Cloak & Dagger The Assassins' Guild - Week 5 News


Monday, 5 March


[17:25 PM] Katherine Blythe (Arcas) gets dissected by Genesect
Genesect reports:

There is a saying that you should never bring a sword to a gunfight. The same can be said about bringing a gun to a chainspoon battle. For indeed, when faced with a weapon as terrifying as the chainspoon, Katherine Blythe's gun was too afraid to shoot, and its owner was promply chased down and killed.

Tuesday, 6 March


[16:00 PM] ball of meet and The Platypus bring Carys Redman-White (Ornate Flying Snake (Chrysopelea ornata)) to the ground
The Platypus reports:

After numerous attempts, ball of meet and I finally caught up with Carys Redman-White after a lecture and slew her.

ball of meet reports:

Carys Redman-White proved a difficult prey to catch. Covering her trail well, being prepared for siege and amassing faithful scouts to protect from invasions. But a betrayal revealing her identity led to a hunt, the hunt almost failed as the rubber band gun failed to fire the second, third, fourth and fifth time. But the first shot was well aimed and thus the hunter returned victorious. She met her death. May the meet keep the ball rolling.


[18:00 PM] Argod giveth, and Argod fails to taketh away the life of Kiwi eating panda
Argod reports:

The Book of Commandments. Chapter 9: v14-18

Argod's Commandments were not going well. The loop-holes He had created in His omnipotence were being exploited and trouble was rife across the land. And when His followers bemoaned Him, He declared that it was very hard being Argod and that you should damn well try it. At this, His most devoted followers proffered themselves and hence Argod Mk 2 was born, to succeed where Argod had not. Praise Argod for His majesty!

Wednesday, 7 March


[17:30 PM] Chocolate isn't good for Pokemon, as Thomas Boby (Golbat) and Toby Crisford (Meowth) find out when meeting The Chocolatier
The Chocolatier reports:

Having noticed that I was incompetent, when I saw Meowth sitting doing some work I sprang into action and shot him.

Neither him nor I are sure what happens here. He wasn't inco, I was, he had previously said he'd kill me when I went inco, but hadn't checked the inco list today so wasn't actively trying. I know that when someone makes an attempt on you you are then allowed to kill them, but I don't know about threats.

Sorry to shoot first and ask questions later.

I later killed Golbat, who was incompetent.

Meowth reports:

I was innocently minding my own business in the King's College Bar at about 17:30, completely unarmed secure in the knowledge that as a police member no one was after me, when all of a sudden I felt water splash onto my face as The Chocolatier opened fire. He had gone incompetent and guessed that I would soon be after him, so was making a pre-emptive strike. Sadly it worked.

Technically The Chocolatier's kill of Toby Crisford shouldn't count and could possibly be grounds for wantedness, since he shot an illicit target. The rules don't really say much about threats. Though since Toby Crisford was police and The Chocolatier died before the update, this is inconsequential.


[19:00 PM] tacticallemon's tactics fail to outsmart The Platypus
tacticallemon reports:

When I turned on The Platypus in desperation for a kill after hall, he saw my knife and ran. Lemons are not renowned for their speed in pursuit, unfortunately.

Thursday, 8 March


[14:00 PM] shinobi blends into the background. Weir_Doe's stalking continues to fail.
Weir_Doe reports:

At 14:02 upon (apparently incorrectly) predicting where the target would be, Buddy Holly sang:
"But now you're gone, and I find that's wrong,
and there is nothing that I can do"
Except to rework all those plans
that I made to try catch you... shinobi


[16:30 PM] Storm:Wolf sends Martin Levine (The Chocolatier AKA Phishy Joe) to sleep with the phishes
Storm:Wolf reports:

'A wolf should always hunt alone; those who hunt in packs can never be a wolf.' - Winston Churchill, 1941.

Storm:Wolf knew this so decided he was bored of his no-kill-pact with The Chocolatier and decided to end it. To this purpose he composed a marvellously cultured letter to his new prey, quoting in it a glorious verse from Chaucer's Cantebury Tales. The verse was called A Knight's Tale.

It was with great chivalry that the wolfy one did warn his prey of their impending death whilst also stimulating their affection for fine literature. At over 18,000 words, Storm:Wolf showed great generosity.

However, The Chocolatier, perhaps foolishly, deigned from finishing the wholesome tale...

At 16:25 today, whilst taking a turn about the college backs, The Chocolatier was chopsticked to death.

The Chocolatier reports:

I'm afraid that the death I now report is my own.

Today I was to meet with Storm:Wolf, an assassin with whom I have a long standing no-kill pact, in order to hunt down a mutual target who we were being led to by a friend of Storm:Wolf's. As we went to to the home of our death to be I was slightly nervous, too many people had to trusted to play along and not try anything funny for this to work, so I kept my eyes pealed for people looking suspicious.

Unfortunately for me, a more prudent time to pay attention would have been the day before, when Storm:Wolf seemingly randomly facebook messaged me a 29 page poem (I believe a full rendition of a Knight's tale) which, 11 thousand words in, had been modified to include the words "I Storm:Wolf HEREBY END OUR KILL PACT". Sadly, being a chocolatier and a phisherman, I hadn't found the time to read through it yet so I was completely unsuspecting as he stabbed me whilst we walked and chatted. As I died I wondered on the honour code that would require one to send a message informing of the end of a no kill pact, but allow this message to be so disguised.

However, these are things for a future life, semantics are naught to a dead man.

Here dies The Chocolatier and Phishy Joe.

P.S. Anyone still interested in a too good to be true paid survey into unseen demographics probably ought to know it was made up by Phishy Joe.


[18:15 PM] Kiwi eating panda fails to find food in Nathaniel Williams's abode
Kiwi eating panda reports:

Nathaniel Williams thought that he is safe in his college guarded by all those porters... But they could not stop me, I walked straight to his room and lurked in shadows waiting for him. Sadly he was not there. Panda is still hungry :(

Friday, 9 March


[23:00 PM] Adam Casey (Nathaniel Williams), Andy Marsh (Daring-Do), Esther Kezia Harding (Tiny) and Jonathan Millican (Blue Scream of Death) perish of their own incompetence

And that, ladies and gentlemen, takes us into OPEN SEASON.

Saturday, 10 March


[18:20 PM] Argod's faith that tacticallemon, Meetball, The Platypus and Diamond would be at home was misguided
Argod reports:

The Book of Giving. Chapter 2: v18-22

Argod spoke to His followers, telling them to treat others as you would expect them to want to treat themselves. He taught them to help other people where there was potential gain; to avoid temptation by tempting temptation with Fate. And with His Turtle He showed them the importance of understanding that people need understanding just as it is to fight fire by fighting fire with fire. Armed with this holy knowledge, and with their path ahead clear before them, His followers went forth to spread semi-happiness across the land. Bless Argod for His wonder!

Sunday, 11 March


[12:00 PM] Again, nothing.

I repeat: You all fail.


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