Cloak & Dagger The Assassins' Guild - Week 2 News


Saturday, 24 October


[12:15 PM] Chess chase catastrophe as Bella Venezia tails Dedekind Cuts (Andrew Sam McFarthing) to death.

Dedekind Cuts reports:

An assassin has killed me. After I refused to open my door (the assassin was looking for 'Tim from chess club'), I waited and then later left my room. I was followed from my room to a nearby cafe where I was promptly shot.

Bella Venezia reports:

A well planned ambush began early in the day, but the assassin's foolish lateness thwarted their plan and the target escaped. This first attempt remained unknown. After being tracked to his room, Dedekind Cuts refused â??entry to the guise of "Chess club". But 15 minutes later, emerging from his room with a demeanor of safety, his tracker was still waiting in secret! After a brief pursuit, Andrew stopped outside a cafe. Calling his name, the assassin shot Andrew from point blanc range with a "bang" using his rubber band gun.


[14:30 PM] A misaimed strike by Person in Crowd #3 (James Timmins) goes the worst possible way, as Geraldine Barker gets the counter-kill!

Person in Crowd #3 reports:

I was involved in a short event at around 2.30pm today. I attempted to fatally stab Geraldine Barker with a carrot 'knife' as she left her room but unfortunately hit only her left shoulder, wounding her. My carrot 'knife' broke in two and she was then able to fatally stab me in the belly with a tube of some kind of beauty cream. Therefore I am now dead.

Geraldine Barker reports:

Again with sadness must I report that at 14.28 today I, Geraldine Barker, committed a murder which was irreproachable from the point of view of the rules of the game, yet left me with a bitter sting of moral doubt whether it is quite fair to stab a shy, innocent-looking assassin, who seemed to have been camping in front of my room door for quite a substantial length of time, just as he was going to complete his first kill with a carrot, yet hesitated slightly just to regret that moment of inaction ever after. This allowed me to counter his strike with my left arm (which left a deep wound just below my shoulder) and, with my right arm, to stick the deadly blade of my rose hand cream labelled 'KNIFE' straight in his abdomen. We talked briefly about the outcomes of the event, established how stressful this short encounter was and how regrettable it was that one of us was now dead, he introduced himself as James - and finally I walked him to the door of my accommodation.

"Iâ??ve murdered a man and with red fingers I stroked the white breasts of women"

This is a random quotation of some post-WW2 poetry but that's more or less how I felt after this kill. Confused. In painful doubt about whether or not do I have any moral principles. Robbed of the remainders of innocence traditionally associated with youth. (Trying to procrastinate a bit longer before having to face the amount of work waiting for me this weekend).

Umpire's addition - Killing your assassins is licit. Killing someone who is openly bearing weapons is licit. The rules are perfectly happy. We can't help you with your morals though.


[20:00 PM] Admiral General Aladeen of Wadiya goes hunting, but fails to find both Blood Red and ( ͡° Í?Ê? ͡°).

Admiral General Aladeen of Wadiya reports:

I am sad to inform you that I this evening attempted to deliver a 'business contract' to my 'client' ( ͡° Í?Ê? ͡°), but she was rudely absent and so could not sign for the delivery. I shall arrange redelivery for a time in the near future, depending on the availability of the courier.

Secondly, I have attempted to feed Percival 'Blood Red' five times in the past two days, but to no avail as her lights have been off on every occasion. I wonder whether she might have fled, realising that she was on the menu for my duck-billed friend...

I hope to be contacting you soon with more cheerful news, and not to inform you that Percival has starved to death.


[20:20 PM] Kris Marshall's innocent friend killed - again - by Policeperson Gunilla Goodmountain by accident.

Gunilla Goodmountain reports:

Who is this woman?
What sort of devil is she
To put a corpse as a trap
And get away scot-free?
It was my hour at last
To put a seal on her fate
Avenge the past
And clean off her slate
All it would take
Was a flick of my knife.
Vengeance was mine
And still she retains her life!

Damned if I'll let this wanted woman escape justice!
Damned if I'll yield at the end of the chase.
I represent the Umpire and the Umpire is not mocked
I'll linger and stab her in the chest
There is nothing on earth that we share
It is either Kris Marshall or Gunilla!

How can I now allow this woman
To hold dominion over me?
This desperate woman whom I have hunted
I stabbed an innocent imposter for her.
She should have perished by my hand
It was my right.
It was her right to die as well
Instead she lives... but I am Corrupt

And my thoughts fly apart
Can this day be believed?
Shall her sins be forgiven?
Shall her crimes be reprieved?

And must I now begin to doubt Facebook,
Who never doubted all these years?
Two women stood on her profile picture
I chose the wrong one in the gyp room
She looked at us as if in fear
And does she know
That by asking if we were Assassins...
This zombie woman has corrupted me in doing so?

I am reaching, but I fall
And the college is black and cold
As I stare into the gyp
Of a world that cannot hold
I'll escape now from the block
From the block of Kris Marshall.
There is nowhere I can turn
There is no way to go on...

Brutus reports:

Brutus went for walk with nice police-lady.

Walkies are Brutus' favourite thing!

The nice police-lady wandered into [college with old smell], Brutus trotted along at heel. Brutus could smell many people, some smelling nervous and others drunk. Brutus' walker took a turn and went up some steps, going round a big building which smelled newer than the other ones.

New places are Brutus' favourite thing!

Brutus and his minder walked up some stairs, until we reached a landing. Brutus let police-lady go first. Police-lady higher in pack. Brutus wagged tail and walked after her. Brutus scented around the corner of a kitten's door, then noticed that a nervous-looking female corpse was sitting in the room-with-tasty-smells. Brutus went to investigate.

Kitchens are Brutus' favourite thing!

Police-lady talked to dead-smelling female. Brutus sniffed blood in air and growled. Police-lady stabbed zombie! Brutus was pleased.

Zombie-killing is Brutus' favourite thing!

Police-lady smelled embarrassed. Police lady put her sharp-hurty-thing away and made hand-movement with corpse. Then went downstairs again.

Going downstairs is Brutus' favourite thing!

Brutus and police-lady left college and wandered to another new place, through the sweet-smelling streets. Brutus and police-lady waited at common-used-barrier. Police-lady sighed. Police-lady and Brutus went home. Brutus went to bed.

Sleeping is Brutus' favourite thing!


[21:00 PM] Short Lived makes attempts - no luck anywhere.

Short Lived reports:

On saturday afternoon I made my way to see (and hopefully assassinate) Riptide, finding her in the building, but after a while of stalking decided it was unassailable without further plan. Cutting my losses, I moved on to try and find Bath Brawler, but it was here I made that fatal and rookie error of looking like I didnt know where I was going, was challenged a porter, and so made a polite and hopefully convincing retreat, tail between my legs.

Finally, and a little more fruitfully, later that evening, I went in search of the heinous criminal Kris Marshall, and this time I got as far as her room door, but it was locked and either she was out, or did a good impression of being so! I left her a note (at this point it was 9pm)


[22:00 PM] Conspiracy theories abound about Kane's lack of progress.

Kane reports:


W3N NEWS


Good evening, I'm William Frank.
In politics tonight, we discuss the Brotherhood - is it really still a power in the world? With attacks by elements linked to the Brotherhood at an all time low, many are suggesting that Nod's time has finally come and that the organisation is no longer a force to reckon with - certainly it's true that Nod activity seems to be decreasing across the board, and there hasn't been a major attack inside the blue zones for months. GDI has not hesitated to suggest this is the result of its ongoing military and political efforts against Nod and says that it expects this trend to continue.
Others however are less convinced. Renowned retired GDI war hero Cpt. Nick Parker believes that not only that the Brotherhood is as strong as ever, but that its enigmatic former leader may in fact still be alive. He joins us now:
Captain, what makes you assert this?
Well we claimed we'd killed him last time didn't we? And that totally worked. So why should we believe what InOps 'thinks' now?
Well perhaps, but if Kane's alive, then why is the Brotherhood the weakest it's ever been?
Aww come on! They don't kill anyone for a while, and suddenly we're all pretending they've gone away? Why are you civies so gullible? Even the Umpire's taken to making sarcastic comments! I'm telling you, they're out there, and if they aren't active, it just means they're planning something. I mean just this evening I heard reports of suspected Nod intruders had gained access to and were searching a secure GDI facility in the West of this very city.
I see. Well we have to go to a break now. We'll talk more with Cpt. Parker after these commercials.


W3N FOOTER

Sunday, 25 October


[18:30 PM] A red wedding for Salah-al-Din Abdelwaheb AKA Admiral General Aladeen of Wadiya (Hani El-Bay) and Kris Marshall (Juliet Armstrong), as groom kills bride, and Frau Strudel kills groom.

Admiral General Aladeen of Wadiya reports:

Firstly, today I college married my criminal neighbour Juliet Armstrong. However, following the exchange of vows, I realised that I could not live with having married such a miscreant, and so I shot a single bullet directly into her heart, mimicking cupid's arrow which had struck both of us only days earlier, when I proposed to her on Facebook (despite the fact that she was across the corridor, neither of us could be bothered to get out of bed to do it properly). The crowd that had gathered around our wedding began to scream as her soul fled from its corporeal shell, betrayed at the very moment that it should finally have been filled with contentment. After her death, I released my pet, Percival the Pernicious Platypus of Peril, upon her, and watched tearfully, with a combination of joy and sadness, as he devoured her almost entirely in a matter of minutes.

[Censored]. Following this I invited those who had been present at the wedding to drinks. By this point, they seemed to have forgotten the fact that I had just murdered my wife, and it was in fact quite a jolly occasion. After drinking much bubbly, the entire gathering was in a stupor. As Juliet's spirit, which had never left my side, returned to her room, presumably to 'powder her half-eaten nose', it was clear there was a disturbance outside. My dead wife came to me, her voice carrying on the wind as if in a dream, and told me that someone was trying to kill her (again). I immediately opened my door and chased the suspicious looking chap in the dark hooded coat, assuming that ma Cherie was correct to believe that he was after what little remained of her physical existence (I was intending to keep what was left in my freezer). However, at that moment, two assassins, a man and a woman, emerged from an alcove and fired a round into my heart. It was only at that moment that I realised my error in killing the love of my life, Juliet Armstrong, and I fell to my knees, blood pooling around me like the remainder of the dream I once had of a life with my dear wife (before I brutally murdered her at the wedding for no obvious reason, and had her eaten by a flesh-eating platypus).

At least now we shall be together, forever.

I am sorry to tell you such a tragic story, but I hope that it will serve as a reminder that we should never ever ever murder people when we are supposed to be marrying them, especially not in front of their family and friends. That's bad. Like, real bad.

Kris Marshall reports:

The day has come. Kris Marshall, the notorious sniper proudly responsible for 2 deaths for which these cobbles will forever echo his name throughout the ages, was today dispatched into the next world with no little skill.

The famed Admiral General Aladeen of Wadiya, with whom Kris Marshall has been enamoured for some time, proposed via telecommunication software at the dawn parade on Friday, and was swiftly accepted.

Kris Marshall was called by higher-ranking chiefs of staff and was hence unavailable to deal with several attempts made on his life, one of which involved the brutal slaughter of an innocent without justification, hastening back for the nuptials this evening.

As the pronunciation of husband & wife was declared, the Admiral shot Kris Marshall with an assault rifle, delivering some 20 rounds into the corpse to the rhythm of Grieg's "Wedding Day at Troldhaugen". A vicious and hungry trained assault platypus was then set on Kris Marshall to seize what remained of life, as the Admiral stepped back to admire his handiwork.

Following the marriage, several guests attended a reception. During the admittance of some guests, Kris Marshall, as vigilant in death as in life, espied 2 rather shady characters lurking amongst the shadows created by the knights-in-armour in the Admiral's headquarters. The Admiral, on stepping forth in defence of his (late) wife, was surprised from the left flank & met an untimely demise at the hands of a female insurgent, falsely assumed to be in needless pursuit of Kris Marshall.

Today may be rather tragic, but the fact the Admiral and Kris Marshall are united in death as in life within half an hour of each other ought to equal any feat previously accomplished by Kris Marshall's husband.

Heed, ye who miserably failed to take Kris Marshall down, the lesson of this eventide.

Hiro Protagonist reports:

Today, I got invited to witness the joining of two souls in college marriage. When I found out that the bride to be was in fact notorious outlaw Juliet Armstrong, I decided to bring along my trusty pen-knife and take out this danger to our society. But upon arriving, the groom, Hani El-Bay, told me that he planned to enact vigilante justice himself.

I stayed my hand and true to his word, he shot his wife right through the heart within seconds of being pronounced "man and wife", and then let his pet Perry the Platypus maul her in a deranged frenzy.

This was not to be the last tragedy of the night. We returned to the groom's room to celebrate his marriage. Some suspicious characters were lurking outside, and the groom inexplicably rushed to the defence of his dead wife - to prevent her from being killed again? Who knows. Little did he know they were in fact coming for him and he fell in battle.

Romeo and Juliet Part 2?

Yours Truly,
Hiro Protagonist.

Frau Strudel reports:

At around 6.30pm on the 25th of October, I waited outside Hani El-Bay's room for a good fifteen minutes. When he eventually left his room, I jumped from my hiding place and fired one nerf round straight at his heart. It was a one-hit KO.

Monday, 26 October


[08:50 AM] Payment denied for Apollo (Tommy Sun). Take it up with Life-Insurance Payout Man!

Life-Insurance Payout Man! reports:

PAYOUT NOTICE!

YOUR NAME:

_____Tommy Sun_____________________________________________

REASON FOR PAYOUT:

_____Death by Assassins out to kill you____________________________

REASON FOR PAYOUT DENIAL:

_____Failure to warn of pre-existing condition - Assassins out to kill you___

YOUR LIFE INSURANCE PAYOUT WAS DENIED.

THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING WITH US!

(Inquiries about purchasing life-insurance should be forwarded to Life-Insurance Payout Man!, preferably in person and while bearing a weapon.)


[11:00 AM] Shy or not, Shy (Daniel Wong) gets sought out and killed by Dain II Ironfoot, Lord of the Iron Hills.

Dain II Ironfoot, Lord of the Iron Hills reports:

After a long and weary expedition from the mountains to [UNSPECIFIED LOCATION AN UNREASONABLE DISTANCE AWAY] I was rewarded with the blood of a certain Daniel Wong to sate my thirst for the return journey...

Shy reports:

The dwarf Shy woke up at the crack of dawn this cold Monday morning and got to lectures on time (for once!). After a couple of lectures on building large-scale tunnel networks and building automatic dwarf-English translation machines, he stepped out at 11 o'clock into the corridor to meet a guild elder to discuss his security project for the construction of more secure dwarf mining programs.
Along the way, he met a fellow student of the guild and stopped to chat outside the guild offices. A stranger suddenly turned up and called out his name, to which he foolishly responded. The response was a swift and fierce thrust of a dagger, right through his heart. He lay bleeding on the ground a few metres away from safety, hand on his weapon, but alas, it was too late. The killer made a remark about how far out he had travelled for this kill before swiftly departing.

Wasted were a thousand moments of vigilance, for a single moment of carelessness.


[11:34 AM] Stanley. Stanley. Stanley. Stanley. The late Simba (Emilia Monell). Stanley.

Stanley reports:

This is the story of a man named Stanley. Stanley had essays to write and studying to be done. Stanley liked writing essays. When he finished one essay, he would normally write another, but this morning, Stanley left his room. He didn't know where he was going. He didn't know why he was getting on his bike, but, when he found himself at the [unspecified place], his mind was filled with terrible purpose. He had a gun in his hand, and spied someone whose face was suddenly hauntingly familiar. He dispatched the owner of the face with one efficient shot, and returned home, to the comfort of his studies once more.


[12:00 PM] Simple, but effective. Joaquin Vasquez knifes Khaleesi (whispered) (Emma Simkin).

Joaquin Vasquez reports:

I killed my target Emma Simkin with a knife made out of aluminium foil.

To achieve this, I had to sit through an entire psychology lecture because I knew my target would be there. On the other hand, it was quite an interesting lecture, so definitely worth it.

A friend of the target and witness described my tin foil poking kill as "the most underwhelming assassination ever".


[13:00 PM] gang5ta dw4rf y0 is slow. But, they're offering prizes to Kane at least.

gang5ta dw4rf y0 'reports':

move umpire get out the way. get out the way umpire get out the way

t0d4y 1 0f my t4r63t5 cyc136 p45t me m8.

but i was too slow. [CENSORED]

h0ws t h4nging m9?

also Kane takin faaaaaaar t00 long to get a k1ll, t4k1n the mick m8? u c4n hav 1 ch0c0l4t bar (the g0000000000d stuff y0) 4 every kill u get within dis w33k (till the 1st Nov.) hows about dat?

$waggity $w4444444g in da baaaaaag m9

gang5ta dw4rf y0


[16:05 PM] Offense is the best defence for Stealth Prawn, killing their assassin Dmitri Ivanov (Laurence Jack Stanley Samuels).

Stealth Prawn reports:

After many attempts on my life by the late Lonnie, I felt that offence would be the best form of defence [Umpire: I did not see this line before writing the headline. Darn.] and decided to take the fight to him. I sit at the centre of a large web of information, and received, from no less than three different contacts of mine, information which would eventually lead to Lonnie's demise. I knew Lonnie's face and name from when he had previously carried out two (to my knowledge) unsuccessful attempts on my life in the past. My own research led me first to his abode; not a fruitless venture, as though he was out at the time, his flatmates supplied me with information as to his daily movements. And today, these efforts came to fruition.

As Lonnie left his afternoon lecture today, the last thing he expected was his own quarry to be lying in wait for him. However, I had arrived early, and positioned myself with an unobstructed view down all stairways and corridors (drawing no few strange looks from passers by). As he rounded the corner between lectures, I leapt out with a cry, taking him by surprise. The pre-emptive strike was a success, and I shall sleep easy tonight, having earned myself a brief respite from the relentless war we fight.


[20:45 PM] No cigar, but third time lucky for Shifty?

Shifty reports:

Alas, another failed attempt at assassinating Eatmyapple at 8:45pm today. Does paranoia prevent her from returning home?! Next time I shall be back with reinforcements for a final stakeout. Watch this space!

Tuesday, 27 October


[16:00 PM] Orignality isn't always required, as Riptide knifes Midge (Elise Hagan).

Riptide reports:

I killed a person. Mwahaha. Elise Hagan. Stabbed in the chest with a knife. Creative I know.

Wednesday, 28 October


[11:37 AM] Bang bang, Ice-Grimm (Do Vinh Anh Nguyen) gunned down by The Legend Himself.

The Legend Himself reports:

A rather anticlimactic kill. I approached Do Vinh before a lecture, produced my weapon and shot him once.


[16:49 PM] The Horde begins its march, but Salt & Pepper isn't in.

Generic Dwarf Horde Member A reports:

With the arrival of a significant weapons shipment a few days ago, the Generic Dwarf Horde were (finally) ready to get down to some serious police dwarf business. Generic Dwarf Horde Member D and I decided to go after Salt & Pepper, partly because her so ridiculous breach of the rules offended me, and partly because she was the only villain on the wanted list. We found however, that we could not get to her room, as the small building was secure, and had no way to get in other than being let in by a key holder. Unsurprisingly, that didn't happen. So, we left a note for her on the front door, apologising for missing her, and left.


[17:00 PM] Bath Brawler goes on a vast attempt.

Bath Brawler reports:

I visited all my targets this afternoon for a nice six mile round trip. I was unable to get any kills.


[23:18 PM] Much to no-one's surprise, The small, suspicious-looking lemon sitting in the corner of the room, which Snow White will undoubtedly notice and eat because she's a moronic fairytale princess and they always eat suspicious-looking foodstuffs because of plot reasons fails to be killed on his travels.

The small, suspicious-looking lemon sitting in the corner of the room, which Snow White will undoubtedly notice and eat because she's a moronic fairytale princess and they always eat suspicious-looking foodstuffs because of plot reasons reports:

Fleeing the town is the coward's way down,
And I simply cannot endorse it.
I've not yet been killed: I've deserted the Guild.
[THERE ARE NO ASSASSINS IN DORSET]

Thursday, 29 October


[09:55 AM] All glory to the gods of Azor Ahai, as Xeno (Robin McCorkell) becomes a sacrifice.

Azor Ahai reports:

Today my accomplice Simey and I planned to attend a sacrifice to R'hllor. Unfortunately, we ended up at a maths lecture, and alas, the limit did not exist. After an hour in the presence of the Great Other, I waited outside for my target, Robin McCorkell, and at 10.00 am I shot him in the heart with Lightbringer 2.0. Behold Lightbringer! Azor Ahai has come again! All hail the Warrior of Fire! All hail the Son of Fire!


[17:15 PM] ( ͡° Í?Ê? ͡°) hunts Azor Ahai, Simey (Simon James Houghton) rushes to defend but dies trying!

Azor Ahai reports:

Today an assassin (whose name I, again, did not catch) came to my room at 17.15. I alerted my accomplice (simey) to her presence, but he ended up getting shot. After leaving my room my assassin and I had a skirmish. I had a pen labeled knife, she had a nerf gun. We both hit each other in the leg, and agreed to end the encounter there.

( ͡° Í?Ê? ͡°) reports:

This memelord had to go fast to find the n00b that I was trying to 360 no scope. I sneaked into the building like a boss and knocked on their door. I got out mah lazer ready to pwn this scrub when he came out the door. I saw a guy walk past me a few times. Coincidence? ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED Kappa.

The guy I saw tried to kill me by going face (SMOrc) but it didn't work. I was too stronk and I shot him. FeelsGoodMan. Then my actual target came out of his camp spot. I reloaded my gun as he came at me with a knife SwiftRage. I ran backwards and shot my gun and fell to the floor. FeelsBadMan. My target fell on top of me FailFish. His knife landed near my leg and although I swear I shot him he "claimed" he didn't feel it BabyRage. I suggested we leave with honour and he agreed.

His friend that I killed was very PJSalt-y though. We sorted things out and then I asked the guy I killed what his name was. He said his name was...

JOHN CENA

*John Cena theme plays*


[18:15 PM] Ring ring. It's Peppercorn with one death for Makemake (Zheneng Xie), hand-delivered.

Peppercorn reports:

I arrived at 18:00. When first I set foot in that college I knew my mission would be harder than I had anticipated. Since the residential part is cut off from the rest of the college by a road, they lock the residential area off to all those non-resident. Not wishing to draw attention to myself by attempting my card on the door, I knew what I must do. I waited for a student to walk out of the door so I could catch it just in time. I had infiltrated the base.

The path to the targets residence was met with little disturbance. But when I arrived, I was met with further obstacles. The name of my target was not on the bells outside the front door. Seeing that one of the bells had been broken with no name on it, I assumed it was his. But as I pressed the bell, not knowing whether it had rung, I saw the table of names and there was his. The labels were not correct. I had rung the wrong bell...

Cursing my bad luck, I quickly pressed the correct bell and hid in the shadows - praying my target would open the door. And so he did. I crept towards him and asked him if it was he. He nodded, realizing his mistake too soon. Before he knew what he had done, I pulled my rubber band gun out of my inner pocket and fired four rounds into his chest. He didn't even know what hit him...

Makemake reports:

I am writing to report my death. At around ten past six today I was disturbed from my work by the shrill cry of the doorbell. Upon going downstairs and opening the door my chest was hit by a barrage of rubber band bullets, while my assailant slipped back to the cover of darkness.

Friday, 30 October


[12:59 PM] Stab, stab, stabbity stab. Darkstar kills Wee Dangerous Spike (Peter Jordan) as the competence-grabbing begins.

Darkstar reports:

As the clock ticked down until incompetence struck me, I realised that I had to act, and quickly. One of my targets lived in an impenetrable fortress, but perhaps I could find him elsewhere...

A little research revealed a subject and a year, and some further digging revealed where he should be at 1pm on a Friday. I armed myself, took a seat, and waited. Deflecting the greetings of passers-by with "I'll explain later" and "just a moment," I saw my target leaving his lecture theatre. I sprung up, knife in hand, and plunged it into his ribcage.

With a conciliatory murmur of "Assassin's guild" to my increasingly bemused colleagues, I was on my way.

Wee Dangerous Spike reports:

Crivens! I wus 'jus walkin' along, mindin' my own business ye ken, an then some scunnar comes along an' sticks a knife in me ribs! He jus' better wait 'till I get back from the land o' the livin', I fancy he'll be regrettin' the day he chose te cross one o' the Nac Mac Feegle!


[13:45 PM] ...Stabbity stab! SilentSky gets a sword involved, but Wee Dangerous Spike (Peter Jordan) is already dead!

SilentSky reports:

At around 13:45 I approached Peter and tried to learn his full name. Haivng done so, I walked away, re-approached and, having drawn my sword, slashed him. I was then informed I was too late- he was already dead.


[15:17 PM] What even is a kill? Postmodernist still doesn't know.

Postmodernist reports:

What does "death" mean in the assassins' context? We have to be careful stating the meaning of our word; context is "cum-textum", what comes with the text, but not as accessory; to the contrary, "con-textum" is what allows the interpreter to immerse themselves into the interpretative situation of the care (Sorge) that allows one to establish an hermeneutic circle (hermeneutische Zirkel) with the text.
But what is the text here? It is not properly a "collection of words". Text is the interpersonal social "texture". It remains to clarify what we truly mean by "death". Is "death" here determined by its being Sein zum Tode? It clearly can't, since, as we explained in our previous piece of writing, the assassins' "world" is an hyperreality that ultimately rest on the externality from itself. That is to say, "death" is not a ultimate possibility, the ultimate possibility. But is it conceivable to be-towards-death in the game? And what does it mean to take the life of another in this context? This are questions that need urgent answering, but there's a need for further reflection on this content before embarking in the more ambitious problematic of the problem of death in the game. But why stop here? Because only on the background of this explanation, the following words can make sense to anyone.
I have just been to kill one of my targets. I knocked at the door but I could hear nothing from the inside. Since there were offices in the same corridor, I decided to leave. I waited outside for some time, but my target didn't show up. I'll try again later today.


[19:07 PM] Still no luck for Postmodernist, but much existentialism.

Postmodernist reports:

The game of assassins is played - in the sense elaborated in my first "report" - in a post-metaphysical horizon that has overcome the metaphysics of presence as intended by Derrida. This is epitomised by its style, which privileges the "report" over the viva voce retelling of a narration. The hermeneutic circle is double ended: the "reporter" writes a "report" that is in some sense understood by the "Umpire". [U: Theoretically.] But how does this help us shed light on the problematic of the death-in-game? This is going to clarify itself in the following lines.
The being-towards-death-in-the-game can't be understood as the heideggerian Sein zum Tode for the precise reason that it is both non-definitive and salvation is always possible winning. As it is now clear, being-towards-death-in-the-game is properly playing-towards-death. Accepting "death" as the final stage of the game is the authentic life in its effectiveness (Faktizitat). This sounds like a leap in the void. How can we justify this claim? The structure we have just identified is the proper core of the authentic sense of the playing. But primarily and mostly the players do not "play" authentically. The rightful comprehension of the meaning of the playing-towards-death requires an understanding of the inauthentic playing. But what is the structure of the inauthentic playing?
I was thinking this while attempting to kill the same person again. I got in their staircase, but their neighbour had their door open. For fear that their neighbour was an assassin I waited outside until the neighbour left. I knocked at the door, which was locked, but nobody replied and it was quiet inside. I waited outside for some more time hoping that they'd show up, but they didn't.


[19:36 PM] Classic Assassins-style misdirection gets Loony (Basil Woods) killed by Scarlet.

Scarlet reports:

I was in my room and heard someone ring my doorbell. I assumed this was an assassin coming for one of the people in my accommodation as there is almost no other reason for someone to be ringing my doorbell at about twenty to eight at night. I went downstairs to find someone walking away from the doors. I opened and he waved at me, asking if I was [name]. I said I wasn't and gave a name belonging to someone else in the block. He then told me he was looking for [name in correct room] at which point any possible doubt vanished as random people on the whole don't know specific room numbers. I offered to show him where it was and stabbed him as he knocked on the door. We then had a short chat, during which he told me his name was Basil, and parted ways. Unfortunately the lack of windows in the corridor made defenestration again impossible.

Loony reports:

I Basil Woods was killed by Scarlet at his home. I rang the buzzer and was kindly invited in by someone claiming not to be Scarlet. Unfortunately he was lying and as he lead me to Scarlet's door he stabbed me in the back.


[20:00 PM] Yup, three times will do it. Jebediah Kerman (Ben Martineau) falls to The Terribly Imaginatively Named Dwarfy McDwarf.

The Terribly Imaginatively Named Dwarfy McDwarf reports:

I just assassinated Ben Martineau at his home address. He threw something on my leg but I got him in his chest three times.


[22:55 PM] A decent set of attempts at killing and/or not getting lost by Tinkerbell. Failed at both.

Tinkerbell reports:

Tinkerbell in a desperate attempt to show some competence tinkered on over to [target 1]. Alas no one answered the bell or entered or left the building until Tinkerbell tinkered off someplace else.

Next Tinkerbell tinkered on over to find [target 2]. Despite some detailed directions from a friendly lost boy, Tinkerbell became lost in the great maze of the fellows garden, after wandering aimlessly in the dark and beginning to succumb to the cold Tinkerbell managed to find his building. After tinkering with the lock she gained access to the corridor but alas he was not in.

Cold and dejected Tinkerbell gave up and went home.


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