University of Cambridge Assassin's Guild
Varsity 1999 - The Durham Invasion


Report by Overkill, courtesy of Nadim the Nyth...

Archaeonecros and Overkill had just sent an email calling off the red alert, and Archaeonecros went home. Twenty seconds later a gang of seven suspects troop into Overkill's staircase. He sent the Man in Black in to talk to them, confirming they were murderers, and then confronted them with: "Good afternoon Durham, I'm Granny Grantham" *pullscps1000outofcoat* They retreated into two archways from which nozzles protruded. Therefore Overkill pelted one archway with 3 poison baby rubber hedgehogs and escaped through another gateway to raise the alarm. What happened next is censored.

The Badminton Squad assembled in S staircase clare, and sent sorties out. In the morning, when only the BOFH and Overkill were around, a dodgy female, "Steff from Johns'" tried to talk to them about rag. A minute later she had delta platoon in support, with a big shield and an arrowstorm. Therefore Overkill violently murdered the people behind the shield by bashing it with projectiles. One of them also picked up a hedgehog, taking the Durham casualties to be either 2 or 3 depending on whether the hedgehog-collector had been behind the shield. They were shot at through the BOFH's window with a cps2000, and were pursued by the BOFH with a cps 1000, on a bike. They had shortly before murdered the retired assassin Wunhunglow.

Durham then captured Umpire No News Nyth. In response, the Uncle and Mr Miyagi and Overkill and the Godfather and the Taxi Driver Man and Too Short and Vinnie and Buffalo Soldier stormed Selwyn, where he was held prisoner and presumably murdered. Of note, Vinnie was gratuitously shot by the Durham Commando with a cps 2000, and 3 Durham murderers were killed outside: One through a window from behind as he hid behind a bush, at point-blank range with a cps 1000 by Overkill. Another stormed the building with and xp20 and a Nerf Spitfire, and was eventually finished off by the Uncle with a cps1000. The third rued the lack of support from the windows as Overkill overpowered his xp 50 and shot him in the head and torso. Meanwhile cps2000's and cps 1500's and xp 55's and xp 50's and cps 1000's rained fire; hedgehogs, waterbombs, ninjastars and rubber bands were exchanged. Notably Mr Miyagi and the Uncle lost an arm each.

Durham had to leave, with 6 or so of them still alive. The score is made out by us to be: 5 - 3 to Cambridge, who demonstrated a good level of awareness, and were able to hit back through the infrastructure of the Brotherhood and Badminton Squad Mafias. Then the Umpire's ghost was gratuitously reperforated by the Cambridge murderers. Notably the Godfather severely burnt his head and torso...


Guild Homepage / The Archive / The Durham 1999 Varsity Match
Please email the maintainer with any comments about the site.