Cloak & Dagger The Assassins' Guild - Week 6 News


Tuesday, 25 November


[17:01 PM] Stan Lee is baiting Umpirical wrath...
Stan Lee reports:

It's true, I'm now so despised Hell must freeze over before I can stop living in fear! I have chosen to take this literally! Modifying a machine gun with a canister of freezium, the coldest substance known to man.

An ice-beam? Really?

[An ice-beam? That's so Johnny Snow... DH.]

I tested it on a balloon in my residence: the path of the bullets precipitated a thick mist, and the balloon froze so quickly that it shattered instead of bursting. With success in heart, I boldly strolled out looking for carriers to ferry the frosty stuff straight down into Hell itself [I believe Piers Morgan is back from America... DH.]. I didn't go far before I noticed my flatmate in the kitchen, the perfect victim (they know too much). I unleashed three bolts into them. Their body flash-froze, and the area immediately surrounding them was covered with a frost two feet thick! That should help Hell freeze over!
However, I am aware that this plan may not work, since even the most prominent philosophers of history have been unable to even establish the existence of Hell. I am therefore enacting Plan B. I hereby place a bounty of one chocolate orange on the any of the top-ranking police (only one kill), starting when this is published. Also, there is another chocolate orange bounty on policeman Loki, claimable either by assassinating them, or by Loki by turning back to evil (I didn't write your character as a good guy!!!). Bounties will be paid on Friday after the game ends to avoid complications via confrontations.
Yours sincerely, Stan Lee

[Doctor Horrible is trying to change the world and doesn't have time for a grudge match. I see your bounty, and raise you two chocolate oranges for the elimination of Stan Lee...]


Wednesday, 26 November


[09:20 AM] The city is safe again, as the infamous Ben Weber (Stan Lee) is brought down by Brave, Brave, Brave, Brave Sir Robin and The Slightly Rabid Gerbil
Brave, Brave, Brave, Brave Sir Robin reports:

Stan Lee is dead. The Slightly Rabid Gerbil and I realised we were inco and then I spotted the bounty on Stan Lee so we'd though we'd kill two birds with 10 nerf darts. Not sure who shot him first; both started firing at the same time.

The Slightly Rabid Gerbil reports:

Have earned chocolate oranges. And murdered Ben Weber. Today is a good day.

Stan Lee reports:

*knock knock*
"Who's there, I'm sleeping?"
*bang*

[Since he is dead, the bounties placed by Stan Lee can no longer be collected]


[10:30 AM] Adam Beaumont (Bad Luck) is slain by a knife dispatched Via Telegram
Via Telegram reports:

HASH HASHHASH HASHHASHHASH HASHASHAS SHSAHASHHHHHHHH
#
##############
XIBUXPVMECFUIFQPJOUPGIJEJOHBTFDSFUNFTTBHFJOUIJT
CEASAR PLUS ONE
PSUIJTCJUFJUIFSQ
QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQA
THE THE THE THE
THE CAT SAT ON THE MAAAA
THE CAAAAA
THE CAMATONTHE
THE TONTHEMA
THE THE
ETH
STOP
POTS
BUFFERING STOP STOP STOP
THE DEED IS DONE STOP
THE PENGIUNS ARE BRA LIKE I'M TELLING ANYONE WHAT'S HAPPENED TO THE PENGIUNS BRA MWA HA HA KET KET STOP MY EPIC BATTLE WITH BAD LUCK IS FINALLY OVER AND SO THE STORY CAN BE TOLD STOP

BACK AFTER MY LAST KILL LAST WEDNESDAY I IDENTIFIED BAD LUCK AS THE ONLY REMAINING LIVE PLAYER IN BRA REDACTED KET YEAR BRA ARE SUBJECTS REDACTED QUESTION STOP STOP STOP STOP ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT I GUESS KET BRA YES KET AND SO NATURALLY THEY WERE TO BECOME MY NEXT TARGET STOP
ON FRIDAY I CONDUCTED RECONNISANCE AT THEIR COLLEGE AND IDENTIFED POSSIBLE OPTIONS FOR AN ATTACK STOP HOWEVER THIS PROVED FUTILE AS ON SATURDAY I WAS AWOKEN BY A KNOCKING STOP ALTHOUGH AT THE TIME I HAD NO INTENTION OF DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT I WAS LATER INFORMED BY A CORRIDOR SHARER THAT IT WAS INDEED NONE OTHER THAN THE AFOREMENTIONED BAD LUCK STOP HERE TO KILL ASTERIKCS ME OBELIX STOP
BRA DUN DUN DUN KET
HOWEVER THE STORY CONTINUES STOP
ON SUNDAY THEY BRA WELL I ASTERIOD THINK ASTERONAUGHT IT WAS THEM KET USED A MOLE FROM LADY ASTOR MY COLLEGE ASYMPTOTE TO PERSUE ME AND FORCED ME TO FLEE TO MY HIDEOUT BRA YES I HAVE A HIDEOUT KET BRA NO IT IS NOT JUST A FRIEND'S ROOM STOP
ON MONDAY BRA TO BE HONEST THIS IS MY FAVOURITE PART KET I EXTRAPOLATED THAT THEY WOULD RETURN, AND SO SET A TRAP, WAITING FOR THEM OUTSIDE MY BUILDING IN AN EXCELLENT DISGUISE BRA YES I HAVE DISGUSES TOO KET BRA NO IT WAS NOT JUST A HAT AND SCARF AND GLASSES KET STOP HOWEVER THEY DID NOT APPEAR ASTEREO OR SO I THOUGHT BRA DUN DUN DUN KET ASTERILE BRA IT TURNED OUT AFTERWARDS THAT THEY ASTEPFUNCTION HAD ASTOPSIGN COME THAT MORNING BUT WE HAD MISSED EACH OTHER STOP ON MONDAY I ALSO DECIDED TO DEPLOY APPROACH NUMBER 3 COLON BRA LOOK A COLON STOP KET TRACKING STOP WITH THE HELP OF A NUMBER OF ASTRAY SUPRISINGLY KEEN ASTHMA VOLUNTEERS FROM BRA HOGWARTS QUESTION STOP GOOD ENOUGH KET COLLEGE I WAS ABLE TO ESTABLISH SURVEILLIANCE OVER ALMOST ALL OF THE RELEVANT IN THE DEPARTMENT STOP
THE TARGET WAS LOCATED WITHIN THE HOUR BUT I WAS A LITTLE SLOW ON THE INTERCEPT STOP
ON TUESDAY WE RAN THE SAME SYSTEM BUT THE TARGET WAS NOT LOCATED STOP
ON WEDNESDAY I KNEW THE PATTERN AND SO WAS ABLE TO CLOSE ON THEM JUST AFTER THEY LEFT THE LECTURE ROOM STOP THE KIFE WAS IN THEIR BACK BEFORE THEY EVEN KNEW IT STOP AFTERWARDS WE HAD A NICE CHAT ABOUT THE WEEK'S EXCHANGES STOP NOW ONWARDS STOP
PS NOT SURE ABOUT THAT LAST MESSAGE YOU RECIVED FROM 'ME' STOP I DON'T REMEMBER SENDING IT AND ON REFLECTION HAVE NEVER ACTUALLY HEARD OF A CURTIS RUBENS EVER EVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE STOP
HE SOUNDS PRETTY SHIFTY THOUGH STOP

[THERE ARE NO CURTIS REUBENSES IN CAMBRIDGE]

Bad Luck reports:

The saga of me and Via Telegram:
Saturday:
Hung around Saturday morning, while hanging around target was hung over. Wasn't going to work out but before leaving was identified by another person on the corridor. Right, must be do or die time on Monday then.
Monday:
Hung around in a cunning location waiting for Via Telegram to leave room for early lectures. Thoroughly judged by a bedder but the door of target reamined shut. Enede up slightly late to lecture. Was not killed on Monday, gained confidence.
Tues + Wed:
Too tired/it was raining to bother to go all the way for an attempt.
Wednesday:
Knifed n the back after leaving lecture. Was armed and dangerous but recognised by Via Telegram's accomplice. Was sadly unwary and paid the price. Thus does my game end, I wish him luck in the duel.


Thursday, 27 November


[15:44 PM] Likely our final message Via Telegram
Via Telegram reports:

THIS MORNING SOMEONE TRIED TO RUSH MY ROOM STOP
UNFORTUNATELY THE DOOR WAS LOCKED AND SO ALL THEY ACHIEVED WAS CREATING A LOUD THUD STOP
THEY PROMPTLY SCARPERED STOP
POSSIBLY RELATED I FOUND A MESSAGE ON MY DOOR WHITEBOARD STOP
IT READ 'YOU CAN'T STAY IN THERE ALL DAY' STOP
WELL I BEG TO DIFFER STOP

-Via Telegram


[16:15 PM] Charlie Farmer (The "The") holds the line against Alessandro Mariani (Cheddar Nimitz) and Thomas (Twm) Stone (Generic SHIELD Agent #94) in an epic siege that, in true George R. R. Martin style, leaves everyone dead
Generic SHIELD Agent #94 reports:

After meeting with Cheddar Nimitz, I suggested we go after The "The", because I knew where he lived from a previous attempt. Armed only with a knife, but backed up by Cheddar with a pistol, we attempted to gain access through another staircase, but this was unsuccessful. We buzzed the intercom, offering cookies to a couple of rooms, and eventually gained access. Depositing our shoes downstairs, we crept up the stairs, but this was interrupted by a burst of gunfire. I retreated to a lower landing, and Cheddar hid in the kitchen, attempting shots, none of which were successful. With the arrival of an enemy accomplice, we knew we wouldn't be able to starve our target out, so we gradually advanced up the stairs. Whilst retrieving bullets, I was shot, a bullet brushing the top of my head, and I fell.

Cheddar remained in the kitchen exchanging fire intermittently with Charlie. After about 20 minutes, Charlie loaded his shotgun, marching down the stairs without fear, and they both fell to the ground, peppered with bullet wounds.

Generic S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent 94

Cheddar Nimitz reports:

After some warming up at [ER, PEARL HARBOUR?], I went to [NOT PEARL HARBOUR] with Generic SHIELD Agent #94 to kill The "The". After ringing people, we got in the staircase, but Charlie was waiting for us at the top floor. The siege went on for more than an hour, and Generic SHIELD Agent #94 was killed while trying to recover bullets. I got pretty close to killing The "The" a few times, but in the end Charlie decided on a brutal-force charge, and we ended up killing each other. Apparently the news of his water-cannon possession was exaggerated.

Love and death,
Alessandro Mariani

The "The" reports:

Today at around 4:15pm another assassin and policeman came to kill me, after what sounds like a lengthy incobash.

They buzzed my room offering cookies, so obviously I buzzed them in while loading my nerf gun.
Rightly cautious, they came up the staircase slowly and carefully. I tried to jump out at them and gun them down quickly, while I had the element of surprise. Unfortunately no darts landed home, which started a lengthy fire fight (and actually quite a nice chat) between us all with me at the top of the staircase and them further down.

Many shots were exchanged, as my entire ammunition cache was right next to me in my room so we all had plenty of ammo. Had a nice little chat in the meantime too, no reason not to be cordial after all.

About halfway through I managed to hit the policeman in the head, after enlisting a neighbour as an accomplice to reload for me. Then after maybe half an hour since first contact I realised that this just wasn't going to end without some initiative. I loaded up my biggest gun (alpha trooper, nothing huge) and charged downstairs firing shots to where my hunter was in hiding behind a wall.

A brief but bloody skirmish left us both riddled with nerf bullets, and no players where once there had been three. Shame really, I was enjoying their company.

Yours,
The 'The'


[19:45 PM] Alessandro Mariani (Cheddar Nimitz Jr.) is turned to swiss-cheese by Hodor
Cheddar Nimitz Jr. reports:

After being resurrected by the Umpire, I headed to [PEARL HARBOUR], to get rid of incompetent Hodor. There was some weird fluffy bird on the door [Are you not American, Nimitz? I would have thought you'd be familiar with Thanksgiving. DH.], so I got closer, since I also wanted to check whether the inco was in. I took off my shoes to be as silent as a ghost, knocked on the door and then... bam! Rubber-bands all over me! The inco had been hiding in the shower on the corridor for I don't know how long. I got killed... again! I should probably give up my fifth star... or maybe stop eating all that cheese?

Hodor reports:

7:50am - Got to [YES THIS IS STILL REDACTED] College to try and catch Tom Flynn going to lectures. Stalked around outside for a bit but fairly sure an accomplice called him to warn him of my presence. Said accomplice warned me that Tom was planning on remaining in his room all day in order to secure his position for the duel. Tom has a reputation for paranoia, so left a note, and decided to try elsewhere...

2:30pm - Outran Alessandro Mariani (Cheddar Nimitz Jr.) going back up the stairs to reach my room, had a pleasant chat in the corridor. Both decided that further attempts at that time would be suicidal.

6:00pm - Decided to prepare for police coming to claim the bounty on my head, so set up an ambush. Totoro was guarding my room and I sat in the shower room outside the corridor. Sure enough, at around 8pm Cheddar returned to try again at claiming the bounty. All credit to him - the floor in that corridor practically deserves nightingale status and he made it 8 metres before David Calin (Blue Hands) [For the record I feel I should remind you that it's dubious play using a dead player as an accomplice, but at this stage it's moot. DH.] or I heard him. However, David did hear him and joined Totoro on operation 'distract' while I launched myself past the fire-door at him. Cheddar-Alessandro died under a flurry of elastic bands. HODOOOOOR!


[21:00 PM] Say what you like about the U.S. Navy, they don't give up easily...
Cheddar Nimitz the Third reports:

After having resurrected for the second time, I tried my luck with inco Kamile Rastenyte, but apparently nobody was in the flat (I also came back later, but still no soul to be seen). However, I manage to get into incompetent Joseph Scott's house and room (unlocked door). He was not in. I was preparing to wait with a good amount of lovely cheese, but a few minutes later the nice girl who let me in decided to kick me out, apparently due to sense of guilt. I therefore left; it's the last day, and it's not worth waiting outside in the cold for an inco who might not come before the end of game.
I also decided I didn't want to try again on Hodor, who played fairly; my policeman's honour prevented me from attempting again. Now V doesn't stand for Vendetta anymore, just for Vermont Cheese.


[23:59 PM] With my freeze-ray I will stop, the game...

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