Cloak & Dagger The Assassins' Guild - Week 4 News

Monday, 27 February

[18:00 PM] Kate Champion (Krazy) and Stacey-Jo Parker (Sparks) fall for Phishy Joe's bait
Phishy Joe reports:

Deep fried inco and chips.

The Chocolatier reports:

Following Phishy Joe's information, me, Meowth and Golbat found some unsuspecting incos. After gaining their trust momentarily, the three of us simultaneously drew our weapons and blasted them to chocolaty pieces.

Krazy reports:

I was killed today at 6:05 pm on Kings parade. Phishy Joe and his accomplices cleverly tricked me into coming to for a "study" and I, being terribly gullible, came, and was killed by water gun from three directions.

Sparks reports:

I'm just reporting a kill by Phishy Joe and two of his associates. They sent out the forwarded e-mail below to all of the incompetents and shot me with a toy gun when I went to participate with the research. Very funny!!

Subject: £80! Volunteers Needed for Study into unseen demographics!
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: M. Levine
Date: Thu, Feb 23, 2012 at 8:02 AM
Subject: £80! Volunteers Needed for Study into unseen demographics!

Volunteers Needed for Study into unseen demographics - £80

What does it involve?

Just under one hour of questioning in which volunteers will be interviewed
and may be given a short test. No physical or medical testing. Easily done
in a gap between lectures.

Why £80 for such a short and easy session?

Volunteer based studies are hard to keep random because the certain people
are more likely to respond than others. This results in a skewed data set
which is really hard to adjust for, because the people you need to talk to
are the ones least likely to respond. By making this study very simple and
well paid we have a far higher return rate, allowing us to get a peek into
otherwise murky demographics.

How can I get involved?

Reply to this email listing your full name; gender; date of birth; college
and subject.


Thus success of this study relies on a high return rate so please do get back to us.

Many thanks,

Martin Levine

------------------------------****----------------------------**-- P.S.
Please do not forward this email to your friends, it has been sent to a
carefully randomised group and anyone else who replies to this will be
ignored. ------------------------------****----------------------------**--


Dr M. Levine
Research Associate
University of Cambridge

Tuesday, 28 February

[11:30 AM] If Daring-Do and Weir_Doe don't believe in Argod does that make them artheists?
Argod reports:

The Book of Emptiness. Chapter 1: v1-2

These pages are intentionally left blank for printing. Praise be to Argod!

[23:00 PM] The corrupt Matthew Hinks (Giovanni) falls to Seto Kaiba
Seto Kaiba reports:

Giovanni borrowed my deck was like dude can't handle it

Wednesday, 29 February

[12:00 PM] Error 404: Assassins not found

Seriously, guys. Do stuff before I have to start thunderbolting people.

Thursday, 1 March

[19:30 PM] tacticallemon, ball of meet and The Platypus find the Ornate Flying Snake (Chrysopelea ornata) has flown its nest
tacticallemon reports:

Well, after a solid hour and three quarters of lurking (yes, we are *that* motivated by chocolate (and competence. But mostly chocolate)) outside Ornate Flying Snake (Chrysopelea ornata)s home, ball of meet, The Platypus and I returned home without the joy of a kill. No sweet sweet chocolatey joy is ours today...

The Platypus reports:

The Platypus is a peculiar creature. This furry, web-toed, duck-billed curiosity waddles over to [UNSPECIFIED COLLEGE] at half past seven this evening. Usually a solitary animal, it is this time accompanied by ball of meet and tacticallemon. This motley crew searched for the room of Ornate Flying Snake (Chrysopelea ornata), and upon its location, laid siege.

Unfortunately the door remains unopened. The Platypus waits. Its heart rate slows as it enters a period of inactivity and quasi-dormancy.

After waiting for an age with no sign of the target, the group grow tired and disgruntled. Mindful of the work it must do to maintain its burrow in the morning, The Platypus slinks off into the night.

ball of meet reports:

tacticallemon, The Platypus and ball of meet went hunting, we navigated through perilous terrain to seek out Ornate Flying Snake (Chrysopelea ornata). We smote upon the entrance to his abode, he did not stir. We smote again. Nothing. Many times we smote upon the door. But never a sound he made. Perhaps he was not in. So we lay in wait. Many times passed, we waited. Nothing. So we returned from the hunt in shame.

[23:59 PM] Dom Hill (Li Showron) and Gianpiero Roscelli (Jeeps) vanish mysterously

I suggest you start trying to kill your targets lest you suffer the same fate.

Friday, 2 March

[12:00 PM] Daring-Do isn't daring enough to face The Chocolatier
The Chocolatier reports:

Having failed to get him properly the first time around, I thought I'd try to finish the job, but despite my hanging around the start and end of about four of his lectures over the past week, I haven't seen him. Turning up late and leaving early or just not turning up at all?

[17:40 PM] Giovanni got fed up of Dainius Kilda (DJ Kakadu)'s music. And incompetence.
Giovanni reports:

Dainius Kilda - dead 5:40pm opened the door to a nice water gun. Also met Pugnalatore.

Also Kiwi eating panda's room had 'No one home' according to the note slid underneath the door and Blue Scream of Death was definitely in as his neighbour came out and was on the phone to him confirming the existence of a 'scary guy outside your room'.

Saturday, 3 March

[11:15 AM] With Argod all things are possible. Except finding Weir_Doe.
Argod reports:

The Book of Commandments. Chapter 2: v51-53

Fifthly, Argod declared that stealing was generally considered socially unacceptable. Next He commanded that His powers were not to be tested, save in a fair trial with all other variables controlled or properly held constant. And thusly the followers of Argod set about their lives, and were good people because of it.

[16:00 PM] tacticallemon, Diamond and Jigglypuff couldn't catch Storm:Wolf or the Ornate Flying Snake (Chrysopelea ornata)

Sunday, 4 March

[14:30 PM] Mike Williamson (The Unknowing Accomplice) didn't know Giovanni and his accomplice Persian were coming
Persian reports:

Today Giovanni and I went hunting for incos, but Storm:Wolf, Blue Scream of Death, Ornate Flying Snake (Chrysopelea ornata), and Diamond weren't in. Partway through we visited Mike Williamson, who also wasn't in, and sat outside for a chocolate break. At around 2:30 Mike returned to his room and we quickly dropped the chocolate and drew weapons and Giovanni killed him with a lightsaber.

PS. Matt waz ere

The Unknowing Accomplice reports:

My reign of cowardice, evasion and paranoia was ended by the lightsaber of Giovanni. I discovered two people chatting on the stairs outside my room, and unarmed as I was, decided the best course of action was to flee to the safety of my room. Sadly I didn't get the door closed in time and that was that. Apologies to Giovanni for slamming a door in his face!

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