The Assassins' Guild - Week 1 News

Lesson! Outlaws are not to be trusted! Bounty acquired without target suspecting a thing until it was too late.

After taking a detour through the market to buy a weapon, I quickly hid the item, for fear that I was being followed. I wasn't. I arrived at the lecture hall early, but my target was not there. He arrived just before the lecture began, it was very tense. I wasn't sure if he knew that his hours were numbered, but I did. After a very interesting lecture on groups, I got up to leave. Fortunately, my target did so too. I made sure I was behind him as we walked out. Upon leaving, I followed him for a short while, and then, when the moment was true, I pulled my newly bought weapon from my bag, and stabbed him in the back. It was all over in a couple of seconds, but it felt like a very long time.

At 13:00, it all seemed so simple: weave a web of death for the nefarious target. It still seemed straightforward as I strolled towards my destination, with Rmy victims 'loom' carefully concealed within my backpack. Alas, my finely woven masterpiece had a loose thread, and I found my destination to be a wall of locked doors, denying my entrance. As no one was available to help, I quickly searched for an entrance before my entire work unraveled, but it was too late. All I had left to do was leave, while a porter watched from above, to make sure I was gone.

Once more, the Weaver began to work his loom of doom, but once more loose ends conspired to unravel the web. This time, two loose ends conspired with each other to thwart me! I set off for a new destination at 18:40, unaware of the other treacherous web in play: the streets of Cambridge. Carelessly strolling past my target location, as it was unmarked, I proceeded to wander aimlessly. It was only when a friendly sign presented itself, that I was able to get back on track. Tying off this loose end, my web was beginning to take shape! But the fibres of fate themselves were against me! My initial plan, due to the lateness of the hour, was to fire a shot through an open window, and destroy my poor target with my web of death! When I finally arrived at 19:15 however, the only open window was to the kitchen basement, where only an innocent dared to tread! Seeing that my marvellous web had become unraveled beyond repair, I reluctantly slunk back to my lair, ready to weave again should the gods present me with better luck.

Umpire's Note. The initial target Rosalyn, has now left the game, this will not be counted against the Weaver, but any further attempts made will. New targets are forthcoming.

Having loaded my adorable little pet kitten's food with liquid explosives this morning, we headed out on a little trip; only a teensy short one, see some places, meet new people, all that stuff. I only slightly killed someone; their name was just *too* good to make a joke from! Oh, sneaky sneaky tiptoes past the porters, past the cleaner, alll the way into the very corner of the college, right up to his staircase door; through subterfuge I obtained entrance, the JCR computing officer was so kind enough as to believe my worried acting. Creeping up, up, up, all the way to the top; the tension was killing me! I waited outside his door, thinking and thinking: I had to make a good impression, I had to show class and respect and hit it off right with him. Eventually I knocked on his door, holding up my card to his peephole. I didn't even need to, he opened the door without even checking that I was not a psychopathic loon. People these days need to be more paranoid, makes it too easy for us. I greeted him with "Surprise!", and sent poor little kitten straight at him. A direct hit - his head..*giggle*.. Exploded! Heehee, my kitten definitely went out with a bang. It's what she would have wanted I'm sure, nothing better than having a laugh at the end. I gave my sincere commiserations to the headless corpse, still dripping, and then went on my way to deliver a calling card to the next victim. I hope they'll be expecting me.

As I wandered, looking for my lost lover, Adam P Goucher, I happened to walk past the Cam where he and I spent so many romantic moments together. My heart leapt as I spotted him staring mournfully into the murky depths. I cried out his name, but alas, as his deep soulless eyes met mine I realised this was not my love, but a truly forsaken creature: a rower. In a moment of despair, I shot Henry Coburn and continued my search for my dear Adam.

Just killed Sarah Sheard in [unspecified college] via knife attack.

Unfortunately dead at the hands of MOC via knife attack.

I (Laser) was tracking the target around [unspecified college], before ambushing his path and terminating him with a single nerf jolt shot to the back of the neck. Only a single shot was fired during the confrontation.

I killed Sanil Roy at 19:52 this evening.

At around half seven this evening, a group of friends had accumulated to go on, what they assumed, would be an uneventful trip to a restaurant. In a split second, Total Commander had run up the stairs to where we had congregated and drawn a gun at me. Before I could fully process what was happening, a shot had been fired at me. Unfortunately for him, and my latem innocent friend, his aim was not up to scratch, and Melanie was shot in the back of the neck. Luckily, I had my gun close to hand, cleverly disguised as a banana. I took one graceful step towards him and fired, taking his life, for the loss of my innocent friend's. Revenge is sweet.

Umpire's Note: As bang kills, such as shooting with a banana, do not count in combat and this was a combat situation, Total Commander having already fired a shot, Killer Sheep's kill does not stand. Total Commander is, however, wanted for killing an innocent!

I accompanied by 3 people (there as interested observers) infiltrated undisclosed residence by the ingenious method of: walking through the open front gate. We then sauntered through the college to the target in questions building, and after entering the wrong building, being thwarted by a door with a keypad and eventually following another occupant of said building through the door we found the targets room. In the corridor outside his room were two people, and we walked past and hid round a corner. We then heard the two of them discussing their assassins involvement, and deduced that one was the correct victim. I had on my person a cardboard sword, but decided that this was too conspicuous to walk up to the target with, so kept it concealed and walked along the corridor to the target; upon reaching him drew my "knife" and stabbed him.

I killed him at 10pm on 25th October in a corridor near his room, using a bang gun at point blank range. Umpires Note: Brief and to the point...

Having used my girlfriend to infiltrate the targets college, I made it for brunch. I felt it unlikely to see my target there, but had nonetheless crafted a knife from the finest cardboard in order to assassinate her. After a tense and broody brunch, I spotted my target, confirmed her identity with her unwitting friends and made my move. I swooped in, stabbed her in the back, and declared her to be assassinated, doing her the one honour of showing her my weapon as I swiftly escaped.

This time I tried to corner my Adam P Goucher outside his favourite haunt. Sadly he was not to be found, so I took my revenge out on an unsuspecting victim, Curtis J Reubens. I'm sure the world will not mourn.

First kill complete. Merciless stabbing of Bant Master with a knife at 1.40pm, due to her wielding of a red gun in my presence. No one is safe.

Astarael and Punslinger [me] were lounging around in the Fourth Precinct, when we were alerted to the presence of a nearby threat by a handy communique from a passing thrall of Astarael's. I slipped forward into the Fifth Precinct to retrieve a small and discreet needle dagger, and then poked my head back through the Fourth Gate to watch the proceedings. Fran, recently killed and resurrected as a Dead Hand, lurched through the Gate and brandished a gun at Astarael, whereupon I burst through and perforated him from behind. So freshly dead was he that I had not realised he was resurrected and that there would be a necromancer nearby; even as I gloated from above my corpse, I was ripped to shreds by a hail of bullets from Blazer. I fell, and the stream of deadly projectiles was turned on Astarael, who let out a piercing scream before the river took her. Blazer alone stood victorious as three bodies were pulled past to the Ninth Gate and beyond. Umpire's Note: It became clear that this event was precipitated by Fran charging in with a gun despite having died to Bonnie 20 minutes earlier. Unfortunately in this game the dead may walk, but they certainly don't pack any firepower. As the sequence of kills which occurred thereafter were precipitated by this unintentional rule breach, they have been annulled. Astarael and Punslinger are still in the land of the Living and Fran remains dead.

Emily Tyler had the great misfortune to be few steps ahead of me as I approached her room at approximately 16:49. The result was a clear chance to ID her, and four shots from a rubber band gun delivered at point blank range as she hesitated in closing the door. Expended bands were recovered and (chocolate) coins left with the body to pay the Ferryman; our enemies deserve the respect we show our own. I gather she'd only just joined up - it's always a pity when one is sent after first-years - such potential and enthusiasm cut down in its prime - so sad. If our Master who art at Sidney deems such action necessary, then we will of course obey, and do so with resolve, but our quieter moments I hope we can still mourn the cost.

I have just killed Guy Emanuel, confusingly not of said college. After being informed of his whereabouts by an accomplice, I walked into the room he was in, holding my cardboard knife in plain sight, and advanced towards him, saying his name out loud. He had time to look at me, confused, before I stabbed him in the chest, crumpling my dagger beyond further use and eliciting a shocked "S*~$!" Out of the target. One more servant of the Crawling Chaos who will never taint this world with his presence again. Sincerely, Randolph Carter

At 8:40 this morning on my way to a lecture, I glimpsed my target ambling along happily in the opposite direction. Shaking slightly, I took a swig of chocolate milk from my hip flask and gripped my knife tightly. As he was passing, I started a hesitant conversation with him about a mutual friend. He agreed to pass on a message for me, but it would never arrive. The last words he heard as my knife plunged into his abdomen were "Jaime Lannister sends his regards."

Bang Killed the target outside lectures this morning.

I had just gotten out of the shower when I received the knock. Foolishly I had left my door unlocked during these troubling times so the door gave away and opened. I slammed it shut and explained my current situation. As I put on my clothes I asked the guest who they were and what they were here for. They said they were here to 'fix my radiator'. Didn't quite get the metaphor, but my cunning samurai senses were aroused. I grabbed my knife and stared through the peephole to witness a man with his hands hidden down the inside his jacket clutching onto what appeared to be a gun. Foolish. At this close range the dexterity I have with my knife will outclass any gunslinger. I opened the door and with a swift lunge I pierced his heart just as he fired. Luckily Newtons 4th physical law which only existed in the world of assassin's came into effect as an arcane barrier surrounded me, shielding me from his bullet. I stared at my bleeding foe and asked 'Should we like... exchange CRSID's or something for the umpire?' With spluttered breath he said 'Nah, I'll email the umpire and you do the same' and with that his life force gave away.

Today at approximately 1.45pm, Blade, Lazer, Blazer, Michelle and accomplices bought our united strength to [unspecified college] as we hunted Michelle's target: Mr.Sainsbury's. We managed to locate his room, but alas no one was there, and my lookouts had not spotted any sign of the target. We had given up hope and were just leaving when, like a fart in the wind, Malko drifted through our midst on his way to his room, oblivious as to our intent. A swift nerf bullet to the chest from my Strongarm put him down before he got through his door, followed by 8 more nerf bullets from Blazer's Roughcut. We just couldn't bear to watch him suffer. The recently deceased Malko seemed mildly disappointed about his current ghostly state, with such dismayed cries as "do I email someone and about this?" and "huh? ...what? yeah ok". I hope he remembers to email you before all memories of his previous life slip away into the void.

Remember me saying I warned my next victim? Hee-hee, all lies! They can wait a little longer for a last laugh. I liked Churchill so much I slipped in again, armed with Very Pointy Spoon and Very Pointy Spoon Mk III (VPS Mk II failed me. We shall not be hearing from him again.) Gaining access to the staircase as before, I crept, silently, oh silently as a mouse with its mouth nailed shut, up to a promising looking room. Teehee, the door was not even shut! I danced in laughing, and it was over. So short.. I feel the night will get bloodier soon.

Her response was 'oh no'.

Five shots to the chest at point blank range, it was not a pretty sight.

I did feel bad about leaving the target waiting for demise; clearly he's missing out! I gathered the scraps of poor kitten together and went to his door. There I espied a gentleman playing a video-box game through the window. Kind man I am, I let him finish before ringing the bell to summon him to his end. Alas! I had seen the wrong person, a neighbour. No matter; the real occupant was approaching down the street. I exploded him as he got out his keys.

Rorschach's Journal. October 28th, 2013: Dog carcass in alley this morning. Tire tread on burst stomach. The city is afraid of me. I have seen it's true face. Across street, boy's were defacing abandoned building. On way out of room met landlady. Usual complaints Re: Hygiene and Rent. (Mental Note: Stop sleeping at ... I don't even go there) Went into an undisclosed residence at 22:10- got wrong staircase. Made small talk with the people who lived there. They were having a brie party: crackers, cheese, flapjacks, the kind of luxuries reserved for freshers. I managed to convince them to invite the dastardly enemy over to sample the brie. He took some persuading by text message, but he eventually was enticed. He didn't know who I was, I reached out a hand and asked him his name. His doom was his love of flapjacks, and it was pointed out to him by the knife I plunged between his ribs instead of shaking his hand. Justice should have no mercy. Rorschach out.

Out for a nice evening with societies... that's where it started. Keeping close watch on my target, I waited for my opportunity. It was to come, but not as I expected. I had relaxed my watch, and had left the room momentarily. Walking down the corridor, I ran straight into my target coming the other way. Casually, I asked her name, and upon this confirmation that she was certainly the target I had been hunting, with lightning speed I flashed out my knife, and stabbed her in the ribs. With no witnesses to my crime, I stalked away into the night. CONTRACT TERMINATED.

Sweet mother, sweet mother. Send your child unto me, for the sins of the unworthy must be baptised in blood and fear. Justice has been done this day. I (Blade) have smote the indiscriminate murderer, a dagger to the left kidney sealed his fate and he tumbled into the sea of sweet oblivion.

Earlier this evening while attending a Society talk, I saw my target a mere two seats away. Realising that society talks were out of bounds I stewed in self-loathing at a great missed opportunity to catch him walking in. While the talk went on I planned my murder to the T, finally when the talk came to an end I made my exit, waiting for him to make his way out. I stood in the cold for 10 minutes faking a call, surreptitiously waiting around a corner. Finally he walks by, talking to a friend of mine. I immediately grabbed this opportunity and greeted my friend with the warmth only felt before a brutal murder. The 3 of us began walking towards their college. Aware that the rules stated a minimum of 5 minutes after the end of the society before a kill, I bided my time with meaningless chat. Finally an opportune moment arose and he was stabbed to heart, fatally. RIP

At 1.30pm today, I killed my target. She had left her room open, so I rushed inside, but was momentarily confused as there were two people in the room, however, she gave herself away by her reaction to my appearance and so I swiftly dispatched her by means of my Attack Penguin.

John James William Fenton eliminated.

But maybe an hour ago, a man known only as 'the guy in a bicycle helmet that said he was a mathmo' came to my door with the intention to take my life. After his initial failure to open my locked door, I presumed he had left, only for him to reappear when I opened my door to the innocent Ben. I did not see my attackers face before I quickly shut the door and hence asked the innocent Ben what he looked like, before he was callously gunned down by my still present attacker. Whether Ben became an accomplice to myself (as my attacker claimed) through the brief description he gave, is unclear in my mind, but I do vow that his heartless murder shall not go unavenged!

The Umpire decrees: The innocent was not actively accomplicing, so Gordon Freeman has become Wanted for murdering an innocent!

I've game-killed Harriet Meredith with a banana-gun while she was playing chess in her room. She did not resist (her gun was out of reach). We had a short relaxed chat afterwards.

The nun-chuck knocked him down on the first attempt, but just in case he was additionally stabbed in the back with a knife.

I loitered, awaiting my target. He arrived at 0854. I waited for him to turn his back, then promptly despatched him with a swift cut to the jugular. There were no witnesses, and he took it remarkably well. Yours efficiently, The Croatian National Guard.