The Assassins' Guild: Michaelmas 2015 Game Awards

For various achievements and entertainments, the following awards are presented:

The Bandwidth Bandit Award for Non-textual Reports:

Alex Hibbert, for his cover of A Little Fall of Rain..
Honourable Mention to Douglas Hall, for his news headers.

The Banker's Bonus Award for Profit:

Michael French, for killing his own Chief of Police (in self-defence!), thus claiming a bounty.

The Brutus Award for Best Betrayal:

Hani-El Bay, for killing his Wanted college wife as they exchanged vows.
Honourable Mention to James Brotherston, for requesting a duel with Corrupt Ben Weber, then shooting Ben as he left his room to go to said duel.

The Butch Cassidy Award for Most Doomed Killing Spree:

Ben Weber, for fake-stabbing some people in Spoons for not-assassins-related reasons, reporting it anyway, going Corrupt, and getting killed within 24 hours of going on the list.

The Couldn't Make It Up Award for Ironic Pseudonym Choice:

Curtis Reubens, for signing up as police with the pseudonym 'The Inevitable Demise' to kill Corrupt Ben Weber, and promptly getting killed within five minutes.

The Cuba '62 Award for Narrowly Averted Disaster:

Ruby Tupling, for almost knocking a Forerunner's door unknowingly, while another Forerunner was with her, which would have almost certainly got her companion killed.

The Dante Award for Divine Comedy:

Sam Mackey, for asking the Umpire for easier targets, and having the randomised AutoUmpire assign his next target as his roommate.

The Darwin Award for Death by Stupidity:

Xiang Hao, for stabbing the Chief of Police after a formal, and getting revenge-killed within sixty seconds of going live on the Wanted List.
Honourable Mentions to Twm Stone, for taunting a target with a drawn weapon and thus getting stabbed for bearing; Jonny Phillips for pointing a gun at the Umpire and getting shot by a bystander for bearing; and Xiang Hao again, for passing a note in lectures saying 'Will you help me kill Matthew Coates?', to Matthew Coates.

The David and Goliath Award for Best Giant-Killing Activity by a New Player:

Steph Potten, for killing veteran Alex Hardwick, seconds after he becomes the first player to get to 10 kills.

The David Duffit Award for Secrecy and Deception:

Curtis Reubens, for the fact that when at least two other Catz players were informed of his early death, both protested 'But he's not playing!'.
Honourable Mention to Kim Ward, for adopting this award as a very successful playstyle.

The Dr Kimble Award for Surviving the Longest Time on the Wanted List:

Alessandro Mariani, for surviving a Wanted stint during Open Season.

The Fake Simon Award for Psychological Warfare:

James Brotherston, for his shenanigans with Ben Smith, including but not limited to whispering 'BANG' as he walked past him, and (Ben having a dragon-themed bounty on him) crafting an origami dragon for his pigeonhole.
Honourable Mentions to Kim Ward for her attempts during the Duel to get Steph Potten and Alex Hibbert to betray each other; and to Gwilym Kuiper for his (highly illegal) sending of armed non-players to freak out players.

The Gentleman's Award for Reverse Profit:

Alex Hibbert, for setting a very large number of bounties, and paying them in large numbers of home-baked cookies.

The Harland Quinn Golden Quill for the Most Amusing Reports:

Alex Hardwick, for the sheer variety and quantity of reports from all manner of personae.
Honourable Mentions to Alessandro Mariani's convoluted Postmodernist reports, Kim Ward's varied reports including the wonderful Seratos, and Alex Hibbert's quality and quantity as The Gentleman.

The Holzhauer Award for Psychopathy:

Shared between Kim Ward, Alex Hardwick and Steph Potten, all for reaching an impressive 10 kills each.

The Jeffery Archer Award for Prolific Writing:

Alex Hibbert, for the length and amount of The Gentleman's reports.

The Judas Award for Trying to Betray Someone, But They Miraculously Live Thanks to the Power of the Almighty:

Twm Stone, for attempting to kill the Umpire, and having his gun jam as he takes the shot.

The Kenny Award for Dying Far Too Many Times:

James Brotherston, for a ridiculous 7 deaths.
Honourable Mention to Twm Stone, for 4.

The Koom Valley Award for Best Ambush:

Joe Tomkinson, for bursting out of Em Miles' gyp room (inside her room) with an inflatable hammer.

The Laurel and Hardy Award for Most Amusing Double-Act:

Curtis Reubens and James Brotherston, for their repeated shenanigans and killing each other.

The Leek and Safe Award for Most Interesting Weaponry:

Karolina Hes, for her elegant miniature bow.

The Lemming Award for the First to Die:

Benedict McConnell, for dying 18 minutes after the game started.

The Lovebug Award for Unresolved Sexual Tension:

Clara Ding, for signing up as police to be in the police war, and upon replying to an email asking 'What pseudonym would you like?', immediately stabbing Twm Stone on the assumption she was a) now playing and b) on the other team to him (she wasn't).
Honourable Mention to Ben Smith, who died after being too distracted by his assassin's low-cut top.

The Maximus Decimus Meridius Award for Best Fight to the Death:

Steph Potten and Alex Hibbert, for a lightsaber duel at sundown to determine the game's final victor.

The My Coat Is Just Big Boned Award for Weapon Concealment:

Kim Ward, for when out of time to change after Guild activities, attended a performance with weapons hidden all around their person.

The 'My Hero' Award for the Biggest Fanclub:

Ben Mortishire-Smith, for his email about Alex Hibbert's song that roughly went 'oh my goooooosh, it's amazing, how is he this amazing'; except it was a whole page long.

The 'Nice Try' Award for a Valiant Effort:

Awarded jointly to Twm Stone, for attempting to kill the Umpire and completely failing to; Twm Stone, for starting a police war and having his rebel side get completely thrashed; and Twm Stone, for attempting to kill James Brotherston, and losing both arms before retreating in shame.

The Obfuscated Tutorial System Award for Silliest Pseudonym:

Alex Hardwick, for an entire paragraph of translated Herodotus as a pseudonym.

The Order of the Black Coat Award for Application of the Art of Disguise:

Kim Ward, for repeated use of disguises, including in the final Duel.

The Pistols at Dawn Award for an Addiction to Duelling:

Michael Warman, for repeated duel-challenging, including both the Chief of Police and a previous Umpire.

The Platinum Trophy Award for Completionism:

The Duke, for getting a kill on a Wolfson player, thus having successfully killed at least one player from every college over his Assassins' career. Well done!

The Police Hero Medal for Outstanding Service:

Michael Warman, for his active police duty, championing of the Light Side, and his Dwarf Horde.

The Red/Blue Colourblind Award for Teamkilling:

Twm Stone, for killing Chris Martin for being in the police war, without first checking that Chris was actually on his side.

The Robocop Award for Killing Wanted Criminals:

Twm Stone, for keeping the early game Wanted List very clear.

The Spawncamper Award for Cheapest Kill:

Daniel Storisteanu, for killing his incompetent housemate Kuba Sanak, when both were on the verge of thunderbolting.

The Speedrun Award for Rapid Target Clearing:

Hani El-Bay, for wiping his first three targets within a 2.5 hour period.

The Watcher on the Walls Award for Dedicated Ambushing:

Kim Ward, for hiding in a hedge waiting for her target.
Honourable Mention to Alex Hibbert and Ben Mortishire-Smith, who waited for over an hour to catch Alessandro Mariani on the penultimate day of the game.

The Yellow Streak Award for Running Away:

Alex Hardwick, for challenging Twm Stone to a duel, seeing Twm twirl his pistol round his fingers, and immediately panicking and running away.
Honourable Mention to Alex Hibbert, who after the aforementioned Forerunner incident with Ruby, fled at full speed out of the entire college.

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