Cloak & Dagger The Assassins' Guild - Week 4 News

Wednesday, 16 February

[05:00 AM] Week 4 begins...

On the fourth week of Lent game, the Umpire gave to me:
4 camouflaged pandas who are hiding and being sneaky like our players

Picture of 4 pandas who are very well hidden

[11:00 AM] Otto Chriek sets straight Bloody Stupid Johnson

[12:15 PM] Uncle Fester stays hidden from those who are Envious of Basics Chocolate Digestives
Envious of Basics Chocolate Digestives reports:

I lurked outside Uncle Fester's house, but had no luck on gaining entry. Curse that door for closing so fast! It was impossible to stay a sufficient distance away and still catch the door on the entrance and exit of other people; unfortunately not Uncle Fester.

Having perused the rest of the building, I discovered an open window, but it was in full view and so I judged it unwise to try that entrance for the moment.

[12:30 PM] Otto Chriek uses his brain to eliminate Nick Chambers (a.k.a. Miley)
Miley reports:

Otto Chriek killed me with a brain today... made my head hurt. Offered a biscuit but I just ate my banana gun instead.

[14:00 PM] A gender neutral anagram of "we take" can't find an anagram for 'Limey'. Oh come on, how am I supposed to find a better anagram for Miley

[19:10 PM] Dr. Facilier and Chocolate Biscuit go hunting... at the same time as Otto Chriek. The incompetent Premchand Brian (a.k.a. Dr. Facilier) is shot
Dr. Facilier reports:

They've been noticing my recent lack of incoming souls. My friends are going to get me. NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Thursday, 17 February

[10:15 AM] The Death of Rats and Inn-Sewer-Ants seek to bring justice to Otto Chriek. Otto Chriek is, however, very wary and slays Inn-Sewer-Ants

Due to disputable events, Luke Haggerty and Luke Robins have been 'Hospitalised' - not literally. They will remain there until tomorrow evening.

PLEASE DO NOT ATTACK THEM AND THEY SHOULD NOT BE ATTACKING YOU. Any attempts made on them or by them will be negated and the offending player punished.

[12:30 PM] Uncle Fester is still not Envious of Basics Chocolate Digestives. A gender neutral anagram of "we take" is and so gets a mutilated

[13:05 PM] Michael Sargent (a.k.a. A gender neutral anagram of "we take") is shot by 'A lay kat' a.k.a. Katalya
Katalya reports:

At 1:00 I arrived outside the [DEPARTMENT-REDACTED] after a tip off that my target, A gender neutral anagram of "we take", would be leaving after his lecture. Thankfully he was unaware of my following him, despite the fact that my friend was jumping up and down, pointing and shouting 'that's him!', until I called his name and he turned round to be met by a shot from my watergun. Success!

A gender neutral anagram of "we take" reports:

Oh, I am like dead, and that. Probably by some sort of gun, I hear they are all the rage nowadays. Then, wouldya believe it, my corpse goes and gets almost mutilated. If being killed is only good for not being killed again, I think I'll pass.

[19:00 PM] Petras Balciunas (a.k.a. This pseudonym has thirty two letters) is cut down to size by Ballrooms on Mars
This pseudonym has thirty two letters reports:

I was savagely attacked and killed by Ballrooms on Mars.

Friday, 18 February

[12:00 PM] Hume lurks for the despicable Carrot Ironfoundersson
Hume reports:

I headed to the residence of the wanted player Carrot Ironfoundersson today, but found him to be out. After lurking around the area for 20 minutes or so I did not see him and a member of College staff also confirmed that he had not returned. He survives another day, but I shall return.

[14:00 PM] The Random Variable can not be ascertained by Chocobo
Chocobo reports:


[18:00 PM] The Death of Rats vs. Otto Chriek in a duel to the death. Otto Chriek comes out on top after several tense standoffs.

Both these players are now out of hospital and capable of killing and being killed again.

The Death of Rats reports:

"Squawrk! Stop struggling, this isn't easy!"
"I know he trod on you! But if you want to get back in one piece again, I suggest you hold still! It's bad enough that I'm having to use Nanny Ogg's toffee apple sauce to glue you back together. What I'd give for an opposable thumb... Now shut up, I'm going to have to use my beak for this bit..."

1Quoth has, unfortunately, glued his own beak shut. Or should that be 'fortunately'?

[19:00 PM] The Daily Mail just can't seem to get that special interview with Ballrooms on Mars
The Daily Mail reports:


[22:30 PM] Chocobo gets a lurker known only as Frab
Chocobo reports:


Frab reports:

On Friday night at approximately 22:45pm, I made an attempt on the life of Chocobo. Having located his room with the assistance of an insider from his college, I stalked to the front door, and listened to what was going on inside. It appeared that everything was normal. I slowly twisted his doorknob and creaked the door open... but lost my purchase on the doorknob and it slammed shut! Instantly, all noises from within stopped. I heard Chocobo approach the door, and saw the darkness caused by his shadow in the peep-hole. I heard him retreat to the bed, sit down, and cock his weapon - presumably a [WEAPON-REDACTED] of some form. Embittered, I knew that this was an attempt that could not end well, and I retreated.

Saturday, 19 February

[10:50 AM] Captain Stabby wants to find where he can get Kippers by Post
Captain Stabby reports:

Stalked lectures in the hope of catching Kippers by Post. No luck. Grrr.

[14:30 PM] Katalya searches for Uncle Fester

[17:00 PM] Chocolate Biscuit and the lovely Susan Sto Helit search in vain for Zeno
Chocolate Biscuit reports:

Crumbs! Paid a visit to Zeno, but found him to not be sufficiently hungry to want a Chocolate Biscuit. Not even the sweet scent of shortbread could tempt him out. People in Cambridge are not hungry enough!

[18:15 PM] Otto Chriek with the help of Carrot Ironfoundersson take out Gaspode. Otto Chriek kills yet another innocent...

[20:30 PM] Velijan Effendi evades a night lurking by The Random Variable
The Random Variable reports:

Last night I went hunting Velijan Effendi - while I lurked, waiting for some sign of life/light within what I believe to be his room, I checked out the back way at his house, and the adjacent houses. Other than that it was a wasted evening...Velijan Effendi never appeared.

Sunday, 20 February

[17:00 PM] Constable Ivan Aquaspecus decides to do his round on multiple incos and wanted players

[17:00 PM] A Ferruginous Pygmy-owl seems to have a lazy nest as Velijan Effendi fails to get inside
Velijan Effendi reports:

I've just got back from [COLLEGE-REDACTED]. After eventually finding A Ferruginous Pygmy-owl's block, I was dismayed to find that it was loacked...I waited for quite a while in the hope that some friendly soul might just let me in, but 'twas in vain.

Where do all [INFERIOR-COLLEGE-NAME-REDACTED] people go on a Sunday??? Were they all still in bed?

[18:30 PM] A certain Pidgeon may have been home but to Kippers by Post was this unknown
Kippers by Post reports:

Went looking for Pidgeon. He might have been in, but wasn't answering the door. Lurked for a bit, but no joy. Sigh.

[20:00 PM] The unlikely team of So-tea-rios Johnson, A Ferruginous Pygmy-owl and I have no need for a pseudo since I'm going to kill the CoP hunt for Zeno and Pidgeon. So-tea-rios Johnson has a rant
So-tea-rios Johnson reports:

In the aftermath of generals event and associated 'picnic' and afterparty in the colony, I have no need for a pseudo since I'm going to kill the CoP, A Ferruginous Pygmy-owl and I went for a spot of incobashing and competence-gaining lurking. In total probably about an hour or so between 7-8pm before we parted ways. Visited corridor of [COLLEGE-REDACTED] inco Zeno. Knocked his locked door, but he seemed wise enough to stay inside. Hung around their a short while hoping for him to come out thinking we'd gone. Visited [ANOTHER-COLLEGE-REDACTED], bumped into Mustrum Ridcully and the rest of [SOCIETY-REDACTED] with their retardedly long [COLOUR-REDACTED] scarves. Lurked Pidgeon, well, the lawn/courtyard in front of his building and terribly locked-down staircase. Hung around there for the appropriate amount of time before buggering off and departing that citadel of [IDEOLOGY-REDACTED] and [SEXUAL-ORIENTATION-REDACTED]-ness.

A Ferruginous Pygmy-owl reports:

The Ferruginous Pygmy Owl set out with his two less feathered companions on a hunt for some incompetent voles. Setting out in the dark, dark night, he flew quietly and cautiously, as So-tea-rios Johnson and I have no need for a pseudo since I'm going to kill the CoP scoured the earthly terrain with sharp eyes.

On approaching the first vole burrow (otherwise known as 'unspecified college'), they rapped their claws and hands on the burrow entrance. "Hello, squeaktweak?" came the hunted vole's reply from the safe depths of the burrow. This was repeated. But no tasty furry vole appeared or raised its whiskers in range of their weaponry, even after a wait.

The next vole burrow was more tricky again. The journey to it was hindered by dense thickets of brambles (sometimes called locked doors in the human tongue), and the three were forced to lurk outside these thickets. The wait was complicated by an unfortunate random allergic reaction suffered by the Pygmy Owl, who has yet to know what tree or rodent caused it. The wait for the vole was fruitless, and the Pygmy Owl recovered. They decided to end their stay and return to roosts and homes.

Therefore, there sadly will be no regurgitated owl pellets to remember this hunt by. *Sad owly face*

I have no need for a pseudo since I'm going to kill the CoP reports:

Dearest Umpire,
I lurked some incos.

I have no need for a pseudo since I'm going to kill the CoP

Monday, 21 February

[11:00 AM] Today, they found dead Leonard of Quirm, an act of Otto Chriek they did confirm...
Leonard of Quirm reports:

I was dispatched by the same person who offed me in my previous life as an Assassin whilst waiting for my lecture to start this morning with a Cunning-Small-Star-Shaped-Piece-of-Metal.

Leonardo Da Quirm

[12:00 PM] Being loose with your identity, no mistake is greater, as we find Zeno has killed Daniel Baker (a.k.a. Chocobo AKA The Daily Mail)
Zeno reports:

At around 09:00, I entered the lectures of my target The Daily Mail and attempted to find him, sitting behind a likely candidate. This person then proceeded to use their University card as a ruler, revealing them to be The Daily Mail. I left and returned at around 12:00, waiting for The Daily Mail to emerge. He did so as expected and I gave him a casual stab in the back.
In other news, I have seen at least two assassins lurking around near my room (one who I just managed to close the door on in time before he got to me), presumably due to my Inco status. Surviving the day and liberating myself from incompetency may prove to be a challenge...

The Daily Mail reports:


[12:15 PM] When finding Zeno gets too tough, Otto Chriek's bounty might be enough
Otto Chriek reports:

A reward of two packs of biscuits to anyone who can kill him before I do.

[19:30 PM] Katalya can not be found even when Pidgeon swoops around
Pidgeon reports:

After dinner at about 7:30, I went to kill my target, Katalya.
Unfortunately, it appears he'd gone out, and no death occurred.

[23:00 PM] Zeno can't be tempted to eat it seems, be it Chocolate Biscuit or custard creams
Chocolate Biscuit reports:

Crumbs again! Why does nobody in [COLLEGE-REDACTED] appear to be hungry? It can't be that nobody there ever wants a Chocolate Biscuit. Once again, Susan Sto Helit and Chocolate Biscuit found that Zeno was not hungry enough to have a Chocolate Biscuit.

Tuesday, 22 February

[09:00 AM] The Random Variable lurks Captain Stabby

[16:00 PM] Legs, Crippled Willikins ain't got'em, they've been nicked by Cheery Littlebottom
Cheery Littlebottom reports:

"Hello Cheery! Are you ready to meet our DoS?"
"Yeah, of course. Just one question: anyone killed you today?"
"Eeee, noo..." *stab* "I guess now yes."

[16:00 PM] Susan Sto Helit kills Dorfl, what a korforfoll
Susan Sto Helit reports:

To test the proposition "am I a police officer", i Bludgeoned Dorfl in the Ribcage at precisely 4:00 in the Billiards Room with the Robotic Version of the Archbishop of Canterbury,


[17:00 PM] Otto Chriek is full of glee as he eliminates Rob Sullivan (a.k.a. Captain Stabby). An attempted trap turned to tradegy, Sam Tyler survives another day, for using full water, Otto Chriek will pay

[18:00 PM] The Police go about their business- Mustrum Ridcully and Special Constable Trilobite fail to arrest Dorfl and Carrot Ironfoundersson
Mustrum Ridcully reports:

Myself and a certain Special Constable Trilobite spent the early part of this evening raiding. Our first stop was at the storage area where the incompetent Golem Dorfl, who had been marked for recycling, was kept. The door proved to be locked- a light was on, but no Golem was visible through the window. It later turned out that someone else had done our job for us.

Unfortunately this was not the case at the home of the dangerous wanted criminal Carrot Ironfoundersson. We tried the door, but it was locked- presumably Carrot was out trying to take over Ankh-Morpork.


[18:30 PM] Maria Francesca O' Connor (a.k.a. Pidgeon) are known to be prey, of Samuel Vimes who helped slay, today this inco, you see, with the help of I have no need for a pseudo since I'm going to kill the CoP.
I have no need for a pseudo since I'm going to kill the CoP reports:

There are no incos in Cambridge

Samuel Vimes reports:

Somewhere in the smoky city, Vimes heard a long, blood-curdling scream followed by a squelch. That one won't be any deader if we leave it until tomorrow, he thought.

It had been a day full of paperwork- the tiresome but necessary part of being Commander of the Watch. So in some ways, dealing with that lady had been a relief. Good work on the part of that chap I have no need for a pseudo since I'm going to kill the CoP, though. Strange name, too- must be from XXXX. It was almost as if there were a message in there somewhere, but then, as Commander of the Watch, you start imagining things after a while. Anyway, you never knew what to expect with those folk from XXXX. I-have-no-need, as he was known in the Watch, had had his ear to the ground and had discovered that a dangerous lady of interest to the watch was dining in high society tonight. You might have thought all those Lords would pay a bit more attention, but then, she died very graciously when Vimes and I-have-no-need slipped up to her and simultaneously shot and stabbed her. There was ALWAYS something going on, even among the Lords and Ladies of Ankh-Morpork, and Vimes, like Nobby Nobbs when a female showed interest, wasn't one to let go. He got changed in the Watch house and made his way to the Mended Drum, hoping to possibly drink until the ghosts of CylonSeven, The Daily Mail, A gender neutral anagram of "we take" and assorted other nefarious creatures became unscary. Pidgeon, in the meantime, turned at the sound of a voice. SHAME YOU DIDN'T GET AS FAR AS THAT DINNER. I HEAR LARK VOMIT WAS ON THE MENU TONIGHT.

[21:00 PM] The Random Variable isn't very happy, he couldn't find the corpse of Captain Stabby

[22:44 PM] James Parish-Bassett (a.k.a. Uncle Fester) can't handle being Envious of Basics Chocolate Digestives
Envious of Basics Chocolate Digestives reports:

Biscuits are always best with an accompaniment. In most cases this is tea or coffee, but here it was someone with access to the building and a knowledge of where not only my target was, but his friends as well. Having tried several rooms, we found the one he was in.

"How are you, Uncle Fester?" And thereby I knew who I was after, and shot him.

And now to Sainsbury's, for my victory prize.

[22:45 PM] Paper Mario tries to be sharp with Envious of Basics Chocolate Digestives but Chocolate Biscuit cuts him to pieces
Paper Mario reports:

They're climbing into [COLLEGE-REDACTED], killing my people up. An assassin walked in, 'bout [HEIGHT-REDACTED]", [COMPLEXION-REDACTED], [AWESOME-HAIRSTYLE-REDACTED], clean cut, very smooth face, and puts his hands around Uncle Fester's neck. He promptly flees. We got his t-shirt, he done left fingerprints an' all, so as a policeman I felt it was my duty to go lookin' for him, to find him. So there he is, walking down the corridor gun in hand, so I stab him for bearing (but police aren't allowed to do that...). I am really dumb. For real. I can't take the shame of being so dumb, so dumb, so dumb, so I take out my knife and let his friend get me for bearing. So you can run and tell that, run and tell that, run and tell that, homeboy, home home homeboy.

Chocolate Biscuit reports:

At around 10.45pm last night, Susan Sto Helit and Envious of Basics Chocolate Digestives ventured into [COLLEGE-REDACTED] with a Chocolate Biscuit and a pack of chocolate biscuits, there to find our Uncle Fester. Whilst there, an officer of the law appeared, wielding a dagger. Chocolate Biscuit guessed that Paper Mario might want a biscuit to make him feel better. Unfortunately, he choked on said chocolate biscuit and died. Oops ^^

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