The Assassins' Guild - Eliminate! News Reports
The Assassins' Guild - Eliminate! News Reports
Herein can be found reports on the eliminations which have taken place so far. Note that some reports have been liberally censored by the Umpire in order to avoid giving away, well, anything.
Tuesday, May 3rd, 4:25pm
The attacker's report:
After an inconclusive event yesterday in which the only victim was [######], my life suddenly became a lot more difficult, since not only did I have to kill someone relatively competent, but he also knew that it was me who was after him. He also knew that I knew where he could be found an awful lot of the time that he wasn't in his room. So, after a cursory scout of [######], the [######] (where there was a notable lack of [######]) and all the lurking spots on [######], I made my way to his friend's room, where I thought he might have dropped by. The light was on, but the room was empty, so I resolved to hang around for a while for their return (if indeed he was there). It was perhaps unfortunate that they had gone to get food, and that they happened to walk past the staircase exit just as I was coming out of it. He and I both had our guns out, and emptied them into each other's face and chest respectively at nearly point-blank range, while his friend didn't even realise what had happened until the walls were plastered with (previously) internal bodily fluids.
It was particularly galling that, since this happened at 4.25, we didn't even survive a whole day.
Wednesday, May 4th, 12:05pm
The killer's report:
After discovering that my hit, [######], was doing [######] I popped down to one of his lectures for a bit of seeing and hopefully not being seen. Even though I saw him go in I thought with a spare hour before lunch I might as well experience what treats I was missing three times a week. In fact all I got was the next guy asking me questions about stones and a freezing lecture hall.
On the way out I promptly shot him in the neck with my trusty (ok it's quite shit really) mini water pistol. He didn't seem to mind so it was a bit of a win-win situation.
The victim's last words:
Paranoia is a good thing. I wonder where mine went? I was got outside a [subject removed] lecture by [name removed] while neither paying attention to suspicious characters around me, nor carrying any weapons! I mean, how lame am I (don't answer that question)? I guess it helped that a fellow [college removed]ian was stood by the door saying "[surname removed]" over and over again as I left, allowing my assassin to sidle up in his [distinctive piece of clothing removed] and spray all over my face with his tiny pistol [bad bukkake joke removed]
The Umpire thanks the victim for censoring his own report, even if was only in the cause of making jokes about unusual sexual practices.
Monday, May 9th, 3:00pm
The survivor had this to say:
I think we were both feeling a little overwhelmed with impending exam doom.
Tuesday, May 10th, 6:45pm
After the inquest, the respected Dr. Oliver issued a public statement to the effect that rabbits should be considered a genuine health risk to the assassin population of Cambridge. The group most at risk from rabbits is currently thought to be those who sign up to play Eliminate! before failing to make any attempts on their targets within a four-day period. Symptoms of rabbits include expiration, mortality and death.
Wednesday, May 11th, 5:20pm
The victim's somewhat incoherent dying words went as follows:
EXPERIMENT 7
-------------------
Concerning the use, abuse, misuse and otherwise of JCN funds.
-------------------
We gathered and assembled the apparatus as shown in the diagram. The system was overclocked to Speed 7 and we prepared to observe the results:
And I saw a new Heaven and a new Earth, for the first Heaven and the first Earth had passed away; and the sea was no more.
"What is this castle called that stands hard by?"
"They call it Cambridge, my Lord."
"Then call we this the battle of Cambridge, fought on the day of Saint Mamertus (yea, it is also the feast day of St. Bryony, patron Saint of shiny balloons, but that isn't terribly relevant. All hail Imre Leader!)"
.and here's to you, [######] [######], (the Master of) Jesus loves you more than you will know (or possibly consider socially acceptable). Wo, wo, wo (#wowoland?).
Where have you gone, Dr. J Doe? College turns its lonely eyes to you..
BANG!
Oh. You appear to have shot me with my own gun.
.by which we mean, PENETRATION!
Sic transit gloria mundi.
You have been ELIMINATE!d. Terms and conditions apply..
Wednesday, May 11th, 6:10pm
The victim wished to be remembered for the following words:
There are no allies in Eliminate, certainly. But there are friends. If friends lack social no kills the game reduces itself to a roulette of who is fortunate enough to get who first. Obviously friends should still kill friends when dictated, but I believe it should be in the form of proper decent lurking as if your target was a stranger (as with the first incident of the game), by just outright asking for a duel (as I'd like to think was the reason for the duel this game), or by some other equivalent method. I've actually been quite pleasantly surprised at how the game's dealt with friends targetting friends so far.
I was not, however, particularly happy when a friend of mine, having just spent some time talking with me and watching me play a game, thought it would be hilariously ironic to pick up my own gun and bang kill me with it when I wouldn't go for dinner. Oh, how devilishly cunning of the fiend.
(I won't be holding this against this person outside of the game, but I mean really, this was just daft)
Tuesday, May 17th, 11:00pm
Latest reports from the infected area show that the rabbit plague displays no signs of abating. Players are warned to be extremely wary of all rabbits, and also of incompetence.
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