The Assassins' Guild - Week 4 News

[03:14 AM] [CENSORED] goes down while the Umpire is sleeping.

Lemony Snicket reports:

You guys...

So essentially, there was a pile-up and six of the nine live players got involved. Through some stroke of incredible fortune (/misfortune depending on your point of view), no live players were killed.

All live players involved have received competency. Certain people have committed Wanted offenses and have been put on the list. More will probably join them once I've worked out what exactly happened about [REDACTED].

Unfortunately, most of the people are involved are asleep, having stayed up until 4 in the morning trying to shoot each other, so I'll put up a clearer picture once you're awake and have submitted reports.

[21:24 PM] The Minigame begins!

Count Olaf reports:

Ladies, gentlemen, and sentient squids of ambiguous gender of the Volunteer Fire Department:

This is not a speech, nor is it a soliloquy or a monologue.

This is a declaration of intent.

Myself and my loyal followers have grown tired of the gratuitous tyranny and cold-hearted treatment that is ever-present in the Volunteer Fire Department, which is purely due to the indefensible reign of Lemony Snicket, and instigated by his obdurate Police force.

We thus find that we have no choice but to pass verdict on this condemned establishment, and unanimously, we find it guilty.

As such, I may now proclaim that every man, woman, squid, and child who acts in the greater good of this God forsaken institution, shall be guilty of treason of the highest order and put to death without mercy, clemency or exception, at the hands of my prodigious order, the Voraciously Fiendish Dilapidators.

However, for those of you who shun this contemptuous regime in place of our superior alternative, clemency may be shown and you might live to see the inevitable fall of Lemony Snicket and his dastardly organisation (no promises ;-p ).

In summary, I declare war on this fiendish and treacherous fallacy that has emerged from that virtuous former democracy. There shall be no survivors, save for those who genuflect to our will.

And as for you, Lemony Snicket, life is about to start giving you so many lemons that you will wish your name was Peachy . . .

Yours Truly,

Count Olaf

Wednesday, 22 February

[21:30 PM] The Police War begins!

It seems that there has been a schism withing the Volunteer Fire Department. The Incredulously Docile Viper, This is What Happens when you Repeatedly Hit a Cucco with a Sword, The Cookies are Good Over Here, The Fleeting Shadow at the Corner of Your Eye as you Walk Home on a Moonless, Windless Night and The Entire First Chapter of The Bad Beginning have revealed that their true intent is to start fires, not to put them out. This must be stopped! I call on the loyal members of VFD - bring these criminals to justice!

(In case you hadn't noticed, this is the start of the Police War. The way things will work is as follows: There are two teams; either the Virtuous Fire-fighting Division or the Vile Fire-starting Deploy (Corrupts). If you are killed by someone on a team, you resurrect as a member of that team. (The fire can only spread!)

Despite the fact that there may be nominal factions in this schism, everyone knows that we're all only out for ourselves. Each person will be given 1 point per kill they make, and lose 1 point every time they die. The person with the most points at the end will win the war!

Through all this, you're still expected to hunt incos and Wanted people in the main game. Police are allowed to (with the consent of all involved) make binding truces for the purpose of doing their actual job.

Also, if a person's notes say they are not to be involved in the Police war, they are not to be involved in the Police war. (I shouldn't even have to say this...)

Thursday, 23 February

[14:44 PM] The Fleeting Shadow at the Corner of Your Eye as you Walk Home on a Moonless, Windless Night gets Extra-Strength Wasabi - first death of the Police War!

The Fleeting Shadow at the Corner of Your Eye as you Walk Home on a Moonless, Windless Night +1, Extra-Strength Wasabi -1.

[20:51 PM] Ominous Cawing sends The Entire First Chapter of The Bad Beginning onto the path of redemption.

Ominous Cawing +1, The Entire First Chapter of The Bad Beginning -1.

Friday, 24 February

[16:36 PM] Extra-Strength Wasabi spreads the fire to Jacques Snicket!

Jacques Snicket -1, Extra-Strength Wasabi +1

Saturday, 25 February

[14:31 PM] Whew! Judge Judy and Executioner gets The Entire First Chapter of The Bad Beginning, Ominous Cawing gets Judge Judy and Executioner, and then Special Orphan Running Exercises gets Ominous Cawing...

Ominous Cawing +1 for kill, -1 for death. Special Orphan Running Exercises -1 for killing a team-mate. Judge Judy and Executioner +1 for a kill, -1 for the death immediately afterwards. The Entire First Chapter of The Bad Beginning -1 for a death.

[20:24 PM] The Fleeting Shadow at the Corner of Your Eye as you Walk Home on a Moonless, Windless Night eats Extra-Strength Wasabi for breakfast.

The Fleeting Shadow at the Corner of Your Eye as you Walk Home on a Moonless, Windless Night reports:

Carrying two guns, I hid to the side of Extra-Strength Wasabi's door as The Gentleman very honourably knocked on the door and after some convincing Morgan opened the door. Alas, this was to be his terminal mistake, as I burst in and shot him twice, once with each gun, piercing his heart to leave him bleeding out on the floor.