The Assassins' Guild: Michaelmas 2014 Game Awards
For various achievements and entertainments, the following awards are presented:
- The Holzhauer Award for Psychopathy:
- Leslie Stowe for getting 6 kills in the first four weeks of the game.
Honourable Mentions to Tom Flynn for 6 kills over the entire game (including The Duel), Michael French (5) and Alexander Hardwick (4).
Dishonourable Mention to Sam Mackey for his numerous illicit kills of Kieran Gilday (among others) which eventually broke the targeting system (luckily the evening before Open Season), prompting the Umpire to have him killed.
- The Kenny Award for Dying Far Too Many Times:
- Sam Mackey, for being stabbed and left for dead,
then being killed properly,
joining the police and dying again and
again, before going corrupt and finally being
ended permanently by the Chief of Police and Bad Horse.
- The 'I Am the Law' Award for Services to Justice:
- Richard Jones for killing 4 incompetents as a police player.
Honourable Mention to Alessandro Mariani for militia-raising activites, including an improptu end-of-game incobash, and much police beat-work.
- The Lemming Award for First To Die:
- Matt Arnold for dying to Gri/y/ff/phMaf within 20 minutes of the game starting.
- The Rasputin Award for Why Won't You Just Die?!:
- Tom Flynn for surviving innumerable attempts on his life during the endgame, then surviving half The Duel
despite all 3 other players being allied against him, then gradually losing all four limbs and still trying to kill his
assailant by throwing an attack penguin with his teeth.
- The Laurel And Hardy Award for Most Amusing Double-act:
- Alfie Wright and Morgan Rayner-Philipson for many shenanigans, including their repeated attempts to betray one another and the many limb-hits that resulted.
- The Richard Gibson Award for Marksmanship:
- Is shared by 5 people this game:
Alfie Wright and Morgan Rayner-Philipson for the above, and
James Brotherston, Jonny Phillips and Andrew Raison for picking off all of Tom Flynn's limbs before finally being able to kill him in The Duel.
- The Orange Scarf Award for Subtlety:
- Is awarded twice to Michael French for first dressing up as a dragon to kill an incompetent 'ally' and then laying siege to an opponent's corridor with a machinegun emplacement.
- The Darwin Award for Death by Stupidity:
- Thomas (Twm) Stone who in his own words concedes "maybe wearing a hoodie with my name prominently emblazoned on the back might have not been such a good idea..."
- The Yellow Streak Award for Running Away:
- James Brotherston who after fleeing a room after he found the occupant levelling a nerf-gun at him, deemed himself so cowardly that he took the pseudonym "Brave, Brave, Brave, Brave Sir Robin". Said cowardice then got him to being one of the last two people in The Duel...
- The Gary Lineker Award for Sportsmanship:
- Michael French for persuading the Umpire to ignore (and write-out of history) his quite licit kill because he felt it was unsporting, only for him to die to its beneficiary shortly after.
- The Maximus Decimus Meridius Award for Best Fight to the Death:
- James Brotherston and Andrew Raison for their final pistols-at-dusk battle to decide the game.
- The
Harland
Quinn
Golden
Quill
for the Most Amusing Reports:
- Alexander Hardwick, for poetry, wordplay, verse, a Shakespeare scene, dictionary definitions, and a rendition of a Bonnie Tyler song...
- The Jeffery Archer Award for Prolific Writing:
- Tom Flynn for a seemingly endless stream of telegram messages and a newspaper-cut-and-paste note to fellow prolific writer Alexander Hardwick.
- The BAFTA Award for Best Actress:
- Mikaela Belcher for impersonating a bemused neighbour after Michael French's army turns up gunning for a corridor-mate, before stabbing Ben Morley for bearing as he explains their intent while waving a nerf-gun around.
- The Banker's Bonus Award for Profit:
- James Brotherston, and Jonny Phillips for when their friend Ben Weber placed a bounty on police players, immediately turning round and killing him for the Umpire's counter-bounty of double the amount of chocolate orange.
- The Butch Cassidy Award for Most Doomed Killing Spree:
- Ben Weber for his various acts of theatrical evil culminating in the inneviatable Umpirical retaliation outlined above.
- The Cuba '62 award for Narrowly Averted Disaster:
- Robert Allen who on day 2 proceeded to almost shot the Chief of Police under the impression she was his target.
He did the same thing to another police player later in the game, before going inco the next day and dying to said policeman...
- The Leek and Safe Award for Most Interesting Weaponry:
- Joshua de Gromoboy for his development of the human artillery shell, and skill in actually managing to kill someone with it.
- The Reversed Burden of Johannes Award for Unintentionally Killing Innocents:
- Is shared by Zack Hassan, Mikaela Belcher and Henry Dickie for each killing an innocent person, (and having the honesty to report it).
- The Catherine Zentile Award for Least Innocent Innocent:
- Non player, but Assassins' veteran Curtis Reubens who was gunned down by Ben Weber in retaliation for past crimes...
- The Brutus Award for Best Betrayal:
- Henry Dickie, for letting Sam Mackey explain to some civilains the concept of assassins and show them his 'knife' before providing a more practical demonstation by killing him for bearing.
Honourable Mention to Sam Mackey and accomplice, the latter of whom bet Sofia Riccio she couldn't survive the week, before helping Sam to kill her.
Honourable Mention to Leslie Stowe for killing her boyfriend on The Guild's orders.
- The Achievement Unlocked: Pacifist Award for Dedication to Not Using Weapons:
- Elizabeth Anne Hawkins who apparently not realising accomplices are licit targets, spent a considerable time losing a tail in a pursuit though Heffers, a maze of backstreets and finally the market.
- The Zaphod Beeblebrox award for Style:
- Chief of Police Danielle Saunders for killing wanted player Sam Mackey with a Bad Horse attack animal while dressed as Captain Hammer.
- The David Duffit Award for Secrecy and Deception:
- Richard Jones for killing James Alexander by pretending to be auditioning for his play.
Honourable Mention to Michael Warman for a similar scheme involving convincing his target that he was interested in joining the committee of a society the
target was founding but dying before he could make use of the ruse.
- The 'Do you have my fish?' Award for Excuse Least Likely To Get Someone To Open Their Door:
- Danielle Saunders for attempting to get Hayley Weir to open her door by claiming "We're clubbing together to buy [mutual friend] Jess a ukelele for her birthday. Would you like to contribute?" It didn't work.
- The Obfuscated Tutorial System Award for Silliest Pseudonym:
- Shared by Ben Morley, for "Ben Morley"
and Andrew Raison of ChadMaf for taking the last permutation of Gri/y/ff/ph in a bid to disguise himself as one of Gyi/y/ff/phMaf, who failed to notice that he wasn't one of them.
- The Couldn't Make It Up Award for Ironic Pseudonym Choice:
- Sam Mackey for choosing the pseudonym 'Faith' at random from a Whedon character list, then accidentally killing a civillian and becoming evil.
Honourable Mention to Rory Braggins who as Hoban's Stegosaurus spectacularly failed to suffer a sudden but innevitable betrayal, costing the Umpire the chocolate orange he had on this happening.
- The Eh? Award for Weirdest Assassins' Related Happening:
- Non-Assassin Ella Watts for inviting the Guild (+CUSFS etc.) to a party at Lola Lo's and allegedly having a couple of assassins actually turn up.
- The Show Must Go On Award for Devotion to The Guild:
- Curtis Reubens and his cadre of volunteers for organising, running and manning the Freshers' Fair stall.
Danielle Saunders for doing a great deal of organisation behind the scenes, and helping to keep the Umpire sane(ish).
Without these two the game would not have run smoothly.
Home / Email
