The Assassins' Guild - Week 3 News

[18:00 PM] Rosie Normanton (Rosiefromqueens) lacks the tactics of tacticallemon

tacticallemon reports:

Went on a little inco hunt to Queens' earlier this evening with Meetball. By lucky coincidence, our mark, Rosie Normanton, came in up the stairs just after we arrived. I recognised her, but held fire until she was upstairs, as pursuits are generally easier on level ground. She opened the door to the corridor. I fired. This was followed promptly by a cry of 'bugger, I missed!' Realising by this point that she was under attack, she (wisely) fled, but (unwisely) not downstairs. Throwing aside my proven-useless weapon (guns are for noobs anyway) I grabbed a knife and chased down my (apparently unarmed) victim. I caught up with her just enough to stab her as her screams echoed through the corridor.

[18:45 PM] Meetball hasn't met the rules

Meetball reports:

I knocked on Nathaniel Williams's door. After a while I heard a shuffling coming from inside. "I've just woken up" said the voice sleepily, "I can't see who you are" he said, peering through his letterbox hole, "who are you?". I felt sorry for waking him, knowing what fate was destined for him. I replied with the truth, my true first name. I forget whether it was pity or lack of creativity that prompted me to tell the truth, or perhaps it was fear of hearing my tongue lie. "I've seen you before" said the voice . And he was right, he had seen me before, this was my third attempt on his life. The first time I was afraid to enter his corridor as I had no plan, but he emerged as if by chance, I knew it was him because he had a look of fear about him, a look of a sad bear that knows it's being hunted, but alas on my first visit, his caution paid off, although it gave him away, it also meant that by the time I was sure it was him, there was a considerable distance between us. So I left the hunt that day. A second time I came to his abode, I smote upon his door but he was not there. "You're trying to kill me aren't you" said the voice. He must have recognized me from that first fruitless night. The voice had a hint of confidence, through his sleepiness, he had realised that the door lay between him and me and that he was safe behind it. But I raised the barrel of saturator to the slit and fired into his peering eyes, those eyes that once beamed with hope, now pour with streams of blood red despair. Thus is the fate of all eyeballs that meet the gaze of the Meetball.

Nathaniel Williams reports:

Someone whose name I didn't catch just knocked on my door. I asked "are you here to kill me?" and as he answered in the affirmative I was disinclined to unlock my door to him. He appeared somewhat put out by this and shot me through the letter slot for my troubles.

Quoth the rules page: "If the door is locked you may not make any kind of attack including firing shots or pushing any other item through keyholes, letterboxes or any other gap in, under or over the door". Andrew Harland is now wanted.

Tuesday, 21 February

[12:00 PM] Nothing happened on Tuesday

Wednesday, 22 February

[12:00 PM] Nothing happened on Wednesday either

You all fail.

Thursday, 23 February

[08:00 AM] Phishy Joe is acting phishy

Phishy Joe reports:

Phishy Joe spreads his nets.

[10:00 AM] Still little action. Still more rulebreaking.

The Chocolatier reports:

Consulting my database, I easily discovered not only the subject Daring-Do is reading, but when and where his next lab would be. Dressed moderately formally to give the impression of belonging, I waited outside the lab room with a clipboard asking each person that walked in what their name and lab number was. Daring-Do was a little late but nevertheless turned up, when he said his name I drew my hidden knife and in one fluid motion cut and slashed his life away. Poor Daring-Do, both late and dead.

Impersonating authority figures, including lab staff, is against the rules and could cause us as a society to get into very big trouble should someone get caught doing it. I've disallowed the kill, but since the rules page was quite ambiguous as to the definition of an authority figure, I've decided against making The Chocolatier wanted for now.

[18:00 PM] Li Showron and Diamond are spared the sword of shinobi

Friday, 24 February

[17:40 PM] Argod knows all. Except where to find Nathaniel Williams and The Unknowing Accomplice

Argod reports:

The Book of Creation. Chapter 3: v36-42

Mushrooms, eagles, leeches, wasps, and stingrays all lay before him, lovingly created in His finite omnipotence. Though despite the huge diversity shared in these five exotic species, the ecosystem was failing. But Argod in His benevolence did not turn away. He created in His image mighty beings to harvest the eagles and control the mushrooms. Alas!, by a truly miraculous deliberate mistake the race of men were made instead. Praise Argod for his foresight! And thus the creation was saved.

[18:15 PM] Meetball makes sure Will Coster (Jar Jar Binks) gets his five-a-day

Meetball reports:

Meetball went bananas after shooting Will Coster with one

[19:00 PM] Giovanni is up to no good

Giovanni reports:

(Best read with appropriate theme music)

So, my true colours have been unveiled. I knew it would only be a matter of time before it was realised that I, Giovanni, am the leader of Team Rocket! For now, I will go into hiding... until the heat wears down and then... then Team Rocket shall rise!

Matthew Hinks is now wanted.

[20:00 PM] Diamond tames Joseph (Joey) Nelson (Arbok)

Diamond reports:

Killed Joseph (Joey) Nelson when he attempted an assassination on me. The acquired habit of opening the door with a gun paid off. RIP Joseph (Joey) Nelson.

Arbok reports:

I made a brave attempt on an Incompetant in [UNSPECIFIED BUILDING], going to the effort of waiting around for 25 mins for someone to open a door that I could casually catch, pretending I had just happened to arrive at the same time.

Unfortunately, upon entering I realised I had lost the ammunition for my Nerf Rifle, leaving me with only a Nerf Pistol, with 3 shots, and thus at a serious disadvantage in a shooting match which ensued with the incompetant Diamond, who was surprisingly well-armed and prepared considering he had been an incompetant for so long

Saturday, 25 February

[13:00 PM] Genesect does some science with Alex Jackman (err... Alex Jackman, Fitzwilliam College) and Kentaro Ueshima (iRobot)

Genesect reports:

We remind you that the weighted companion cube will never threaten to stab you; it will simply drop down on you without warning and crush you. If you somehow survive this, have no worries: the companion cube's best friend, the topological nightmare, will gladly homeomorph you into a bloody mess instead.

Alex Jackman, Fitzwilliam College reports:

I have been spared from an embarrassing, thunderstruck death at the hands of umpire, by death by police. I encountered a strangely familiar person lurking in my corridor - apparently he was 'waiting for someone' who 'should be here soon'. Assuming he was an assassin, I swiftly entered my room and prepared a weapon, but forgot to lock my door. Bursting in at an awkward juncture ("catching up" with my girlfriend), he dropped a (quite beautifully designed and made) Companion Cube on me. No wonder he looked familiar...it was the same guy who killed me last term, when I failed to lock my door. Fail. At least this time his pseudonym wasn't Aaron Domnoob.