The Assassins' Guild

[02:00 AM] The game begins! (I just lost the game)

[11:55 AM] First blood! And by blood I mean the tasty filling of Matthew Morgan (A Malicious Pastry), consumed by an Owen Cundy (Old Mountain Man), who was then outsmarted by a tacticallemon

[13:00 PM] No quantity of Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters could prepare Benjamin Lai (Zaphod Beeblebrox) for Storm:Wolf!

[18:00 PM] Diamond would rather be at Oxford than at Mark Brown (St. John's College, Cambridge)

Tuesday, 7 February

[14:00 PM] Someone hasn't read the rules

[17:00 PM] Arcas enjoys a Carolyn Barker (Vodka Mutini). Shaken AND stirred.

[23:00 PM] 3OH!3 sang Don't Trust Me. Jakub Sanak (Kuba) (303) shouldn't have trusted Kronos. (Yes, I'm getting desperate for headlines here)

[23:20 PM] The Chocolatier's treats are a little too sweet for Ben Webb (Pinkie Pie)

Wednesday, 8 February

[10:00 AM] Dave scores a touchdown against Edward Kay-Coles (QB)

[10:05 AM] Charlotte Kane (CK) meets Meetball

[10:30 AM] Brendan Clifford (The Monty Python (Python M. Ridiculus)) expected the Spanish Inquisition. They didn't expect Arcas

[20:45 PM] Manfred Von Karma takes objection to Toby Crisford (Dave)

Thursday, 9 February

[11:05 AM] Error: FBKBGITPERFTCQ not found. He avoids being faced with the Blue Scream of Death

[13:15 PM] Arcas commits Gregory (Greg) Weir (The Shogun of Genocide)-cide

[15:00 PM] The end is nigh, but not that nigh for The Chocolatier

[17:55 PM] Kronos eludes Anna Scheele

[18:00 PM] Shluf and FBKBGITPERFTCQ don't lose their work to the Blue Scream of Death

Friday, 10 February

[10:30 AM] Some Weir_Doe takes out Melanie Mertesdorf (Verdandi)

[18:00 PM] Jar Jar Binks visits an unspecified college to seek the mysterious assassin Alex Jackman, Fitzwilliam College

[18:15 PM] Someone tries to find morn riots. In the evening.

[20:45 PM] Siqi Ding (pi-pie) gets caught up in morn riots

[21:30 PM] Kiwi eating panda robs Madeleine (Maddie) Sharman (Anna Scheele) for her kiwis

[22:00 PM] Tudor Balan (Kronos) gets red on him after meeting Mr Pink

Saturday, 11 February

[10:00 AM] A Weir_Doe tries to find a Krazy person

[11:20 AM] Argod is not omniscient and can't find Real Saint and Weir_Doe

[16:00 PM] Rosiefromqueens has difficulty finding Captain Molly Morgagni from [UNSPECIFIED COLLEGE]

[16:30 PM] Andrew Buchan (Deathophilia) loves death. So much he got Meetball to kill him

[17:55 PM] This pseudonym was not made up by the umpire. Martin Chan (FBKBGITPERFTCQ) was not able to take out his target before dying.

[18:30 PM] The end is now for Benjamin Gill (The end is nigh), but not for The Chocolatier

[20:00 PM] Nathaniel Williams avoids Jar Jar Binks. Lucky him.

Sunday, 12 February

[13:00 PM] The Incobash begins

[13:30 PM] Incobash: Captain Molly Morgagni joins the fray, while Baker Street Irregular unleashes the kraken on Abra and the Umpire

[13:45 PM] Incobash: Captain Molly Morgagni takes out Balazs Torok (mzperix)

[14:00 PM] Incobash: More bloodshed. Giovanni kills Neil Satra (Real Saint), Captain Molly Morgagni kills Thomas Clausen (Bertie) and Manfred Von Karma kills Jefferson (Jeff) Hayden Carpenter (Shluf)

[14:30 PM] Incobash: Evil Mastermind #4, The Unknowing Accomplice and Roo practice their synchronised reporting

[15:00 PM] Incobash: The bash gets bashed! The Platypus kills Aneurin John (Nye) Redman-White (Anomalous Sea Snake (Thalassophis anomalus)) and tacticallemon takes out Tom Norris (morn riots)

[16:00 PM] Incobash: Solid Snake (Serpens Corpus) uses stealth to avoid it

[17:00 PM] Not the Incobash: Nathaniel Williams avoids the mob and looks for an Ornate Flying Snake (Chrysopelea ornata)

Monday, 13 February

[11:00 AM] Where's Sherlock when you need him? Baker Street Irregular takes out QuasiPseudonym, while Moriarty the Pot Plant looks on in the background.

[11:05 AM] Meowth used Nerf! It's super effective! John Grenfell-Shaw (Triggerfish) fainted!

[14:00 PM] Solid Snake (Serpens Corpus) gets a little too trigger-happy

[18:00 PM] I know what you did last term survives by the Tiny-est of margins

[23:20 PM] Julianna Yau (Lola Girl) does her last dance to the beats of DJ Kakadu

Tuesday, 14 February

[10:00 AM] Random Strategy is not winning strategy. Matthew Fitch (This pseudonym was not made up by the umpire) slays Jonathan Bootle (Black Mamba (Dendroaspis polylepis)), but didn't see Solid Snake (Serpens Corpus) coming

[11:05 AM] Not even Phanos Anastasiou (the Government) can avoid the Blue Scream of Death

[12:00 PM] The Chocolatier and Storm:Wolf form an unlikely pact

[12:50 PM] Storm:Wolf is also foiled by the library's kill-preventing powers

[13:00 PM] Karma pays off for Nathaniel Williams and Stabby Jack as they avoid Manfred Von Karma

[13:05 PM] The wanted criminal Steph Leddington (Baker Street Irregular) is taken out by the not-so-wanted criminal Giovanni, working with the also-not-wanted criminal Moriarty the Pot Plant

[17:15 PM] Storm:Wolf tries again. Julianne Joswiak (Mr Brown) is actually dead this time

[18:00 PM] Diamond can't find The Poison Dart

[21:00 PM] tacticallemon and Meetball go hunting. Ornate Flying Snake (Chrysopelea ornata) gets lucky, but Thomas Ruddle (Manfred Von Karma)'s karma runs out

Wednesday, 15 February

[10:00 AM] The Unknowing Accomplice knows how to survive Nathaniel Williams's attack

[13:30 PM] Nicholas Caldwell (Solid Snake (Serpens Corpus)) couldn't find a box to hide under and gets taken out by Ornate Flying Snake (Chrysopelea ornata)

[18:00 PM] Craig Slade (I know what you did last term) didn't expect Tiny to do what he did last night again

[18:15 PM] Joseph (Joey) Nelson (The Poison Dart) has died. May his rest be Tranquill

Thursday, 16 February

[15:10 PM] Viktor Konstantinov (Roo) doesn't jump out of the way of The Chocolatier's piano

[15:45 PM] Caspian Merlin (Pugnalatore) gets scratched up by Meowth

Friday, 17 February

[09:30 AM] Krazy continues to be stalked by a Weir_Doe

[20:00 PM] The sinners Evil Mastermind #4 and Jeeps continue to hide from their Argod

[23:00 PM] Kiwi eating panda can't find DJ Kakadu and Jar Jar Binks, so goes and eats some kiwis instead

Saturday, 18 February

[12:20 PM] Storm:Wolf ravages Jack Brewster (Stabby Jack)

Sunday, 19 February

[14:00 PM] Two criminal masterminds meet their match! Benjamin Taylor (Mr Pink) gets taken out by Emily Room (Captain Molly Morgagni AKA Moriarty the Pot Plant), who double kills with Craig Newbold (Evil Mastermind #4)

Monday, 20 February

[18:00 PM] Rosie Normanton (Rosiefromqueens) lacks the tactics of tacticallemon

[18:45 PM] Meetball hasn't met the rules

Tuesday, 21 February

[12:00 PM] Nothing happened on Tuesday

Wednesday, 22 February

[12:00 PM] Nothing happened on Wednesday either

Thursday, 23 February

[08:00 AM] Phishy Joe is acting phishy

[10:00 AM] Still little action. Still more rulebreaking.

[18:00 PM] Li Showron and Diamond are spared the sword of shinobi

Friday, 24 February

[17:40 PM] Argod knows all. Except where to find Nathaniel Williams and The Unknowing Accomplice

[18:15 PM] Meetball makes sure Will Coster (Jar Jar Binks) gets his five-a-day

[19:00 PM] Giovanni is up to no good

[20:00 PM] Diamond tames Joseph (Joey) Nelson (Arbok)

Saturday, 25 February

[13:00 PM] Genesect does some science with Alex Jackman (err... Alex Jackman, Fitzwilliam College) and Kentaro Ueshima (iRobot)

Sunday, 26 February

[12:00 PM] Sunday. Nothing. Again.

Monday, 27 February

[18:00 PM] Kate Champion (Krazy) and Stacey-Jo Parker (Sparks) fall for Phishy Joe's bait

Tuesday, 28 February

[11:30 AM] If Daring-Do and Weir_Doe don't believe in Argod does that make them artheists?

[23:00 PM] The corrupt Matthew Hinks (Giovanni) falls to Seto Kaiba

Wednesday, 29 February

[12:00 PM] Error 404: Assassins not found

Thursday, 1 March

[19:30 PM] tacticallemon, ball of meet and The Platypus find the Ornate Flying Snake (Chrysopelea ornata) has flown its nest

[23:59 PM] Dom Hill (Li Showron) and Gianpiero Roscelli (Jeeps) vanish mysterously

Friday, 2 March

[12:00 PM] Daring-Do isn't daring enough to face The Chocolatier

[17:40 PM] Giovanni got fed up of Dainius Kilda (DJ Kakadu)'s music. And incompetence.

Saturday, 3 March

[11:15 AM] With Argod all things are possible. Except finding Weir_Doe.

[16:00 PM] tacticallemon, Diamond and Jigglypuff couldn't catch Storm:Wolf or the Ornate Flying Snake (Chrysopelea ornata)

Sunday, 4 March

[14:30 PM] Mike Williamson (The Unknowing Accomplice) didn't know Giovanni and his accomplice Persian were coming

Monday, 5 March

[17:25 PM] Katherine Blythe (Arcas) gets dissected by Genesect

Tuesday, 6 March

[16:00 PM] ball of meet and The Platypus bring Carys Redman-White (Ornate Flying Snake (Chrysopelea ornata)) to the ground

[18:00 PM] Argod giveth, and Argod fails to taketh away the life of Kiwi eating panda

Wednesday, 7 March

[17:30 PM] Chocolate isn't good for Pokemon, as Thomas Boby (Golbat) and Toby Crisford (Meowth) find out when meeting The Chocolatier

[19:00 PM] tacticallemon's tactics fail to outsmart The Platypus

Thursday, 8 March

[14:00 PM] shinobi blends into the background. Weir_Doe's stalking continues to fail.

[16:30 PM] Storm:Wolf sends Martin Levine (The Chocolatier AKA Phishy Joe) to sleep with the phishes

[18:15 PM] Kiwi eating panda fails to find food in Nathaniel Williams's abode

Friday, 9 March

[23:00 PM] Adam Casey (Nathaniel Williams), Andy Marsh (Daring-Do), Esther Kezia Harding (Tiny) and Jonathan Millican (Blue Scream of Death) perish of their own incompetence

Saturday, 10 March

[18:20 PM] Argod's faith that tacticallemon, Meetball, The Platypus and Diamond would be at home was misguided

Sunday, 11 March

[12:00 PM] Again, nothing.

Monday, 12 March

[19:40 PM] Andrew Harland (Meetball AKA ball of meet) gets bolted. By Giovanni's Pikachu

[23:00 PM] Team Galactic rises!

Tuesday, 13 March

[08:45 AM] Sam Twist (Storm:Wolf) finds that tacticallemons taste quite sour

[09:00 AM] After all that effort, Julian Willis (Argod) finally kills Christian (Chris) Greer (The Platypus), but tacticallemon and Diamond were waiting.

[14:15 PM] Only a ninja can sneak up on another ninja. Weir_Doe tries to test this, but fails to find shinobi

[15:40 PM] Team Rocket foiled again. Weir_Doe doesn't fall for Matthew Hinks (Giovanni)'s scheming

[17:00 PM] A disastrous hunt by Absol

[18:00 PM] Cyrus finds a hidden Ilya Manyakin (Diamond)

[18:45 PM] Weir_Doe is acting weird

[23:59 PM] Christabel Clark (shinobi) disappears into the night.

The Assassins' Guild - Headlines

Monday, 6 February