTED] Award for [REDACTED]:
[REDACTED], for frequent use of [REDACTED]
The Fake Simon Award for Psychological Warfare:
Peter Steward, for a huge number of attempts against Lucas Beghein, leaving threatening notes and fake gifts behind.
Honourable Mention to An Unknown person, for leaving nerf bullets in the kitchens of Jamie Syiek and Bernard Dec, freaking them out.
The Gentleman's Award for Reverse Profit:
Shin Min Seo, for bribing someone not to kill him, with a drink at the pre-game social
The Kit Jenkins award for most foolish pseudonym:
Sam Raine-Jenkins, who will be immortalised here as the one who signed up as 'Submissive and breedable x'. This was changed for the game.
The Mexican Standoff Award for Tensest Situation:
Axel Agrawal, Abi Crowdi, Thomas Brockett, and others, for a very eventful evening in which Axel narrowly escaped with their life when Abi (a police) was sacrificed to Thomas as a distraction. The event made it onto Homfess.
The Cugini Award for Psychofreshery:
Dido Coley, for getting 11 kills, 10 of which were using a particularly vicious raccoon
The Fluffy Bunny Collective for the Least Threatening Alliance:
The Dark Brotherhood, a large group of freshers who enthusiastically signed an agreement at the start of the game for a later fight to the death. None of them were alive to fulfill the contract.
Honourable Mention to The Police, who really need to step up their game and make players fear incompetence.
The George R. R. Martin Award for commitment to the Plot:
Talia Shafai, for total commitement to her identity, Ktesibios, the Bronzepunk Artificer, and to the Ancient Greek theme in all communications.
The Girton Award for the Kill Furthest from Cambridge:
Bernard Dec, for a kill in Girton.
Honourable Mention to Alasdair Harrison, for two kills in Girton. Only an honourable mention since Alasdair lives in Girton.
The Kife Award for Worst Weapon Labelling:
Yonatan Merkier, for a magazine labelled 'Rabid Magazine Mimic', with eyes and a toothed maw hastily scribbled inside. Nice try, though!
The LinkedIn Award for Networking:
Jamie Syiek, for attempting (unsuccessfully) to network his director of studies, with yule log as a bribe.
The Charge of the Light Brigade award for Brave but Doomed Attacks:
Shin Min Seo, for the brazen murder of Seb Walsh at the start of open season, in a hall containing Seb's ally.
The Not Dead Yet Award for failure to admit defeat:
Seb Walsh, for shooting Shin with a water pistol after being stabbed.
The Spawncamper Award for Cheapest Kill:
Seb Walsh and Sophie Connell, for handing William Sorensen a weapon at his door, in order to make him a licit target. Seb then failed to respect his No Water status, sending him wanted anyway.
The London Award for Excessive Firepower:
Bernard Dec, for showing up to the duel with a ton of preloaded magazines, bullets, and an automatic nerf gun. Ironically, the gun jammed, leading to his early death.
The Cain Award for Killing Family Members:
Sam Chappell, for killing his own daughter.
Honourable Mention to Chloe Coles-Smith, for killing her niece.
The Fancy Seeing You Here Award for Random Encounters:
Rahul Sharma, for bumping into Alex Read and killing him, after Alex had searched his room and was leaving the college.
The COVID-19 award for best Self Isolation:
Bernard Dec, for stacking up food and staying indoors for almost the entirety of open season. He was bored enough to crack the open season scoring algorithm; quite an impressive task!
The Hidden in Plain Sight Award for Worst Ambush:
Dido Coley, Lily Kearney and Axel Agrawal, for camping outside a target's staircase and asking their friend about him. The friend told us his friend was in the chapel, then asked "wait, are you guys here to kill him?". We answered "no", to which he asked "are you sure?", and then we ran away.
The Pedants' Award for Attention to Detail:
Bertie Politi, for trying to get all the details about any report that could be against the rules. (Maybe I was just too lax on the rules, though…)
The Leroy Jenkins Award for Joyfully Suicidal Activity:
Nat Tompkins, for showing up to incobash and announcing that they were incompetent and wanted to commit suicide-by-a-lot-of-heavily-armed-assassins.
The Vendetta Award for Best Revenge:
Jamie Syiek, for an instant revenge on Thomas Brockett, who had killed Jamie's ally Billy, illicitly. Thomas was killed within minutes of becoming wanted.
The Walter Cronkite Award for Best News Headline:
Bertie Politi, for 'The chicken man (Guy David) clucks their last at Reepicheep's door.'
The "Return of the King" Award for Reappearance of a Former Player:
Mike Cripps, the Lent 2003 Umpire and Auto Umpire developer, who joined in over Discord.
Honourable Mention to David Allsopp, a society founder and PhD holder, who emailed us with some guild history over the summer.
Assassins' Guild 2023