TOP SECRET Visiting Dignitary Event 2006

The Event

On Sunday 14th May, the city of Cambridge played host to a diplomatic guest from La Republica Abrebotellas Hereditario de Corquidicolandia. As with previous visits of this nature, it is vital for the cause of global liberty, democracy and other vague but politically acceptable notions, that he be eliminated. As in previous events of this nature, your mission is to assassinate him. Information on him, his itinerary, and your potential opposition, is provided below for your convenience.

You may also wish to consult the briefings for previous events, which can be found here, here and here.


Except where otherwise noted, water weapons, nerf weapons, wooden rubber band guns, melee weapons, knives, coshes and cuddly toys may be used. Obviously, indirect weapons are not permitted. If you want to use anything else, or if there’s anything you think has been forgotten, please email the Dignitary (tjgb2).

The Centre of Town (within and including the red lines on the map) is likely to be packed with tourists and the general public, and as such no ranged weapons, including thrown ones, may be used on or by assassins within it. The Dignitary and his bodyguards will endeavour to avoid this area as much as possible.

Assassins, bodyguards and the Dignitary will resurrect after five minutes or at the conclusion of any event.

Assassins are encouraged to ambush the Dignitary between events rather than attacking in huge mobs at the events themselves.

The Route

Jesus Lane, 2.00pm

Wilkes Booth and his associates will be arriving in the city by bus (being unable to afford anything else), and are expected conduct a short tour of scenic Christ’s College before beginning their official itinerary. At approximately 2pm, they will leave for town, starting at the eastern end of Jesus Lane. Their first destination is:

Chemical Munitions Suppliers, otherwise known as the Centre for Mathematical Studies, or CMS, for 2:40pm. Wilkes Booth intends if possible to acquire more of the vital chemical dihydrogen monoxide from the CMS, since it will surely prove useful for oppressing the masses even if he is later unable to acquire funds. Since Rosa-Maria Amapola surrendered a large stock of the chemical only last year, Wilkes Booth is hoping to be able to pick some up at rock bottom price.

Assassins are politely requested not to attempt to kill each other inside the buildings at this site.

Having potentially acquired more chemical weapons, Wilkes Booth will then proceed to the William Gates Building for 3:00pm. Thanks to an unfortunate error by his translator, General Pelugoconsandalias Noxiano-Bigotegrande is under the impression that this is actually the house of Bill Gates, and has ordered Wilkes Booth to venture there and, if necessary, beg for a sum of money to continue his “democratic reforms”.

The interior of the William Gates Building (and all other buildings on the West Cambridge Site) are, again, out of bounds for this event.

Once the mistake is discovered, the Minister and bodyguards will probably move fairly quickly on to The Sidgwick Site at 3.40pm, where it is thought Wilkes Booth intends to visit the Economics Department in the hope of preventing another disaster like the one that recently bankrupted his country.

It is rumoured that Wilkes Booth is a member of that most depraved of Cambridge colleges, Peterhouse, and he is expected to visit his alma mater at some point during the day. They are expected to be sympathetic to his cause, since it was at that college that he learned his decadent ways. Sources suggest that he will be visiting St. Peter’s Terrace at about 4.10pm, where he intends to conduct a shady business deal with college representatives.

His mission finished, the Minister will then proceed quickly to Reality Checkpoint on Parker’s Piece, then to the bus station to leave Cambridge. There will probably be informal battles of some description at the end of the day.


Many of you will remember the visit of Rosa-Maria Amapola, the Ambassador from La Republica Hereditario Abrebotellas di Corquidicolandia last year, after which General Vagoysospechoso Noxiano-Bigotegrande was able to proceed with his programme of reform .He succeeded in upgrading Corquidicolandia to a Carrot Democracy, ushering in a new period of peace and prosperity for the small South American country. For the first time, the people of the republic were able to elect their own representatives. The long-serving government spokesman, Mateo Carretez, assured international observers that it was entirely coincidental that the new representatives were the same as the old ones, and had nothing to do with the armed guards patrolling the streets on the day of election.

Nonetheless, the broom of democratic change had some effect as it swept through the country, and various members of the institution began to feel their own position crumbling. Amongst them was Thomas Wilkes Booth, a member of the elite bodyguard unit Los Alamos, who was concerned that the increasing level of scrutiny being levelled at government spending might start to impinge on his hedonistic private life. When an inquiry was launched into the alcohol budget of Los Alamos, Wilkes Booth decided to act.

In a short and bloody coup, Wilkes Booth and a number of other senior officials overthrew the government of General Vagoysospechoso Noxiano-Bigotegrande and invited his cousin, and erstwhile ruler of Corquicidolandia, Pelugoconsandalias Noxiano-Bigotegrande, to return and take up the reins of power once more. Most of the previous members of the government disappeared mysteriously or fled into exile, including Rosa-Maria Amapola and Thomas’s own brother JJ, who became the leaders of an international resistance movement.

The new General followed the ancient Corquidicolandian tradition of appointing those who had assisted him in the coup to positions of power and responsibility, including Wilkes Booth, who was made Minister for Agriculture, Fisheries and Food. The new Minister took his job very seriously, if overenthusiastically, and in the first week spent the entire GDP of the country on pies, reasoning that they were the most efficient way to feed the populace. The disaster was compounded when he accidentally ate them all as a midnight snack.

With the state bankrupt and the population starving, it can now only be a matter of time before General Pelugoconsandalias Noxiano-Bigotegrande succumbs to international and domestic pressure and his government collapses, especially since he can now no longer replenish his country’s vital supplies of dihydrogen monoxide, the threat of which (usually sprayed from the top of police vehicles) having been the only real reason he hasn’t already been overthrown.

With this in mind, Wilkes Booth has been dispatched to Cambridge to attempt to reopen friendly relations with the city, in the hope that the crisis can be averted. It goes without saying that should he be stopped from completing his mission, or killed en route, it might have fatal consequences for General Pelugoconsandalias Noxiano-Bigotegrande’s government. Wilkes Booth is under no illusions as to the number of people who have an interest in the failure of his mission, and will be accompanied on the diplomatic visit by a squad of Los Alamos, Corquidicolandia’s elite bodyguard unit.

Your mission is to assassinate Thomas Wilkes Booth before he can secure international support and more chemical weapons for the corrupt government of General Pelugoconsandalias Noxiano-Bigotegrande. Fail, and it could mean years of tyranny for the people of Corquidicolandia. Their fate is in your hands!

Los Alamos

Los Alamos, or the Llama Hunters, have long served as the elite bodyguard of La Republica Hereditario Abrebotellas di Corquidicolandia. However, with the exception of Wilkes Booth himself, all the members of Los Alamos who served under the previous government have vanished, or fled into exile. The bodyguards accompanying Wilkes Booth have been handpicked for this mission and are to be considered highly dangerous. Information on them is scarce, but that which has been pieced together is presented below:

Almirante Miguel Anillodelvuelo

Formerly a pirate captain who had raided Corquidicolandian shipping for many years, Miguel Anillodelvuelo was offered the position of Admiral of the Fleet. Since the new job was basically identical to his old one, except with official approval, a pay rise, and more minions to order around, Anillodelvuelo readily accepted. He is known to be an experienced and ruthless combatant.

Adán Barbacongelador

Barbacongelador was appointed the new head of the Inquisition after the ousting of JJ Wilkes Booth during the coup. Details are scanty, but he has already cultivated a fearsome reputation among the population. Rumours include that he once killed a man for incorrectly inserting a hyphen into his surname, and that he can shoot laser beams from his eyes.

Padre Ricardo Gibón Gibón de Provechagrande

Originally a missionary priest, Provechagrande was thrust into the limelight when a group of officials fleeing revolutionary gunmen ran into his church during the middle of a service. Not to be dismayed, he shooed them out of the church into the waiting arms of the police, who promptly arrested them all and took them away for “re-education”. Impressed, Noxiano-Bigotegrande made Provechagrande his spiritual advisor, and an honorary member of Los Alamos, a role he has taken to with gusto. Rumours that he is training altar boys to join the squad have not yet been substantiated.

Dr. Nicola Fontanero

Nicola is renowned for a gentle and personable demeanour, and for handling all foreign objects with gloves, nominally to prevent cross-contamination. Beneath this pleasant exterior, however, beats the heart of a psychotic killer. Approach with caution.

Jacobin Vado Cortinachevsky

Originally a Russian secret agent, Cortinachevsky was “persuaded” to throw his lot in with the new regime, and sold a good deal of Russian state secrets to the government of General Pelugoconsandalias Noxiano-Bigotegrande. Russian agents have been tasked with his elimination, and it is believed that Cortinachevsky may be travelling to Cambridge in disguise, possibly behind a large beard.


Although the primary purpose of the day is to have fun, there is a nominal scoring system in place for those people who wish to keep track of their achievements. Attacking assassins will score 1 point for each bodyguard killed, and 5 points each time they manage to kill the Dignitary. The Dignitary will attempt to keep a tally of who has killed him, but will probably lose count and/or forget at some point in the afternoon. Small prizes may be awarded to particularly persistent or successful attackers at the end of the event.