Cloak & Dagger The Assassins' Guild - Headlines

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Thursday, 13 June

[17:00 PM] First piece of news!

Saturday, 15 June

[02:00 AM] Let the games begin!
[10:15 AM] For the first move of the game, The Duke expands their duchy, eradicating Zach Hassan (Venom) in the process
[11:55 AM] The appropriate Verb today is the present perfect continuous tense of "to murder", as Sarah Binney (Destriianatos) found out
[12:00 PM] Sakunthala Panditharatne (Saku) (the very deadly group theory enthusiast) couldn't compute the random sampling of Random Strategy
[13:10 PM] No matter what level it gets to, Jorn Emborg (Magikarp Lvl. 20) still faints straight away, courtesy of The Rat Man
[13:15 PM] Science and linguistics clash and no-one comes off the better. Danielle Saunders (Verb) double kills with Tristan Roberts (The Rat Man)
[14:12 PM] The Bravest Warriors aren't so brave anymore! Hannah McLaughlin (Ralph Waldo Picklechips) is discovered by Problem Sleuth
[15:00 PM] Laura Sedgwick (Soft Mick) is clearly too soft. Dorito takes advantage
[16:08 PM] The Mortified Penguin waddles away from its first encounter with Alice Hobbs (Arnie) unscathed
[18:00 PM] It seems that even Peter Rabbit can do group theory. Sakunthala Panditharatne (Saku) (the very deadly group theory enthusiast) dies from shock - and a plunger
[18:25 PM] The Ghost Who Walks strikes with gusto! The Phantom eliminates Lorenzo Venturini (Total Commander)
[19:10 PM] Sherry has no effect on amphibious creatures, such as Destriianatos, as Ben Harry Fraser (Barf Near Sherry) discovered
[19:12 PM] The Duke will not stand for uprisings from Clare and puts down both Dylan Pritchard (Dr DJP) and Sarah Binney (Destriianatos)
[19:32 PM] The Mortified Penguin goes to Sainsbury's, presumably for some fish, but also kills Devang Agrawal (Devang1994)
[19:45 PM] Tauriel's kill of Hannah Lissaman (Judith of Bethulia) was truly biblical
[21:15 PM] Bad Horse! He's bad! Danielle Saunders (Verb) felt the power of his crushing hooves
[22:30 PM] Video games are still losing to movies, it seems. Tauriel skewers Tristan Roberts (The Rat Man)
[23:04 PM] The Mortified Penguin comes good on its promise to Alice Hobbs (Arnie) when it said "I'll be back"
[23:15 PM] Alcohol-induced vomit takes its rightful place in May Week as Barf Near Sherry kills Ollie Rusk (Goodcat)
[23:28 PM] Who will stop the march of The Duke? Well, it's not Thomas Clausen (Bernward the Bragondorn)

Sunday, 16 June

[03:20 AM] Goodcat slinks around in the dead of night and claims revenge by killing Ben Harry Fraser (Barf Near Sherry)
[10:41 AM] It seems that the only problem here for the Problem Sleuth is why Jorn Emborg (Magikarp Lvl. 20) hasn't evolved into Gyarados yet
[11:45 AM] Surprising that Mortified Penguin has to resort to antimatter balls - surely it has snowballs? No matter, Max Baxter-Allen (Scooby) is dead
[12:28 PM] The Problem Sleuth is clearly being employed by GLaDOS, as Tristan Roberts (The Rat Man) is no more
[12:30 PM] Penguins may trump rabbits in the cuteness stakes, but it seems that rabbits have the upper hand in killing. Vamsee Bheemrieddy (Mortified Penguin) killed by Peter Rabbit
[13:00 PM] Aliens have no need for complicated language! Destriianatos eliminates the need for Verb (Danielle Saunders)
[13:04 PM] Surgery Failed! And it was going so well! Brutal murder achieved by both Dylan Pritchard (Dr DJP) and Tim Pearson (Problem Sleuth)
[13:55 PM] However random the strategy, it usually can be unravelled by a time traveller, as Destriianatos discovers Matthew Fitch's Random Strategy
[16:35 PM] Total Commander lays down martial law on Devang Agrawal (Devang1994)
[16:50 PM] Sarah Binney (Destriianatos) should know better than to take on The Rat Man at video games
[18:45 PM] Peter Rabbit does group theory again to kill Sakunthala Panditharatne (Saku) (the very deadly group theory enthusiast)
[19:30 PM] Bad Horse refuses to let Peter Conn (Pdizzle) join the Evil League of Evil
[19:40 PM] Tauriel gets a double kill with her bow. Danielle Saunders (Verb) and Tristan Roberts (The Rat Man) are the victims
[23:30 PM] Eleanor Hobson AKA cherub finds that their bow is useless, letting Soft Mick take the upper hand in Life..

Monday, 17 June

[00:00 AM] Danielle Saunders (Verb) and Peter Conn (Pdizzle) fade into the ether as they are removed from the game, but Hannah Graham (A pseudonym of the Umpire's choosing) joins the fray
[00:30 AM] Destriianatos's CatBus stopped for Tristan Roberts (The Rat Man). A CatBus of DOOOOM!
[12:30 PM] Evariste eviscerates Lorenzo Venturini (Total Commander)
[14:10 PM] Tim Pearson (Problem Sleuth) thinks he's solved the Riddle of The Phantom, but rule-breaking means the spectre wins out
[15:30 PM] Tristan Roberts (The Rat Man) goes for an exploration through Aperture Laboratories AKA Clare, kills Ben Harry Fraser (Barf Near Sherry), Jorn Emborg (Magikarp Lvl. 20) and Sarah Binney (Destriianatos) but falls to the claws of Goodcat
[16:40 PM] Bad Horse's death whinny strikes Hannah Lissaman (Judith of Bethulia)
[17:00 PM] Silence has fallen over the ranks of Lorenzo Venturini (Total Commander). Presumably, it was the work of mort silencieuse
[17:45 PM] Matthew Fitch (Aaron Domnoob) is the real noob as, even though Jessica Poon (MC-JP) perishes, Arnie stands victorious
[18:00 PM] Bad Horse beats beetmall (Andrew Harland)
[18:55 PM] The bounty is claimed! Dr DJP kills Jorn Emborg (Magikarp Lvl. 20) with a snowball
[19:30 PM] Aliens aren't safe anywhere, not even when queuing for Balls, as Sarah Binney (Destriianatos) found out, courtesy of Bad Horse
[20:15 PM] The Phantom must be the ghost of one of Dr DJP's patients (Dylan Pritchard died)
[21:45 PM] Who would have thought that The Rat Man could take down a noble steed like Bad Horse (Cheryl Weedon)?

Tuesday, 18 June

[09:45 AM] Tauriel goes fishing and catches a Magikarp Lvl. 20 (Jorn Emborg)
[14:00 PM] There's a sudden quiet as Devang Agrawal (Devang1994) and Lorenzo Venturini (Total Commander) fall foul of mort silencieuse
[14:00 PM] There's only room for one non-human in the Evil League of Evil! Sarah Binney (Destriianatos) is blasted by Bad Horse
[14:25 PM] Ghost-type isn't super effective against water, but that doesn't stop The Phantom taking down Jorn Emborg (Magikarp Lvl. 20), with assistance from Tauriel
[14:55 PM] Problem Sleuth finds fault with A pseudonym of the Umpire's choosing (Hannah Graham)
[14:55 PM] Elf and spectre continue their alliance, but there's a bloodbath at Robinson. Max Baxter-Allen (Scooby) and Tom Neat (The Phantom) die - only Tauriel survives
[19:00 PM] The Aperture Science Enrichment Centre thanks The Rat Man for their contribution of Sarah Binney (Destriianatos)
[20:05 PM] I'm tempted to give Tauriel the pseudonym of Ball Queue Killer as Jonathan (Jonny) Tsang (Evariste) is the next to fall

Wednesday, 19 June

[13:25 PM] The Ginosaji attempts a brute force method to solve the problem known as Sakunthala Panditharatne (Saku) (the very deadly group theory enthusiast)
[13:45 PM] Scooby goes looking for Shaggy but instead finds Hannah Graham (A pseudonym of the Umpire's choosing) and Lorenzo Venturini (Total Commander)
[14:05 PM] Scooby does what he does best and vanquishes Tom Neat (The Phantom)
[15:00 PM] Jonathan (Jonny) Tsang (Evariste), being French, should have known what mort silencieuse meant
[17:10 PM] Bad Horse sends Hannah McLaughlin (Ralph Waldo Picklechips) to the See-Through Zone
[17:25 PM] Well, The Ginosaji is successfully making Sakunthala Panditharatne (Saku) (the very deadly group theory enthusiast) suffer
[19:55 PM] A voluntary duel? Unorthodox, but it seems that Tauriel came out on top against Tom Neat (The Phantom)
[20:00 PM] Ben Harry Fraser (Barf Near Sherry) and Ollie Rusk (Goodcat) will never reach the lofty heights of Dead Bowie and Fake Thomas Jefferson if Bad Horse keeps killing them

Thursday, 20 June

[11:50 AM] The Battle of the Medics is won by Barf Near Sherry, who stabs Dylan Pritchard (Dr DJP)
[12:00 PM] Bad Horse makes Zach Hassan (Venom) his mare
[14:05 PM] The Phantom preys on the sick, like Devang Agrawal (Devang1994)
[15:25 PM] It seems that Tauriel is getting a bit cocky, as they combine their kill of Toby Crisford (Tinky Winky) with a put-down
[16:25 PM] Is there a doctor in the house? Well, there was two, but now Barf Near Sherry's killed Dylan Pritchard (Dr DJP)
[16:30 PM] Scooby makes a Scooby Snack from Vamsee Bheemrieddy (Mortified Penguin)
[20:30 PM] Some fishy business at a duel, where Mortified Penguin gets revenge on Max Baxter-Allen (Scooby)
[20:50 PM] Return of The Duke! Thomas Clausen (Bernward the Bragondorn) is their latest new serf
[20:56 PM] It's a bad day for Zach Hassan (Venom) but a great day for The Duke
[23:29 PM] The Duke makes it three in a row by ridding his duchy of doctors, including Dylan Pritchard (Dr DJP)
[23:45 PM] Little-known fact: Bad Horse never sleeps - he stays awake by drinking the blood of his enemies. Hannah Graham (A pseudonym of the Umpire's choosing) was the snack today

Friday, 21 June

[00:10 AM] A wild Tristan Roberts (The Rat Man) appeared! Magikarp Lvl. 20 used Tackle! A critical hit! The Rat Man faints!
[00:11 AM] A wild Destriianatos appeared! Magikarp Lvl. 20 used Splash! But nothing happened! Destriianatos used Roar of Time! Magikarp Lvl. 20 (Jorn Emborg) fainted!
[00:15 AM] Bad Horse finds that the League's motto, Homines non boni seriose, applies to Sarah Binney (Destriianatos)
[11:30 AM] Tauriel goes on a orc killing spree, ridding the world of Jorn Emborg (Magikarp Lvl. 20), Eleanor Hobson (cherub), Alice Hobbs (Arnie) and Jessica Poon (MC-JP)
[12:55 PM] This is what happens when you're the leader of an internationally-famous crime gang - you get a lot of enemies. Goodcat kills Cheryl Weedon (Bad Horse)
[14:40 PM] Max Baxter-Allen (Scooby)'s attempt to game the system for some free wine backfires as he kills Sarah Binney (Destriianatos) but is promptly skewered by The Rat Man
[15:00 PM] Somehow, Magikarp Lvl. 20 has learnt Fire Blast and so uses it to incinerate Tristan Roberts (The Rat Man)
[16:00 PM] I'm also tempted to change Tauriel's pseudonym to Biscuit Supplier, as they killed Hannah Graham (A pseudonym of the Umpire's choosing)
[16:10 PM] Even with Jorn Emborg (Magikarp Lvl. 20)'s new powers, Barf Near Sherry still comes out on top
[16:30 PM] Alison Madgwick (Tauriel)'s streak finally ends as Barf Near Sherry decapitates her, but she does take out Dylan Pritchard (Dr DJP)
[16:32 PM] The Phantom avenges Tauriel by frightening Ben Harry Fraser (Barf Near Sherry) to death
[16:35 PM] The Duke makes a pet of Ollie Rusk (Goodcat)
[17:29 PM] The Victory of the Knitted Daleks as The Duke, Master and Doctor combined exterminates Hannah McLaughlin (Ralph Waldo Picklechips)
[20:15 PM] Matthew Fitch's Random Strategy was so random, he double-killed with Max Baxter-Allen (Scooby)

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