The Assassins' Guild

[09:08 AM] What is a Llama doing in the Jungle? Apparently murdering Tarzan the merciless (Seb Dex)!

[10:55 AM] Lady Verne finds that directness is the best approach, killing Reg Reebok (Matthew Harris)

[11:03 AM] The Llama is on the hunt again, this time taking down Arno (Aimeric Malter)!

[11:10 AM] Cassie Kepler (Georgina Robertson) is chopped down by Caligula, as Kirin Jindosh watches...

[17:20 PM] Marcus Batavian, Master of the Temple (Jakob Gomolka) is mastered by Gachnar!

[19:20 PM] Walter Mildmay makes an error of judgement that may cause him Tears of Pain as he kills Ellen Palmer

[20:30 PM] This time Lady Verne goes for the stealthy approach to take down Reginald Phalanges (Nick Tekkis)

[21:25 PM] Justice is swift and vengeful, as Walter Mildmay (Taketomo Isazawa) is dispatched by Shrike, ably assisted by dashing adventurer Thaddeus Valentine and a Songbird

[22:00 PM] Lady Pierce and some bozo go looking for Barathrum (William Daniel Connolley), who winds up dead!

[22:45 PM] Just another cog in the wheel [we don't need no automation] also attempts to enact justice on Walter Mildmay (Taketomo Isazawa), but finds only a corpse...

Sunday, 16 October

[11:15 AM] Baron Mann Herbington (Shyam Dhokia) is crushed under Just another cog in the wheel [we don't need no automation]

[13:00 PM] Ethelflaed of Kells kills Lord Arnold B. Ardlum Esq. (Tom Wordsworth), but then suffers near-death at the hands of Sergeant Huggles

[17:00 PM] Assassins prove no match for the Llama as Bennezio Auditore (da Cambridge) (Damaris Bennett) falls beneath its hooves

[18:00 PM] The Knife attempts to cut Steamed Broccoli, but can't quite do it- maybe more time in the steamer?

[18:40 PM] The Knife gets lost...

[19:35 PM] The Furnace Blaster melts Screwjank (Henry Hole) with a single blast!

[20:30 PM] A corps of assassins goes hunting, as Marcus Kenway takes down Hugh Manatee (Mathew Best)

[20:40 PM] Baron Aliquam II attempts on the acronymous ISTW- no-one dies

Monday, 17 October

[09:50 AM] bozo (Nikhil Dharam Mohindra) thought he had a story of his own, but it turns out he's Just another cog in the wheel [we don't need no automation]

[09:57 AM] Lord Eigenvector vectors in on The Secondant (Valentin Hubner)

[19:50 PM] When someone says Ivor Gun, not even a White Ninja (Joshua Snyder) can escape...

[21:50 PM] The Wondering Wanderer goes a-wandering...

Tuesday, 18 October

[10:58 AM] Sergeant Huggles (Luke Kirby) decides that duelling really isn't his thing.

[12:05 PM] The Iron Giant lumbers into action, slaying Lord Hugo Lovelace III (Joshua Garfinkel)

[17:30 PM] The Parlett Scimpernell (Emil Evans) attempts on Kirin Jindosh with an elaborate plan, but alas it all goes horribly wrong...

Wednesday, 19 October

[13:00 PM] The unfortunate 3rd year engineer from Pembroke who was killed when his trombone fell on his head attempts to resolve his headache, fails to do so

[13:10 PM] The Iron Giant stomps another, this time taking out Sir Lucius Irritatus (Laurence Mayther)

[15:55 PM] Ethelflaed of Kells gets back into the swing of it after a few days in limbo, killing Lady Fidelis (Isabelle Read)!

[16:10 PM] Punisher (Michael Samuelson-Beulah) fails to T-O-E the line and dies for his temerity

[16:50 PM] Mikasa, Edle von N and Baron Aliquam II team up for the hunt, but it seems nobody's home...

[17:00 PM] The art of the Alchemist apparently extends to making Lady Verne (Elisabeth Gaberdiel) disappear...

[17:40 PM] The cactus (Sacha Hopkins-Powell) cannot hurt Caligula

[18:50 PM] Tamanta enlists help to look for Septima Quintiliana, Mistress of Machinery, but the help proves unhelpful

[22:05 PM] Axis Cogs (David Agoston Farkas) attempts to grind down The Furnace Blaster, picks his moment poorly, goes Wanted!

[23:17 PM] Mad-emoiselle finds Lady Verne (Elisabeth Gaberdiel) happy to be dead

Thursday, 20 October

[07:20 AM] Arkaen (Alex Wallace) has a rude awakening from Just another cog in the wheel [we don't need no automation]

[09:55 AM] The shadowy T-O-E strikes again, this time killing Tamanta (Andrew Browne)

[18:00 PM] Thaddeus Valentine demonstrates why he's a famous (yet ruthless) hero, kills Septima Quintiliana, Mistress of Machinery (Victoria Clarkson) and ladylemongrab (Cora Cunningham)

[18:25 PM] Dr Phlogiston burns his bridges with ISTW (Isaac Wilkinson)

[19:00 PM] Chen (Chris Jensen) shouldn't have taken on Charles Atlas

[19:15 PM] The Knife cuts both ways, particularly when you hurt innocents... The Knife is now Wanted!

[22:10 PM] A police hunt for Wanted Criminal The Knife (Joshua de Gromoboy) is in vain, as The Iron Giant AKA Dr Phlogiston (Ben Mortishire-Smith) coshes The Knife before being killed for bearing by The unfortunate 3rd year engineer from Pembroke who was killed when his trombone fell on his head, after which Steamed Broccoli steps in to claim the kill of The Knife! Whew.

[22:53 PM] Miss Scarlet (Lucy Ruben) fails to give Anna Fang the information she needs...

Friday, 21 October

[09:00 AM] Gilgamesh Wulfenbach departs Castle Wulfenbach in search of Thaddeus Valentine, but his clanks fail to find his target

[09:51 AM] Sergeant Detritus throws a spanner in the works, derailing Axis Cogs (David Agoston Farkas)

[12:00 PM] Lyra Silvertongue turns weapons distributor to the Rook

[14:00 PM] mostly harmless fails to harm anyone

[23:00 PM] Big Danny (Daniel Rodrigo Davies) is brought down to size by Caligula

Saturday, 22 October

[09:40 AM] It seems that Health and Safety have gone mad, and nobody wants to have an Industrial Accident

[12:30 PM] Police training happened on Jesus Green: they're now more prepared than ever..

[13:00 PM] Ethelflaed of Kells (Kate Barber) dies to Viceroy Sir Rupert Bellchamber-Darling, this time finally

[18:00 PM] Just another cog in the wheel [we don't need no automation] overcomes Flavius Aurifer, Upholder of Standards (Nikhil Gondalia): they seem not to like people called 'Nikhil'...

[20:50 PM] The Blunted Knife (Joshua de Gromoboy) gets drunk, is blunted even more by The unfortunate 3rd year engineer from Pembroke who was killed when his trombone fell on his head

Sunday, 23 October

[11:30 AM] The Versifier's muse seems to occupy the oddest places

[19:00 PM] A box of socks doesn't seem to be a very effective weapon...

[20:42 PM] No Stone UnTwrned is feeling lonely (should have gone to the social after all!)

Monday, 24 October

[19:00 PM] Various people help Sir Watt-Watt in the hunt, but it proves unsuccessful

[20:36 PM] Versifier has a reply to Cheep-Cheep's bounty...

Tuesday, 25 October

[09:55 AM] The Colonel (Sam Cates) is bought down by someone that's mostly harmless

[17:55 PM] No Stone UnTwrned would quite like to meet The Master, but as ever he doesn't seem to be in his lodge...

[18:00 PM] Harambe tries, Harambe is tragically misunderstood and fails.

[21:45 PM] The Wondering Wanderer (Andrew Carlotti) wanders no more, killed by the Marquess Irene Rowena de Redmonde

[22:13 PM] Anna Fang has no time for a Maverick Slayer (Sam Westlake), there's real killing to be done!

Wednesday, 26 October

[17:15 PM] Caligula's (Peter Anderson) reign of terror is at an end, stopped by a Lost Henry Case

Thursday, 27 October

[09:55 AM] Even if you're just using a Mop (Thomas Carey), you still need PPE to protect against an Industrial Accident!

[13:15 PM] How do you find a Lost Henry Case (Dimitrije Erdeljan)? Use a Steam Powered Giraffe!

[16:00 PM] Mikasa, Edle von N takes the opportunity to admire the beauty of nature, as opposed to admiring a beautiful murder

[17:15 PM] Kirin Jindosh claims a bounty through slaying Brigadier Reynard Kadwell (Jury van Egmond)

[18:20 PM] No Stone UnTwrned achieves another of their goals, mastering The Master (Maher Galal El Ghor)

[18:30 PM] A box of socks goes a-visiting, leaves a calling card...

Friday, 28 October

[06:50 AM] An innocent finds out that Steamed Broccoli isn't good for you, making this fiendish vegetable Wanted!

[10:10 AM] Lord Eigenvector is foiled again

[11:02 AM] Thaddeus Valentine wishes to file a flight plan...

[16:40 PM] Rebellion against the King in the North (Suhail Idrees)! K.L. McAlistair reduces the competition for the throne.

[17:00 PM] The noble duo of Mikasa, Edle von N and Baron Aliquam II go for a stroll around Cambridge again

[17:00 PM] The Furnace Blaster and Sir Watt-Watt stake out a dining place, catching Fifi (Jack Higgins) and Brutus (Joe Robinson)

[18:15 PM] The Tab enters new levels of inter-newspaper competition, but it's all et tu Brutus, as the target's already dead!

[18:30 PM] '; DROP TABLE Assassins; -- tries, and succeeds, in breaking El Duderino (Orestis Karapiperis)

[19:00 PM] Did you hear about the time Lord Deathstone tried to avoid Death? He actually succeeded... (for now)

[20:00 PM] '; DROP TABLE Assassins; -- tangles with an unidentified assassin, but nobody dies

[21:00 PM] The Tab does an expose on Inquisitor Julian Accentor (Robert James)

Saturday, 29 October

[09:55 AM] Steamed Broccoli redeems itself, as Shadowslayar (James Andrews) chokes on it

[11:00 AM] Sh'ma Yisrael (Shem Harris) accepts his death at the hands of the monogrammous L

[11:00 AM] The General tactically kills Kirin Jindosh (Myles McSwiney) before his competency deadline elapses

[14:30 PM] The incobash started!

[14:30 PM] Detritus tries to make the fastest kill evar, but The Angel has divine protection

[14:40 PM] Detritus gets in on the action early, kills Theophilus Reginald Inglebury-Fleming (Hani El-Bay) despite his defences!

[15:00 PM] Shrike's team does work, killing off Lady Pierce (Lucy Forde), Agatha Heterodyne (Annie Peppiatt) and TheKillerQueen (Melissa Jones), before the entire squad is annhilated by members of [THERE ARE NO MAFIAS IN CAMBRIDGE!]

[15:30 PM] Iracebeth (Zoe Allen) just wasn't prepared to become entry in The Diarist's record

[15:45 PM] There's no Chateau for (Benjamin Haigh) to retreat too: The Diarist will have to record that in their diary

[16:00 PM] An unsuccessful (but competence-earning) day for Lydia Boyle

[17:15 PM] A combination of Countess Wells, Cornelius Grey and Marcus Kenway is sufficient to wipe out a incobash squad, including The unfortunate 3rd year engineer from Pembroke who was killed when his trombone fell on his head (Samuel Mackey)!

[17:30 PM] The Gentleman himself, accompanied by Mad-emoiselle and a Steam Powered Giraffe, manage to gloriously kill one person: CalmCavity (Bryan Chong) over the course of the bash

[19:00 PM] You must be joking! Detritus managed to kill Mr Feynman (Joshua Tustanowski)

[21:30 PM] All other assassins are just Cannon Fodder (Darius Danaei) for Steamed Broccoli

Sunday, 30 October

[08:55 AM] The Angel (Petr Dolezal) falls from grace, shot down by Captain Albert Alexander

[10:55 AM] Steam Powered Giraffe goes mad, kills an innocent instead of his target!

[11:30 AM] Lord Eigenvector tries to kill Tinkerbell, but apparently she's already dead.

[13:15 PM] Gentleman's Stealth attempts to rid [REDACTED COLLEGE] of its incompetents, killing Lord Forgetful (Leith Farhan) and Fr. Filigree conDoin (Damien Teague), who Cornelius Grey is too slow to save...

[13:35 PM] Baron Aliquam II brings down the iron fist on Rainbow Deth (Chay Yefim Graham)

[19:12 PM] mostly harmless is becoming a victim of nominative determinism

[20:00 PM] Alchemist goes looking for more people to run his experiments on, accompanied by L and their small, fanciful sword

[20:20 PM] Gachnar escapes incompetency, killing Jules Verne (Andreas Soteriou)

[22:40 PM] Friend turns on friend, as Viceroy Sir Rupert Bellchamber-Darling kills Cornelian (Benedict McConnell)

Monday, 31 October

[09:15 AM] A somewhat paranoid King Mickey, M.A. (Michael French) is coshed and killed by Sergeant Detritus (Ben Mortishire-Smith) in an elaborate disguise. Unfortunately, Detritus is then strangled by their own scarf...

[11:35 AM] Ebenezer Hassard attempts to become competent by shooting Sergius Peramus, Fellow of the Assassinatory Society, but does it in a no-projectile zone and goes Wanted!

[13:15 PM] Ebenezer Hassard (Gabriel Cradden) is duly taken off the streets by the Police duo of Gentleman's Absolution and Gentleman's Heroism

[13:30 PM] an entirely competent assassin, honest goes looking for his targets

[16:00 PM] Doom is upon us! The SCOURGE has come, and it has slain GreyBlur (Robert (Rob) Gray), Dealbert (Vicent Beltran Beltran) and tea1953 (Alby Kang), all in a single day! What Halloween madness is this?

[16:51 PM] Steven Hawking searches for a T-O-E at the [REDACTED FACULTY], finds only Mark Cooper (T-O-E)

[17:30 PM] Gentleman's Wanderlust could perhaps do with a little less wandering, and a little more sleep...

[19:00 PM] No Stone UnTwrned turns over the wrong stone, legs it from Thaddeus Valentine

[19:55 PM] Steam Powered Giraffe gets it right this time, killing GBS (Gabriel Barton-Singer)

[21:05 PM] Earl Grey (Rebecca Richmond-Smith) is drained in one lady-like gulp by Marquess Irene Rowena de Redmonde as they enjoy a Halloween in

[21:30 PM] Sergeant Detritus attempts to raid the Earl Grey supplies, but he's much slower than Marquess Irene Rowena de Redmonde and she's already dead!

[21:36 PM] The mist and the dark descend on Cambridge, snuffing the life out of Ivor Gun (Sam Watt) by the will of The Gentleman

[21:37 PM] I'd rather go to Oxford than St John's (Alexander Hardwick) thinks Oxford is far enough away to hide from The Gentleman's wrath! He is found guilty of betraying the Umpire, and is now incredibly Corrupt

[21:40 PM] Sergeant Detritus continues his attempts to rid the world of incos, now assisted by The auto barber of fleet street

[21:45 PM] From a promisingly psychotic start, to life a pair of novelty gloves- Llama (Evvia Gonzales) is the victim of the Sir Lucius Resurrectus

[22:20 PM] Gentleman's Wanderlust stays up late, but only shoots a corpse (GBS). Should have got some sleeeppp instead.

[23:38 PM] Gentleman's Surprise lives up to her name, killing Lord Ursidae (Rodgerick "Teddy" Mack) at a party

[23:40 PM] Vengeful Tears of Pain makes no exceptions for her college husband, killing Pierre (Pierre-Emmanuel Grimm)

Tuesday, 1 November

[12:50 PM] How the mighty Atlas (Jamie Bernardi) has fallen, his world being brought down by Captain Albert Alexander

[13:15 PM] Small Cog #2 seems to have ground to a halt

[14:00 PM] Viceroy Sir Rupert Bellchamber-Darling and Detritus completely fail to recognise an incompetent walking right past them...

[15:00 PM] Gentleman's Stealth stabs herself by occidunt, but the kill is annulled

[19:55 PM] Sergeant Detritus shoots someone claiming to be Big Sam, sending Big Sam Wanted

[21:00 PM] A mysterious, shadowy meeting occurs

[22:05 PM] Copernicus' (Kashif Khan) theories of the universe didn't account for Detritus

[23:00 PM] Thomas Carey claims Shrike's bounty! May many more pieces of 'art' be created...

Wednesday, 2 November

[11:05 AM] #RIPHarambe (Yasir Choudhry)! Unlawfully killed by a box of socks

[14:00 PM] I'd rather go to Oxford than St John's doubles down on his Corruptness

[14:30 PM] He who lives by the Industrial Accident (Andrew Raison) will die by the Industrial Accident, or possibly L

[20:00 PM] Cornelius Grey, Marcus Kenway and Countess Wells go for a wander

[23:37 PM] Thaddeus Valentine doesn't want the Alchemist (Siyang Fu) to succeed: it might help Green Storm...

Thursday, 3 November

[12:25 PM] Justice at last! I'd rather go to Oxford than St John's (Alexander Hardwick- several times voted Most Corrupt Policeman 2016) is rightfully murdered by the Versifier

[16:00 PM] Anna Fang moves against the forces of [THERE ARE NO MAFIAS IN CAMBRIDGE]

[18:30 PM] The Furnace Blaster makes a visit to a minor, unimportant street, and finds nothing there warranting his attention

Friday, 4 November

[07:57 AM] Lord Eigenvector is hunted by herself by occidunt, as is mostly harmless

[12:09 PM] Alex McAlastair (Alexander Law) gets killed by herself by occidunt (also by incompetency)

[13:00 PM] '; DROP TABLE Assassins; -- again fails to break anything

[13:30 PM] Sir Lucius Resurrectus (Laurence Mayther) is foully slain by the corrupt I'd rather go to Oxford than St John's! This wasn't supposed to happen!

[14:20 PM] Gentleman's Honesty (Thomas Carey) also falls to I'd rather go to Oxford than St John's- is there no-one to stop the rampage?

[17:00 PM] Cheep Cheep fails to brutally and righteously murder I'd rather go to Oxford than St John's on a technicality

[17:30 PM] I'd rather go to Oxford than St John's continues his murder spree, killing The unfortunate third year engineer from Pembroke who was killed by his own arrogance (Samuel Mackey)

[18:48 PM] Thaddeus Valentine descends by airship, gives I'd rather go to Oxford than St John's (Alexander Hardwick) scoring the first death on a person described as "Sergeant Who Should Have Learned His Lesson By Now But Keeps Coming Back For More" since his return to Cambridge

[19:45 PM] Baron Aliquam II looks for Sergius Peramus, Fellow of the Assassinatory Society, accompanied by an injured friend

[23:15 PM] Things are going badly for I'd rather go to Oxford than St John's (Alexander Hardwick) as loyal Chief of Police Shrike stabs his recently-resurrected form

[23:40 PM] Another member of the police, Gentleman's Fortune, springs into action, killing I'd rather go to Oxford than St John's (Alexander Hardwick) and earning himself a promotion!

Saturday, 5 November

[00:20 AM] While seeking safe haven for the night, I'd rather go to Oxford than St John's (Alexander Hardwick) meets All that's left of Hodor

[09:15 AM] I'd rather go to Oxford than St John's gets his revenge on All that's left of Hodor (Mikaela Belcher) with a fabulously inept early-morning duel

[10:15 AM] After some minor setbacks yesterday, I'd rather go to Oxford than St John's shows he doesn't have a Gentleman's Humour (Sacha Hopkins-Powell)

[15:30 PM] Mini-bash! A variety of Police (plus a live player) take down incos Air Marshal Luther Abbotts-Birdwhistle (Alex Mulroy), Innocent (Charlotte O'Connor), Jack Daniels (Oliver Jones); as well as the Wanted Big Sam (Edward Carroll)! A good day's work.

[17:20 PM] FURTHER CORRUPTION! Detritus (Ben Mortishire-Smith) joins I'd rather go to Oxford than St John's (Alexander Hardwick) in his rebellion, and they between them kill The Gentleman (Alex Hibbert), His Lady Friend (Ruby Tupling) AND MORE

[23:00 PM] In commemoration of Alexander Hardwick returning home, Alex Hibbert, Ben Mortishire-Smith and Kim Ward put in entries for the spontaneous 'Umpire Baby' song contest!

Sunday, 6 November

[00:00 AM] The Gentleman draws a line under the weekend's shenanigans

[19:00 PM] Sir Lucius Resurrectus keeps up the good work, killing Sir Ploratus (Edward Chan) and hunting various other incos, accompanied by Mikasa, Edle von N

[23:55 PM] Some Bridgemas-themed poetry from the Versifier

Monday, 7 November

[12:00 PM] Corrupt-as-all-heck Sergeant Detritus kills Postman Pat (Rebecca Richmond-Smith)

[13:00 PM] Detritus and Gentleman's Fury join forces, go on a mad one.

[19:30 PM] Just another cog in the wheel [we don't need no automation] is freezing up, Lydia Boyle is grinding their gears...

[23:00 PM] Steamed Broccoli heads out into the rather-cold night

Tuesday, 8 November

[10:00 AM] Steam Powered Giraffe AKA Captain Albert Alexander AKA Small Cog #2 (Joe Tomkinson) gets dragged down by Lord Deathstone!

[11:00 AM] Cheep Cheep flutters on...

[14:30 PM] Sordid events! Cornelius Grey responds to Shrike's machinations

[14:40 PM] Cornelius Grey, Marcus Kenway and Countess Wells check out the Brexit opinions of [THERE ARE NO MAFIAS IN CAMBRIDGE]

[16:00 PM] The dynamic trio of Cornelius Grey, Marcus Kenway and Countess Wells attempt on Thaddeus Valentine

[17:00 PM] More teamwork- this time Mikasa, Edle von N and Mad-emoiselle go a-hunting, and find that Sergius Peramus, Fellow of the Assassinatory Society (James Lilley) is finally in!

[18:30 PM] Countess Wells receives a mysterious, but honest, visitor.

[19:00 PM] Viceroy Sir Rupert Bellchamber-Darling kills Corvo Attano (Will Edmonds) with the help of a box of socks. People mourn Corvo Attano's most ignominious death yet.

[23:00 PM] Graves kills the newly-recruited Cricket (Joshua Tustanowski) in a bizarre initiation ritual

Wednesday, 9 November

[13:05 PM] Cheep Cheep kills Sir Watt-Watt (Jonny Lewis-Brown), but kills an innocent in the process and goes Wanted! Watt-Watt.

[15:20 PM] Thaddeus Valentine shoots Marquess Irene Rowena de Redmonde through a letterbox, goes Wanted!

[15:39 PM] Thaddeus Valentine redeems himself slightly by killing Baron Aliquam II (Morgan Rogers), but remains Wanted because the list wasn't up yet.

[16:02 PM] Twm Stone finishes his redemption, killing The General (Connor Cheverall)

[16:20 PM] Clash of the titans! Just another cog in the wheel [we don't need no automation] AKA mostly harmless AKA No Stone UnTwrned AKA Versifier AKA The Tab AKA The Diarist AKA SCOURGE AKA Cheep Cheep (Daniella (Dani) Cugini) falls to the blade of just-happened-to-be-hunting-incos-in-the-area Thaddeus Valentine!

[17:35 PM] A rude introduction to the Police, as my Corrupt-as-heck policement Gentleman's Fury and Graves kill Psychofreshery Personified (Daniella (Dani) Cugini)

[19:00 PM] Social! Met up in the Bath House, had some good conversations and played Coup.

Thursday, 10 November

[10:48 AM] Lightning rolls across the sky as The Gentleman thunderbolts the corrupt Lyra Silvertongue (Kim Ward). She'll be back...

[15:00 PM] Cornelius Grey competes for the 'dedicated lurking' award, waiting 2 hours to kill Marquess Irene Rowena de Redmonde (Alina Antonova)!

[17:45 PM] Achievement unlocked: incolist empty! Cornelius Grey, Marcus Kenway and Countess Wells, accompanied by The Gentleman go hunting incos, kill Tracy Amit (Lucy Metcalf) and Clementine Tock (Phoebe Thomson-Bird) with invaluable help of Gentleman's Surprise, then go on to kill Gachnar (Peter Rugg!)

[18:35 PM] Marcus Kenway redeems himself, killing K.L. McAlistair (Kevin Fletcher)

[20:00 PM] I really thought this one was going to stay loyal. Darn. Psychofreshery Personified kills Kibbles (James Wood), goes Cowwupt.

Friday, 11 November

[09:50 AM] Mad-emoiselle rejects herself by occidunt

[18:30 PM] Psychofreshery Personified continues psychofreshering, kills Gentleman's Heroism (Cora Cunningham), Bennezio da Llama Trampled (Damaris Bennett) and Pork (Georgina Baker), plus the dead Ebenezer Hassard, just to make sure

Saturday, 12 November

[01:00 AM] Late-night shenganigans around [REDACTED PLACE NOT HOME TO ANY MAFIAS] leave Sir Lucius Resurrectus (Laurence Mayther) dead.

[11:05 AM] audaces fortuna iuvat, particularly the brave one who killed Detritus (Ben Mortishire-Smith), after him surviving waaayyy too long!

[16:45 PM] Looking for '; DROP TABLE Assassins; -- redeems herself by occidunt

Sunday, 13 November

[11:15 AM] To round off the day, Psychofreshery Personified also kills Vengeful Tears of Pain (Ellen Palmer) and Incompetent Pheonix (Pierre-Emmanuel Grimm). The Police War's not started yet...

[11:48 AM] Psychofreshery Personified takes out L (Li Xin), just before Open Season! No short, fanciful sword can help here.

[14:00 PM] Minigame! Four teams compete, The Furnace Blaster, box of socks and Steamed Broccoli win the dossier (Hester Shaw and Psychofreshery Personified won doughnuts!)

[17:30 PM] The Godfather of Corruption, I'd rather go to Oxford than St John's (Alexander Hardwick) is dead, this time, permanently.

Monday, 14 November

[00:00 AM] Open Season starts! (Also, the Police War!) Best of luck, everyone

[14:00 PM] Twitch awakens! *Twitch*

[14:55 PM] The unfortunate third year engineer from Pembroke who was killed by his own arrogance reveals his corruption and the Songbird (Dominic Anstey) sings no more! (Until he resurrects...)

[17:45 PM] The Corrupt police hit up a college, killing Gentleman's Heroism (Cora Cunningham), Bennezio da Llama Trampled (Damaris Bennett), Pork (Georgina Baker) and Gentleman's Courage (Isabelle Read). Some form of resistance would have been great...

Tuesday, 15 November

[17:50 PM] I'm running out of vector puns, but fortunately The Archduke of Farad removes the need for them, killing Lord Eigenvector (Jared Jeyaretnam)

[18:00 PM] Psychofreshery Personified single-handedly continues the Police War, this time killing only Kibbles (James Wood)

Wednesday, 16 November

[11:00 AM] Talleyrand surprises The Furnace Blaster AKA The Archduke of Farad (Christian Scheulen)

[15:30 PM] A sleeper agent, Chudleigh Pomeroy kills both Songbird (Dominic Anstey) and my COP, Shrike (Michael Warman). Repeat after me: Trust. No-one.

[19:45 PM] Justice is swift and vengeful, as the traitorous Chudleigh Pomeroy (Stephen Dimmock) is killed by the resurrected Songbird and Shrike! Yay, 1/12!

[21:00 PM] A mysterious visitor for Gentleman's Fury

[21:55 PM] The unfortunate third year engineer from Pembroke who was killed by his own arrogance demonstrates to Sir Lucius Resurrectus (Laurence Mayther) the art of precise wording...

Thursday, 17 November

[09:55 AM] Psychofreshery Personified bumps the Corrupt score again, killing Black Ninja (Joshua Snyder) and Gentleman's Honesty (Thomas Carey) outside their lectures, then getting Cheery Littlebottom (Jonny Lewis-Brown)!

[12:00 PM] *Twitch*. Steamed Broccoli (Yanni Du). *Twitch*

[16:30 PM] Mikasa, Edle von N narrowly escapes death at the hands of Countess Wells and Marcus Kenway! High drama!

[22:30 PM] The two Corrupt champions, Vimes and Psychofreshery Personified, find The Blunted Knife (Joshua de Gromoboy) drowning his sorrows

[22:30 PM] Another kill for the forces of justice! My CoP, Shrike, redeems himself after humiliation yesterday by killing The unfortunate third year engineer from Pembroke who was killed by his own arrogance (Samuel Mackey)

Friday, 18 November

[00:00 AM] The box of socks (Cyriac Cyriac) is finally recycled by the Haikufier, as Talleyrand looks on

[09:50 AM] Rook knocks Gentleman's Kindness (David Agoston Farkas) clean off the chessboard

[12:40 PM] The puns are com-pun-ding! A report from Banantastic.

[13:00 PM] Psychofreshery Personified kills off Incompetent Phoenix (Pierre-Emmanuel Grimm)

[13:45 PM] The Gentleman finally gets around to dealing with the Corrupt police force, and kills their most-psycho member Psychofreshery Personified (Daniella (Dani) Cugini), then polishes off Graves (Peter Anderson)

[19:00 PM] Are the Corrupt Police crumbling from within? Gentleman's Fury (Isaac Wilkinson) goes down to audaces fortuna iuvat in somewhat suspicious circumstances.

[19:01 PM] Brown duck (because the yellow ones are fake anyway) becomes the latest member of my force to demonstrate her corruption, killing Rookie Mann Herbington (Shyam Dhokia) (who seems to have a poor track record of opening doors to strangers!)

[19:05 PM] Shrike (Michael Warman) and Perceival's Perspicacious Protector (Hani El-Bay) get savaged by Angua- must be having a bad hair day...

Saturday, 19 November

[11:25 AM] Vimes knows where loyals dine, gets The Blunted Knife (Joshua de Gromoboy) again at brunch

[16:00 PM] Arroooo! Angua bites Perceival's Perspicacious Protector (Hani El-Bay) again. Keep that werewolf under control!

[17:30 PM] Banantastic makes more puns, but no kills.

[19:00 PM] Gentleman's Heroism bursts into Corrupt life, kills Bennezio da Llama Trampled (Damaris Bennett), Gentleman's Courage (Isabelle Read) and Gentleman's Absolution (Victoria Clarkson).

[22:00 PM] Brown duck (because the yellow ones are fake anyway) murders Sanctum Scuctum (Matthew Harris) in what I shall choose to assume is a drunken haze (because there is absolutely no corruption in my police force at all...)

Sunday, 20 November

[10:20 AM] The Blunted Knife (Joshua de Gromoboy) actually gets a swing off, before being lightsabered by Vimes AGAIN

[11:40 AM] Loyal Police raid! Mutton Choppington and his strange contraption that emits an ethereal glow and very occasionally jets of steam, Songbird and Shrike terminate Angua (Mikaela Belcher), and visit Gentleman's Heroism, who seems to have learned the value of not opening one's door...

[16:00 PM] Sir Septimus 'Easily Distracted' Valerianus (Nick Tekkis) is distracted yet again, gets killed by Brown duck (because the yellow ones are fake anyway)

Monday, 21 November

[09:53 AM] Gentleman's Fortune reflects on the meaning of 'playing as police'

[10:55 AM] Brown duck (because the yellow ones are fake anyway) is not-at-all kill farming Sanctum Scuctum (Matthew Harris)

[10:57 AM] Lord Deathstone dashes into the duel by killing '; DROP TABLE Assassins; -- (Roddy MacSween), while accompanied by Twm Stone

[17:05 PM] Lydia Boyle (Daniel Chiverton), three time winner of the Yellow Streak Award, can't run away from The Gentleman

[20:20 PM] Gentleman's Fortune and Cornelius Grey group up and go inco-hunting

[21:00 PM] A massive operation involving 7 players culminates in the death of Countess Wells AKA Talleyrand (Valentin Foley) by Thaddeus Valentine's hand

[22:00 PM] Sir Lucius Resurrectus (Laurence Mayther) opts to trust the Corrupt-as-heck Visit-the-ungodly-with-exploratory-pamphlets in an attempt on Brown duck (because the yellow ones are fake anyway), with predictable consequences (fulfilled by Marquess Irene Ravener de Redblood)

Tuesday, 22 November

[07:00 AM] An early start for Gentleman's Fortune and Cornelius Grey

[10:00 AM] Gentleman's Fortune has more success, killing notorious mass murderer Brown duck (because the yellow ones are fake anyway) (Elisabeth Gaberdiel)

[12:00 PM] What is this dishonesty from Gentleman's Honesty? Killing Black Ninja (Joshua Snyder) for what?

[19:15 PM] Gentleman's Fortune (Andrew Browne) usffers more misfortunate, gets watered by Marquess Irene Ravener de Redblood

Wednesday, 23 November

[10:45 AM] herself by occidunt goes looking, but Lord Deathstone and Thaddeus Valentine aren't about

[11:55 AM] An effort by most of the other duellists to take down Twitch and Marcus Kenway ends up with Thaddeus Valentine killing Marcus Kenway (Felix Menze), but then Twitch succeds in salughtering all of them (Thaddeus Valentine AKA Anna Fang AKA Steven Hawking AKA Hester Shaw (Twm Stone), Lord Deathstone (Gagan Shiralagi) and Viceroy Sir Rupert Bellchamber-Darling AKA Banantastic (William Grace))! Nobody saw that coming.

[17:00 PM] Mikasa, Edle von N regains competency...

[22:00 PM] A busy last day for Sir Lucius Resurrectus

Thursday, 24 November

[00:00 AM] And on the stroke of midnight, the game ends... (save for the duel!)

Monday, 28 November

[18:00 PM] Cornelius Grey has some strange experiences in the run-up to the Duel

Friday, 2 December

[12:00 PM] The Duel! Andrew Darby (Cornelius Grey AKA He AKA Twitch) wins the game.

[23:59 PM] An epilogue from Andrew Darby (Cornelius Grey AKA He AKA Twitch), as his story this game finishes

The Assassins' Guild - Headlines

Monday, 10 October

Saturday, 15 October