Cloak & Dagger The Assassins' Guild - Week 3 News

Sunday, 12 February

[16:51 PM] Varsity was a thing!

(We Won.)

Monday, 13 February

[10:04 AM] The Gentleman wears a Lily in his hat.

[11:07 AM] A Concerned Crow flies through The Shadow of the night.

A Concerned Crow and The Shadow had a double-kill. The Shadow used a bang-kill to do this. However, I a bang-kill isn't valid in such a scenario, since the double-kill kind of necessitates your target being aware of you (thus negating the surprise condition). Therefore, A Concerned Crow remains alive. ~LS

Tuesday, 14 February

[13:06 PM] The Quagmire Sapphires sends Her Majesty's Super Special Service a Valentines poem.
The Quagmire Sapphires reports:

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Quagmire Sapphires

Was here to see you.

Thursday, 16 February

[10:08 AM] Pokemon Trainer Cambridge Blue not-so-silently kills The Silent Killer.
Pokemon Trainer Cambridge Blue reports:

This was my *fourth* time attempting on The Silent Killer, and with how close I got yesterday I was determined to succeed this time. I packed up and left early, and made it to a place with a good view of his staircase, which wasn't hard to find given just how many times I've been here now.

I waited, and sure enough, he came out. This time I stayed put, and watched where he went. I followed him through the exit as I saw him leave, and could easily outpace him. I got close enough to ensure there could be no accidents, and released my newly evolved and hungry for action Wartortle from its Pokeball. Wartortle used hydro pump and hit The Silent Killer squarely in the back.

We chatted for a bit, and I left to get back to my secret base, happy to finally have another kill.

[12:55 PM] Quigley Quagmire goes very, very Corrupt.
Quigley Quagmire reports:

I had gone to the buttery for my evening meal when I saw "Busheney!" having his dinner. I was completely unarmed at the time, so I went back to my room, picked up a knife, went back to the buttery and stabbed him.


I just killed a crow when it fell down my flu,

It called me a lady - how little it knew!



Question: Have you ever been to a fair and thrown pies at people? Well I hadn't until tonight, when I did it to Ascended Paragon . . . with a grenade!


I find in general that it is the simple things in life that give us the greatest happiness, like Marmite sandwiches, Complex Analysis, throwing knives in the wall or the incredibly large mess that is made when a fragmentation grenade detonates in someones face. If you do not believe me (particularly the fourth statement), then simply ask Ivan Lachrymose and I'm sure he will verify it... Oh wait! on second thoughts, maybe Ivan will not vouch for me this time, since his altercation with the grenade appears to have proven fatal!!


I was in the somewhat fortunate position of being in possession of Facilitator Fishmail's Paper Laser Sword, so I felt that the opportunity provided by this was to good to be missed. I would do the decent thing of returning it to him and at the same time, I would murder him. I contacted him, stating my predicament and lo and behold, he said that I could drop it of at his room. I armed myself heavily and knocked on his door. As soon as he opened his door, I threw a grenade in his chest, and that was that. I was finished for the night, or so I thought. But it transpires that murder is indeed a drug, that calls to it perpetrator, luring it to it's ultimate demise . . .

On my way back, I bumped into a Concerned Crow (who, it would appear, is even more concerned for his personal safety than his name suggests, judging by the fact that when mid way through our conversation, a bike emitted a loud squeak when it braked, he spun around, grabbed my arm with both hands and said "what was that!!?!!"). We spoke for a while and then, when I thought he least suspected it, I shot him in the stomach from point blank range. I left feeling triumphant - how little did I know. . .


The thought may frequent your mind that my previous shenanigans, which had in due course had resulted in two dastardly murders, would be more than sufficient, and maybe even ample, to quench my thirst for blood. Indeed, I would that it were so. But, alas, this was not to be, since my thirst is unquenchable, and my quest for blood effervescent. I thus could not restrain myself from the overwhelming and impulsive urge to kill once more, so I decided in my delirium, to pursue my addiction once more. Oh Joyous Day!! I had lashed out and killed again, the smell of the fresh blood feeding my stupefaction. I had shot Ivan Lachrymose in the abdominal cavity. As I left him exsanguinating, I felt most joyous indeed. But Alas, even this was insufficient to suppress my drive. Indeed, it had served only to fuel it. . .


They say vengeance is a dish best served cold and indeed in turn I felt cold as the sharp metal blade pierced my chest.

So Quigley Quagmire went on a creeping murder spree of my Police Force. He was stopped, eventually, but I hereby declare him to be resurrected Corrupt. Have fun :) ~Lemony Snicket.

[16:21 PM] Dr Westmont incohunts in vain.
Dr Westmont reports:

The rain it raineth all around,

Upon the just and unjust fella;

Chiefly on the just, because

The unjust stole the just's umbrella.

I'll be waiting.

Friday, 17 February

[09:32 AM] Quigley Quagmire is brought to justice.

[10:17 AM] Not A Crazed Gunman guns down Ivan Lachrymose in a show of crazed brutality.

[11:24 AM] Arthur Poe looks for more guardians.
Arthur Poe reports:

Mulctuary Money Management




Report on the efforts towards adoption of Athos:

Following the untimely death of The Shadow, I have been working hard to find an alternative guardian for Athos. One suitable opportunity arose, so I arranged to meet the prospective adoptive parent on their way home from work. Unfortunately, they failed to show up at the expected time, so I went to their workplace in the hope that they could be found there. These efforts also failing, I finally resolved to visit them in their house. But this turned out to be impenetrable, even with the aid of my influence nature and the good name of Mulctuary Money Management.

I shall continue in my efforts to find a new family for Athos.

Yours faithfully,

Mr. Arthur Poe

(Vice-President in Charge of Orphan Affairs)

[12:18 PM] The Incredibly Deadly Viper goes a hunting, but finds no prey.
The Incredibly Deadly Viper reports:

A VFD operative has transcribed what they could of the badly damaged note recovered from a drainpipe within [REDACTED] college:

A suspicious (more so than usual) person has been spott__ __ _________ _____. _____ ____ __ __________, ___ ____ough the shoes have been posted, __ ____ __ _________nce to suggest that the compressed air ___ ___ _________ ___ ____ ________, ___________ for us. More information may follow tomorrow; we may have to send the police in. Warn them about ___ ______________ _________, ___ ___ ___________ __ allia____ ______ _______.

[17:08 PM] The Gentleman takes out The Quagmire Sapphires
The Quagmire Sapphires reports:

The Gentleman killed me today. My gun misfired so I got his arm with 2 bullets, and then he shot me in the torso.

[17:11 PM] The Lady is slightly scary. Just look at what she did to Athos

[19:17 PM] Mattathias muses poetically
Mattathias reports:

I remember the days when I once learnt geology:

The allure of the crystals, the thrill of seismology.

Granites: is it melano- or leucocratic?

Or pre-devonian, learning the life aquatic.

Milankovitch cycles and fine vulcanology,

But I see why you might have skipped sedimentology.


Once again waiting

Your room is silent, and yet-

I will wait five more.

Saturday, 18 February

[08:59 AM] Jaqen H'ghar's murderous tendencies know no bounds, as Pokemon Trainer Cambridge Blue (Andrew Browne) falls to her machine gun.
Pokemon Trainer Cambridge Blue reports:

I knew it had been a bloody day already, and as much as I wanted to stay shut up in my room and be sure to avoid death, I knew two things.

1) I needed to attend [REDACTED] this evening as I have a [REDACTED] tomorrow

2) I can't let fear of death own me and turn me into a hermit

I knew that chances were I would be attempted on as I left. The Gentleman had attended [REDACTED] last week, and Jaqen H'ghar would almost certainly be there to let him know where I was, so made sure to pack my newly acquired Blastoise's Pokéball as I set out.

What was ordinarily a nice walk was quite terrifying now. Who was to say that they wouldn't be waiting for me on my way there. That was after all, my preferred time to catch people. But save one suspicious looking person who I gave a wide berth, the journey was as normal as could be.

It was when I was inside that I knew my fears were not unfounded. Sure enough, while The Gentleman wasn't there, Judge Judy and Executioner was, and he was spending an unusually (even for him during a session) long amount of time on his phone. Isadora Quagmire and I had agreed before I left that she would text me to see if I needed backup, and naturally, when the text came, I asked for assistance. As I was packing up, my worst fears were realised.

I normally feel very safe walking alone at night, I do it all the time, but this time was very different. I checked every corner, gave anywhere out of immediate sight a wide berth to catch anyone lurking beyond. I made it out of there unscathed. On the next road, things were harder. Parked cars and driveways would have made perfect spots for an ambush. I quickened my pace (inadvertedly storming past The Gentleman before he could react) and then my worst fear came true. Standing in the street before me was a person with a large gun.

Immediately I drew my Pokéball and Blastoise popped out, spraying water to cover my retreat as I ran faster than I have ever done before (literally) in the opposite direction. I was running so quickly I couldn't really see a thing, but somehow managed to spot Judge Judy and Executioner cycling past and indicating to me The Gentleman who was also pointing a gun at me. I stopped just in time not to get hit, and Blastoise covered for me to push him back. Fighting on two fronts wasn't easy, but Blastoise did its best to keep them at bay, and was doing well, although none of his shots were able to hit them.

We kept fighting for a good few minutes, with Jaqen H'ghar almost giving me a few opportunities to break through her and run back to my secret base more quickly than ever before. Unfortunately, when I tried to make use of these breaks with Blastoise covering me with its water fire, I was blocked. Eventually, the distance between us began to close, and keeping the both of them a safe distance proved harder and harder. Then, finally, a well aimed shot from The Gentleman destroyed one of Blastoise's cannons. Shortly after, the second was felled by Jaqen H'ghar.

I am, of course, a Pokémon Trainer. I am not one for close physical combat, or any real form of self defence. That's what my Pokémon are for after all. So, with Blastoise lying on the ground, helpless, and in need of a very urgent visit to the Pokémon Centre, there was nothing more I could do but get shot again by Jaqen H'ghar, this time in the chest.

Isadora Quagmire reports:

I should have made a fly-by kill.

But hesitated, which proved fatal.

[19:21 PM] The Man with Glass Eyes, a Wooden Leg, and a Strangely Shaped Gash Across his Chest manages to take down Her Majesty's Super Special Service (Andrew Briggs)
Judge Judy and Executioner reports:

I'd heard rumours that there were going to be some attempts to get off the inco list, so myself and The Man with Glass Eyes, a Wooden Leg, and a Strangely Shaped Gash Across his Chest set off to get what targets we could while they were still vulnerable. We then went to King's at 6:10, and tried to go into the dining hall, only to find it was set up for some function or another. A member of staff asked us to go away, so we did. We then headed to his room, and found that the light was off. Assuming that meant he was at dinner, we hung around. The Man with Glass Eyes, a Wooden Leg, and a Strangely Shaped Gash Across his Chest waited in an alcove at one of the corridor his room was on, while I nonchalantly wandered up and down when ever people approached. I had walked to one end and through some doors, watching someone arrive in the reflection on the glass. The sound of gunfire summoned me back, but it was already done; The Man with Glass Eyes, a Wooden Leg, and a Strangely Shaped Gash Across his Chest had killed him on the first shot when he'd turned up outside his door with keys in hand.

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